Exeter uni reassurance please!

[seymour]

Hi there, my daughter just got into Exeter uni through clearing but while she liked it when she visited ahead of the application process, she didn’t plump for it as her first choice as she felt it was quite “posh” and wasn’t sure if she would fit in. We are from a big city and she went to a comprehensive. Not trying to cause offence to anyone from a privileged background btw, we very much take every person as we find them, as does my daughter but just wondered if anyone could share their kids’ experiences? Thanks so much.

https://amp.theguardian.com/books/2018/jun/29/posh-boys-english-public-schools-robert-verkaik-review

this is a good book for anyone wishing to educate themselves about how those who went to public school exercise a hugely disproportionate amount of power in British life.

DS recently went to the races as a student - to Musselburgh. It was rammed with very posh students from St Andrews and Edinburgh and is the only time in his life DS has ever said he felt inferior and that he didn’t fit in. He will go the races again - just not Musselburgh.

Pretending that usually confident teens aren’t intimidated by large groups of braying ex private school students is disingenuous.

I agree that there is disingenuous and defensive posting here.

My kids are the ‘down to earth’ private school type (I would say that of course!). But they have an ethnic minority parent, public sector mum and dad etc and are
undoubtedly privileged but not upper class in any way. They are well aware that there is a more ‘posh’ subset.

And whilst the posh kids can be perfectly lovely, there is no denying that en masse, a vocal group of that kind of student, may well intimidate someone from a different background. Saying it doesn’t happen is just odd.

Individuals can be great. But a large group of confident wealthy students may not be something a student from a different background is used to. And given the class system in this country, the power unfortunately still belongs to the posher folk in the eyes of many, whether that is perceived or the reality in the university at the time.

This is getting silly. Some posters seem to be saying that the very existence of “posh” students causes the other students some sort if psychic harm. No insults, no aggressive behaviour, no barring others from activities…just existing in the same space.

Get a grip! It’s all in your head. In these circumstances, the “posh” kids only “dominate” because of what is going on in your head, not because of their behaviour.

If this is the case, then it is a damn good idea to keep them segregated at a small number of schools, where they won’t cause everyone else to get the vapours. Might as well leave Durham, Exeter, St Andrews, Imperial, et al. to them.

@EmpressoftheMundane The idea that Musselbrough is full of posh racegoers has to be the biggest joke on here! They came all the way from St A to meet their mates from Edinburgh? Such a small minority would ever do this.How could you not fit in at the races? Bizarre.

It was a meet specifically designed for students I believe - mainly St Andrews and Edinburgh that day, but also other nearby unis.

Just because it doesn’t fit with your narrative please don’t try to belittle it.

I am old and did my legal practice course there - state school and a former poly for undergrad degree. I loved it - beautiful campus and nice but small city. Had a good mix of people.

I can believe that there was a student day at Musselburgh with plenty of students from St Andrews and Edinburgh.

What I am pushing at, is other students, who don’t actually know these students at all, psychologically projecting all these negative qualities onto them due to their own insecurities.

I would advocate going to the races with your mates, enjoying yourself, and not tying yourself in knots over other people who happen to be there at the same time. It really should be of no interest that other people are there enjoined themselves alongside you. If not, look inside yourself and question why strangers, minding their own business is bothering you.

No one can make you feel inferior without your permission.

It’s human nature to compare ourselves to others. Getting some self regulation in this is important. Just because the students all graduate doesn’t mean the problem will go away. There will always be people whose existence makes us worry that we are behind or “less than.” The answer is not fixing or controlling other people, but looking within ourselves.

The answer to dealing with the unmerited power of the publicly schooled doesn’t lie with “looking within ourselves.”

It lies with taking away schools’ charitable status, degrading the private school system to the point of non-existence, 100% blind recruiting, a massive crack down on tax avoidance and plenty more.

The OP was talking about students at the races not private school domination of certain professions. Destroying private schools won’t stop posh people existing - and the PP is right - the solution to feeling inferior to what are, after all, perfectly ordinary bogstandard people - lies within yourself.

Are you posh, per chance?

Destroying private schools won’t stop posh people existing

It will help them to integrate though, good for everyone.

Quit trying to personalise everything @GodessOfThunder

Parents are suppose to help their children navigate the world and succeed. Being fragile and avoiding opportunities because you are too anxious to be in proximity with other people not exactly like yourself isn’t a good strategy.

Your highly ideological stance isn’t helpful to individual teenagers who need to grow emotionally and socially and make their way in the world.

Will they integrate to your satisfaction? Or just appear to dominate the state schools that they are in?

They don’t really need help integrating though do they, as they’re not the ones feeling small around people of a different background.

The answer to insecurities is to instil confidence in people so they’re comfortable with people from any background.

Will they integrate to your satisfaction? Or just appear to dominate the state schools that they are in?

Growing up alongside people who have different lives and circumstances is a good thing for everyone imo. Separation fosters division and amplifies feelings of difference.

Posh can mean anything on the internet from anyone not working class to only purely upper class - aristocracy/gentry.

Not really relevant to the fact that your proposed solution won’t solve the problem.

Not really relevant to the fact that your proposed solution won’t solve the problem.

I don't think the existence of posh people is the problem though, it's the existence of an education system which separates them from the rest, helps to create an us v them tribalism, attitudes of superiority / inferiority etc. Surely anyone arguing that private school students are lovely if only state school students would get over themselves and get to know them would agree.

Don’t know how you’re defining posh but plenty of “posh” people go to state school. In this instance - the example given by a pp of races - how do you know they even felt any tribal them/us feeling? It was the poster’s son who reported feeling that.

Whatever the definition of posh, it doesn't matter really - someone said that getting rid of private schools wouldn't solve the 'problem' of the existence of posh people. I am just pointing out that the existence of posh people (whatever they are) is not the problem.

If the problem is separate schooling, then surely coming together at uni is a good thing. Not something to be avoided by either side.

If the problem is separate schooling, then surely coming together at uni is a good thing. Not something to be avoided by either side.

It's quite clearly too late, judging by the posts on this thread. The tribes are firmly established. Surely it would be better to have them come together aged 4 and grow up together.

Maybe. But, we are where we are, and I would encourage the OPs DD to take the opportunity to go to Exeter, and believe she belongs there as much as anyone else because she does.

Your whole stance smacks of simply urging acceptance of the status quo, one I suspect suits you just fine. It’s no less “ideological”, just a different ideology. It’s laughable to regard those who went to public school
are “bog standard” people. Their wealth, networks, and unearned privilege are anything but “bog standard”.

You should realise not everyone wants to accept the status quo. And not everyone likes the values and manner public and “lesser” private schools impart in children who attend them.

Yes, we need to interact with all sorts in preparation for adult life. But, if a university is 30% private school (4x the proportion in the population at large), then there’s a good argument that it isn’t a good reflection of the wider world, and it’s perfectly legitimate to seek an university with greater educational and socio-economic diversity. It doesn’t mean one is necessarily “fragile” (in contrast to your inferred “strong” private school kids).

If I take your logic at face value presumably you’d like also to see more privately educated kids head off to the likes of Huddersfield, Hull and Sheffield or are they too “fragile” to attend these state educated universities?

My ideological stance is intended to lead to a more meritocratic Britain. What is yours intended to do?

Absolutely she does. I don't think there's anything wrong though with DC choosing a uni based on whether they think they will fit in / meet a diversity of people, or at least taking that into account. It's normal to worry about this stuff imo, if you feel it has a bearing on whether you will be happy somewhere. There are enough good unis in the UK to apply all sorts of criteria when choosing.