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Higher education

Talk to other parents whose children are preparing for university on our Higher Education forum.

Original poster

Living at home for University

66 replies

Moonlight75 · 26/09/2022 08:21

We live in London so DC could go to uni in London and still live at home.

Has anyone done that? Do they miss out of the full university/moving out experience?

It will be out to them but just wondering as they are going to get in a big debt if moving out

OP posts:
gordonsq · 28/09/2022 10:48

Parents also keep seeing loans as debt. They seem to think they are the same as a bank loan or mortgage. This view still limits some DC.

Don't forget that many families also don't want the current student finance system because it is not Sharia-compliant and there is not yet a good alternative: commonslibrary.parliament.uk/sharia-compliant-alternative-student-finance/

TizerorFizz · 28/09/2022 10:59

I’m afraid people have to accept what’s on offer. Any alternative is difficult. However wanting an alternative system is not a good reason to turn down widening education. It’s just another way to limit ambition in some communities.

gordonsq · 28/09/2022 14:08

I’m afraid people have to accept what’s on offer

That comes across a bit patronising TigerorFizz, so hopefully that wasn't your intention. But of course in fact they're often not accepting it. They're living at home and/or funding uni by other means, and/or making their voices heard to elected representatives, as is their right, and making the case for an alternative.

SparkyBlue · 28/09/2022 14:45

@MarchingFrogs no idea about student loans as I'm not in the UK but as I've said that attitude seems common enough. If parents don't have the money to finance it then they don't have the money. It's that simple

TizerorFizz · 28/09/2022 16:54

@gordonsq
No. Don’t mean to be patronising but we don’t have an alternative system. For everyone it’s get a loan or pay. No one is excluded from getting a loan. There is only self exclusion.

MarchingFrogs · 28/09/2022 17:50

SparkyBlue · 28/09/2022 14:45

@MarchingFrogs no idea about student loans as I'm not in the UK but as I've said that attitude seems common enough. If parents don't have the money to finance it then they don't have the money. It's that simple

Ah, I didn't realise that you were not here - is your SIL also not in the UK?

As @TizerorFizz says, here (slightly differently organised in each of the four home nations), there is a system in place to provide finance for those undertaking their first degree at a given level (and for a second degree, where certain subjects are to be studied). There really isn't any need for parents to make the decision many years in advance, that their DC shall not attend university if it would be of benefit to them when the time comes.

SparkyBlue · 28/09/2022 18:28

@MarchingFrogs we are all in Ireland and there is still a maintenance grant system here (not sure if it still exists in the UK) but I definitely know of a lot of people who have told their DC that third level needs to happen in the city where they live. However there is a housing crisis going in right now and rentals are next to impossible to get so that's also a real issue right now. I personally know two people who have bought their children cars (very nice ones as well) this summer to drive to university/college as a sweetener to stay nearer home. This is all totally cost related and not anything to do with controlling their young adult children before anyone accused them of that. Also most people will need a masters these days so I think people are thinking long term financially

BooksAndHooks · 28/09/2022 18:31

I think that’s what ours will do, we cannot afford to pay their living costs and they wouldn’t get the full maintenance funds.

TizerorFizz · 28/09/2022 18:57

Why would you assume that now? Parents have always been asked to make a contribution. Even in the days of grants and awards. Few got full award for maintenance. Most families with working parents made a contribution. It’s only recently that parents seem to think they shouldn’t. Also if you know DC might want to go, talk to them about them working and maybe you saving up. It’s a much better investment to go to RG and the very best universities. I would not make any decision whilst DC are still young.

ILikeTheOrangeAndILikeTheIgloo · 28/09/2022 19:03

I am not sure parents have always made a contribution. And if so I think the threshold must have been higher. Certainly among my friends from home, I don’t think any parents contributed. Friends a few years older than me got housing benefit during the uni vacations. But far fewer people went to uni/poly/art college.

etulosba · 28/09/2022 19:09

My experience is limited to one particular university, but it is extremely common for students with a south Asian background to live at home, not so much for everybody else. Generally, students with a longish commute are definitely at a disadvantage, although I have had a couple of notable exceptions

etulosba · 28/09/2022 19:13

I am not sure parents have always made a contribution.

Grants were means tested. Very few people got a full grant. Parents were expected to make up the shortfall. Most, but not all, did.

MarchingFrogs · 28/09/2022 20:39

etulosba · 28/09/2022 19:13

I am not sure parents have always made a contribution.

Grants were means tested. Very few people got a full grant. Parents were expected to make up the shortfall. Most, but not all, did.

I went to university as a recently married woman in the age of grants - in my first year, my grant was based on my own salary for the relevant tax year, but for second and third year, DH's salary was taken into account and I received a lower contribution from the ILEA. I had previously trained as a nurse (we were paid then - technically, received a training allowance, I think, but still paid tax and NI), so was able to help prevent Abbey National from requiring its flat back, so to speak, by working the odd night shift during termtime and all through most university vacations. But in theory, DH was meant to make up the shortfall in the grant, as my mum would have been, had I gone to university straight from school instead.

Puffalicious · 28/09/2022 20:53

DS1 started at Glasgow University 2 weeks ago. We live in Glasgow and he's a 20/30 min commute/ cycle. He swithered with moving out to Edinburgh (St A's too, but it's too small for him, he's a city boy) but he himself made the decision to stay home. As PP have said, it's common here and many of his friends are home too.

He's having a blast: he's in so many societies and has been clubbing loads. He'll probably move out next year to a flat with friends.

I think more and more young people will do this as the years go on. He was lucky as we have 4 universities and his course at Glasgow Uni (maths) is actually higher in the league tables than Edinburgh.

TizerorFizz · 29/09/2022 09:03

There are big incentives to stay at home in a city where there is a great uni for your course and also staying in Scotland. In the Highlands you still only take a loan for maintenance, but of course are still at a financial disadvantage when compared to a Glasgow resident. Cities give students options. People with no transport cannot live at home. Also some halls in London are a 20 minute commute from university.

Lampzade · 01/10/2022 19:36

My former neighbour’s son was at LSE.
He moved into halls for the first year ( despite living in Greater London) and the went back home for the second/ third year.
My dd’s didn’t apply for any of the London universities because they wanted to live away from home.

user1487194234 · 02/10/2022 09:44

Ours wanted to go away and we wee happy to support that
We fund them and they did /do not have loans
Would have been disappointed if they had wanted to stay at home,it is definitely not the same experience
All of ours had /are having a great time

TizerorFizz · 02/10/2022 09:52

@user1487194234
Few people these days have upwards of £100,000 available for 2 Dc not to have loans.

Survey99 · 02/10/2022 10:53

Ds is commuting, his choice and his decisions were considered and mature. I am far for disappointed and he is having a fantastic "uni experience" so far (apart from freshers flu!). There is little of value he is missing out on not being in halls, and having slept overnight in them a couple of times he is happy with his choice.

It is very narrow minded to believe there is only one positive "uni experience" to be had, and halls can also be a miserable existence for many.

Puffalicious · 02/10/2022 11:37

Survey99 · 02/10/2022 10:53

Ds is commuting, his choice and his decisions were considered and mature. I am far for disappointed and he is having a fantastic "uni experience" so far (apart from freshers flu!). There is little of value he is missing out on not being in halls, and having slept overnight in them a couple of times he is happy with his choice.

It is very narrow minded to believe there is only one positive "uni experience" to be had, and halls can also be a miserable existence for many.

I totally agree. DS1 has just started and is very nearby. He's having a brilliant experience so far and very happy coming home to his room (actually 2 rooms- one has his drumkit, DJ decks, sofa and TV) at the top of the house. HE made the decision.

watcherintherye · 02/10/2022 11:54

LimitIsUp · 27/09/2022 13:27

WIns most unhelpful comment

Show quote history

I imagine what op was wondering is if that experience is so wonderful that it shouldn’t be missed, like a rite of passage. The thing with life is, the passage happens anyway, even without the rites! Depends entirely what the individual wants. You might feel you’d missed out, on the other hand you might feel like you’d dodged a bullet. I think gut instinct is important. If everyone is comfortable with whatever decision is made, then it’s the right one.

user1487194234 · 02/10/2022 12:47

Obviously it’s an individual choice
But the OP was asking if someone staying at home would have a different experience and te answer to that is clearly yes

Bouledeneige · 02/10/2022 12:59

I think you do have a better experience away from home and learn a lot more becoming more independent - managing your budget, running a household and making mistakes out of sight of parents. All part of growing up.

I'd also say the university experience is much worse in London for anyone. It's an expensive city, student accommodation is spread around peripheries (central london accommodation being reserved for overseas students), the higher proportion of foreign students all contribute to no sense of being part of a student community. I'm saying that as a Londoner with 2 DC who are or were at uni and with two close friends as Deans of curly at different london colleges.

etulosba · 02/10/2022 13:09

Deans of curly

?

TizerorFizz · 02/10/2022 13:31

Central accommodation in London is not reserved for overseas students. I don’t know why you think that.

There are financial incentives to live at home. There is also not being ready to accept cooking for yourself, paying bills, shopping, housework and generally moving on from school life and organising your own life. Where university life in halls is buoyant, a commute home isn’t always the best for maintaining friendships. However I guess that doesn’t matter if you like your own bed. And mums cooking!