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Higher education

Talk to other parents whose children are preparing for university on our Higher Education forum.

Original poster

Seeing "people from home" at university

33 replies

Wedgied · 22/12/2023 13:28

Just been wondering how your DC felt about seeing acquaintances from home/school/6th form at uni. Did they enjoy seeing a familiar face at university and did it make it easier to settle in? Or was it more of a "gosh don't want to speak to them" and just walk past and pretend they don't exist?

That's all. A thought that popped up in my mind.

OP posts:
CoatOfArms · 22/12/2023 13:31

DD has a lot of people from school at her university. Her best friend from home is there too and they hang out a lot together. She is only an hour from home and she is forever bumping into people from school on nights out, and uni people when she's home. She quite likes it.

Celia24 · 22/12/2023 13:35

Can only speak as someone who graduated 10 years ago.

My school friend and I got the same trains in and then ended up in the same friend group. It wasn't nice or not nice I suppose...it just was! I suppose it was nice having someone I knew and trusted well.

The others I occasionally saw you just smiled and waved or also enjoyed train commutes with. The school bond outside real friendships is soon forgotten, in favour of the new university experience imo. I'm not friends with that school friend anymore but other uni friendships have endured.

Theworried2 · 22/12/2023 14:29

DS is at Uni with a lot of schoolmates-over 30 and his best mates are there too. The school sends a lot every year to that Uni so lots of familiar faces from other years too. They still hang out together a lot and friendship groups have just extended off these groups too. He is very shy and introverted so I think he has enjoyed having his friends around but perhaps without them, he would have been forced to make new friends more.
Maybe that would’ve been better but he knew this would have been the case for a long time and hopefully over time he will make more new friends too.

JesusWeptLady · 22/12/2023 14:56

I think it depends very much on whether that person is already a friend, is taking the same subject / living in the same halls etc. I knew someone at my north based RG undergrad. We were on the same course, so in lecture, seminars, even tutorials together but were not friends. He then turned up at the same post-grad place as I was going to in London. We didn't speak at all, as we'd not been friends. I think maybe a nod at the start of the year?

Original poster
Wedgied · 22/12/2023 18:01

Thanks for the replies. Honestly was just a thought that popped into my head.

OP posts:
Middleaugust · 23/12/2023 12:57

A handful of people from school are at my dc's uni including a couple in the same department and course, halls etc. It's fine because they get on - a positive really but hasn't stopped them finding their own groups of friends at all.

As long as one person isn't clingier than the other and there's nobody they hate it's not a problem.

My dc quite likes knowing extra people and bumping into them but it hasn't made a material difference either way to the experience.

Almondmum · 23/12/2023 13:01

I don't understand. Surely it depends on who it is?! There are people my DD knows from at home at her uni. Some she'd cross the road to avoid, others she meets for a drink.

mondaytosunday · 23/12/2023 13:11

None of my DDs old friends applied to the same unis and she's happier about that. A new friend (she's doing a one year Art Foundation course) has accepted an offer from Cambridge which is my daughter's top choice (applied this current cycle), but different college and subject, so she's ok with that.
I think she wants to start afresh at this next stage. She hasn't had a real bestie since Y8 anyway.

UsingChangeofName · 23/12/2023 13:34

I was going to say the same as @JesusWeptLady
If they are 'someone you know' from school, but they have never been a friend particularly, then that is different from if a good friend ends up there.

Original poster
Wedgied · 23/12/2023 15:21

UsingChangeofName · 23/12/2023 13:34

I was going to say the same as @JesusWeptLady
If they are 'someone you know' from school, but they have never been a friend particularly, then that is different from if a good friend ends up there.

Yep it's the "someone you know" thing I'm trying to get it.

I personally just nodded or gave a half smile if I see someone I know (assuming no bad blood).

OP posts:
Dixiechickonhols · 23/12/2023 16:44

My dc has avoided picking the two unis where lots from her sixth form go to.
I knew no one, dh had several close friends from home at the uni. It didn’t bother me wasn’t a factor at all…liked the fresh start.

IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads · 23/12/2023 18:01

Undergrad - no one from my school at my uni at the same time. In fact I only met one other person from my town the whole time I was there.

Postgrad - sat down in my first lecture (shared by 4th year engineers and MSc students) next to someone from 6th form. That was quite nice. Met many friends through him.

UsingChangeofName · 23/12/2023 19:19

With my dc, it was - like you a kind of passing chat and no more than that for each of my dc.
"Hi. Didn't know you were here too. Settled in okay? What you studying? Which halls you in? See you around" type conversation and fairly unlikely to see them again, except happening to pass by at which point might nod a greeting.

TizerorFizz · 24/12/2023 17:51

My DD certainly met up with dc she knew before uni. Just a handful though. They all made other friends though and she’s not really close to any now 10 years on. They have moved into work and they haven’t really kept in touch. She is in touch with quite a few of the new friends and they were mostly met in halls.

SpongeBobSquarePantaloons · 24/12/2023 18:05

Not DC, but me.

Depends on who it is really. My best friend was two years above me at uni (same year at school but didn’t start uni at the same time) and it was great. Other people from my school were there too and I either stopped to chat with them in the hallways or just did the classic smile and nod and kept going.

CatherineStandish · 26/12/2023 08:20

We have close family friends and our DC grew up together. Group holidays, in and out of each others houses, shared childcare. The DC went to different secondary schools and didn’t speak for years apart from family gatherings once we didn’t share childcare.

They went different universities in the same city and now share a flat. They have separate friend groups but get along great. I think there may have been a relief in spending time with someone who really knows you.

yeppity · 26/12/2023 09:04

When I went to uni in 1990, there was a girl I knew well from school there, though in another hall of residence. I introduced her to the small friendship group I'd made in my own hall. She got on well with the most dominant member of the group and became a fixture. The dynamic then shifted for me, as the two of them together were very dominant - also, I had been trying to make a fresh start, with no past baggage, which no longer felt possible. It fuelled my social anxiety. I drifted away from the group, and felt quite isolated for a while. It took me a long time to make new friends.

TizerorFizz · 26/12/2023 17:19

@yeppity So why introduce her to your new friends? Seems a bit odd if you wanted a fresh start. Many dc relish making new friends and not being part of a former group. I know my DD1 is still in touch with many friends from school but they nearly all went to different unis from each other. So they had a bit of space for a few years and then decided they enjoyed their friendship. Most live in London so meeting up is easy enough.

QueenofLouisiana · 26/12/2023 17:28

DS knows one person at his uni from school. They are about 7 hours from home, so not a surprise that there are very few in the same place.

They meet up for coffee once in a while, DS drove them both home for Christmas. This saved them both money and made the journey much nicer. It seems to work alright for them.

yeppity · 26/12/2023 17:56

TizerorFizz · 26/12/2023 17:19

@yeppity So why introduce her to your new friends? Seems a bit odd if you wanted a fresh start. Many dc relish making new friends and not being part of a former group. I know my DD1 is still in touch with many friends from school but they nearly all went to different unis from each other. So they had a bit of space for a few years and then decided they enjoyed their friendship. Most live in London so meeting up is easy enough.

If I could go back in time I wouldn't do it again. Have you never made a mistake, or done something spontaneous that you regretted with hindsight?

Original poster
Wedgied · 26/12/2023 17:58

QueenofLouisiana · 26/12/2023 17:28

DS knows one person at his uni from school. They are about 7 hours from home, so not a surprise that there are very few in the same place.

They meet up for coffee once in a while, DS drove them both home for Christmas. This saved them both money and made the journey much nicer. It seems to work alright for them.

Were they friends at school?

OP posts:
QueenofLouisiana · 26/12/2023 18:03

They were definitely friendly with one another, shared a sports team from 10-15ish. Joint friendship group and went to 18th birthday parties of the same people.

troppibambini6 · 26/12/2023 18:41

Dd went to uni September. If she had gone to her first choice there would have been about 20 people she knew there including her boyfriend.
She ended up at a different uni as she dropped a grade. She was devastated.
She found out that a girl she had been to school with since being tiny was also going to be there
.
She was really pleased to know if she needed a friendly face she had at least one person she could call and the other girl felt the same. They hadn't seen each other for a while as the other girl went to a different sixth form. They did meet up in the first week and a few times since.

She has said that not knowing anyone has made her make much more of an effort putting herself out there and meeting people and she's grown so much since she's gone there.

She also loves her uni, city and her group of friends she's made and is so glad things worked out the way they did. Predictably she split with the boyfriend and is glad she's not constantly bumping into him.

UsingChangeofName · 26/12/2023 20:07

Why are you so concerned about this @Wedgied ?

TizerorFizz · 26/12/2023 20:18

@yeppity In the circumstances you describe? No. I’m quite good at making decisions about people and sticking to them. If I needed to sideline someone for my own good, I would.