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Higher education

Talk to other parents whose children are preparing for university on our Higher Education forum.

Original poster

Help!! Moody Son Off To Uni

54 replies

Boomerma1969 · 19/09/2024 10:16

I love my sons dearly. The youngest is about to move to halls on Sat and boy is he pushing my buttons. Please tell me I'm not alone with the behaviours he's displaying, here goes:-

He closes off any discussions about Uni, ie prepping, what to bring, has he done all the online paperwork etc

He hasn't looked into anything on freshers week, bought any tickets for events etc, wtf?????

I know more about his halls accommodation, kitchen etc than he does 🤦🏽‍♀️

He's played no part in what to pack take up with him 🤷🏽‍♀️

He's not done a tour of the Uni or the city 🤦🏽‍♀️

The list goes on and on. I have tried really hard to not nag, get at him etc, but inside I am saying 'wtf, do u even want to go to Uni?' I've told him that's absolutely fine if so. I know he's nervous and stressed about it all, so I have given him lots of personal space, but not booking freshers events etc where he'll meet everyone in the same boat, seems bizarre to me. Any tips please, the journey up to halls is going to be chuffin painful as he's so closed off. I'm considering saying 'wd u rather go up with dad and bro and I'll stay home?' I've reached the point where I'm actually fine with this now. I'm sick of being on the receiving end of his moody, stroppy behaviour. Bring back bootcamps eh! 😆 ps Uni will be great for him, he'll do some chuffin growing up for 1, have to do his own housework for a change and most probably meet his match in the moody/stroppy stakes.💪

OP posts:
PolaroidPrincess · 20/09/2024 06:33

It all sounds pretty normal to me @Boomerma1969 Wink

Have you found the Uni Starters 24 thread going on in the Higher Education Section. You might find some of the other MNers in are feeling the sameFlowersWink

redskydarknight · 20/09/2024 10:11

Time to maybe recognise that your son is (presumably) 18 and he needs to sort this out for himself?

Offer to buy things he needs but don't suggest if he doesn't.
Let him pack when and what he wants (if it helps my DD did most of her packing on the morning of the day we left at lunch time).
If he's forgotten anything or decides he needs thing later, there are shops and online delivery services.
Freshers events are not for everyone. If he doesn't want to go, that's up to him.
If he's not done the online paperwork then he's going to have to do it in a hurry when he gets there.

Peonies12 · 20/09/2024 10:13

he's an adult! Why are you even involved? my parents had zero involvement when i went to uni, i even travelled there myself on the train. Many students haven't even been to the city before they move there! Why would he go on a city tour ..

Hiji · 20/09/2024 10:51

Just let him knoew that he can do 2 weeks of the course and pull out without incurring fees (not sure how this applies to accomodation).

But I would read his moodliness as disguising his fear and anxiety - dont take it personally but step right back and be compassionate. Its a tricky transition for many - but they come through.

TossedSaladandSE · 20/09/2024 11:25

My DS is the same

Not interested in anyone fussing over things he needs to take

He's not anxious or anything and looking forward to going etc

But he could be a bit more appreciative that his family care and love him and want him to have the basic necessities on arrival

Hillarious · 20/09/2024 15:56

Might be he's feeling a little unnerved by this big change in his life and needs some space to breathe. I'm sure they'll have shops where he's off to, so anything that's forgotten can be purchased there. No need for fairy lights or a mattress topper.

Hiji · 20/09/2024 19:20

Hillarious · 20/09/2024 15:56

Might be he's feeling a little unnerved by this big change in his life and needs some space to breathe. I'm sure they'll have shops where he's off to, so anything that's forgotten can be purchased there. No need for fairy lights or a mattress topper.

Or even Deliveroo and Amazon.

He wont starve.

Cheesecakecookie · 20/09/2024 19:23

Why don’t you just let him be ? He’s probably moody because you keep pestering him about it.

If he gets there and need something he will just have to go buy it/find it.

ImNotYourMonstera · 20/09/2024 19:31

Just leave him to it, why seek out things to worry about?

Unexpecteddrivinginstructor · 20/09/2024 19:32

Some of the fresher events are expensive rip offs and the best friends are made in halls, in the cafe after a lecture and in clubs for his interests. He may just want to do things himself. As long as he has money, ID, some clothes and something to cook with if self catering then he will be fine.

kaos2 · 20/09/2024 19:41

My dd didn't do freshers .

Hiji · 20/09/2024 19:49

One of my DC paid about £200 for some shite freshers thing - went to one event - said it was grim. Made loads of great friends organically....

Velvetbee · 20/09/2024 19:54

He’s anxious, stop talking about it, just love him, do fun stuff, hang out.

Ritasueandbobtoo9 · 21/09/2024 21:40

Mine is the same. Moody and a bit ungrateful. I’m a bit down now he is there.

Original poster
Boomerma1969 · 22/09/2024 22:54

PolaroidPrincess · 20/09/2024 06:33

It all sounds pretty normal to me @Boomerma1969 Wink

Have you found the Uni Starters 24 thread going on in the Higher Education Section. You might find some of the other MNers in are feeling the sameFlowersWink

Aww thanku for yr reply, that's really helpful. 😊

OP posts:
Original poster
Boomerma1969 · 22/09/2024 22:57

redskydarknight · 20/09/2024 10:11

Time to maybe recognise that your son is (presumably) 18 and he needs to sort this out for himself?

Offer to buy things he needs but don't suggest if he doesn't.
Let him pack when and what he wants (if it helps my DD did most of her packing on the morning of the day we left at lunch time).
If he's forgotten anything or decides he needs thing later, there are shops and online delivery services.
Freshers events are not for everyone. If he doesn't want to go, that's up to him.
If he's not done the online paperwork then he's going to have to do it in a hurry when he gets there.

I do get that and try very hard to just let him be, but he's also autistic. He has happily settled in now, so must have just been a bad build up of stress for him 😊

OP posts:
Original poster
Boomerma1969 · 22/09/2024 23:15

Peonies12 · 20/09/2024 10:13

he's an adult! Why are you even involved? my parents had zero involvement when i went to uni, i even travelled there myself on the train. Many students haven't even been to the city before they move there! Why would he go on a city tour ..

Like u I left home at 18 did everything myself, never got or asked for help and did just fine. My son is autistic tho, so yeah I do my best to help him when needed. I was referring to a tour of the Uni not the city and yeah a visit to the city to check he likes it and that's where he fancies living for 3 years. There's nowt bizarre about that at all. I am not forcing any of this on him, we are close and I understand him well. Maybe you cd b more helpful and friendly when replying to a post and not tetchy, blunt and rude!

OP posts:
Original poster
Boomerma1969 · 22/09/2024 23:20

Cheesecakecookie · 20/09/2024 19:23

Why don’t you just let him be ? He’s probably moody because you keep pestering him about it.

If he gets there and need something he will just have to go buy it/find it.

Edited

He's autistic so has needed the extra bit of help. I haven't been getting on at him, if anything I shd b awarded an Oscar for tact, diplomacy and buttoning my gob when being spoken to rather rudely by him. PS he has moved in now, is mega happy and all is well in his world.

OP posts:
Original poster
Boomerma1969 · 22/09/2024 23:23

ImNotYourMonstera · 20/09/2024 19:31

Just leave him to it, why seek out things to worry about?

I have done my best for weeks to really let him be, but day before moving yeah I do expect him to get with it a bit. He's autistic, so trust me I'm not seeking out things to worry about🙄

OP posts:
Original poster
Boomerma1969 · 22/09/2024 23:25

kaos2 · 20/09/2024 19:41

My dd didn't do freshers .

Thanku, I'm rapidly finding out he's not the only 1. 😊

OP posts:
Original poster
Boomerma1969 · 22/09/2024 23:27

Hiji · 20/09/2024 19:49

One of my DC paid about £200 for some shite freshers thing - went to one event - said it was grim. Made loads of great friends organically....

Aww thanks hiji. 😊

OP posts:
StormingNorman · 22/09/2024 23:28

Let him do it his way.

Original poster
Boomerma1969 · 22/09/2024 23:31

Velvetbee · 20/09/2024 19:54

He’s anxious, stop talking about it, just love him, do fun stuff, hang out.

I really have tried that. Quick update he's moved in, much more chirpy, loves his room, uni etc. The rude, moody attitude has lifted 😊

OP posts:
CleopatrasBeautifulNose · 22/09/2024 23:31

He sounds scared stiff and putting his head in the sand.

Plan a visit to him one month in, so you can help him if he needs it then. He might have realised where's he's at by then.

Original poster
Boomerma1969 · 22/09/2024 23:41

Ritasueandbobtoo9 · 21/09/2024 21:40

Mine is the same. Moody and a bit ungrateful. I’m a bit down now he is there.

Aww bless you, I'm hearing u. My son had been moody, rude etc for weeks now. I wd have been cool with him not going if that's what he wanted. But he's happily moved in now, loves his room, halls etc, but I get you re feeling a bit pants with our kids now gone. They will really grow tho. All the best to you. PS keep busy, that's what's helping me 😊

OP posts: