Help!! Moody Son Off To Uni

[Boomerma1969]

I love my sons dearly. The youngest is about to move to halls on Sat and boy is he pushing my buttons. Please tell me I'm not alone with the behaviours he's displaying, here goes:-

He closes off any discussions about Uni, ie prepping, what to bring, has he done all the online paperwork etc

He hasn't looked into anything on freshers week, bought any tickets for events etc, wtf?????

I know more about his halls accommodation, kitchen etc than he does 🤦🏽‍♀️

He's played no part in what to pack take up with him 🤷🏽‍♀️

He's not done a tour of the Uni or the city 🤦🏽‍♀️

The list goes on and on. I have tried really hard to not nag, get at him etc, but inside I am saying 'wtf, do u even want to go to Uni?' I've told him that's absolutely fine if so. I know he's nervous and stressed about it all, so I have given him lots of personal space, but not booking freshers events etc where he'll meet everyone in the same boat, seems bizarre to me. Any tips please, the journey up to halls is going to be chuffin painful as he's so closed off. I'm considering saying 'wd u rather go up with dad and bro and I'll stay home?' I've reached the point where I'm actually fine with this now. I'm sick of being on the receiving end of his moody, stroppy behaviour. Bring back bootcamps eh! 😆 ps Uni will be great for him, he'll do some chuffin growing up for 1, have to do his own housework for a change and most probably meet his match in the moody/stroppy stakes.💪

Yes I'm sure you're right. Thanks so much 👍😊

Just leave him be. My parents were no way this involved when I went to uni.

Amazon Prime can mostly sort out any missing items.

This! I went to uni on my own on a 5 hour national express bus trip with a single suitcase.

Me too but it was 45 years ago and times and expectations have changed. We took ours and they weren't much more engaged than the op's son with the packing and details. Perhaps the details are overkill - they aren't really necessary as they are all available when the students get there.

Is he far away @Boomerma1969 and how are you now he's there.

My son is autistic, so please don't send unhelpful replies. Just bcoz you were clearly independent from a young age does not mean all 18 yr olds can b or shd b. Use brain b 4 engaging with words.

The prob I have is he's autistic, so yes most kids ask, find out etc when they get there. My son wd go without rather than ask. That's autism. He loves his room, uni etc and will slowly find his feet I'm sure 😊

To be fair, OP, it would have been better if you'd put that your son was autistic in your original post. It's not unreasonable to assume that your average 18 year old, who's about to go to university, can manage to pack without their mum helping them, find their way round a city and buy themselves things that they've forgotten. On a forum like this you can't phrase an answer for every possible circumstance.

Sounds irritating @Boomerma1969 so I can understand your feelings. He will have a lot of growing up to do at uni and will hopefully appreciate you more once he has had a taste of living away from home.

Just noticed your update! Glad he has settled in well anyway and that his moodiness has lifted. I think teenage moods help us to adjust to them leaving home because it makes us miss them a bit less than if they were angelic.

I work in a University. Most of our freshers week stuff is free - some of it needs pre-booking, most doesn't, there's loads going on which is just turn-up and join in. His school and faculty will probably have social events arranged so he'll meet people on his course and his halls will have people in them to meet.

He'll be fine.

I understand your concerns but he'll be fine. He doesn't need to plan everything, some of it will happen anyway.

Wow I'm actually amazed there's so many whose parents weren't involved in the process at all! I helped my dd1 get organised beforehand, we loaded up the car together, drove her up there, helped her unpack (she even asked me to make her bed!) & took her grocery shopping. I thought that was normal! It might be a boy thing too to seem like he's not interested. But hats off to all those who did it on their own! OP, I'm sure he'll be fine. You're not a mind reader so can only help if he asks. BTW, my dd had a cleaner in her halls so he might not even need to do much housework ☺️

No need to be so unpleasant OP. Major drip feed there.

It was probably stress. Dd makes me happy to see her go she is so snappy before leaving. She went Friday for year 2. My house is calm and quiet. She'll start texting me soon enough with updates and how well it's going. I send pics of her cat taking over her room which she loves.

Aww thanks so much for yr lovely reply. Yes he's settling in nicely already. 😊

With all due respect, my post was all about me trying my best to get my son to be a bit better prepared and to do all this himself without me having to involve myself as much. I was asking for tips re this, not someone pretty much telling me I do everything for my son. For many reasons I didn't want to bring the autism aspect in. This is my first post ever. I have been surprised by some of the blunt replies, but I have also had some lovely replies from mum's who just get it.

Aww thanks Twiglets1 😊

ditto

Pah, that's nothing. When I was born I more or less pushed myself out and cut the umbilical cord

All normal Op. DD the same last year but all much more planned this year. All part of the process

Glad he is ok, sometimes they can get grumpy when nervous.
DD went to Uni at the weekend and apart from a few minor issues ( her airwrap sets the smoke alarms off) she seem to be settling in

Thanku movingonok, that's all I needed to hear that I'm not on my own. Son happy, me more chilled. I can get back to my g&t now😁. Thanku👍

Hi Funkyslippers, yeah I'm surprised how many have done it all solo too. Well done them 👍. I don't think I'm on my own tho in helping him move, plan a bit etc. My friends have done this too with theirs going off to Uni. I also think girls are far better organised and independent. I left home at 18, did it all myself, as did my sisters, my bro's tho were a bit gormless and needed some help bless them 😆

It honestly would never even enter my head to not help my dd with moving in to uni. I did however gently suggest she does one of the open days on her own & she bit my head off 🤣

Well atleast you know the smoke alarms work ok 😆. Glad your daughter is settling in well 😊

Me too. It's nice to be involved with them and be part of the process. Ah bless ya re daughter biting your head off. Yup, I get alot of that too! 🙃. Glad your daughter is settling in well 😊