Uni starters 2024

[radiator2]

The countdown is on. Uni move in has started for some unis and is right around the corner for others. How are we all feeling? Wishing the best of luck to all freshers!

DS has been in Durham for nearly 4 weeks now. Things sound good as he’s pretty busy each evening with a mix of clubs,bars and quieter evenings - certainly lots to do. The college system seems good for having lots to do at college as well as uni level.Being fully catered has also helped him meet lots of people. The course sounds okay and he’s working steadily, but a bit unsure of how much reading /expected standard for the first submitted pieces….but I imagine they all feel like that.

We knew Durham agents release private housing early and students start scrambling in Oct, even though some kind of effort is made by the uni and SU to state there is enough available. He says lots are in groups and are looking at houses and signing up for next year. And it seems the contracts start in early July, so you pay for 3 months you’re not there! He’s been quite relaxed. Says he has a group of friends who he can imagine living with, but isn’t in a rush. I’ve encouraged him to go slow, but I expect the hysteria will bite and I woukd t be surprised to hear he’s looking in a week or so.

Rents in Durham for private accom seem high. On a quick glance, places look like £170-220 per person per week…and that’s 52 weeks a year! I’m sure London is higher and startling so, but what about other places? Can accommodation be had loads cheaper? I know there will be a real range.

I was paying £168 pw for a house in Oxford. Now I'm paying £200 pw in York.

The advantage of lets starting in July is you don't get stung for council tax for July - Sept when they graduate and not longer receive a student exemption. They might also not need to bring all their stuff home in the summer at the end of year 1.

Thanks. I assume those prices are excluding bills. Sounds like similar prices - and guess I’d expect Oxford (private) accommodation and York to be expensive too.

Yes, they will avoid council tax, but the rent bill for that period will be getting on for £2k each, which seems a lot when they’re not there. As a student I think we paid retainers through the summer but not full rent. But I get that the properties are in demand and 52 week contracts are what the market will bear, so that’s what they charge.

Seems like they can have a bills included package for £25 per person per week. Am I right in thinking it’s not a good deal for a largish group? In the summer when not there, bills will be negligible and the only benefit is not having to set up and divide bills. Any sense from Oxford or York how much to allow per week for bills or for food for that matter? Many thanks.

Very sorry if this is painful to contemplate, but might he not want to stay in Durham in the summer? Friends, night life and perhaps work might all be a reason to stay between terms.

DD used to stay in Oxford as she was running a US summer school for 6 weeks in the summer. I don't think many of her friends came home for extended periods. If you wish to pay for Sept to June you will need to use private halls. Landlords have mortgages to pay for 12 months pa, so it would be very unusual not to sign a contract for (typically) 51 weeks.

Why don't you ask on the Durham thread? https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/higher_education/4832770-durham-university

@WombatChocolate my DD says a few are thinking of asking to stay in college for next year but after the debacle this year not sure there will be many places (Bailey college). She's not even thinking about next year accommodation- she has one friend she could see herself living with but that's it. But as there were houses available as late as September I told her she wise not to worry about it now. Cheapest I heard was £140/week plus bills, but private halls can be well over £200.

Staying local to DS this weekend as it’s a bit much for a day trip. He stayed with us last night, gone back this evening as there’s a pub crawl. He originally planned to stay the weekend as it’s the start of reading week. He was happy to see us but I feel like we’re unnecessary. Which is good- he’s settled, happy, got good friends. I feel like he’s really gone now and while I am genuinely happy he’s happy I am a little bit gulp at the same time.

My DS is beyond miserable and has basically retreated to his (mouldy) room now. He’s too anxious to attend club events, not sure has even been going to class. Seems to have made his mind up to drop out. It’s awful, I have no idea what to do to help him.

Sorry to hear this. Do you know exactly where things went wrong? Maybe a little trip home will help him, or a visit from you. You’ve got my full empathy, knowing your DC is upset and you’re not there to help is hard.

I'm so sorry. I echo what @radiator2 has said. I hope he and you can find a way forward. X

So sorry to hear he is going through this and can only imagine how powerless and worried you must feel.

Wherever he is, there should be student support services who are used to helping with situations like this.

Is this totally out of the blue and surprising or does he have on-going needs which mean this kind of thing was a possibility? Is he already registered for any additional support or help?

I’ve heard people say that a visit from home can be better than them coming home, as if they get home it is very hard to go back. I guess, in the end some students do drop out each year and for some it’s absolutely the right thing to do. What you’ll want to do is establish what’s going on and explore all support options and things which might help make a difference, so that dropping out becomes a last resort and not a knee jerk reaction.

So hard when you’re not there to see what’s going on and especially if they aren’t the best communicators to tell you about what’s going on and how things are building up.

Hoping you can find some next steps and also some peace about it.

Thanks all, it was kind of expected as he has managed all life transitions so far very badly (before ultimately being absolutely fine) due to social anxiety stemming from (we think- still in process of diagnosis) autism.

Had a great gap year inc travel, seemed to have really built a huge store of confidence.
Expectations were sky high and then everything seemed to unravel - didn’t get a space on a society trip (tickets go like Glasto!) mould in room, couldn’t get the courage to attend society events, went out a lot but couldn’t find connections…

Visited for the day a couple of weeks ago and that was lovely, tried to formulate some kind of plan, that didn’t work, now we are hoping he can speak to student services this week and resolve one way or another.

Very sad and very frustrating to watch it from afar and be at the end of the phone but not being able to do any more to help or solve the situation.

I hope things are more positive @Greywhippet . It is heartbreaking for you and so difficult when you can't make it right for them any more.

DD is almost home for reading week. I visited her a few weeks ago and she seems happy. The friendships are starting to fracture a little and split in different directions. Some are looking for houses, which is causing tension. But she is OK and I am thankful for that. She loves the city but isn't loving her course. Hoping she likes it more as she gets used to lectures.
She will be coming through the door very soon and is mostly excited about seeing the cats and having her favourite takeaway.
I hope everyone is OK or at least moving towards ok.

Flat fall out DD not directly involved and is trying to keep it that way but the atmosphere is apparently very tense, certain flatmates not speaking to each other etc. Confirmed that she won’t be sharing with them next year as some nasty things have been said/done showing some of their true colours and seemingly borderline bulling against one of DDs flatmates by the cliquey people who were happy to exclude DD. It’s all a bit of a mess, sad for DD that she didn’t get to experience being friends with her flatmates etc I know not everyone is but it’s sad especially now there’s all this drama and they have to stay living together until May/June. Things as a whole seem to be looking up 🤞. DD has been asked to share a house with one of her friends and a few of her friends flatmates (or friends of). They’re starting to get sorted with it so I’m praying it all works out well. Not made anymore friends but she’s getting closer with the ones she has and more settled into a routine. She’s squeezing in a weekend visit home next week . I just hope her social life starts being a bit fuller, but it takes time. Hope everyone’s DCs are happy.

I think your DD's experience is more common than not. Sometimes it's easiest to stay detached and not get dragged into all the drama.

How are they all now they're over the hump? Don't forget to send them advent calendars, either for 1st December or for 25 days before they come home.

DS is discussing houses for next year. He won’t need to commit until after Christmas where he is which is good but great to hear he has a bit of a plan. He seems to be having a great time and the academic work is ticking along ok. He will be home until mid January which is nice. I am going to visit him the week after next and the. It will only be around 3 weeks till he is back. It’s gone so fast. He has already done some official exams and he has a few more before Christmas but it sounds like he may get a break between semesters with no exams in the New Year.

Thanks for the reminder about advent calendars.

DD original house situation has gone somewhat wrong. Her friend dropped out, causing two others to do the same as she was the link between them all. Luckily DD and her other friend still plan to live together found a few other people just looking for one more now. Caused a bit of tension in the friendship area as the friend really let them down. DD was quite upset originally as she thought of this girl as a good friend and the way she went about it was less than ideal. As I said to DD it’s not the end of the world nor does it have to be the end of the friendship but I’d keep her at arms length. Still ups and downs but DD has settled in a lot more now. How’s your DC?

Remind your DD that there will always be another house or another combo of friends to share with just around the corner. Sometimes the less intense friendships work better as housemates.

Sometimes the less intense friendships work better as housemates

100% agree. My ds has chosen to not share with a close friend for this reason (and a few others!). Ds spoke to him before viewings - his friend was upset but they will be ok. Their relationship will be better because they are not sharing, plus they will have 2 house friendship groups so less intense.

I think the issue is they are being "forced" into house selection much too early so there is panic that shouldn't be there. There will always be houses and groups but these are 18 year olds who are struggling with so many decisions.

Definitely. Her friend asked DD to share first and bought the rest of the group together only to pull out at the eleventh hour, which is what’s caused the upset as its clear she knew she was going to live with others as she’s already sorted a new house with them. I think it’s for the best though she seems immature and has just proven herself to be unreliable. I think the friend DD is going to go with will be a better fit, she seems a lot more mature and very serious about her work (hopefully that will rub off on DD).

Just had a lovely couple of days visiting Dd. She was working at open day in the morning so we met in the afternoon & we had a nice meal in our hotel. Went to a gig in the evening (the band my son used to be in) & a couple of her flatmates & other friends came down too. (You could see their halls from the gig venue).

the next day she met us for breakfast & a day of shopping. Did treat her to a couple of things that she needed & went for free tea & cake at John Lewis.

it was nice to see her so happy.

we saw a we are recruiting sign in one shop and dd enquired. She was directed to the online application but the assistant said they’d had at least 12 enquiries that morning and 600 applications so far!

I've got DD a beauty one that's sitting at home waiting for her. We're visiting her on Sunday 1 December, so I'm planning to take box 1 and a picture of the full calendar, hopefully as an incentive to come home as soon as uni breaks up.😁

@radiator2, your DD seems to have encountered some very immature people. I hope the flat situation is now fixed for her.