Oxford / Cambridge - current students support / chat thread 2022

[DadDadDad]

Continuing a thread for anyone who wants to talk about their sons' and daughters' experience being a student in Oxford or Cambridge. (Or nephews, granddaughters, sisters, uncles - or if you or they have now graduated but you want to share your thoughts - all are welcome!)

Some of us on this thread go back to I think to late 2019 when our DCs were going through the admission process. A lot's happened since!

Over to you...

That's unlucky Malbecfan. Hope she feels better soon.

DD started work today at a uni summer school programme so she won't be home for a few more weeks. She's sent us a ball photo...oh to be 20 & able to wear stunning scarlet dress with confidence!

A May Ball is outside DS's comfort zone for multiple reasons, but I encouraged him to go to the one at his college.
He ended up going alone, which I think is rather brave for someone so introverted and lacking in social confidence (the people he would have gone with had Covid, but he hadn't seen them during their window of contagion).
He ended up having a good time, and stayed until midnight, which is longer than I thought he would last.
Three days later he has Covid symptoms and a positive result. He is feeling quite unwell. DH was due to collect him + stuff tomorrow but is immunosuppressed, so DS has contacted the college to ask if he can stay for a few more days. Hopefully they haven't rented his room our quite yet.

@Malbecfan I hope your DD feels better soon.

Can I join? I think I was on the equivalent thread the year before this one first started, as DS applied for deferred entry. He then had to take another year out following his dad's death at the end of his first year, so he is now just finishing his second year while his original cohort are graduating. Joint Humanities subject at Oxford.

He's had a take-away exam for one of his subjects which finished yesterday. Like @Ironoaks's son he would certainly not be up for balls - though I hope that might come next year. Also very into D&D and the like, from which he has developed a very strong group of friends. He's doing so much better than I feared, given his huge loss and on-going anxiety. Picking him up on Monday - will be so lovely to see him.

@SchrodingersKitty , You're very welcome here and I remember you from that thread sometime back and all your were facing. I'm so very very sorry to hear about the loss of your DH. Your DS is completely amazing to be continuing at Oxford and I wish him and you the very best. I hope his college have been and continue to be supportive and it says so much about his courage that he's persisting with his degree. It also must be extra hard for you that he's away of course but lovely also to see him continuing to live his life. Very good luck to him in his exam.

@Ironoaks , good to hear your DS went to a Ball and on his own too! I'm impressed! I wish I'd had his guts 40+ years ago when I never got to go to a May Ball because back in the day, if you didn't have a man to go with you, your just wouldn't dare go alone! How unfortunate that he's now got Covid! I hope he recovers very quickly and can be back at home soon.

@Malbecfan , I hope your DD also recovers quickly as well.

Welcome back @SchrodingersKitty
DS was able to complete this year's D&D campaign (remotely) which is good.

This is beautifully put

So very true

Cambridge Grad
Lovely to read this thread brings back all the good memories

I was an invigilator at my college
Some of the students sat 5 hour exams and just did amazing
Love to all the fab students who no doubt have earned a well deserved rest this summer

Lovely to read of everyone end of term celebrations. I collected DS's stuff from O this week though he has headed to Devon to go camping with friends for a few days. As a friend said my status haas changed from chauffeur to removals service. He did made time go out to supper with me before going clubbing then the next night was their JCR black tie social in Freuds which he much enjoyed (their ball was at the beginning of term).

DS still struggling with organisation - even emailing the college welfare team seems too much for him since his college tutor just told him to work harder when he sought support... on the plus side he managed to work for 4 days as a rower on the George Clooney forthcoming film 'Boys in the Boat' - well paid and lots of free food. He did though fail to meet the deadline to submit his bank details to the film people as he'd lost his phone, (3rd time in a year) couldn't authenticate his email to log on etc. so who knows if he'll get paid. Also needed bailing out by yours truly as he had no money in his current account and so bought a one way ticket to Swindon with some cash he found in his room then rang me wanting money for the taxi fare to the film set. His ingenuity must be admired - he asked the station master to lend him his phone to call me...

I think we will look into getting a private assessment for ADHD and the like this summer - any tips?

@Juja - we made a list of the difficulties DS was having and the GP did a referral to the paediatrician, who facilitated the assessment and diagnosis. DS was 7, so this was a long time ago.

On medication, he can function quite well (still on the same dose he started on aged 7). Off medication, he struggles with everyday tasks, and certainly wouldn't have been able to access education effectively.

Every long summer vacation he stops taking it (on medical advice), partly to give his metabolism a break and partly to see if he still needs it.

I'm hoping that the relevant sections of his brain will eventually develop to the point where he no longer needs the medication. If he has to stay on it throughout his working life then so be it.

@Ironoaks thank you for sharing your DS's journey - we are very much at the beginning, issues masked to date by DS's support systems at school and home which of course have altered now at Uni.

Most helpful to hear how your DS is managing. it seems the assessment is our priority...

@Juja I hope your DS is able to access assessment soon

I just wanted to give an update about my son who really struggled at C last year. He diagnosed himself with ADHD and was really struggling with producing work. Last year he got himself into a right mess and stopped attending lectures etc. It was not looking good. Well what a turn around- I am so proud of him. He has worked his socks off and it has not been easy. We have just had his second year exam results- he got a 2:1 and even got a first in one unit. He is really proud of himself and finally feels that he deser
ves to be at C.

@Cliff1975 , huge congratulations to your DS! That's excellent news and very well done to him indeed! He's a real fighter and has overcome so much. I'm not surprised you're very proud of him. It's really lovely getting good news like this.

@Juja , good luck to your DS getting a proper ADHD assessment and hopefully better support if he can get an official diagnosis. How difficult for him to be coping with this and brilliant that he got this part in the film, as a rower. Sounds good fun for him.

Well done to all the dc for making it through this year. Especially your ds Cliff. Really well done to him.

Mayballs aren't really dds bag. If anyone is lurking on here and worrying that their dc aren't doing these things, it's absolutely fine not to do all the traditional Oxbridge things. She's had a good time though.

So, for her, it's time to pack up, graduate and on to a new chapter. I feel quite emotional about that.

Cliff, that's fantastic!

Wondering just how many of our very bright kids do have ADHD -- it's been mooted for DD as well.

(As an aside, can I just say how much I love the level of personal feedback that seems to come from the tutorial system? DD read me out snippets of her 'report', which included the words wayward, impressive, tangential, disappointing, flawless, misguided and deft, amongst rather a lot else -- essentially a detailed review of pretty much every piece of work this term, and as you can see, quite a mixed bag it was too. It's so different from school's carefully bland 'working as expected'.)

What an achievement from your DS, Cliff. You always knew he deserved his place at C, I'm sure, but it's something else from his perspective to have that officially ratified by people who don't have an emotional interest in his progress.

Such good news Cliff. DD hasn't had any exams this year, but she's survived her second year (1st with a study support plan in place). This time next year it will all be over.

Juja it won't let me PM you.

@Cliff1975 that's really fantastic news, well done to your ds for his perseverance. So pleased he is able to be proud too!
DS is home from Oxford and was off to start his summer internship at 7 this morning. He is raring to get into the world of work so was super excited. I'm looking forward to hearing all about it (not that I would understand any of the maths/software development he will be doing)

@Cliff1975 that is just brilliant news. Well done to your DS and what amazing parents you are.

@FlyingSquid I will pass on the gist of your post to DD who is still incarcerated and fed up. She takes her supervising/tutorial role very seriously - at Christmas when I picked her up, she was picking my brains about teaching styles (because a class of 30 is so similar to 2 or 3 Oxbridge students!)

Well done to all the students surviving the year. It's been a strange one but they seem to be coping remarkably well.

Yes, please do, MalbecFan. The tutorial system is an amazing benefit; DS (at a different, good, uni) is somewhat envious. He will corner his lecturers off his own bat if he wants a good in-depth discussion, but he does have to take the lead. And he gets feedback more like termly than weekly.

@Cliff1975 - it's good to hear such a positive update about your DS, I'm glad that this year has been a better experience for him.

@Cliff1975 - what an encouraging position - many congratulations to your DS - I feel supported by all the help on this thread @Ironoaks @mutterphore

Thanks @HewasH2O for your PMs and

@FlyingSquid - I wonder too, re ADHD and high fliers- being neuroatypical can bring lots of plus points too of being enthusiastic, passionate, single minded and creative. A friend works in the Disability Services at C and she says lots of ADHD issues are picked up when people come to uni and their prior support structures are pulled away. In school where life is more structured (and parents on hand) then they managed fine but when there are more practicalities to self-manage at Uni and time needs to be self organised it can become too much.

Just collected DC from St Benet's this evening. They still haven't told the students where each of them has been allocated next year - they were meant to hear last week but the announcement keeps getting pushed back. I guess it takes some challenging coordination across the university to organise 50-odd places for homeless undergrads.

DC seems quite cheerful. Basically, St B's is offering free meals to any member still around in Oxford this week - DC signed me in for supper this evening so I enjoyed my free lasagne!

I've been following thsi thread since they were all Oxbridge hopefuls but don't post much. Can't believe they have are heading into final year. DS is very happy now. Moving back into college next year after a year in a rather lovely (for student accommodation) house. He said Trinity Ball was the party of a lifetime.

@Cliff1975 What an amazing achievement from your son. I am thrilled for you both.

@mutterphore You've kind of been on the down-low about the transformation, but I do recall that your son also found Cambridge tough (for different reasons) at the beginning of the first year and there was a massive contrast between the C and O twins. Now I have to read carefully to ensure I am getting the right twin, as it's clear they're now both having a fabulous experience academically and socially. I'm also really happy for your lad.

@CinnamonJellyBeans thanks for remembering about DS1's (C) initial experience at C. Yes, at first, with all the pandemic-related restrictions and the way his college dealt with these, it was harder for him to find his 'tribe'. There were fewer 'structures' or traditions in place in college for him to meet people - eg no one ate meals in hall but took plastic trays of food back to their rooms. Few people socialised unless it was in the middle of the night over excess alcohol and he's not much into drinking.

By contrast, DS2 (O) was much more easily able to tap into various aspects of college life that helped him to meet more people and there was just more available to 'join' that put him in touch with like-minded others.

Fast forward and now DS1 has found a very close knit group of friends through various extracurricular activities who meet regularly. He's also now a choral scholar and the regular commitment which includes a free formal hall each week (a huge selling point for DS1!) has opened other opportunities to socialise and benefit from the limited traditions his college still offers.

So both now are really happy and having a great time - balancing work with lots of societies and activities and living it up! I'm so pleased and of course the pandemic restrictions are now also very few, which has helped enormously.

I can't really believe they've now only got one year left! The time has flown by!