Life skills

[bodiddly]

Looking ahead to September and my teenager is likely, grades permitting, to head off to university. What life skills do you think an 18 year old should have - looking for the obvious such as cooking etc and budgeting and maybe some less usual?

True, stop cocks etc are important -
I've needed those a few times when I've been in a bind. Reading meters as well!

Travel planning - how to book a train / coach to get home or visit mates . Include booking in advance for cheaper deals and getting a railcard if relevant.

If he applies for dsa and gets a mentor they can help with some of the things he will struggle with, like writing emails to tutors etc.

I'm not sure he would be applicable for dsa but I will look into it. I will definitely encourage him to get additional support from the disability office - even if it is like now for sitting exams separately so he can stop and start and move around.

His travel planning skills aren't too bad as he has been to all his open days alone but we can hone them. He can get by at most things and is pretty independent as I've been very unwell for the last 6 years so has had to cope although I've been at the other end of the phone when not there and have helped him organise things and himself to date.

I've come across numerous adults who still need this skill.

My 29 year old sister called me this week for the exact water issue you describe. 😂

You do get dsa for adhd.
It's worth looking into- there can be lots of things that are helpful - software, equipment, mentoring, study skills.

And yes - an automatic extension (well, it varies but at my uni you put the module code into an online form and don't have to email the lecturer) that might be a week or two.
It's still worth treating the original deadline as the deadline, but it helps in a pinch.

@bodiddly This may sound daft - but so many adults seem to be unable to have this skill these days - but is he ‘water smart’? Ie could he tread water, fully clothed if he fell/was pushed into deep water. ?Can he swim/right himself/not panic/get himself out of water in an emergency?

Will definitely look into dsa in that case. Thank you.

Using their initiative when it comes to studying and writing essays. Time management, meeting deadlines, checking emails etc. University is a HUGE leap compared to school.

Definitely good advice upthread about contacting the disability office.

Definitely going to be a massive learning curve with emails, deadlines,
Keeping on top of his timetable etc. as he needs help now. I need to try and find some tried and tested techniques to help him with this.

DS went in September. Biggest learning curve - make sure your alarm wakes you as mum not there as a backup 🤣

Can't even get him to set one at the moment!

food shopping

Yes. I live in a university town, and at the beginning of each academic year I see young people wandering vaguely round the supermarkets in groups of two or three. It's a good idea to learn how supermarkets are laid out - fruit and veg are normally near the entrance, for example - and what things are near each other.

Also, if in privately rented accommodation, what day are the bin collections, how should you separate rubbish for recycling, where do you put it for collection - information found on local council website. (Having seen the bins at the student house along the road overflowing with pizza boxes because no-one has bothered to put them out for collection.)

You may want to suggest a few things, but he needs to be able to do this for himself.

He will be given learning support from the University- encourage him to access this support and develop strategies that work for him.

Absolutely. I've taken a step back for
Sixth form, partly through necessity
On my part and partly because he needs to find his own way.

My son was shocked when he went to uni and he saw someone put something metallic in the microwave and almost switch it on.

What to do if your white laundry isn't white any more

How to clean a toilet (my kids had en-suites)

How to clean a bathroom

TikTok is good for How To videos. My dd had to look up how to get rid of turmeric stains because they stained the worktop when making a curry.

PeekAtYou did you find the en suites worthwhile? We need to
Sort accommodation choices in the next few months as well! Soooo many questions.

Learning to be more self reliant, which means as a parent stepping back and trying to get them to do more for themselves in general. Getting them shopping, looking at use by dates, doing things without being asked like noticing the bin is full and emptying it, changing bedding, doing laundry, cleaning the kitchen, bathroom, fridge - bin and fridge is a big deal in DCs uni accommodation as they have had some horrors due to people not clearing out their uneaten food for months or leaving bins so long they have had maggots.

Sounds grim. Luckily ds is fairly domesticated and self reliant with these things at the moment as I'm not up to a lot of it and he has had to fend for himself. It probably needs fine tuning but he does know the basics. He cleared the fridge out this weekend before our food shop came!

Never try to mend the electric light in the shower yourself! like my ds did

How to complain. Often comes up over student accommodation.

I think an important skill for students is being "scam aware". If your DS got an e-mail purportedly from Student Finance asking him to click on a link to confirm his details, would it occur to him that it was a scam? Ditto if he got a call from his "bank" telling him he urgently needed to move his money into another account to protect it from fraud? There are all too many fraudsters out there ready to take advantage of 18-year-olds just learning to navigate adult life.

How to find things out for himself. You can prepare him for all sorts of scenarios, but something unexpected will always come up - an illness on a bank holiday, a drink spilled on a tricky surface, a cancelled train, etc. Unless you want phone calls at all hours ("Mum! I know it's 2am but my carpet's covered in beer!") then IMO the most important skill to teach is the ability - and confidence - to look things up in the right place and problem-solve himself.

Food hygiene. It's shocking what students have done in my dd's 1st year flat and 2nd year house. eg Leaving left over food out on the hob and eating it two days later.

Change the narrative from 'how to cook' to 'how to feed yourself'. Some people get freaked out by cooking equating it to chef-ing. Learning how to feed yourself' is buying the right things to put together in order to make an adequate meal to feed themselves. If they have or develop a proper interest in cooking, that's great, but some 1st year flats are too small, cupboard and fridge space too limited or kitchen just too gross to enable 7 nights of the type of cooking someone might do from home.

I love the advice below of making sure they know how and where to find things out themselves.

This ^^.
Universities don't chase students for work. Missed deadlines mean that they get penalised with marks deducted. Any work that doesn't get handed in at all results in a zero mark.

The onus is completely on the student to manage their time and meet deadlines.

He needs to remember to check his emails every day. My friend's DS gave permission for the university to cc her in on all his emails due to his ADHD, so she could make sure he met his deadlines. He achieved a 2.1 with her on his case all the time.