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Higher education

Talk to other parents whose children are preparing for university on our Higher Education forum.

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Original poster

When they drive themselves to university

41 replies

EeesandWhizz · 29/08/2023 15:45

Do you go too? Or do you just wave them off down the drive (and then crumple)?

DS has his own small car and won't be taking more stuff than will fit in it, so I'm kind of assuming that I should just leave him to it and wave him off. I've got to admit that I was surprised when I drove myself off to college 35 years ago and found a queue of parents with their children waiting to enrol. I had a very rural upbringing and it didn't occur to me that not everyone would take their own car, though to be fair it was very agricultural and most did.

Should I go to help him unpack and get settled in/buy stuff he didn't know that he needed, or pop down in a few weeks if he doesn't come home first. It's almost 4 hours away if that makes any difference.

OP posts:

Needmoresleep · 29/08/2023 23:23

There was a diary clash so DD took the train, with a duvet stuffed into one suitcase and her laptop in another, a saucepan and enough clothes to Last her a week.

I drove down a week later with the rest of the stuff.

It was great. By then she had time, and loads of things to tell me about. I could park by her halls of residents and as there was no rush to dump stuff and run we sorted everything out together. We then went to Lidl to buy food and also were able to pick up things she knew she needed.

Overseas students will be moving in on their own. Although on move-in day there will be loads of parents unpacking vast quantities of stuff, your DC will not be the only one turning up on their own.

FormerlySpeckledyHen · 29/08/2023 23:30

I’d definitely go with him the first time and leave it to him after that.

Does he really need to have his car there anyway? My 2 sons didn’t want the responsibility of having a car at uni and definitely didn’t want to be the mug who had to do all the grocery shopping and pub trips!

Pallisers · 29/08/2023 23:34

The first time, I would definitely drive up behind him and help him unpack etc.

After that probably not. In her final year DD had a car and she drove up and unpacked herself - all her roommates did the same.

BoohooWoohoo · 29/08/2023 23:36

My dd didn't take her car to uni as it's one that doesn't encourage students to bring cars and she thought that it could act as a barrier to getting to know people. Her dad picks up and drops off at the start and end of the year. It's quicker to move in if there's more than one person carrying stuff. He then drives her to the supermarket to buy a shop before leaving.

fortyfifty · 30/08/2023 08:13

I'd also question if he needs his car there. Are his halls on campus? What will he use the car for? I guess it is useful if you get a part time job off campus.

If it were me, I'd drive up behind him for the first drop off - especially if he's not used to motorway driving. If he loads up a small car with his stuff, it might limit visibility out the back too.

JuneBeWonderful · 30/08/2023 13:57

Pretty much every student had a parent or parents with them when moving in the first time. If he is taking his own car I would probably follow him up in my own car or go with him in his and get the train back. I think it is good to have someone help you unpack some of the room. We made Ds's bed so he was ready to crash whenever he needed it. Unpacked his suitcase and took both that and his guitar case home with us. Not much room in his room to store that. We took him out for lunch, returned him to his room and left him to unpack some other stuff and organise things.

UsingChangeofName · 30/08/2023 14:21

My dc who drove there, I went with her and then got a train home that evening.

Combination of reasons -

she hadn't done that much motorway driving and no long journeys on her own, and was traveling somewhere she'd not driven before
There was a lot of stuff to carry in to accommodation
It was all new - the process of arriving and registering and picking up keys etc, it was just nice to have someone with her
Knowing that 99% of the other students would have someone with them
I was able to take her for a slap up lunch just before we got into the Uni town, and knew she was set up for the rest of the day - I know she wouldn't have bothered on her own
(The main one) I hadn't seen the accommodation or the University (as her Dad had taken her to that open day) and I just wanted to have a nose around for myself

It was a good decision for me, and for her.

viques · 30/08/2023 17:55

Also check the insurance, where will he be parking overnight? If the current insurance is parking on a driveway and the university parking is a fairly public car park on on street there might need to be an adjustment.

thinkfast · 30/08/2023 18:07

I would go with him OP. Help him unpack and settle in. I know my parents did when I drove myself 20 years ago. My mum came in my car with me, and dad followed us.

lanthanum · 30/08/2023 18:32

I went by train. My parents had been in the area a few days earlier and had delivered my trunk (I don't know if this would be possible everywhere). Everyone else had parents there.

By the time everyone else got rid of their parents, I'd completely unpacked, put on the kettle, got out the biscuits, and was ready to invite everyone in. It was a good way to start!

RoyKentFanclub · 31/08/2023 07:39

lanthanum · 30/08/2023 18:32

I went by train. My parents had been in the area a few days earlier and had delivered my trunk (I don't know if this would be possible everywhere). Everyone else had parents there.

By the time everyone else got rid of their parents, I'd completely unpacked, put on the kettle, got out the biscuits, and was ready to invite everyone in. It was a good way to start!

It’s very unusual to be able to drop anything off in halls in advance nowadays. Plus you now need to take things like duvets, pillows and mattress protectors (often compulsory). It would be next to impossible to take everything on your own on the train.

Needmoresleep · 31/08/2023 07:55

Being a bit pedantic, but DD was able to stuff a single duvet, pillow and one set of bedding into a cheap TKMaxx suitcase. The rest of her one week supplies went into another. Brother got her to the station, and it was a taxi to halls. I went down a week later, but equally supermarkets were selling back to University pots and pans and the thick mattress topper (very needed) came from Amazon. Lots of distinctive crockery (white is hopeless for a shared kitchen) can be found in charity shops.

The difference perhaps is that she had had a gap year, so it was not her first time away. It was nice going down a week later when the crowds were gone.

Some (London) halls provide cheap bedding. Presumably because so many overseas students can’t bring much bedding.The quality is awful, but it is ok till you get something better.

somewhereovertherain · 31/08/2023 08:17

what does he want?

we took our DDs first time as on campus and car parking difficult. Since then they’ve self propelled. Though eldest DD about to start a year at her uni campus in Malaysia and we waved her off solo travelling in June.

ours both have had cars at uni has helped massively with jobs, shopping and hobbies.

RosemaryDill · 31/08/2023 15:37

Mine took cars in year 2 onwards. I was alittle wary of them being the halls taxi if they took a car in Y1 but in any case they couildn't get parking.

I know that all adult MNers went alone to uni and never had parents at open days but it's just not the norm now.
I'd go with him. It's a rite of passage and literally every UK student will have parents there. Easy to take a few more bits if you have another car - food basics for example.
I found it helpful later for me to picture him in his room. Big smiles to wave off and a lump in my throat on the way home.

RampantIvy · 31/08/2023 16:32

I know that all adult MNers went alone to uni and never had parents at open days but it's just not the norm now.

I agree that this narrative is getting boring @RosemaryDill
Back in the day those who might have struggled just didn't go. Due to widening participation there are far more students going to university now who weren't able to 30 or 40 years ago.

RampantIvy · 31/08/2023 16:33

Also, many more halls were catered and bedding was supplied. Students are expected to be more independent these days.

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