BLOODY MISERABLE. Teens leaving again. Join me here for wallowing...

[TheDogIsInCharge]

Just dropped my son off at the station as he's heading back to university.

He's a hard one to say goodbye to as he's such a sociable lad and very easy going. He'll have breakfast with me, we usually watch something silly together late afternoon (Doctor Who is the favourite, even though we've seen them so often, David Tennant era obvs), we do long dog walks at the weekend. He's just very present which makes it so hard to wave him off every time.

I don't know why this doesn't get any easier. But it really doesn't. I miss the very bones of him.

The teen girl leaves next Friday and whilst she's less sociable, I'm really going to miss her chaotic energy and madcap sense of humour. The house just feels so quiet and bland without them. Which is mean on my husband but he likes a very quiet life so things do dial right down when the youngsters aren't here.

I've signed up for two free open uni courses which got neglected over Christmas, I have shit tons do do around the house and work will be the usual fun/hell. But this is my least favourite month of the year at the best of times.

What are you all doing to keep you occupied and cheery? Thank god I'm not doing dry January and can look forward to a glass of very chilled white wine in about five hours time...

I love this! “Like the dad in Finding Nemo”. 🥰

@Eskimal I think you may be on the wrong site. MN is used by a lot of parents to talk about parenting. That’s what is being discussed here.

I get the impression they sit them down at open days and other opportunities on social media to tell our YPs that it will be harder on your parents than on you. DD before she went in late September: 'there there mum, I love that you will miss me and I love that you love me being happy at Uni too, I know that even when I am happy you will be a little bit sad, here have a hug'. Just the natural cycle of life.

DD has one friend whose parents moved just before she went to Uni and she doesn't have her own bedrom in the new family house and she doesn't feel at all welcome back 'home' and the new location she has no friends as she didn't grow up there, so she prefers to head back to Uni or stay with us, now that is sad.

@TheDogIsInCharge the Uni courses sounds great, hope they go well and you feel some more energy around you in spite of the absences.

Well it is CLEARLY about me because I'm the one that posted how miserable I am. Well done on your reading comprehension skills.

Also... aren't all posts attention seeking in some way? There'd be no point in posting here if no one fucking answered, you fanny.

I do think a lot of it is me missing them AND my youth. They are having all these new experiences, exciting times, whole life ahead of them stuff. I think it has made me ponder my present and future and that's perhaps not a comfortable or comforting thing. I've been coasting along for a while and maybe this is making me want to shake things up a bit! Grab some of that youthful exuberance and fearlessness!

The excitement of them coming home, then it seems in the blink of an eye the tears when they leave is all too familiar.
Both mine have joined the world of work now and this is so much worse than uni as obviously you don't see them as often and for as long.
I live alone and after dropping my youngest off at the station last week I came home and felt so flat at the strange emptiness. A home isn't a home without people in it...but then you get used to it again.

You call me a fanny and then spend the next post realising it might be about you wanting to shake things up.

I feel the same. My youngest went back last week and my eldest is going this week. I hate it. I hear so many people saying they can’t want for their kids to go back and I honestly don’t feel that way. Some things are easier obviously, less cooking, cleaning and washing 😂 but the house just feels different without them here. I love the 4 of us all being under 1 roof again.
I don’t think it’s about being bored or less busy for me, I think it’s just that I miss them, miss the energy and fun they bring and miss having them close and knowing they’re safe.

Awww I miss mine too! Quiet house…I miss their friends too, all the massive trainers in the hall, the way they fall asleep on the sofa with the dog when they get in late.
Hearing them snore when I’m in work calls in the morning (or afternoon!). All of their mountains of washing.
as PP, I’ll be saving so much money on food! And enjoying getting away for days out, including visiting the youngest.
yes, really strange time of life. Sort of in limbo.

I strongly encouraged no2 to stay home and study because I found the goodbye so hard, though when number 1 comes home she drives me mad!
Hugs ((()))

Canada I would be fine with but NZ would destroy me! Id have to buy a property and live there part of the year I think, once I’ve retired!

Guessing @Eskimal doesn’t have experience of 18+ yo children. Your time will come. And then, perhaps, you’ll look back and realise what this thread is all about.

It’s a subject that’s not discussed enough. They take over your life entirely, and even if it’s been tough when they go/sort of go it’s fucking hard emotionally to adjust to.

It doesn’t help you missing him but just know that him going to uni and being in his own space and away from his parents is so good for his development. He sounds like a wonderful lad anyway. My partners Mum wouldn’t let him go away to uni (bit of a control freak, told him she wouldn’t contribute anything financial if he went away and that she’d pay for everything if he stayed at a local uni) and the difference between him and me when we first moved in was palpable.

It’s hard. My eldest left to live 100 miles away for a five year uni course and I cried a bucket on the way home after dropping him off. Luckily he loves to come home. Started off once every 4-5 weeks but once he got his car he’s back home every two weeks for the weekend so it’s not so bad. Don’t think I could cope with just end of term visits but I guess you do cope. FaceTime helps a lot too. I remind myself that at some point he will be moving out permanently.

you're a fanny

a PURE fanny

Mine changed his mind about going to uni and I felt a bit guilty for feeling so relieved inside! He’s my consistent, chilled, affectionate one. We talk for hours about all different things, we like the same music and dance around the kitchen. When they’re younger you adore them, but you even then you don’t realise how gutted you’ll be when they move out.

I wish I’d read this when my mum was alive.

😂😂😂

Ah he sounds very like my son. When mine had a gap year I was so happy - even though he was working for about 7 months of it! He negotiated a four day week so I still had him around a fair bit - and like the mug I am, I would take him/pick him up from the train station on his work days as he had a long walk at the other side...teens are particularly great at chatting in a car. I'm driving my DD back this week and we will have a fun car journey. I'll take her for a nice lunch somewhere and then drive back no doubt making a mental list of everything I now need to do around the house. She pops back more often as she's closer (about 2 1/2 hours away) so no doubt I'll see her in Feb sometime.

I know you will miss him, maybe think of the positives to help? Can watch what you want on TV, can have sex without worrying about you teen hearing you, etc

I'm at the other end. Young kids and bloody noisy student neighbours. I flipping love the holidays.

I'm a widow and my older child has already moved out (which was a bit of a relief as he is one of those super energetic can't sit still people who needs constant stimulation). My daughter goes this September and that will be a huge change. We are much more similar and have a routine going. She's not very sociable and I can take it or leave it, so we didn't quite a bit of time together.
She's off abroad for a months work experience in February and that will be a real test for me!
I imagine I'll be able to focus more on work but the evenings will be tough!

We moved house so DD4 could stay at home with us when she went to university! DD3 moved back in with us after finishing university so I'm very happy to have both of them at home and they are too. Husband and I are retired so it was an easy decision.