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Higher education

Talk to other parents whose children are preparing for university on our Higher Education forum.

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Original poster

Guaranteeing DCs' rent

35 replies

1Wanda1 · 09/12/2022 10:00

I have 2 DC at university. They both need me to guarantee their rent next year. This year, one of them has managed his money badly and has needed top-ups to pay his monthly rent (on top of the money he already receives, which his rent and living costs are budgeted from). The other one has managed her money fine. They both have the same amount of money to live on each week after rent, though DD lives in a more expensive city (both outside London).

For next year I've said to them that I will guarantee the rent but only if they transfer to me from their loans and other money the rent amount, which I will then pay on their behalf and will leave them to manage their living money. They both flatly refuse and say this is unnecessary. In the case of DD, I can see her point. In the case of DS, I'm very unhappy about it as he has already shown he can't/won't budget.

If I were to be called on under either guarantee, I wouldn't have the money to pay as have no savings. So I would like the security of knowing the rent will definitely be paid and not used up ahead of time on other expenses. Most people I know had their parents pay their rent and just transfer them living money, and this is how my friends with DC at uni do it too. My DC say no one does this and it's unreasonable.

What is reasonable here?

OP posts:

choirmumoftwo · 09/12/2022 10:28

Do their loans cover rent and some living expenses, then you top up? In our case, both DC got minimum loans which they lived on and we paid the rent direct.
I think they need to understand that if they want your support they need to compromise. Rent must be a priority, as it will be when they're independent adults so must be the first bill paid. Is it paid termly? If not, I'd investigate this as it means they know exactly how much money they have left. Also, you don't have to treat them the same. One has shown you they can be responsible so I'd concentrate on the other one. Being fair doesn't necessarily mean treating them in exactly the same way.

mondaytosunday · 09/12/2022 10:39

I agree with @choirmumoftwo. My parents paid my rent direct and I managed my day to day expenses. I had to get a job to supplement if I wanted to do extra things.
Your kids are individuals treat them individually.

PAFMO · 09/12/2022 10:54

When you say "guarantee" do you mean act as an official guarantor for your child's (and "joint and several" which most student rentals are) rent, or just as a personal agreement between you and the kids?
If the former, and you've been asked by the landlord, they won't get a contract without a guarantor, if the latter, then, as above pp, treat them separately as you see fit.

PeekAtYou · 09/12/2022 10:55

I would say the same to my son.
Your dd has managed things this year so deserves being trusted to do this next year too.

Topseyt123 · 09/12/2022 11:00

Why are you asking your DD to transfer her money to you? She has managed her money well and doesn't need to do this.

It's is your DS you need to be going after. Tell him that due to his poor track record you will only agree to act as his guarantor if he agrees to the transfer. Otherwise, just no!

Blenheimprincess · 09/12/2022 11:05

for our children we have asked that they give us all their maintenance loans which are lowish as we have a high income and then we pay all their rent and we gave them a £120 a week allowance. So this year for example one of our children gets a maintenance loan of £4.5k, gives it to us, we then pay £11k in rent and pay her £500 a month (so another £6k). So our costs are £17k, reduced by £4.5k by her maintenance loan.

We have always guaranteed their rent but because of the above never had to pay it.

Original poster

1Wanda1 · 09/12/2022 11:07

I'm acting as guarantor for each of them in respect of their share of the rent for the year (not joint and several).

The flows of money are a complicated by the fact that they get money from loan, money from their dad, and money from us. These sums all hit their accounts at different times. DS's rent is monthly, DD's is quarterly. There's no prospect of me reaching any agreement with their dad about combining our contributions in a way which would be more helpful to allocate lump sums to rent, so it comes down to the kids having to organise the money into rent/living pots themselves, or agreeing to transfer an amount equal to the rent to me.

Due to the timing of rent payments, I will actually have to pay out before they receive loan or dad money anyway.

OP posts:

SandyIrvine · 09/12/2022 11:33

Would they agree to transfer the difference between what you give them and their rent. You then pay the rent so you are not left vulnerable financially.

I'd hope my DC would be more understanding of family circumstances and what guaranteeing could leave you open to. It's no good quoting what others do as family finances differ.

Londono · 09/12/2022 11:48

He doesn't have to hand his money over to you but you also do not have to act as a guarantor. I wouldn't if I felt my DC was reckless with the money. I think you can make a separate arrangement for DD.

Original poster

1Wanda1 · 09/12/2022 13:18

I sort of do have to act as his guarantor. As there is no one else who can do it and any student landlord requires a guarantor. Halls is not an option for year 3 so if I don't guarantee his rent, he's homeless and would have to drop out

OP posts:

thinkfast · 09/12/2022 13:26

Many universities will allow students to have university accommodation in year 3. It's just most year 3s wouldn't want to do it as they would be surrounded by freshers instead of their friends.

It sounds like your DD can be trusted to budget so, if I were you I'd agree to continue in the same way.

Your DS has shown you that he cannot budget. So either his dad will need to act as guarantor, or if he wants you to act as guarantor, it will have to be on your terms. The reason he doesn't want to do it on your terms, is that the arrangement where you bail him out when he's overspent suits him better.

Original poster

1Wanda1 · 09/12/2022 13:32

His dad can't be guarantor as doesn't have stable employment and the LL requires evidence of regular income.

He can't go back in halls at his uni.

OP posts:

PutThatDownNow · 09/12/2022 13:49

Could you change the point at which you send contributions to line up with the timing of the money their dad sends? Realise that depends on how regular his contributions are, but may help them manage a bit more easily.

manuniparent · 09/12/2022 13:53

So he won't give you his loan money. How much do you give him in additional funds? Could you say that you will not be giving him any additional funds until he pays his rent for that period or you will be withholding it? I would not accept 'I won't do that' from my DC, they don't tell me what to do. Call his bluff, he won't want to drop out either. Just say 'no' and go quiet and see what he does. You are holding all the cards here!

You might also want to consider taking out guarantor insurance, it's approx £100 for the year.

Comefromaway · 09/12/2022 14:02

You've posted before haven't you?

Basically he has two choices. Being a guarantor is a legal agreement and your ds has already shown that he is not responsible enough to manage his perfectly adequate amount of money to live on to ensure that his rent is paid on time.

So he either agrees to it, or he has to find another way such as paying a rent guarantee company (a friend of ds may have to do that as his single mother only works part time).

You might also want to consider taking out guarantor insurance, it's approx £100 for the year.

Guarantor insurance does not cover the child not paying the rent. It guarantees the other tenants not paying their rent if the tenancy is joint and several. OP may only be guaranteeing her ds's share of the rent, but unless there is specific legal wording if the tenancy is joint and several her ds is liable for it all although in the event of a default they can take legal action against the other tenants.

londonmummy1966 · 09/12/2022 14:06

I'm with PPs on this one that you might consider a different arrangement for your DD. However my reply to a childs flat refusal to a not unreasonable request to hand over the rent element of the loan would be a flat refusal to act as guarantor on the grounds that those asking for favours don't get to dictate the terms.

Malbecfan · 09/12/2022 14:20

I don't see why your DD should be treated as a child because your DS isn't good with money. I guarantee both my DDs' rents but so far, I haven't paid a penny because they are both sensible with money. DD2 is more likely to mess up, and her failure to read her award letter from SLC meant that she was in tears on the phone asking for money earlier this term BUT she had already paid her termly rent. She hadn't appreciated that DH getting a well-paid job 2 years ago would impact the amount of loan she received. We haven't bailed her out; we are simply paying the top-up amounts due and she is managing fine again now.

She uses a Monzo account. She gets her money from us/SLC into her normal bank account and deducts the amount of her rent. She then divides the balance by the number of weeks it has to last and transfers that amount weekly onto her Monzo card/app. This was all organised without any help or input from us.

Could you offer a half-way option? Keep your DD going as she is now, but organise a budget or spreadsheet with your DS. Make it clear that failure to adhere to this next term will mean you taking it over. Get him to look into the budgeting apps or read MSE. Any bailouts given will have to be repaid over the summer.

Original poster

1Wanda1 · 09/12/2022 20:05

I'm actually fine with letting DD get on with it as she has this last year. She has a Monzo account and puts her money in pots for rent, living, etc.

DS I am not comfortable about. He said he was going to get a job this term, but hasn't got one despite saying he's applied for loads. I can see how many part time retail and hospitality jobs are advertised in his area and it seems surprising to me that someone with his very pleasant personality and work experience could not have got a job if they really wanted one.

Without a job he is almost certainly going to overspend again next year.

OP posts:

Original poster

1Wanda1 · 09/12/2022 20:09

PutThatDownNow · 09/12/2022 13:49

This won't work because both DC have to pay their rent deposits and first rent instalment in June, but their dad won't give them money till mid-Sept when they actually go back to uni. So I have to front the money for the deposit and first month rent well before any loan or other money reached them.

OP posts:

Purplecatshopaholic · 09/12/2022 20:19

Given you can’t trust your son to manage his money then you either refuse to be his guarantor, or he does what you suggest re his money and his rent. If he defaults on the rent the guarantor has to pay it, and you say you have no savings, so you need to take a tough stance - sounds like you can be more flexible with your daughter. For goodness sake don’t put yourself in a vulnerable position being on the hook for your sons rent!

Brokendaughter · 09/12/2022 20:40

If you aren't comfortable guaranteeing your sons rent, then tell him he either pays the rent to you in advance when he gets the money or you won't be the guarantor.
Alternatively, depending on how much you contribute, you can withhold the total amount of the rent, or withhold what you would have given him & insist he gives you the shortfall.

My parents fell for the whole 'I'm not a baby' rubbish with my brother when he first showed signs he couldn't manage money.
They ended up buying a house near the uni for him to live in after he spent all the money & didn't pay any rent where he was, so they had to pay that again.

He also ran up every credit card a student could get then hid from the issues & it cost them thousands to sort it out, as well as a lot of time.

He was supposed to let out the other rooms to students to cover the mortgage, but 'never got round to it' so my parents were then saddled with an extra mortgage they hadn't wanted & some times had a difficult time paying on top of everything else.

He also spent most of his time there magically unable to get a job, or when he did get one, leaving because he thought they treated him badly (i.e. like an employee, not the special treasure who deserves promotion after a week he still thinks he is).
He was popular at uni, because he spent the money buying rounds etc...

My parents never did get him out of that stupid student house.
He still lives in it & his oldest child is now uni age herself.

Some people are DREADFUL with money.
My parents level of help made my brother worse if anything, because he got to escape most of the consequences of what he had done.

Your daughter has proved she can manage her money.
She does not deserve to be treated the same way.

alwayslearning789 · 09/12/2022 20:51

Could the Dad be the guarantor for your son and you be the guarantor for your daughter?

I may have missed your explanation elsewhere but why do you have to be guarantor for both children if he is also involved in financing them?

Comefromaway · 10/12/2022 01:49

OP says the Dad didn’t pass the guarantor checks.

user1487194234 · 10/12/2022 02:11

We give our DC £1100 a month to cover rent and living expenses
No loan
I don’t like the idea of paying their rent direct,but they have always managed their money ok

stevalnamechanger · 10/12/2022 03:14

I would refuse be guarantor it unless they transfer , simple as

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