DD attending university in the same town where we live - is this a good idea?

[PaperDoves]

DD is finishing year 12 and considering where to apply next year. Her current first choice of uni is our local one - which, to be fair, is a great university, especially for her preferred course, and the city is vibrant with plenty to do and an active social scene. If we didn't already live here, I'd say it would be a perfect fit! But I'm worried that she won't have the experience of moving to a new city (although she'll still meet lots of new people) and stretching her wings.

What are your views? If she does end up choosing this one and getting a place, should we make sure she lives in halls so she can still have the student experience? Should I just be glad she'll be nearby in case she needs a hot meal or (heaven forbid) finds herself in trouble and needs help? Is it really not a big deal to not move to a new city for university, and I'm just being weird?

She may regret it later. I know my daughter did a bit even though she would never met her lovely husband if she had gone elsewhere. It does widen your horizons moving away but obviously can cost a lot more.

I am in the USA but our two eldest (ages 21 & 19) attend our local university which is very competitive and hard to get into. We are in a good sized city and they live off campus in the university district so not at home. Its significantly cheaper for them to attend this uni than to go either out of state or to an equivalent private university. Some of their friends left and went to college many states away but actually found they were bored as our city has a lot more to offer and came back to enroll locally.

I always expected my kids would go a long way away to uni but it has actually been a great option as they have their independence but do like to pop home occasionally and one of them had a personal crisis last fall and of course it was great that she was close enough to get the practical and emotional support she needed from the family. They both also found part time jobs near where they live.

In our situation it has turned out to be the best of both worlds.

I'm abroad and it's quite normal to go to local university. Tuition fees are minimal but you wouldn't get loans/help for living expenses unless family was on a really low income. Dd is not sure yet. Option to move about 30km and go into halls, or stay home and maybe do a flat share later, or stay home longer. She is planning on erasmus which is still an option here. It's nonsense that they can't become proper adults without leaving home immediately.

I went to my local uni. My home city has 3 unis and the majority of my school friends went to one of them and lived at home. The uni I went to had a relatively high proportion of students living at home, so I didn't in any way feel left out. It's worth finding out what proportion of students live at home at the uni your daughter is considering.

Until my third year I only really hung out with my school friends in evenings/weekends as I found it hard to get to know uni people so that was a definite disadvantage compared to living in halls. But by my third /fourth year tutorials were smaller and I made good friends that I am still close to 20 years later. Around half of them were also living at home.

An advantage of my situation is that loads of my school and uni friends, and my family, are still concentrated in that city now. My school friends are still my 'best' friends and maybe had we all headed off to other cities at 18 that wouldn't have been the case. And financially it meant I started my adult life free of debt and was able to travel abroad to work for a couple of years after graduation.

I then did a master's away from home so did get to experience being a student away from home in the end.

Depends on who she is tbh. I mov d far away and never came back. Realised how strangled I was.

My sister struggled and moved to the uni near our home and did much better.

My eldest is studying at our local university because it is the best institution for his course. He lives in halls. He usually comes home for Sunday lunch, but then a lot of his flatmates and course mates go home frequently at weekends so he's no different really.

It is working really well for him, it would have been silly to go elsewhere when the best course was on his doorstep.

In quite a few countries it is common to go to local university, I assume it is like the next step up from Sixth Form college. According to many posters on here I am amazed they become fully functioning adults

With rising costs I assume many more students may make this choice. Like many more students are choosing the apprenticeship route to avoid mountains of student debt. How will these young people learn to grow up and become independent?

Thankful mine stayed at home for uni means when they leave uni they will have absolutely no debt as they haven't had to pay for accommodation etc.

My friends dd moved out for one year into a student flat and the cost is approx £5000 for the one year. That times 4 years is a lot of money to have to pay back just to have the whole student experience of living away from home that some claim all students should have and that's just rent with no other living expenses on top of it.

It’s a very British thing to see living away from home as a vital part of ‘the university experience’. I grew up somewhere where this wasn’t the case and went to an (excellent and well known) university a 20 minute cycle ride from home.

I had a brilliant social life, loads of friends and generally blossomed. And it didn’t hold me back for when I did move out into a flat with friends.

@toomuchlaundry I can’t tell if you’re being serious or sarcastic when you say you’re amazed they grow up to be fully functioning adults!

DD went fairly local, just 15 miles away. She didn’t really know the city well other than for the odd shopping trip. But this uni, was a good RG one, in top two for her course, which was only done at certain unis. It’s also a great city with five universitIes so fantastic for students.

She lived in and made her life there, she works at the city hospital now and bought a house there. And she’s still only half an hour away. I rarely saw her during term time.

DS went 100 miles away and came home every weekend so he could keep his part time job as his uni town has no jobs (recession and deprived area)

I would encourage her to go where she wants but live in.

We live rurally, and it takes about one and a half hours to get to the nearest university, so staying at home wouldn't have been practical.

DD has been very happy with her choice of university a 2 hour drive away. She has made loads of friends and enjoyed a much better social life than she would have done had she stayed at home.

My husband and I both stayed at our respective homes while I was at uni and he was working. I didn't want to share a house with strangers coming in all hours of the day and night, live in a tiny uni hall room and pay a fortune for the privilege. We moved into private rented at 21 and had saved enough (by living at home) to buy our own place at 23. So we had plenty of independence.

Although broadening one's horizons is a great thing, i do envy the rare person I've met in life who is and always has been local. There's a stability there that can't be got any other way. Whether many people value that i don't know, but i respect it when i come across it.

There's no bar to going into halls now even if you are local, why not just do that.

It worked out well for my daughter. She lives a student life but in the same city. We just hardly see her. I think she will move cities to do her masters though.

I would have hated to have lived at home during my degree, and I want my kids to live out too.

Yes, you can go on nights out but a lot of our friendships were built over sitting around in the lounge, drinking endless cups of tea (or stronger) and watching crap daytime tv. You don't get that closeness if you live at home. And my flatmates from uni are still my best friends 25 years later.

It's as important to me than the degree part in all honesty. Also my uni was so far north that no one went home at weekends as it was too far. Which made for a great social life.

Appreciate that money comes into it. But I bought my flat in London the year after I graduated so it's not that living out = can't buy a flat.

I can speak from experience.

I moved away to Uni, but most of my friends were local to the uni and lived at home.

to this day… 10 years, they still live within 5k of their parents. Took years to move out and only did so when they were in long term serious relationships.

I think they missed out on the fun and never really knew how to stand on their own 2 feet until their late 20’s

If it is the best uni for the course she should go there

I don't think that there's a clear answer about whether being home or away is best, most beneficial or enjoyable. There are pros and cons both ways. Most mature adults find a change of job, moving house and away from family stressful. All three at once are challenging. A lot depends on the individual. Life and maturity are a marathon, not a sprint.
Nor do I believe that a person who is a homebody or who is happiest when living with or with easy access to people they love and are loved by is inferior or less mature to someone who isn't fussed, which is sometimes the implication.
My own were a fair distance away but some of their friends who stayed in their home city have had a proper uni experience because they have lived out from their second year, managed their own cash etc.
Friends in the past couple of years have also been concerned that their kids have lost a couple of years of 'supported' growing up during their last years of school due to covid. Limited or no work experience, socialising, relationships or first independent holidays away with friends. For some of them the transition to uni and living away from home has been very traumatic.

I think you're being weird tbh. I stayed at home for university. It meant I could afford to go out more not less.

And like your DD, I knew I'd move away for my postgrad - which I did. And I never moved back. I've worked and travelled all over the world. And am the furthest travelled member of my family and friendship group (including those who went away to university, came home on graduation and then eventually bought houses two streets away from their parents).

Listen to what your DD needs and wants. Don't get caught up in your own expectations.

I stayed in my home city for uni. It's one of the top places to study my course so it didn't make sense to get in more debt to move away to a city where the course wasn't as highly rated. I met people from all over and throughly enjoyed. My parents took board and I aside from cooking I did my own chores so felt pretty independent. I also got to continue my part time job.

My siblings all moved away for uni and came back to our home city. I left after uni to work in a neighboring city and then moved to Scotland and met my dh. So just because she is considering staying at home doesn't mean she will never venture out of your city!

DD won't come back to live here. There is nothing for her here workwise and all of her local friends have moved on. She loves the small university city that she is living in. It has everything she needs on her doorstep. We have hourly trains that take 40 minutes to get to the nearest city.

@RampantIvy
You actually raise a very good point. When you think about it, rural DC can rarely stay at home and go to university. They never save the money and neither do their parents. Rural living has a great financial penalty over folk who live in Bristol or Sheffield or Leeds. We don’t have a local university! So all these posters whose DC are saving money: they have a huge advantage not available to all. Choice.