Daughter wants to give up an d start again

[MoreUniWoes]

My daughter is having a miserable time at the uni she is currently attending. She's in first year. She recently applied through UCAS to the one she really wants to go to and got an unconditional offer... but it is to start again - not a transfer to second year because the courses are incompatible despite being the same subject. If it makes any difference, the new uni is considered better and her current uni was her safe. She got into her first choice but ended up not going there. She has three A's at A'level.

She wants to give it all up in the the next few weeks and come home and prepare to restart uni again in September. She says she'll work, save money for next year, get her mental health back etc

When we spoke yesterday, I was all for her staying on and finishing the year and looking at it as a something positive rather than negative. I've said that she will probably never live in that city again and maybe this is a good chance to just enjoy it.

On reflection this morning I'm not sure who is right to be honest. She's in private student accommodation so I know we'll still have to pay all that. I wanted her to leave with some positive thoughts and positive experiences but maybe that's just not being realistic. I'm also not sure what the financial implications will be if she gives up now (I will look further into that of course).

I had an inkling about this at Christmas as she came home with a carful of gear and didn't take some of it back. And we had spoken about her trying to get into second year at this other uni so none of this has come as a surprise really.

I just don't know what to do for the best. She's an adult and I'm not into forcing her to do things, I want her to be happy, especially since she has self harmed and needed counselling in the past. She also has ADHD, only diagnosed a year ago. I also don't want there to be harsher financial implications because I think she should make the best of her time etc!

I'm speaking to her later today and wanted to hear other opinions really.

Oh we're NEVER doing pricey halls again... she didn't have a choice though as she originally accepted her firm and then wobbled after uni started and went back to her backup. By then all the uni halls had gone and only the fancy, bougie option was left. Grrrr.

She'll hopefully be in the biggest, main student village in September. She even knows the good blocks thanks to her brother who was also in a ten room flat with shared kitchen. My god that kitchen was an eyesore when we visited six months in...

He's in a six bed house share at the moment and I think they have never used a hoover or a dustpan and brush 😖

You've had some really good points raised already. I was just going to ask if she has medication for her ADHD or if she's tried it?

I'd also make sure she has DSA in place, if she's in England, before she goes back and look at ADHD life coaching too.

I think if she drops out now, she will have to repay this term’s maintenance loan. If she waits until Easter, she won’t. Just double check when you are going through the finance side.
Good luck to your DD. Mine did similar (changed course as well) and successfully graduated at her new university - no regrets.

If she cannot transfer the credits, there seems little point putting herself through the summer term and first year exams.

However, it may help if she, for example, could get hold of the reading list for her new course now. She could then make the best of the next few weeks until Easter whilst she has access to journals etc to download the reading for the first term from the library/online access now, and then she can start to get ahead for her new course once she gets home, and ease the transition somewhat after she's had an Easter break, alongside some of the other helpful things others have suggested re medication etc.

I know two young people who did something similar.

1. loved the course and the city but struggled to make friends, partly because was unlucky with accommodation. Left before Christmas in the first term and started again at the same university the following year, having been promised better accommodation by the university. Is now in final year and has loved every minute of the experience second time round.

2. was offered a place at first choice university but wasn't happy there for a variety of reasons. Left at some point during the first year and started again the following year at the university which had been their insurance. Very happy and stayed on to do a Masters there.

So both very happy with their decision to leave and start again.

My dd has had a horrible first year mainly because of her accommodation and the people she was randomly assigned to be with
She developed very poor mental health, but has recently started taking medication fir that, having therapy and strengthening friendships with people on her course, and git the first semester exams under her belt.
She is starting to enjoy it more and has signed up for a housewife nicer people next year.
I am so proud of the way she has pushed through and turned it around.i thought she would need to drop out and start elsewhere, but she was very happy with the course

If your dd fundamentally does not like the town or the course I agree she should move

Good your DD has a plan. My DD just soldiered on and now in 3rd year has temporarily withdrawn due to serious m h issues. I wish she’d shared how bad things were for her before but I suspect ADHD and she just thought it was normal. She thought she was failing despite getting firsts for her last series of exams and assignments. She hates the degree though and should never have taken her school’s advice to do it. Her recovery will take months, which is very sad.