Annnddd they're off! Uni Starters 2023 Thread.

[Titsywoo]

Hi all,

I thought I'd start a different thread as the Alevels and beyond one is more geared to remarks and clearing at this point so didn't want to start derailing that with chat off packing and freshers week.

How is everyone getting on with helping their DC prepare and the idea that soon they will be moving away?

My DD is off to Cardiff to read psychology so will be about 3.5 hours drive away. I'm both nervous and excited for her right now! Packing is going well - pretty much all stuff has been bought and the induction pan set should arrive today. There is a large pile on the landing which keeps growing as we think of extra bits.

Due to a very lucky spot by me when scrolling Tiktok DD has found and been added to the Cardiff Psychology year 1 snapchat group. From that she got chatting to some others who aren't massively into drinking or clubbing and they have another chat for people who want to do other things than clubbing. They are organising meeting for some of the SU 'Give it a go' events such as an escape room and Ikea trip! Dd has also persuaded a couple of people to join the Hookers society with her (for crocheting! 😄).

Dd had a terrible time with bullying and social isolation from year 5 till the end of sixth form so I am praying this is the new start where she finally finds her tribe 🤞🙏

Looking forward to hearing how everyone's DC is getting on and how the first few weeks are for them. Not long to go now! DD leaves in 20 days 😬

My biggest wobble is knowing that DD1 said she didn't really intend to come home again after uni, even though it didn't work out that way for her.
DD2 is saying the same thing. And is intending to have a year in placement too, so it's 4 years and the likelihood of her being able to get a good, well paid job is higher than her sister due to the choice of degree and the placement year. So it feels more real that it might be the case, even though there's no guarantee.

Good luck to all the students who have settled in, and their parents.

We are getting ready for our second year student to leave in a week, and our fresher to leave in a fortnight. And I am slowly losing the plot with the lists and stuff accumulating!

I am trying to prepare myself emotionally but know I will feel awful.

We live in London and I have seen most of my friends’ kids come back to work here post-graduation. That’s what I am praying for anyway 😂 There are no guarantees though and I still have to get through the next three or four years!

My dtwin sons are both off to different universities. Miles apart. They have never spent more than a night away from each other since they were born. This is going to be tough.

I keep thinking of a conversation they had when they were around 7. It went like this:
(Not real names)
Jack: Ben, you have never been lonely have you?
Ben: No, I don't think so.
Jack: because we was born together so you've never been on your own.
Ben: oh yeah!
Jack then looked at me and said ' mum, me and Ben have never been lonely and we probably never will. We're lucky to be twins.'
I remember they then both giggled about it.

They definitely had their arguments and little fights but were right that they were never lonely and always had each other.

I hope they keep in touch and keep their strong bond. I'm sure they will.

Sunday is our ‘big breakfast day’. He usually puts in his order or it’s a bacon, sausages, scrambled egg etc. I’m looking at my coffee and tomatoes (was just picking some) and wondering if I can be arsed to do anything. Loads to do but not a lot of motivation and I keep welling up.

its been 19 years - from wiping bums and chasing monsters out from under the bed, to taking him to his favourite Japanese restaurants and him explaining all the different dishes over a beer and advising him over exams, life the universe and everything.

Today's the day! And dd came in from her 'last night out in hometown' at 3.30 am 😐just before the massive thunderstorm started 😑. So nobody is feeling too bright-eyed and bushy-tailed this morning.

Looks as if the storms are going to follow us up the motorway too.

👋👋

All packed and ready to go. Feeling a bit sick. Long journey up the motorway so hoping traffic will be easy. Looks like storms will be following us back home though. Good luck to everyone else heading out today.

Today is the day DS heads to York. Going to pack everything in the car soon and head off. Any tips on how not to get emotional 🥲

Good luck to everyone off to York today. That was me 30 years ago! I remember getting out of York train station (no lift from my parents) into one of those brilliant clear sunny York autumn days and feeling such a rush of excitement.

DS2 has another two weeks at home so we only started his shopping yesterday, to discover that all the cheap stuff had long gone. Had an extremely hot and expensive afternoon that wiped us both out. Most of his mates are off this weekend so I anticipate the next two weeks are going to involve a lot of anxious hanging about.

I recommend a large ASDA superstore for most stuff. We went round a range of shops and ended up there last but was kicking myself as they had most of the stuff we needed a bit cheaper.

We have also seen twins off in different directions this weekend. The first time they have been properly apart. Dropped one off yesterday and the other one going today.
Then back home to an empty nest.

They’ve always had each other and now it’s off on their own. It’s definitely for the best, but it just feels so weird that they might never live together again!

We dropped our DD off at Bristol yesterday. Feels very weird and sad. One thing tho if anyone has experience, her room was a bit shit. Walls were full of holes, chipped paint etc. They'd ripped the tiles off above the sink and put a plastic splash back there which was smaller than the tiles were and just left the unfinished wall there. Is this normal or should we complain? We lived in some far worse conditions when I was at uni, tbf, but for halls where she's paying over £5k for the privilege it seems a bit off.

Dropped DD off yesterday (she's an introvert but keen to make friends) and she's met a couple of flat mates but some seem to just stay in their room. They are a flat of 8 with a shared kitchen, it has a table with 6 chairs (which seems a bit rubbish) but no sofas etc. I'm just wondering how they actually all end up meeting and for example organising things like bin rotas?

I have read that you should take photographs of the room (similarly to if you move into a rented house or flat) to prove any damage was already there when you moved in. You may find otherwise the occupant may get blamed for the damage.

It’s very poor that a maintenance team did not at the very least fill in the holes in the walls, & an extra step give the walls a quick paint.

I would definitely complain, & send photos of the room.

Was also me coming to York - 20 years ago in my case! I seem to remember starting in October then. Was also quite a bit smaller in those days - Hes East hadn’t been thought of and a lot fewer students

I’ve just had a run round the lake at the university and saw various (female) students in groups looking at maps and parents with and without a student.

Sorry did not quote, copied & pasted my original post.

I have read that you should take photographs of the room (similarly to if you move into a rented house or flat) to prove any damage was already there when you moved in. You may find otherwise the occupant may get blamed for the damage.

It’s very poor that a maintenance team did not at the very least fill in the holes in the walls, & an extra step give the walls a quick paint.

I would definitely complain, & send photos of the room.

Yes I think I was October too @MirandaWest . Only one campus, and the only place to buy anything was the tiny village shop in Heslington. I've been back a couple of times but have never ventured onto the new campus, I fear it would blow my mind.

Thanks @Fairnair. We have advised her to take photos.

@Neversaygoodbye my DS is in very similar accommodation, a flat of 8 (although they think only 7 rooms are let) with a kitchen that has no sofa. There are at least enough chairs for everyone! Two round tables of 4. Whilst I was still there I was worried that the two residents who'd already arrived seemed to be very much 'hi/bye' and staying in their rooms but this all changed yesterday at dinner time. DS ventured out first to cook his pizza, then each of the others arrived in turn to start sharing ingredients and stuff, trying to work out how the hell the cooker works, then someone had the bright idea to set up a flat WhatsApp group, and then they all decided to go out together to the welcome event the union was putting on.

This is way more than I was expecting on day 1, given DS is very introverted and it's a quiet flat so clearly none of them are going to be exactly wild party people.

So don't worry - it will happen. Today DS has postponed a trip out (which he'd mentioned on the new WhatsApp group in case anyone wanted to come - he has never used WhatsApp voluntarily in his life, it is just for replying to grandparents) so he could make lunch at the same time as one of his flatmates. You could suggest DD suggests the WhatsApp group?

@justasyouare @ThenamesBob it's hard but I think it's really healthy the twins are striking out on their own. I know of twins where one turned down a place and went into clearing because the other hadn't got the grades, so they could be sure of ending up on the same course.

Good luck to all at York today - is there an official Mumsnet hat to wear in case you all see each other?? Welcome one and all to Yorkshire (as no-one said to me when I arrived in Leeds all those years ago!)

Me and dh have left home with dd. The goodbye to her 3 younger brothers and sister was horrific with them all crying begging her not to go.
I feel sick at the thought of saying goodbye. I know it's will amazing for her and for need to stay positive but wow this is super hard.

@Fairnair Will ponder about the complaint as she would like to put lights up and they have said no because of the walls and we're saying she should do it because of the current state of the walls. So she might not want extra attention. Also I wonder if they would move her out to fix it and I don't think she would want to do that.

I seem to remember starting in October then

Different Uni but I remember it being standard for freshers to be the last week of September/into October. Equally I remember doing a field trip in the last week of the summer term after exams and that being end of June. I went through just before my uni adopted two semesters rather than three terms with exams just in the last term. I wonder if having semesters and exams before Christmas is what has pushed an earlier start to the year and an earlier finish?

@tribpot thank you for the reassurance. I guess it is early days yet. I think DD is also in quiet accommodation although it was never clearly confirmed as such, we requested it as she would have hated the possibility of ending up in a party flat.

She's never really found her tribe (her previous friends were lovely but much more into drinking and partying so she often missed out) and I know she is really keen to do so at Uni. I need to stop worrying, lol.

I can understand your DD not wanting to attract attention, but if you don’t want to complain officially, maybe at least advise the person/owner in charge of the accommodation of the condition so at least it’s on file.

Yeah. Will advise. Thanks @Fairnair

@Neversaygoodbye DS was very solitary throughout sixth form. A number of different circumstances (studying in 3 different schools, including one remote) and the fact I WFH and his Dad is chronically ill, so basically he always had company at home. So I've been very, very worried about him finding his tribe and how he'd cope with shared living (thank god for an ensuite bathroom, that really would have been a step too far). It is early days (they may all fall out today for all I know!) but there are a good few opportunities to find people - tutor groups, clubs, etc.