Disappointing uni experience for 2023 graduates

[DoNotBringLulu]

I have told my DS it's in the past now and to move forwards; uni during COVID/lockdown meant he spent quite some time at home and from a social point of view it needed to go well for him as he is very shy, and really wanted a social life. It wasn't a complete disaster as he joined a society and made a few friends. He has very few friends around at home but frustratingly he won't join groups etc thinking there won't be people his age.

He worked very hard over the summer for a glamping company, 70 hour weeks sometimes; his plan is to go travelling hopefully picking up some work abroad, before coming home and finding a job. He feels socially isolated but at age 21 it's time to make an effort to meet people through shared interests, as difficult as it is.

I wasn't sure where to post this - anybody with DC having graduated this year, how are they doing? Did they pick themselves up after an inadequate uni experience?

I agree that those who started uni in 2020 on a 3 year course were the worst affected. My Ds started in 2019 so at least had the chance to experience normal uni life until Covid arrived. And had made some friends so continued with his plans for a house share in 20/21 even though everything was still online.

I was very glad that he was doing a 4 year course plus a placement year so that he has had a couple of normal years now.

I think far too much emphasis is being put on uni experience @DoNotBringLulu None of this means he cannot apply for a grad job now (he’s got a 2:1) and get friends via work and training as others have described. He should be aiming for relevant work experience or volunteering and this has been available for 2 years. He just doesn’t want to move forward like that.

My DDs don’t hang on to their uni experience (or uni friends) and now they are working it’s of little relevance. They have moved on. DD1 in particular is a self starter and planned her career. DD2 took more time and changed career but worked all the time before changing direction.

I’m unsure why your DS wants time on his own travelling? He doesn’t sound like he wants friends via work and finds it difficult to move away for a good job. It appears easier at home and drifting along with what’s familiar. What’s he motivated to do to get a career started? Has he applied for grad jobs? Any job to help his career? Has he mapped out a career?

Also be careful as work visas are needed for EU jobs I think. Could be wrong though. Travelling is just delaying any decision on work and he will still have to compete with other grads with little relevant experience when he gets back. They might have been more proactive. I’d try and talk about a proper career and look at what it needs to get one. Many students found uni a challenge recently but blaming that for not making a decision about a career m, getting relevant experience or not having friends is a stretch.

@TizerorFizz I agree time to let go and move on as I've said a few times on this thread. He has a work visa and is arranging relevant work experience - not in an EU country - I may have mentioned.

Did both of your dd's finish this year?

I am not blaming, rather reflecting that the bad experience was unhelpful from a social point of view but as you say there are other ways of making friends.

@Decorhate good luck to your DS a 4 year course gives him the chance for a normal experience.

No they didn’t but I don’t entirely see that it’s relevant. They are not attached to uni friends. The uni experience was a means to an end. You seem to think it has great importance but I’m not sure it does.

DD1 moved into training for her career. It’s taken 3 years post a 4 year degree but she knew what she wanted to to. Her uni experience is somewhat irrelevant regarding friends now. She’s got friends via training, membership of her training body, work and school plus friends of friends of course. DD2s friends are mostly via work but she’s less gregarious.

Most students only manage one or two societies but there’s more to getting a job than that. DD1 “worked” like mad building up her cv to get to where she wanted to be. As others do.

I’m really suggesting travel and a bit of work abroad puts off decision making even longer. Plenty of COVID grads have got jobs and careers so I don’t see he’s any different to his cohort but whatever didn’t happen at uni isn’t entirely relevant to a career. Employers won’t care that much about a field trip or two missed (DN had the same issues) because there’s been time to build up the cv since. There might also be the issue of his degree subject. Is it one known for high post grad employment? Plus what careers advice and careers fairs did he go to? What has he investigated?

It’s great he’s got his visa and travel sorted but he needs a good think about what’s happening after that.

@TizerorFizz I'll agree to differ with you, thank you for replies.

No problem.

My DD graduated this year after 3 years so is in the cohort we're discussing. We often reflect back on her experience and always conclude that despite COVID difficulties, she was right to go when she did.
She was fortunate that her first year accommodation was in a townhouse of 12 with living space so her legally defined household was large. This made a huge difference.
Online learning wasn't ideal and she spent almost a whole term at home but rent was refunded.
Her subsequent years were fine - all teaching in person and normal social activities. She had a brilliant time.
This probably isn't a popular opinion but for her, academics were almost a secondary consideration. She's benefited massively from being away from home, learning to be independent and forming excellent ongoing relationships.
She graduated well, has an accountancy training contract with a big4 firm which she's loving and wouldn't change any of it!
I do appreciate not everyone feels as fortunate.