Current Oxford/Cambridge students support/chat continued

[Panicmode1]

New thread.....!

@HoneyMobster congratulations to your DD on her exhibition. That's great news and how lovely that both your DCs are in a show together! Hope you get to watch the performance if parents ever attend these things. Enjoy DS1's formal and hope your DH has a brilliant birthday.

Have a great visit to your DS for his birthday too, @beeswain!

DS1 (C) is still waiting....five months and counting....for any of his degree to be marked. This makes it particularly strange hearing about other people's DCs at Oxbridge when there still hasn't been 'closure' for DS1 on his time at Cambridge, almost half a year later!

Well done to @pantjog DD.

It seems very hard to make friends at Cambridge from what I have read on here and camfess. There are a lot of very lonely people.

DD1 would chat to people, swap insta/fb/whatsapp and later ask them out for coffee/hall dinner. Nothing that would take a lot of time or money, so an easy invite to accept. She also did seek out people who did not appear to socialise at all and invite them along to things.

No one ever said no, (especially boys!) and she made a lot of friends this way, some casual that she saw out and about or met up with occasionally and some very close. She didn't arrive with a public school network, like a lot of people, just put herself out there.

Congratulations to your DC @HoneyMobster and @pantjog. These awards are such a confidence boos. My DC also appreciated the extras that come with them.
FB buns provide a great delivery service. I ordered a delivery of buns for DS’s staircase for the morning of his 21st birthday.

Congratulations to @pantjog and @HoneyMobster 's clever DC - (and happy 50th to your DH)!

Hope everyone has wonderful visits and lovely half terms, for those of us with younger DCs!

I'm sorry to hear that some of the freshers are finding it hard - I don't really have any advice. I was really worried that DS would struggle, but he met 5 or 6 people at a drinks thing before term started and they have gelled and stayed as a friendship group. (DD's bf who is at a different uni to her is finding it very tough at uni, but he's very shy - she's trying to encourage him to try new clubs in the areas of interest he has, but he doesn't want to go alone.)

I really hope that they all find a way to make friends soon....but as others have said, I'm sure that it will get easier and better as they settle in more. It's been less than a month for the O and C undergrads and they have SO much to grapple with in the early weeks....

DS 19th was celebrated in a similar way except that I made and delivered the Chelsea buns for his stair - he is only a 45 minute drive away. Not doing that this year as he'll be home for it. He is volunteering to do interview practice sessions for A Level students at his old school. Anyone else get roped into these sorts of things?

@CinnamonJellyBeans : similar experience here in that DS just got stuck in from the start and he has a social group in the Maths/ NatSci/ sport & gym orbits. The established group are now together in hall for 2nd year. He has a few contemporaries from 6th form (not public school either) at O and C but these have, as one might expect, effectively petered out on the basis of divergent interests and differing colleges/ courses. It does eventually happen for most of us. Given that I missed fresher's week entirely (1973 Yom Kippur war to blame but that's another story) and spent my first two terms in digs it could have been deadly on the social front but I eventually moved into a student flat and matters improved thereafter.

I had the pleasure of helping out at a C College first year hall bike marking session last week with the local CamCycle group. It was so lovely to see new undergraduates sorting themselves out after a few weeks at College - they change quickly. I stayed out of DS' way as we tend to keep it to 1 or, at most 2, visits a term.

Sorry to hear about any DC having a wobbly time but it's spectacularly early days in terms of feeling settled with friends. Lots of freshers seem to look back on freshers' week and the early days and say how much they disliked them - ones who end up loving their years at Oxford/ Cambridge. I've heard it multiple times.

The extras such as money and a few decent meals with good wine are certainly welcome. DD4's college bought her a scholar's gown too. But tbh for some there is an element of additional pressure when it comes to Finals. So not absolutely a one way street I don't think.

I'm due to spend a couple of nights in Oxford early next week to see DS4 (just back from a conference in Lyon) and DD4. En route to visit DS2 who is on secondment in Zurich. DD1 also coming to Zurich with me.

Congratulations to those scholars, happy formals/visits to those lucky enough to be seeing their students. To those worrying about making friends, I agree with the comments above. DDs strongest friendships have come from people on her course and who share her interests. Oxbridge does seem to be a lot more sane in that people don't have to arrive, immediately make friends so they can start house-hunting for their 2nd year, which happens a lot elsewhere.

Enjoy the travels @goodbyestranger . I am massively jet-lagged - it is 5.23 am in Seattle but I am wide awake. I have booked DH a seaplane lesson in a few hours so we're trying to decide what to do first. We seem to be in a place with no fast food or food shopping nearby, so that needs to be taken into account. Hope everyone enjoys their week!

@Malbecfan

Oxbridge does seem to be a lot more sane in that people don't have to arrive, immediately make friends so they can start house-hunting for their 2nd year, which happens a lot elsewhere.

Unfortunately at Teddy Hall, they do!

DD2 went to Teddy Hall and had to do this. Six of them shared a house - three boys three girls - all still the very closest of friends. I think DD2 was extremely lucky.

I agree with previous posters that it's early days in terms of establishing friendships. Also worth considering that a lot of clubs and societies welcome new members at any time, not just at the start of the academic year.

DS is very introverted, but found friends in less conventional ways, including people who shared his interest in visiting museums at weekends, and people who regularly had meals in college and liked talking about maths (he opted to share a staircase with the latter group in third year).

It really is early days re making friends. I am sure it will happen as term evolves.

DD was incredibly lucky and found her closest Oxford friend across the corridor in college on day 1. Her other friends arose later on from her course and sports squad.

DS’s closest friendship group was largely derived from an allocated Covid “bubble”. The group has changed a little bit over the three years as you might expect but it gave DS a core group with whom to do things in the first year. He also made friends via his course and sports squad. Although now graduated and working in London, DS regularly meets up with his Cambridge friends - often in Cambridge as most are in longer courses.

We'll be in Ely next weekend and the plan is for DS to get the train from Cambridge to meet us for lunch and a wander around the market.

I'm going to visit DD on Wednesday. She has a 9am lecture but my train doesn't get in until 11am so that's fine. We're going to have lunch, do some shopping (she asked if I'd take her to Sainsburys!) and then have tea with a couple of her friends before I head home. Her college is the far side of Cambridge from the station - does anyone know how easy it is to hire an ebike at the station? That would make a big difference in getting to her college quickly, and avoid a taxi or a possibly very slow bus. There seems to be a bike scheme in Cambridge but when I download the app it says it's out of range.

I'm really excited to see her; she seems to be having a good time but I can tell she's tired and is starting to get anxious about falling behind. One component of her course that is compulsory in her first year was always going to be challenging for her, and while she seems to be loving the rest of it, this predictably is proving hard for her. And while she does seem to have made lots of friends, I know she's fretting slightly that they are all smarter than she is and that they aren't her soulmates. I suspect that isn't the case (at least on the first point - who knows about the second!), but she was lucky to have a very close group of friends at school and it will inevitably take some adjusting to get used to a new group of people.

@Ironoaks enjoy your time in Ely and lunch with your DS

@Clemenc0 DD went to her old school the day before she went up to C to help with the Oxbridge hopefuls.

on the Freshers friends front: DD hasn’t got friends from her corridor as they are refurbishing half of it (sadly not the horrible kitchen!) and so it is only partly occupied and no other first years. She has made friends through poetry society, Taylor Swift society, swaps and CUADC. She seems to have two main friends in college and rest at the moment are more ‘nice to know them’ and seeing how things develop. They had first read through of the script for a production taking place mid-November where she has a part. She went to an event at Jesus and it was nice to see a face from the ADC she at least knew even if she didn’t know them well.

@PepeLePew have a great time visiting, it
Sounds like you've timed it perfectly.

I could have written your post about my DS, it seems that several of them are feeling the strain of work, friendships and just general taking care of everything themselves. I also wonder if the constant events of the first few weeks are taking their toll in terms of tiredness, particularly for those who have to really push themselves out of their comfort zone for socials etc. P
erhaps our DC may be doing the same course, he also has a compulsory element which he finds very challenging because he's playing catch up to those who studied it to a level.

At last, DS1 (C) has had his degree results today, almost 5 months since he sat his last exam! He got a very good 2:1 and is really pleased. I wish he could now have a proper, real Graduation ceremony at Senate House but nevertheless, we'll be celebrating ourselves. I'm very proud of him!

Wonderful news @mutterphore - congrats to your DS..sorry you don't get to have a Senate House finish but enjoy celebrating.

@mutterphore Congratulations to your DS - what a long wait but he must be delighted. Enjoy your celebration as a family...

How lovely @mutterphore Congratulations to DS1.

mutterphore absolutely fantastic news - well done DS1. So pleased.

Very good news @mutterphore - what a wait though. At least your DS can now concentrate on the next stage. How are the applications going?

That's fantastic @mutterphore!

@mutterphore that is fantastic news, congratulations to your DS!

On the friends front, I think dd is trying to keep on top of her work, so doesn’t have a lot of time to do intense socialising (like I did many decades ago at uni) but hopefully friendships will settle naturally, through the course and sports/clubs. As an aside, and it may be too early to say, but she is (surprisingly) actually finding the harder Maths B ok so far.

She did a charity bake for the Taylor Swift club last weekend, she enjoys baking and feeding people, and was really excited planning and shopping for various bits of the bake. However, when she turned up at the bake sale, it was really quiet and not well attended, so I think she felt a bit flat after that. Then she went to brunch by herself after Saturday morning lectures and joined a group of freshers already sat down in the dining hall but they were not very friendly and wasn’t really making conversation with her (but apparently they were talking to each other once she left), so she thought that was quite rude.

Anyway, I said that many freshers will be in similar position as her, and she just has to keep inviting people for coffee, asking people etc.. and not be put off, most people will be very happy to, as she has found already going for brunch/ ice cream/coffee/Aldi etc..

@mutterphore Congratulations! What a relief, although a good, solid result could never have been in any doubt after all his hard work.

Does this mean my DD is the only one left without finalised finals?