DD attending university in the same town where we live - is this a good idea?

[PaperDoves]

DD is finishing year 12 and considering where to apply next year. Her current first choice of uni is our local one - which, to be fair, is a great university, especially for her preferred course, and the city is vibrant with plenty to do and an active social scene. If we didn't already live here, I'd say it would be a perfect fit! But I'm worried that she won't have the experience of moving to a new city (although she'll still meet lots of new people) and stretching her wings.

What are your views? If she does end up choosing this one and getting a place, should we make sure she lives in halls so she can still have the student experience? Should I just be glad she'll be nearby in case she needs a hot meal or (heaven forbid) finds herself in trouble and needs help? Is it really not a big deal to not move to a new city for university, and I'm just being weird?

My DD is going into her third year at our local uni in the same city. It has been perfect for her. She lived out for most of the second year but came home during a placement as it cut an hr off her travel time. She is v happy, has made good uni friends and is very mature and independent. I don't quite get the 'one size fits all' approach.

Not this particular uni, sadly! And to be honest I'm not sure I'm keen on a completely different continent for undergrad, either - surely there's something in between??

This ALWAYS happens. Seen it with my own eyes with my friends kids. To grow up you have to leave home and not just in terms of the bed you sleep in!

Depends on the city. It would work for somewhere big like London but not sure I'd be that keen otherwise.

And, as you say, she should definitely live out, it would be an entirely different experience living at home.

A friend of mine did this and had a very good experience but I don't think I would've done. It simply wouldn't have worked for me. I wanted to get away to a city. So it's really individual and just depends on the person. No one can give you a definitive answer unfortunately.

I wouldn’t discourage her from attending the local Uni, but I would definitely encourage her to move out into Halls for her first year and a house share for the rest of the course.

Can't help laughing at the insistence they'll come home with their washing - I am pretty sure she will do her laundry wherever's nearest rather than lug it home on the bus 😁(we don't even have a tumble dryer)

I'm really not worried about her somehow failing to become an adult 🙄

If you do go down this route mate sure there are no postcode restrictions.

Dd is going to Uni next city on to us and staying I halls. Train is about hour, door to door ,and driving about 30mins. We are only there if she needs us (or the dog). I'll admit to being a bit worried about the lack of 'new adventure' but at the end of the day it is her choice. The city is known but still newish to her and more going on than our nearest city.

The course is perfect for her with the breadth of modules, nice lecturers (she knows one) , well respected good facilities etc. That is what matters most. I suspect I won't see her much at all , as she knows she can get home easily anytime so will probably put it off until she needs washing done.

Is the experience more important to her than an education?
I don't get this view that university has to be a different experience, course fees are so high I'm grateful DS wants to attend a university within travelling distance from home so he doesn't leave with sky high debt, but he's always been a homebody, atm he's just been doing college, working weekends and enjoying any free time as and when.

I couldn’t afford to move away so had to stay locally. It was an RG so was a fantastic course. I don’t think I missed out on the student experience.I still went clubbing and went to the union. I had my local friends and uni friends so more options imo. At the time mobile phones weren’t common so the only thing I missed out on was impromptu parties but usually someone would phone the landline and I’d make it.

Not sure about your friends if this happened to all of their kids. I didn't go to uni after school, ( I did my teaching diploma as an adult at local college) however when I left home in late teens/ early 20s I only moved 15 minutes away from my family home. Are you suggesting I have not grown up yet?🤔

Moving away from home for university is an essential part of the experience - not just for having fun, but growing up. It’s a reall founding experience. She will miss so much so encourage her not to. But if she does - absolutely put her in halls (but if it’s a popular uni she may be low on the list as a local). Try and persuade her!

Anyone from the city and satellite towns doing 3rd level education lives at home, it's a no-brainer. Hasn't stopped DS having an excellent social life!

But it is a very different situation if everyone lives at home, from if the vast majority of students are living in halls in a new place at University, and you are the one that goes home to Mum.

I've seen plenty of threads on here about people who moved away and hated their uni "experience" as they struggled to make friends and financially. FWIW I don't see the point of making life harder for yourself by ending up with tons of student debt that might easily be avoided by staying at home (and before anyone chimes jn: yes, I'm fully aware that not everyone is lucky enough to be in an ideal family home situation).

My brother went to a local university. Had a blast. Didn't end up thousands in debt.

He now lives abroad (USA) so flying the nest wasn't an issue for him.

"Student experience" adoration baffles me. Uni I went to was famous for heavy partying, image-obsesssed fraternities & sororities. None of that appealed to me. If that's "the student experience" I missed out, you can keep it.

It's not about constant partying. It's not even (solely) about learning to live independently. It's about going somewhere new, where you don't know anyone and no-one knows you, so you have the space and freedom to find out who you are and experiment with new ideas and new personas. And make mistakes in the process without anyone from home knowing about it.

DS1 has just finished his first year at a local University. He stay at home but has met 5 new friends on his course and they have signed a contract on a student house for the 2nd year. He moves out on the summer.

Staying at home worked well for him while he found his feet but he has still made the most of it!

Dd is hoping to go to a University further away and can't wait to move out.

I'd go with what feels right for them. It usually works out in the end.

Thanks all. I spoke to her and some of her reasoning is very sound (the course has options not available elsewhere) and some of it less so (she's already familiar with the uni and likes it - I guess that's not a terrible reason but definitely shows there's a comfort zone aspect!). I think at this point we'll go to lots of open days and visit other universities to see if anything else appeals. Ultimately it's her decision but we'll need to make sure it's an informed one.I'll also definitely check on the post code limit for halls, thanks for the heads up!

My son did this as our university is excellent.

He opted for first year in halls to get the university experience and make friends.

His second year was at home to keep costs down, third year placement, again at home and final year in university accommodation to celebrate his his last year with some parties.

He's saved about £16k on accommodation and it's not impacted his social life or his studies.

I think it's a sensible way forwards considering the huge debts they incur and the rising student loan interest.

My DD1 is also looking at universities currently and her preference is to live at home whilst studying. Several of her friends are thinking the same and it is mainly driven by financial reasons. DD1 is a homebody, doesn't drink/like parties and has hated the student accommodation available at the two unis we've visited so far! She's sensible, keen to join uni sports teams and societies and is confident she'll make friends so I've stopped going on about the 'uni experience' and figure her experience will just be a different one to mine!

My DS went to uni in our city and we live on the outskirts 15min train ride away. He lived in halls or student flats the whole time and we hardly saw him except during the first lockdown when everyone went home. I don't think it made any difference to his uni experience that we were so close as he just got involved. I do think he would have missed out on making friends if he'd like at home though especially in the first year when everyone is getting to know each other

I think it depends where you live and want to study. Where I studied, in my home town, about 50% of my course mates lived at home and travelled in by bus or train. Didn't stop us having a social life or "the university experience" - whatever that means. Meant we didn't leave in huge amounts of debt from paying rent.

There were 3 universities in my home town, and all had strict distances for halls, so if you could travel easily by public transport, you weren't entitled to a university accommodation.

We are all fully functioning adults with our own homes and families, so it didn't damage us.. a lot of us moved away from home for graduate jobs after studying.

I agree with this.

I also think that it does us all the world of good to challenge ourselves, and go outside our comfort zone.
'Being anxious' about something new is a normal physiological reaction. Over the years, as parents, we should all be supporting our dc to go outside their comfort zones sometimes, and to learn that overwhelmingly things are never as bad as you worry they might be, and that learning continues as they move into this kind of "between childhood and adulthood" phase. Even to the extent that where things aren't great, it is rarely the end of the world - that learning is also a good thing.

I've got 2 DDs at uni, one commutes from home, the other moved away. Both are happy with their choice.

I didn't go to uni after school, ( I did my teaching diploma as an adult at local college) however when I left home in late teens/ early 20s I only moved 15 minutes away from my family home. Are you suggesting I have not grown up yet?

Yeah, sorry Westend you must be a child still 😁Same as huge numbers of people in France, Germany, Spain, etc ....

I especially loved one PP saying she won't become independent, but if you can't persuade her, "put her in halls" - as if she's a dog being put in kennels! That's definitely treating her like an independent adult 🙄

OP - she doesn't have to make a decision for about 11 months. She should go to the open days, make her UCAS choices, go to the offer holder days, and I'm sure it will become clear for her. I don't think it's an intrinsically bad idea - I am glad my dd3 is going into halls, but I can see loads of positives for staying local for her. My other dc all went away and that was fantastic for them. I really don't understand people who come on here and make blanket 'X is the best for everyone' generalisations!

I lived at home all through uni and have my own house now and a good job so it's entirely possible to become an adult. Don’t be so silly.