DS2, Y12... no idea what he wants to do, help!

[MonkeyTennis34]

DS2 has no idea what he wants to do....whether he wants to go to Uni or do a gap year or do an apprenticeship......

His school ran a Zoom meeting this evening outlining the steps towards submitting his UCAS form and I got a real shock as I didn’t realise things should already be well underway, regarding courses and universities.

He’s at grammar school, is bright and got good GCSE grades but seems thoroughly unmotivated. He has his mocks starting on Tuesday and has barely done any revision. I feel like a bad parent as I’ve been concentrating on DD who has just today finished her GCSEs.

Aghhhh!

He says he’s going to make an appointment with the careers advisor at school tomorrow and is now doing some revision in his room —whilst watching the football—

Does anyone else have a teen in a similar situation?

DS1 was highly driven from about Y10, loved studying and did extremely well at school and Uni. We never compare DS2 with his brother but I wonder whether DS2 is doing this himself?

Would a gap year be a good option? He could have a year working/travelling, he would then have his A Level results in hand and could have a year to think about what he wants to do. A year doing a job may concentrate his mind!

Most uni open days are in June, July and September. So you could go and see a few and see how he feels.

DramaLlamaBangBang
I’m not sure if a gap year might turn into a gap life for DS2!
Although, if he secured a University place then deferred it.....I must worry the momentum might get lost.

LemonCitron
As he doesn’t know what he wants to do yet, I’ve no idea where to start re Open Days!
DH has just suggested Civil Engineering which DS2 seemed mildly interested in....

Maybe he just doesn’t know what he wants to do yet. He could always get a job and wait till things are clearer for him.

What A levels is he doing?

IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads
He’s doing Maths, Physics and Film Studies.

I always told mine that if you don’t know what you want to do, then do what makes you happy.
Even if a gap year extends beyond the year not everyone is suited to further education. Alternatively they can do a degree any time.

I would pick an open day at somewhere not too far away with a range of subjects, and then just go. No pressure, go for a browse. Go to the different faculties and they’ll probably have brochures or at least descriptions of the different courses. If something interests him and they have a subject talk you can make that has space, go to that. And/or talk to staff and students.

Just start with exposing him to a general feel for what a university offers.

On looking at universities and seeing what was offered, DS became interested in a few others courses besides the one he intended to do, which was good as life circumstances meant he had to ‘pivot’ from his intended path in the end, so he at least had a kindling of an idea in mind.

There are lots of kids, especially high achieving one's just get burnt out and can't think anymore. Maybe a bit of time out or a slower track would remotivate him. Would he look at a L3 apprenticeship in engineering? It may be less pressure.

I like the idea suggested above of going to one of the general open days and starting to see if the environment, accommodation, general ambience appeals to your DS.

My DD was not sure about university until we went to the Chester open day, she was blown away by the campus, the friendly students and staff and the courses available.

If the open day doesn't light a flame, maybe consider a gap year with working or travelling. It is not unreasonable for a younger year 12, who may still be 16 years old at the moment to not be sure about what they want to do yet.

If he doesn't know what he wants to do then I would suggest taking a gap year to think it over. That's a gap year where he works/volunteers/travels - not dosses about. The whole university application process is quite full on during Year 13, and I'd highly suggest not taking it on unless very sure you know what you want to do.

When he was in Year 12, my DS intended to apply for university, mostly because he thought it was expected, then flipflopped in Year 13 and ended up not applying. He then worked in Tesco for a few months which focussed his thought process a bit more - he ended up applying for a lot of jobs in areas that sounded interesting and eventually ended up with an apprenticeship that has really suited him. Giving himself time was definitely the best idea in his case.

Also OP, just to reassure you that lots of year 12 students feel like this, it's not unusual at all. Your DS1 is probably the more unusual one!

Thanks LemonCitron
I know it's not unusual but feel we do need a plan of some sort!

And yes, DS1's experience is much rarer.

I've just texted DS2 to check if he's arranged a careers interview.......

He doesn’t actually NEED to make final decisions and submit until next January.
Ideally he’d be well started on the process now and go to some summer open days to thin his options down but it’s not the end of the world if he doesn’t.
He should focus over summer on what he might want to do - an appointment with a careers advisor and some research, coupled with grades from his mocks, will steer this.
If you have a local uni, go to the open day. Even if it wouldn’t be one he’d consider or he’s no idea or subject. Go and have a look - does it make him excited? If so, he can look more into unis. If he doesn’t like it, which bits doesn’t he like? If he does, which bits does he like? That will inform decisions. He can go to more open days in autumn, or most unis have a strong virtual offer.

worry the momentum might get lost.

What momentum? I'm not seeing a great deal of momentum here.

He doesn't know what he wants to do and hasn't made any plans. You pushing him might secure him a place but it isn't very likely to spark a great passion for what he has been pushed into.

A year stacking shelves in Tesco might just show him what his life will be like if he doesn't get a grip.

I'm biased by my own experience. I coasted through school, chose a degree based on a life style as far from home and school as I could get. Didn't really start to do well until I fell into a technology which I really, really love.

It just didn't exist when I was at school. The first course I did in this area, was self funded and so far from coasting, on the first day I had read everything on the first year reading and followed up everything in all their references. I really, really wanted to learn.

Work and play are the same now for me. I'd encourage you to let him ecplore while finding out the hard way just how difficult vibes to earn a living without qualifications.

Paying university fees for a course you have been pushed into doing is madness to me.

Bunnyannesummers
He's made an appointment for today with the careers advisor so we'll see what comes out of that.

FinallyHere
What I meant by "momentum" is more being within the education system which he won't be at the end of a gap year.

So many youngsters end up at uni almost by default as the least worst option and then drop out, or become mentally unwell.
what is he doing all summer? Can he get some work experience? Does coding interest him? Lots of tech opportunities.

He needs his own momentum.

He'll have more momentum if he is actively choosing to do something, rather than just drifting into it because it's the easiest thing.
(There are an awful lot of students dropping out in their first year).

Absolutely understand that having your child continue in the education system feels like the best thing for them at this point. And, if that's what they are strongly motivated to do they will launch and do well continuing in education.

However, university is very different to school.

There is a lot less support and it is a lot easier for a young person to flounder if they are used to relying the support system provided by a combination of school and parents.

Much, much better to address this head on, let them experience adult life for real. No funding for further education unless they can demonstrate their genuine motivation to study a subject. No free rides, either. If they are not in education, they need to be funding their own lifestyle, packing supermarket shelves if that's all they are qualified for. If they can even get a job like that, it's useful to see what a zero hours contract is like in practice.

It is scary but much better than wasting life at uni and ending up in debt with nothing to show for it. Uni is by no means a one shot chance. Mature students are welcomed and do much better than average so it's all to play for.

It's key to find that intrinsic rather than rely on being in the education system. Without intrinsic motivation, that really will not go well

Good luck

That means having two gap years

Well those would be appropriate A levels for Civ Eng, albeit a fairly unusual 3rd.

A number of universities and consultancies offer degree apprenticeships now. Would that be of any interest? eg: Northumbria, also Leeds Beckett and Bolton, and I'm sure many others.

Why would it mean having 2 gap years?

OP, I wouldn’t fear a gap year at all- far better than limping through first year of uni (with all the associated costs) and potentially dropping out. I’d focus him on getting the best grades possible then see how he feels on results day.

A gap year has been transformational for my dd. She was completely burnt out after her a-levels and all of the uni organisation and open days were an extra burden, whereas this time around she’s been very self motivated and independent. And I don’t think it needs to be draconian, but when it’s clear that you won’t be paying for gym/driving lesssons/ nights out/travelling, he’ll get a job and that’s then a structure and routine. And it goes really quick! The school will probably be set up to provide some light touch support for the actual ucas form as well.

Why would it mean having 2 gap years?

I imagine because if you want to actually spend a year thinking about the future you will then be too late for the next year of university applications and Open Days etc (unless you want to get a place through Clearing).

You can however have a "gap few months" to think about what you want to do longer term and, if it's university, visit in the autumn Open days and get UCAS form in by January before relaxing for the rest of your gap year.

I think the whole university application process on top of A Levels (and, for many DC, also learning to drive) makes Year 13 very stressful. I can definitely see how doing it post A Levels will make it much easier, especially if DC are undecided.