BLOODY MISERABLE. Teens leaving again. Join me here for wallowing...

[TheDogIsInCharge]

Just dropped my son off at the station as he's heading back to university.

He's a hard one to say goodbye to as he's such a sociable lad and very easy going. He'll have breakfast with me, we usually watch something silly together late afternoon (Doctor Who is the favourite, even though we've seen them so often, David Tennant era obvs), we do long dog walks at the weekend. He's just very present which makes it so hard to wave him off every time.

I don't know why this doesn't get any easier. But it really doesn't. I miss the very bones of him.

The teen girl leaves next Friday and whilst she's less sociable, I'm really going to miss her chaotic energy and madcap sense of humour. The house just feels so quiet and bland without them. Which is mean on my husband but he likes a very quiet life so things do dial right down when the youngsters aren't here.

I've signed up for two free open uni courses which got neglected over Christmas, I have shit tons do do around the house and work will be the usual fun/hell. But this is my least favourite month of the year at the best of times.

What are you all doing to keep you occupied and cheery? Thank god I'm not doing dry January and can look forward to a glass of very chilled white wine in about five hours time...

It is very hard when children leave home. 2 of my sons did volanary work for two years. There was about a 4 month gap when both were away as one went before the other came back. My daughter had left home and my eldest married. So from 4 young adults down to zero was very hard. Gradually, you do get used to it though

DS went back to uni yesterday. House is very quiet without him. It's hard. His sibling misses him.too. We have busy lives but it's hard when he goes back and it doesn't seem to get easier. However we are very proud and eouldnt have it any other way. Like someone else said its a weird transition phase in our lives with complicated feelings

I could have written your post. I am so proud and happy for my 3 DDs to go off and live their own lives, but I miss them hugely because I really enjoy their company. They’re fun to be around, funny, fill the house with noise, mess, banter, other teenagers…. I haven’t yet worked out how to fill my time properly. I think I just need to sit with the empty nest feeling for a while and accept it.

Ds (20) is at university about 200 miles away. I did visit last term and had a lovely time (dd1 lives not far from his university so saw her as well). I had planned to go down in February- dd1 is expecting her first baby just after Easter but my younger brother (ND) is seriously ill in hospital and he only has me and my parents. They are in their 80s. If he is able to leave hospital he'll have to move in with them and he'll need a lot of care. I'm not sure I can leave them for a few days.

DS has gone back to NZ, where he has now decided to stay. He's very happy there but we miss him so much. And now DH and I both have a very nasty bout of Covid, so we are bereft and miserable - roll on February!

My son is going to uni this year and it already feels so hard knowing he’s not going to be here everyday. We get on so well and I really enjoy his company. Luckily I’ll have one going and one coming back. My other son is graduating this year and planning on coming back home and I’m really happy. I’m a single mum so I’m very close to my boys and we’ve always got on very well. They can live here forever if they want, no hurry for either of them to leave for good. I couldn’t be further from the ‘kick them out as soon as you can’ brigade, I really like my kids 😁

aww miss mine - we were besties in the sense of lots of little adventures. Miss her terribly but she has to move on and up and out. She didn't get home last term and I did go and spend a day with her. But she has warned us she wants to travel at Easter. So I need to set up some time to go and see her. She mostly works Sat & Sun as her course is quite full on with lots of team work outside of lectures as she is doing film so not so much free time as some courses.

I dont think she currently plans on coming back at all which kinda hurts but also she is v independent so I am also happy about it but doesnt make it easier

Ok @Kelbowl , I’m so sorry to hear that - wow, that must be tough. I always envisaged DH and I pottering about together when all the DC were gone away.

OP, I am very fortunate that my DC live at home / will live at home for University. It is the way we do it here in Ireland, although DD nearly ended up away as she is studying medicine and if she hadn’t succeeded in getting into our local Universities, she would have gone as far away as she needed in order to get into that degree. However, my friends and family in the UK are in the same boat as you and I understand how hard it is. My mother always dreaded us returning to Uni after Christmas- I always think January is a melancholy month anyway. What I find helps is planning something I love - either a trip away or a concert or event that I want to go to, for early February so I can spend the month preparing and looking forward to
it. After that, the days get longer and I feel more optimistic.

And as others have mentioned, be grateful that you have raised lovely young people who you enjoy spending time with.

I have worked mostly full time since they were about 8 and 6 so I have always been so hungry for time with them. I loved being a mum and just "doing" lots of things with them. My husband is very happy to read his book and potter about whereas I like planning and having lots of things to do - the kids probably had to bear the brunt of this and to be fair they appear to be more similar to me. I do really miss those younger years.

Family holidays are pretty sacred with me so at least they are still coming on those!

I have had three nice visits when I was working relatively nearby (He's in Sheffield) and I was in Manchester, Leeds and Bradford. One was very special: I had a great morning, finished early, got the train over to Sheffield via the peak district which was gorgeous and had a wonderful late lunch in the sun with him before heading home - that day was so perfect and one I'll remember for all the little pleasures.

Oh gosh New Zealand is so far away. One of mine wants to live either in New Zealand or Canada. I'm sure it will be amazing but part of me dreads her being on the other side of the planet.

Oh that's a real change. Hope you're doing ok. 💐

My dd went a week ago and ds today. They are both nearly at the other end of the country from us (but on opposite sides) so probably won’t see them till the Easter holidays. Am thrilled for them to have new experiences / adventures and to be growing up to be independent adults but the house does seem empty without them. The cat and dog miss them very much too.

on the upside the house is super tidy when they’re away and our food bill goes down by about 60-70%!!

this isn’t about you, this is about them and their life. I find your post a bit attention-seeking.

Ahhh this so lovely to read, my parents didn’t miss me (whole different thread worthy) and I think I’m going to be a mess when my kids leave home.

OP you sound like an amazing mum, I can’t wait to be like you when my kids are older, even though I know I will be a mess.

@Eskimal Not sure why it’s a bad thing to miss your kids? As someone whose mum was the opposite and wasn’t bothered about me, I thought it was sweet. Can you explain why it’s attention seeking just curious.

Oh I remember this feeling well, my boy graduated 5 years ago and lives back in our home town, but the feeling when he left for university the other end of the country was just indescribable.
I left him at halls and cried the entire journey home, he just seemed to be like a little boy again
While I wanted him to have adventures, it was ME that wasn't ready!
I used to run alongside the train and wave until I couldn't see it any more.
He was fine by the way, had a ball at uni, loved every minute!
I felt like the dad in finding nemo 😂

She's not having a sobbing fit at the train station "BUT WHAT ABOUT MEEEEEE!?"

She's posting on Mumsnet. For parents (mostly mums) to talk to other parents about the things they're going through.

If that's "attention seeking" behaviour that should be discouraged then someone should better tell HQ to update their guidelines because I think they missed that one.

Lots of us in similar situation, OP. I miss mine like hell. They are so funny. So lovely.

And their lives are so exciting! They are having such an amazing time. I'm really delighted for them as they head off for their adventures and they are both thriving so well, but as I log in to get another WFH Zoom meeting, take a solitary walk in the woods behind our house yet again, and know I only have DH's pretty limited conversation to look forward to, I really miss them. I have to stop myself texting them all the time.

I need a life!

You get used to it, then they leave properly, I only see my dd a few days a year these days because she's an adult with a career and a life. The other one has stayed longer, but this summer she flies the nest ... just dsd to go who I would not be surprised if she leaves this summer too but she's struggling to find a career, you just don't earn enough in hospitality to pay rent really

And please do think of all the mums out there who's child is on one of our ships posted in the Middle East - I know one, they can't make or receive calls due to being on operations. Some are as young as 18, it's pretty tough.

Thankfully my dd is currently U.K. based!

I waved goodbye to DD1 last Tuesday back up to Edinburgh some 6 + hours away from us. Her 1st year.

Lovely to have her back at Christmas. I miss her of course but she is having such a good time and doing lots of new things. She calls about twice a week and sends us pics. She has a job up there too. It lifts my heart hearing what she's her on doing and the joy it's bringing her being independent.

Tbh I do enjoy them being in the house, I don't even have to be doing anything with them, just knowing they are around is lovely.

DD2 will go this September - north too though not so far. Then it will be harder I think. Very quiet.

DD2 and I are going up to Edinburgh for a few days at half term which will be fun.

A work colleague 10 years my senior said to me this is the lovely bit, when they are back and forth. It's when they actually go that is really hard!!

I have a busy full time job which will help

Mine went back on Friday but he’s not too far away so we plan the odd meet up during term time. I found it a lot harder this time though as I had to have my little dog put to sleep in October and DS going back made me realise how bloody lonely living alone can be.

DS1's best friend is off there right now. I can;t imagine it.

DS1 is currently in US looking for a place to live with his partner as he is moving there soon to start a new job. I woke up with 'Everything I Own' on my mind which I'm pretty sure is a song about someone dying so my subconscious is being far too melodramatic about it but i dread that time you mention of only seeing them a few days a year. Guess we will have to get used to it, as you say.

My DDs are early 20s. One graduated last year and has stayed in her uni town as she loves it so much. We do visit when we can, it's about 3 hours drive away so not too bad.

The other moves out this week with her BF. The house is going to be very quiet!
Thankfully she's not going far so I'll be able to meet her for coffee/lunch etc.