Disappointing uni experience for 2023 graduates

[DoNotBringLulu]

I have told my DS it's in the past now and to move forwards; uni during COVID/lockdown meant he spent quite some time at home and from a social point of view it needed to go well for him as he is very shy, and really wanted a social life. It wasn't a complete disaster as he joined a society and made a few friends. He has very few friends around at home but frustratingly he won't join groups etc thinking there won't be people his age.

He worked very hard over the summer for a glamping company, 70 hour weeks sometimes; his plan is to go travelling hopefully picking up some work abroad, before coming home and finding a job. He feels socially isolated but at age 21 it's time to make an effort to meet people through shared interests, as difficult as it is.

I wasn't sure where to post this - anybody with DC having graduated this year, how are they doing? Did they pick themselves up after an inadequate uni experience?

Same experience for my nephew. His uni experience was far from what he expected and he missed out on a lot socially. I really feel for him.

I encouraged him to go travelling & work abroad after graduation, but he was lucky enough to secure a full time job where he lives so is getting settled into that now. It's amazing what a job, a car, a flat and a girlfriend has done for his self-esteem and independence. Having a 'purpose' seems to have made a big difference.

@sipsqueak great news re your nephew, well deserved after uni, you've hit the nail on the head re independence, it's hard though with prices etc.

My Ds is desperate to pass his driving test, failed once - 2nd test next week 🤞he won't go travelling until he passes. More difficult for him he's dyspraxic and learning in an automatic.

Ds graduated this year, was very lucky and landed a graduate job in finance and they pay for his exams to become an accountant. He had his final exam and 4 weeks later started his graduate job so not much time in between.

think it might be the only ray of sunshine, he had 3 months of uni in person in 2019 then it’s all been on line except 4th year and it was hard making friends and socialising with the others as hey didn’t really know each other that well with only being in person for that last year which was filled with hard exams and dissertations.

My DS is the same cohort but doing his final year this year. Due to the a level results fiasco he lost his uni place and ended up doing a foundation year so an extra year's debt through no fault of his own.
His actual uni experience hasn't been bad though. He stayed in halls through his first year with 5 other lads. Lectures online, but they all stuck together - daily walks, shopping etc. They moved into a house together for second year, some stayed together for third and he is still living with 2 of them this year. He didn't do societies or anything but has somehow managed to make lots of friends. He still has a close knit bunch of school friends at home too. Lectures moved to F2F pretty quickly in his second year too.
I know others have had a different experience, but he seems to have done OK.

DS graduated this year. He had a pretty crap Uni experience, starting with being conned into signing up for campus accommodation in August 20 upon the promise of "blended learning" when in reality, they had no face to face teaching at all (not even tutorials) for the first entire year as all teaching staff were working from home. Obviously, clubs and societies weren't running, except on line. The campus was a zombie apocalypse with virtually all buildings, including common rooms, etc closed and bolted. He hoped year 2 would be better, but it really wasn't - he even stayed living on campus in Uni flats in the hope of a more normal "social" Uni experience, but there were barely any clubs/societies as they'd mostly died out the year before and there were no Year 1's going into year 2 to run them. By year 3, he'd given up on social life and just concentrated on studying. He literally made not a single friend at Uni in all the 3 years. He just wasn't interested in the over-drinking, party lifestyle and nothing else seemed to be happening, certainly not in years 1 nor 2, and with all the online learning etc, he made no friends on his course either. At least he graduated with a First!!

Just started his first graduate job 6 weeks ago, and absolutely loves it. He's been out for drinks, meals and quiz nights with his new workmates, made loads of new friends at work, etc. We really can't believe it, especially as he had to move 3 hours away to get a job so we thought he'd be missing home and struggling to have a "real working life" in an unknown city. He's grown and developed a massive amount as an adult in just six weeks, compared to him languishing and not actually doing much other than studying in three years at Uni!

@2chocolateoranges great news your DS has a graduate job

@Seelinemy friend's Ds was similar managed despite everything to make plenty of friends. Good luck for his final year.

@Badbadbunny brilliant your DS is having a great time 👍 that is really encouraging. All my DS needs is to get himself into the right situation...
He's hanging round this weekend no friends around not finding himself anything to do. He saw some friends from the society he joined couple of weeks ago but nothing else since apart from some casual work and driving lessons. He doesn't want to go out with us at all it's an unsatisfying life

I'm really surprised at how different things were for his year compared with how they were for the following year (not doubting you, just surprised).

My DS is in his third year now. They've had face to face teaching all the way through. I think in the first semester (in 2021) they had some online lectures for the really big groups, but seminars have always been face to face. Last year nothing was online. He's joined societies, played sport, gone out on socials, pretty much what you'd expect as a student really!

I guess it shows how important having a normal first year is.

I think it's tricky. DS2 had a really appalling first year due to Covid and chronic isolation which had a devastating impact ion his physical and mental health. It took most of second year to get onto an even keel and then he had the stresses of finals! Now in the process of applying for jobs but has nothing on his CV - no summer jobs from 6th form and post school because everywhere was shut, nothing after 1st year because he was supposed to have a year abroad that started in the summer but it was delayed then cancelled due to lockdown, nothing after 2nd year because he was dealing with all the MH and physical issues, trying to get himself straight before finals.

So now he is trying for entry level graduate trainee jobs with not a great deal of practical experience.

I just say, it takes a bit longer because of lockdowns. It took longer to make friends at uni as Yr1 was entirely online - no social clubs open, not a single face to face; longer to find a relationship, and it will take longer to find a job. I know students with firsts from Oxford and other Russell group unis who a year later are still working in a pub, or who have applied for endless jobs but are still doing unpaid internships (yes I know that's illegal but they exist!)

That whole generation was struggling with anxiety due to the shit way they had been treated over A levels, uni, no jobs, rental cost spikes, tutors on strike instead of marking their finals. I admire them their resilience and their plans. The ones I know keep on striking out into the world, aiming to get started in adult life.

I don't recognise this.
My dc started in 2020 and has had / is having a fab time at University.
Yes, obviously affected by the 2020-21 lockdowns - as people were across the world, but she appreciated being locked down in a 'bubble' with other young people rather than stuck in her bedroom at home with just parents for company.

She's already done 2 years of work (when at 6th form) before lock down, and has worked since April 21, so not sure anyone can still say they've not had the opportunity to get work experience, or not had the opportunity to socialise with people.
As @Poblano has said about her ds, there have been plenty of opportunities to do all the normal student things, whether that is sport, societies, just mingling after seminars, mixing locally in the University own or City, mixing with work mates or whatever.

He has very few friends around at home but frustratingly he won't join groups etc thinking there won't be people his age.
This seems to be more of what is creating the issue, than starting University when Covid was preventing people mixing.

Yes mine had work experience either side of Covid too - he worked all summer in 2019, 2021 and 2022. He didn't work this summer as he was travelling.

My dd is also in 3rd year, first year was mainly online with a handful of seminars with them split into group A and group B. Her 2nd year was mainly face to face, she has made friends and gone out socially but has sat exams at university without sitting any highers exams at school, so I think exams have been a shock to the system.

as you say 1st year is really Important and for those starting university in 2019 that just didn’t happen. Ds turned 18 in the December and 10 weeks later universities were all closed,

Yes - mine worked in his uni city for the last 2 years, as have most of his flatmates. A couple worked through lockdown in supermarkets. There were jobs there.

@Poblano

I guess it shows how important having a normal first year is.

It certainly is as everything is geared up for freshers, and those who didn't have a "normal" freshers in 2020 due to covid never experienced anything like the normal level of all finding their feet together and starting the Experience from the same base. My son stayed on campus in year 2 (2021) to try to get the freshers experience, but they couldn't move in until after freshers week (which the uni never told them until the "moving in dates" email in August, long after he'd contracted to the uni flat), so he missed out twice, and even when he moved in, it was mostly year 3 and year 4 students, so he had nothing in common with his flatmates who'd all made friends and had experience the normal freshers week back in 2019 so weren't interested in a newbie, he barely saw them.

Yup, it was completely shit. DS didn’t want to go to his graduation, he wanted to move on. His mental health had plummeted during 1st and 2nd year so to graduate with a 2.1 was a serious achievement.

He’s now doing a masters in an area that’s always interested him but deliberately chose a lower tier uni with smaller class sizes and a ton of contact time. He’s loving it. In his first two weeks there, he’s had more face to face than in his final year…

@Poblano I agree, a normal first year is important for a character like my DS, shy and anxious he needed to be with people and have field trips etc. Field trips were cancelled for 2 years.

@UsingChangeofName I think you'be hit the nails on the head his reticence causes him to struggle (but he's gaining confidence having worked hard this summer). COVID ruined a lot of the uni experience. There are some friends from uni but they're not local & do other things (work etc). Hopefully he'll be off travelling soon and pass his driving test. Your DD sounds socially adept and confident.

His 2nd year still quite a lot of online learning and as @Badbadbunny said fewer societies running. Still it's time to be positive and move forwards as he wants to do.

@TotalOverhaul it certainly took a toll on my DS's mental health too and I hope your DS finds something soon, sorry to hear of the hard time he's had. It has been hard on this generation and agree they are resilient.

My DD is a fresher and is having a fantastic time, loving her flat, course and sport.....very happy for her, if my DS passes his test he will drive to visit her! First cohort to do A Levels for a while but she's having a normal uni experience.

@Pharos my DS also didn't go to his graduation he worked instead. Well done to him doing a masters and congratulations on his 2;1. My Ds also graduated with a 2:1.

My son packed it all into years 2 and 3. Threw himself into a couple of unlikely sports, did well, now has a job in a grad scheme. Misses college life!

Dd graduated this year. She had a great year 2 and 3. She actually started in 2019 so had a normal first six months, covid hit and she had a bit of a breakdown and took a year out.

The second half of her first year was all online which she said she liked as she didn’t really want to go out. But she recognises that face to face was needed as she did a very practical course which was hard to teach well online.

she hasn’t got a job. Got a 1st class degree in architecture and needs a part 1 training position but there are very few jobs. She applied for something last week which in a week according to Indeed had 1300 applications!

My DS is in the exact same position. The continued lockdowns of the 20/21 academic year (his first year), was devastating for them and upended any sort of normal uni experience. He never met a single person on his course in year 1 - all teaching was online and students kept their cameras off. No freshers. Campus like a ghost town. No pubs and clubs open for the most part. No societies operating normally.

It's always a lottery as to what halls you're allocated and whether you're living with people you click with , but for the 2020 cohort this was extreme - as there wasn't the opportunity to make other meaningful friendships outside of halls

It's heartening to see here that some young people were not defined by this experience and got lucky with flatmates etc but from what my DS tells me, this often makes those who didn't mange to 'fly' socially few even worse. As they feel it's their fault even though the odds were stacked against them. My DS is proud of his resilience and his degree result but he needs to process what really happened over those three years as the expectation didn't meet the reality, for him - and for many others

@VisaWoes my DS had a practical course too - Environmental Science - field trips done virtually are a poor second. It's good to hear your DD picked herself up, I hope she finds some experience.

@chickenfoot I agree it was hard being with flat mates all the time, my Ds thinks he was unlucky that he didn't get on socially, but there was the society he joined at least. I suppose there are no guarantees in life, keep going and move on.

My DS3 had a similar experience. First year he stayed in his uni accommodation, but was in a high tier area (remember those?) throughout. He didn't ever see a lecturer or tutor f2f and didn't meet any other students apart from in his small flat throughout first year. They were nice kids, but they didn't gel socially.

Second and third year were much better, RL lectures and he joined a society. But he lived in a private hall as he hadn't made friends in first year. He stayed there for third year. He's not very socially competent unfortunately.

He's having a year out this year, looking for a job to tide him over until starting teacher training next Sept. But has no experience so it's tough.

@UrsulaBelle I hope your DS finds something for the time being and all respect to him for training to be a teacher. It's just very hard for some of them socially.

I graduated in 2022 (mature student) so we had our second year as the really impacted Covid one. To be honest I would have crashed and burned out of the course completely if I hadn't had the support-network building first year (I think lots of us would have done) - because when we had to transition to working online, we'd at least made the connections to be able to keep working as a groups and supporting each other to get through the course... we did lots of supporting ourselves as a course cohort with difficult content, sharing resources, independently arranged study groups etc - and I don't think that stuff would have carried on if it wasn't already established in the first year. We did have one large group on the course who house shared - went into lockdowns and then all fell out with each other quite spectacularly which made 3rd year where half the cohort weren't talking to each other an interesting experience!

I'm currently doing training sessions in preparation for supporting clinical placement students in my current post - and the unis are still noticing the impact of the covid rules and lockdowns in terms of student independence and those soft skills.

In addition there are still areas of my own clinical skills where I'm much less confident because they were delivered in that affected covid year - so I never got any actual practical training on assessment of certain conditions and I'm having to run around arranging shadowing and opportunities to fill in the holes now - as well as having all my normal workload to do! We had some placements that were delivered online - which was kind of a crappy workaround - but did lead to me getting my permanent post in the end!

Could he do a Post Grad after travelling, this has been the route that many of my son's friends have taken if they didn't get on to a grad scheme, and it seems a good route back to new Uni, new friendship group etc.

@CoffeeWithCheese love your user name....my favourite things! It's great to hear from you, being a student during COVID and it's good it didn't overly ruin anything for you. Good luck with your training sessions. I am extra proud of my DS. Even though he had a rubbish first year and made no friends on his course or even working relationships, he graduated with a 2:1, and it goes to show even though some students managed to rise above it all (as shown by some of these replies) how hard things were. What course did you study?

@molotovcupcakes that's a great suggestion, and it's a route he could go down. Someone upthread said their DC did exactly that. I think he would like a job. Travelling is a little up in the air at the moment as he needs to find somewhere to stay for a working holiday 🤞🤞