DD17 really struggling with choices

[Maltester71]

Hello

after moral support or ideas!

DD1 has just turned 17. She’s always been young for the year, but also emotionally young I’d say. Missed out on a lot due to the pandemic (year 10/11 heavily impacted) but despite this got great GCSE results (999999988). She was in a state comprehensive and always one of the brightest.

Transferred to sixth form last summer. Is predicted A*AA so again good grades. She studies history, politics and geography. In sixth form, she’s no longer one of the brightest. It’s a selective sixth form, they are all very bright! I think this has knocked her confidence a bit.

the problem is, she doesn’t have a clue what she wants to study. We suggested law and she’s spent a day with a solicitor, which she really enjoyed. She then felt certain that this was a path she was interested in.

we visited two RG universities in July, looked at Law. She liked both. However she resists any attempt to pursue this. So she says she’s ‘too busy’ and ‘overwhelmed’ and doesn’t have any interest in further work experience or short courses this summer. She ‘wants to chill.’

I know she would need to show some commitment to law on her personal statement in order to stand a chance in a RG, especially with last years cohort having deferred with TAGs. We agree on a RG university being important if she wants to pursue a career in law, really, as it seems hard to get training contracts.

I have of course suggested a year out after her A levels. I would prefer she did this, and it would give her time to get the experience for her PS. She has a job where she can pick up more hours, and she’s currently learning to drive and will have her own car. So the year off seems a good solution.

she is however ‘not sure’ she wants to have a year off. Says ‘it depends.’ When I ask ‘what it depends on?’ She replies variously (a) it depends if my friends are going away and (b) it depends if I find a university I like.

I honestly think she thinks she will just apply somewhere she fancies and they will give her a place. Even though I’ve explained this is very unlikely.

I don’t know where to go from here. She will have to go to open days and apply to UCAS in the next few months. If she applies for law, im
pretty sure she will be rejected from all 5 in the current climate. This will knock her confidence further.

She’s driving me ever so slightly to the wine!

any thoughts??

Hello again, @Maltester71 -

Hopefully this will resolve itself naturally over the coming months. I think your plan sounds good. I would only add that if your DD gains acceptance to a course she truly lacks enthusiasm for (and given her anxiety about growing up, leaving home, etc that might be a difficult call) I would see that as a reason to urge her to withdraw (perhaps in stages) and take some time to consider what she wants to do.

She sounds like a lovely person. She deserves to succeed and that will be so much easier when she is highly motivated. Best wishes

Thanks poetry

She also most certainly does not need loads of work experience in law to get onto a law degree either. It drives me crazy to see this stated time and again. Obviously once doing the degree it is important to apply for internships at the correct time to access training contracts etc but prior to uni - no.

My DS is the same age, and I have versions of the same worries. He's settled his subject (I think) but I suspect will end up putting an initial UCAS application in with only a couple of universities on it, pending deciding on others. It hasn't helped that his father has joked about one of the universities he should look at, and doesn't seem to realise that he hasn't said anything positive / acknowledging that it is indeed specifically known for this subject, in DS's actual hearing ... September open days are going to be difficult for DS to prioritise for some specific reasons. I feel he is academically ready for uni but not emotionally ready.

His older sister has just returned from a gap year overseas. PM me if you would like to hear about the school she's been working in that takes several gap students at a time.

Thanks for adding to this thread. It does honestly reassure me

She sounds very like my DC - the two years of covid disruption has really interrupted the growing up process for some kids imo - but I do also have a freind whose daughter was the sme pre-covid. Took a year out then sailed through deciding where to apply and getting a place with a bit if distance from it all.
My DC is better now we've been to look at the course they're interested in and knows they want to do it - DC is not an A grade student though - and its not an aspirational course or uni that's the favourite. We have more open days in autumn to make other choices but I think they'll get in the first choice if they gets the grades needed. I just want DC to go to uni and have a chance to grow up and be independent.

The law conversion course isn't very brutal if you are bright - you just need to be able to remember alot of stuff and regurgitate it in the exam. I've done it and was far from being an A grade student and had a 2.1 degree not a first - I never regretted doing a non law degree first. A law degree can also lead to other careers too if she decides it not for her while studying. It shows academic ability.

I'd encourage her to also look at other courses.

I found ordering a random selection of actual paper prospectus from different unis helpful. Just left them out and about. They are much easier to just flick through and see the full range of possible degrees available. With websites you have to search for specific courses which if oyu don't know that they exist is quite hard!

Thanks guys. Good ideas.

@Maltester71
My DD also did Law Conversion. 2:1 from a decent RG in an academic subject is fine. She volunteered 2 days a week in addition to the course. She’s now a barrister. As she did undergrad in MFL, she never regrets that for a moment. Law for 3 years at undergrad wasn’t her. So follow what you really like but academic requiring essays is best. DD has barrister friends who did History, Music, MFL, Classics, and no doubt others I have forgotten. Top university keeps doors open but intelligence and aptitude count for a lot. Plus memory!

There is no barrier to applying for internships on a non law degree or mini pupilages if she wants to be a barrister. No real need for work experience pre degree. One day won’t tell you much either! DD did 2 weeks as an undergrad and the solicitors told her it wasn’t a great job. Decision made: barrister. Suits her entirely!

Has your DD thought about taking a foundation course for a year in Drama or Musical Theatre. A couple of girls in my DD's school did this, one for Drama the other in Art. They then applied to uni for a deferred place in a academic subject so perhaps Law for your DD. Or apply with grades in hand giving more time to think about subject and making PS a lot easier to write.

I know girls who have worked for a year in education, Prep School and mentor in a comprehensive school, which gave them more time to consider options for uni. Another year to mature definitely helped them when they started uni. Good luck to your DD sometimes teenagers just get overwhelmed with making a 'wrong' decision but they just need to know they can change their mind.

You don't need a degree in Law to become a lawyer/barrister. It's more important that she obtains a first in whichever degree she chooses.

Like Dobby, I know several students - boys and girls - who have had an interest in Arts / Performing Arts / Dance, wanted to do 'a bit more' but not wanted at 18 to dive into a 3 year course at university / Conservatoire / Drama college.

They did foundation courses (funded) in a number of places. For some, that 'scratched that particular itch' and they went on to apply to highly academic courses elsewhere. For others, it really lit the fire that this was EXACTLY what they wanted to do, and they went on with confidence (and portfolios / performance evidence) to apply for 3 more years of the same.

what about visiting any uni cities she’s interested over the summer to get a feel for places she might like? Often unis have self guided tour info via websites, and sometimes it is possible to get a peek into different buildings.

Your daughter sounds like a bright girl but she is unsure of what to do next. I think that she might be a certain age but has not the maturity of the of her class group. Along with this her friends all seem to know what course they want to do.

I would encourage her to take a gap year and perhaps she could do say a business/ secretarial course or computer courses. Let her get her driving test as well. These skills will help her long term. She then has her exam results, has time to look into course and go to open days. I think that time would benefit her long term.

I know a girl Paula who sounds very like your daughter. Her mother could see that a gap year would benefit her because she was not just ready for college and she was not sure of what course to do. So Paula got a part time job, learned to drive and did some computer courses. She went to open days and spoke to students doing different course.
She decided what degree she wanted to do and applied for it. She got into this course and did well. She went abroad to do her master's and then did a PhD. She has a good job now.

Another friend of mine has a daughter who is artistic and good in school. She was not sure about what to do after school. She applied and got into a year long art course.
She got good results in her exams and realised that long term she did not want to go to art college. She applied for and got into a business degree. She worked PT in retail outlets when she was in college. With her degree she got into a well known retail and online shop.
She can use her artistic skills for displays, shop layouts ect and meanwhile she is getting further training towards a management role in time.

More helpful replies, thank you!

i hadn’t considered the foundation course in musical theatre. What. Great idea.

She is learning to dive at the moment and also has quite a well paid part time job that would be transferable in in demand, I feel as though she’s quite nicely set up for a gap year, to be honest.

she needs to realise that herself doesn’t she?

Drive. Not dive!