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Higher education

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Original poster

Paying your adult child's rent: do you ask for the money back?

40 replies

reqw · 02/05/2023 22:49

We have two daughters. One studied medicine over 6 years, we funded accommodation all the way through. This is because she lived in a cheap northern city.

The other is going to be a lawyer. She's studying towards the LPC which finishes in June. She starts work in August.

She gets a small stipend, but because of the cost of living she has run out of money and savings this year. She had to do it in London. She asked us to pay for her rent for the last months (will be around 8 months). With bills and food this will be about 7k. Should we make her pay us back?

She has already had a lot more money than dd1 because she studied in an expensive city. We are comfortably off, but 7k would have paid for works around the house.

OP posts:
ily0xx · 02/05/2023 22:52

We are comfortably off, but 7k would have paid for works around the house.

Ummmm you’re going to force your daughter to be in debt to you so you can renovate your house?

Wishitsnows · 02/05/2023 22:53

No, why wouldn’t you want to help her. You would not have had these costs if you went to uni.

TomeTome · 02/05/2023 22:57

Just tell her she can pay it back over a few years once she’s earning.

Nimbostratus100 · 02/05/2023 23:04

I would discuss it with her and decide between you what is fair. My immediate reaction is I would pay it because it is part of her education? But it is a lot for a long time, and could she get a saturday job? I dont know the exact ins and outs.

It might be that you pay rent, and lend money for food? It doesn't have to be all or nothing, does it?

determinedtomakethiswork · 02/05/2023 23:18

I would say to her that I would pay for it, but call it quits then. You have two amazing daughters with fantastic careers ahead of them. I wouldn't let them have another penny after August!

fortyfifty · 03/05/2023 10:33

I would not so long as you can afford it and the house renovations put on hold won't mean greater costs for you later if you delay them.

It could foster resentment between your dd's later on. As another poster said, it's part of funding her education. Once she's working, both your dd's will be well placed to support themselves in life. Hopefully they will appreciate your generosity.

Xenia · 03/05/2023 22:41

I think it is fair to pay it as her sibling did a very long medicine course and because she is doing something sensible (like law). however make it all clear to her eg all my children know in advance what is paid for and when and when it stops (I have two who did the LPC last year but lived here at home so no rent issues)

Britinme · 03/05/2023 22:42

I think she is likely to think it very unfair that her sibling had rent paid all the way through and she is only asking for a few months. I know London is expensive, but how much did your other DC's rent cost over a six year period?

SeasonFinale · 04/05/2023 09:21

If you want to set yourself up for a lifetime kf resentment that you funded DD1 all the way through and aren't prepared to do the same for 2 that's the quickest way. Potentially also harmful to the sibling relationship where DD1 will be perceived as the golden child.

TizerorFizz · 04/05/2023 10:50

DD qualified in law after a 4 year non law degree. Six years in total with no real income at all. GDL and BPTC in London. We paid. We even agreed to help out if her earnings dipped as she’s self employed. Other DD has had similar monies spent. Do not build up resentment. You obviously are not as well off as you think if you want money back!!

Skybluepinky · 04/05/2023 11:25

Sounds like u have a favourite child!

SueVineer · 04/05/2023 11:29

why on earth would you expect your child in full time education to pay you back for your parental contribution?

littleripper · 04/05/2023 11:30

It's usual to get a loan to cover these costs

Comefromaway · 04/05/2023 12:01

My dd studied in London on a course that wasn't eligible for normal student finance.

We paid an amount equivalent to what we would be paying as a top up had she been on a degree course in London with normal student finance. This covered her rent. Everything else she had to get a part time job to fund. She has not had to pay us back.

However we also had to pay her course fees. For this we took out a loan (we had money set aside for house improvements and used that so took out the house improvement loan instead) and we said she had to pay that back to us at an equivalent rate that she would pay had she had a Student Loan

Comefromaway · 04/05/2023 12:03

Is the LPC a postgraduate qualification eg, have you also funded your dd through a first degree as well? If so

TizerorFizz · 04/05/2023 18:35

LPC should be sponsored. DD did BPTC and that was £18,000. She got scholarships. I just think that legal training is as long as a doctor!

wildfirewonder · 04/05/2023 18:41

because of the cost of living she has run out of money and savings this year How much additional expenditure did the CoL add? £7k seems a high increase. My own household budget has not increased by £7k.

What was the plan at the start of the year - when she undertook the course?

I think you should sub her the additional CoL amount but I am not sure that £7k sounds like it can all be attributed to CoL?

shivawn · 04/05/2023 18:54

We'll pay accommodation costs in college, been saving for it since birth so no I wouldn't be expecting it paid back, that's a big debt to be starting adult life with. However, your other daughter had to cover her own expenses so it sounds like an awkward situation.

shivawn · 04/05/2023 18:56

shivawn · 04/05/2023 18:54

We'll pay accommodation costs in college, been saving for it since birth so no I wouldn't be expecting it paid back, that's a big debt to be starting adult life with. However, your other daughter had to cover her own expenses so it sounds like an awkward situation.

Oh wait, I just reread your OP, you covered all accommodation costs for your first daughter with no expectations on her to pay it back?

Original poster
reqw · 04/05/2023 18:58

Correct, but dd1’s rent was 400 a month vs 900 in London

OP posts:
wildfirewonder · 04/05/2023 18:59

reqw · 04/05/2023 18:58

Correct, but dd1’s rent was 400 a month vs 900 in London

What was the total amount spent on each child, adjusted for inflation?

QuintanaRoo · 04/05/2023 19:06

There’s no way I’d ask for it back. I’m about to fund Dd through her Part 2 Masters Architecture. So another 3 years (I think) of studying! It’s going to cost me a fortune but I won’t be asking for anything back.

Puravida23 · 04/05/2023 19:06

To be honest with my adult children I work off a living inheritance. I fully believe we are the lucky generation and our childrens generation have it so much harder with house prices , rents etc and general living.
So in this case I would absolutely pay for the rent why wouldn’t you if you can afford it . It’s not like she is blowing it on partying in Ibiza .
Also you never know what the future holds and you may need to pull in some brownie points yourself in later life!

Tiredandknackered · 04/05/2023 19:10

Puravida23 · 04/05/2023 19:06

To be honest with my adult children I work off a living inheritance. I fully believe we are the lucky generation and our childrens generation have it so much harder with house prices , rents etc and general living.
So in this case I would absolutely pay for the rent why wouldn’t you if you can afford it . It’s not like she is blowing it on partying in Ibiza .
Also you never know what the future holds and you may need to pull in some brownie points yourself in later life!

This !

Stillcountingbeans · 04/05/2023 21:16

wildfirewonder · 04/05/2023 18:59

What was the total amount spent on each child, adjusted for inflation?

Show quote history

This is what you need to work out.
You have to be scrupulously fair, taking into account not just the total amount spent over the whole length of each course, but also inflation/COL if the first daughter did her course a few years ago.
You can google inflation rates and may even find a website that will do the calculation.

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