University 2019/20 intake: next steps (some still students but many now graduates)

[LouisCatorze]

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It’s a flat if 4. Could be a bonus as both boys are nice. Can’t comment on the girl as she has said hello and been in her room with sister or She was planning on going for a walk and the SU . I hope she made it. She is the opposite of DD1.

Sounds a bit more hopeful then?

it is hard starting at uni, and harder for some than others, and harder in some halls than others (depending on mix of others) - hopefully she will start to find people she clicks with over time.

Icanbewhatiwant That's awful. You could see from some of the photos when DD was looking that some places where run down and somehow they charge the same amount as others - must be something to do with room sizes rather than condition. Absolutely no excuse for it to be dirty. Do you think there's any point in complaining?

Yes, DD really fell on her feet this time. Energy bills are going to be expensive flat massive, high ceilings, old sash windows. Its £650pm, which is really good for the area. They have a couple of sitting tenants (mice) but not too worried as it's very common where they are (had them in their last flat).

Benjispruce4 Hopefully you're DD will manage to settle in. It's not easy to start with finding your own feet, but it could work out. If not, she could apply to move if it doesn't feel right later on.

Rampantivy I hope your DD is settling in well.

Looks like a week of missed lectures and classes for DD. First lecture on Monday was cancelled and DD woke up feeling awful yesterday morning. She's negative but her close friend and flatmate tested positive. DD has sent photos of them head to head at parties, on a walk so no doubt she has covid.

@ifonly4 apparently they are the smallest rooms on campus. But cost the most as closely to the co op, library, launderette etc. though the launderette has been knocked down and some new buildings are going up, literally a few feet from the bedroom windows. But as long as Ds is happy I guess that's the main thing. He's doing exactly the same as ds1 by not relying to messages, he promised he wouldn't be like ds1 but I tell myself no news is good news.

Benji sorry your DD is not having either best start at NTU ... has she joined any clubs and societies yet? My DS was lucky as he got on immediately with his flat mates (6 of them) although they all seemed to make their own crowd of friends after the initial 3-4 weeks but at least they had each other to start with. I do hope she settles quickly, DS is delighted to be back for his 4th & final year.

@Benjispruce4 hoping that your DD is starting to settle. It must be difficult when they move in ahead of 'Freshers' Week' and are basically 'kicking their heels' for a few days. Possibly not helped by her not being where she'd hoped to be, university-wise.

Sorry to hear that your DD has likely come down with Covid @ifonly4 . Hope she feels better soon. Frustrating to get it so early in the start of the new academic year.

@icanbewhatiwant I always think 'no news is good news'. Maybe your DS will settle into a better communication regime once he's found his feet in his new environment?

@icanbewhatiwant, I think no news is usually good news - mine used to call if they wanted to offload! DD was much more communicative (we texted nearly every day, just low level) throughout her 4 years, DS less so with me, but lots of footy/sport texts with DH 😃

@Benjispruce4, hope your DD2 is settling - how was it for her on BHMon with everything shut and the funeral on all day?

I guess Covid/colds/Freshers flu is bound to go round them all - better to get it out of the way!

icanbewhatiwant - yes no, news is good news! We have more communication with DD when she's away, but we get everything - good and bad. Students don't expect luxury but when they're paying through the roof for accommodation, you'd expect it to be half decent.

I've been following the thread over the summer and excited to hear all the wonderful results from your DC. It's amazing to hear about them moving on. Good luck to all the DC starting in the world of work and to those carrying on with education.

DD has another year in Durham but she's been there over the summer doing a research internship in Newcastle so I've hardly seen her. She's back home on Saturday for a few days before I take her back. She's a bell ringer so she has had a few significant bell ringing gigs (are they called that?!) for the Queens funeral.

I have 2 other DC. DD finished 6th form but hasn't gone to Uni. She's reapplying next year but I have mixed feelings about her still being at home. I'm sad she's not gone away but she's galavanting about doing her own thing (working and socialising) so we often just pass in the door so I don't see much of her and I close her bedroom door on the mess!
DS started 6th form and seems to be happy and he is a delight to be around. He's a changed person and seems very organised. Long may it continue.

This thread has been such a support thank you for keeping it going @LouisCatorze

Doesn’t seem to be improving unfortunately. Society fair was today and she was planning on going . The crap flat has really left her a bit unstuck. She’s not very outgoing so it’s hard to go to things alone when others are all buddies up. Her flat and others are at uni with friends from school or their hometown which is odd or at least not what she was expecting. Will see how she feels in the next week or two but she has already mentioned a gap year and applying elsewhere for next year. We’re all a bit sad.

Sometimes rushing into a clearing choice is not a good idea.

Benji that's so disappointing... is it worth waiting for next week when lectures start? I am sure my DS also had some informal get togethers before the official lectures to meet tutors, see round the study facilities etc .. is there anything like that happening?

She had a course introduction but that’s it. No contact from uni in terms of fresher support. I don’t know if it’s because she’s in private accommodation. The fresher wristband she bought via NTU doesn’t work so she was left on her own outside venue by a bouncer and had to walk home The people she has been out with( friend of bf’s flat and one flatmates school friends, aren’t going to fresher events but just clubbing so she’s not getting to meet freshers apart from them. It’s a dreadful start. Really not rating it so far.

@Benjispruce4 sorry to hear about dd. It must be so difficult for both of you.

Oh no @Benjispruce4 that sounds very difficult.
It must be hard for her to make the decision, to stay/leave.

My friends DS started uni in 2020 and found himself in a flat on his own (others all international students) a long way from where his lectures were and no in person freshers events… he decided to leave after 3 weeks, did not have to pay for accommodation AFAIK and restarted very successfully at a different uni in 2021. So if she feels it isn’t for her, she could definitely restart next year.

Thanks both. I get a sick feeling every time I think about her. It’s so hard to know whether she should stick it out. I think it’s hard when your reference point is Durham.
DD1 is loving Clapham and has had a night in Infernos .She’s loving London life but finding work challenging at the moment as the person that trained her for the last month has gone to do masters so she’s on her own and rushed off her feet.

Infernos 🤣
I think starting a grad-level job can be a bit of a shock - DD was given an unbelievable amount of responsibility after a couple of weeks, and it has continued, but now a year in, she is taking it all in her stride.

It's so hard when you have an unhappy child away from home @Benjispruce4. I really hope that your DD finds her tribe when she starts her course. Is it possible for you to visit her?

We only left her in Saturday @RampantIvy. Her bf is going to see her today I think so will see if she’s able to help in any way. Thanks.

This must be a bittersweet time for you @Benjispruce4, with DD1 clearly living life to the full and your DD2 struggling. I hope having her b/f up there helps boost her spirits.

It is a very difficult call to decide that it's not going to work out or whether to give it a bit more time. But in a way it's positive and constructive that your DD2 is already considering alternatives.

@Benjispruce4
Hope she settles soon, and finds her tribe. Will she join some societies or not? Sometimes ones which are a bit silly can be very sociable. Little ones where she can join in and people will recognise her.

Dd1 took ages to settle. She didn't really settle until halfway through the second term-and then obviously they all were sent home for Covid, which really didn't help her. When they said they could leave due to Covid she was out the door immediately, whereas I remember trying to extend staying up for as long as possible.
What helped dd1 was in the third year getting very involved in one of the societies. I think at the start of the second year she would have said that she couldn't wait for graduation to finish it, but she was sad at the end of third year.
She always did take time to settle to anything though-even going up a year at school made her unsettled.

Thanks. Haven’t spoken properly to her since Wednesday so will catch up this weekend. The time pressure re fees doesn’t help.

There seems to be a lot more 'pause' time factored into the start of the university experience these days, with the way the accommodation contracts and Freshers' Week are set up, don't you think? That probably works well for the outgoing ones but much less so for the naturally more reserved. Can think of nothing worse than feeling excluded, isolated and just 'alone' even when surrounded by lots of young people.

I agree @LouisCatorze. There are a lot of heartbreaking posts on WIWIKAU from parents whose young people have decided that university isn't for them, and they haven't even started their studies yet. There seems to be more then ever this year.

I feel that they way university is (mis)sold as being the best years that you will ever have in your life leads to unrealistic expectations and disappointment.

Is there a link @RampantIvy ? I’m not on FB though. I’m in another thread like this for DD’s cohort and mine seems to be the only one struggling which makes it worse.