Oxford / Cambridge - current students support / chat thread 2022

[DadDadDad]

Continuing a thread for anyone who wants to talk about their sons' and daughters' experience being a student in Oxford or Cambridge. (Or nephews, granddaughters, sisters, uncles - or if you or they have now graduated but you want to share your thoughts - all are welcome!)

Some of us on this thread go back to I think to late 2019 when our DCs were going through the admission process. A lot's happened since!

Over to you...

I've been reading through all the perfectly natural first-parent anxiety about what the form is, and thinking, surely I just let DD get on with it when I was in the same position this time last year? Your comment about college parents has brought me back down to size, because I will very likely need to nudge her in the direction of performing her maternal duties. I probably did a lot more looking things up and pretending I hadn't, just so that I knew what to check she'd done, than I really remember now.

I'm broadly letting DS get on with it - he's not had a huge amount from his college yet (C) and he said the college 'freshers chat' is very quiet. He has been given some work to do before he arrives, and we haven't had anything about accommodation yet....I'm really hoping that he IS reading everything, although he did go and open a student bank account yesterday, so he's absorbing some of it!

Well, ended up not spending a tenner... got ds a dark suit from Next. He's an odd size because he's a bit of a gym bunny.

Have decided my most important task in September will be to take a good picture of our cats and get it framed. Ds won't want a pic of me but will definitely want one of them!

My DS has more or less said he's going to miss the dog more than the rest of us put together...!!

(Feel your pain on the suit - DS has had to wear one since Y11 when he was 6ft 3 with an inside leg of c35 inches, but with a tiny waist....not easy to find anything!)

Please could I ask current Cambridge students/parents for their wisdom on rental periods. DD has to decide what rental periods she wants. At the end of term, do all students go home? She’d quite like to stay and therefore have a longer contract (costing more) but concerned there might not be other students around and or catering facilities will be closed. Also has anyone used any of the commercial storage companies in Cambridge, are they any good?

I'm not sure if this also applies to Cambridge, but don't get taken in by the 8 week term thing. In Oxford they usually need to be there in 0th week and exams may be in 9th week. Social stuff extends beyond the end of term. You will find them paying for extra weeks.

DD signed a 39 week lease for her room in year 2 and it was worth every penny, especially when DH tested positive for Covid on Christmas Eve & she fled back to college. I think she has physically been at home with us for around a month in total in the last year. Her 3rd year lease starts this weekend, so she will still have a house in Oxford after she has finished.

@PermanentTemporary, the only photograph DS has had in his college rooms for the last two years is a framed one of our rather feisty ginger cat!

@cosmiccat, the norm at DS's Cambridge college is to go up a week before term starts and stays on for an extra week at the end of term. DD's (O) college charged a high rent for any additional days so she only took the absolute minimum she needed.

Again different colleges are different but from DD's experience...
She had to go at the start of 0th week and stayed till the very end of 9th week, literally till the last day she had paid for - she paid for 10.5 weeks x3 I think. Most of her friends had gone home before her - each term she was pretty much the last to leave. However lots of her friends (who had paid for 39 weeks) went back before her each term but usually only a few days.
At her college everyone pays for 39 weeks though except for a handful who choose not to so their rooms can be rented out. I think this is quite unusual.
She will be paying for 39 weeks this year and I expect her to come home for a couple of weeks at Christmas and Easter instead of 4.
Her friends at other colleges definitely came home before her and didn't go back before her. I suspect it's more normal in the first year to only pay rent for the 31 weeks or so.

@PermanentTemporary @cosmiccat DS is not one for any sort of adornment in his room, but I was required to Whattsapp a photo of the cat each morning before his Part 1 exams!

Sorry, meant to tag @ofteninaspin re cats above!

@beeswain, that's a rather lovely pre exam ritual :)

DS's ridiculously palatial rooms (the bedroom/bathroom is separate from the living/study room) are wasted on him. Aside from the cat picture, he has one very tiny potted cactus gifted by DD.

@bebeeswain it could equally apply to us. DD already giving instructions about our cat needing be present for all video calls.

In what parallel universe are DDogs and DCats not an essential part of any form of message or call?

Worth assisting DC read through college emails. Last year they were sent this most poorly structured very long 8 page letter. My DC only did the things on page 1 in bold. Then in early September was sent an email saying we assume you don’t want Accomodation in College as you haven’t stated a preference. That request was buried on page 6.

On a separate but linked point some may remember I asked for advice on ADHD assessment. After several false starts - college weren’t great DC has had an initial screening via GP. Scored v highly and they’ve been referred to the O ADHD NHS centre. A 2-3 month wait list so not too long.

So if you’re DC has any issues pleas do persist getting them the right support.

Juja very encouraging ADHD news.

Oxford has an ADHD centre??

Must harry DC into going to the GP. Had one try and gave up in favour of doing something more important, like yoga or grooming the dog.

I’m imagining an ADHD assessment kind of goes, ‘Did you actually organise this appointment yourself? Yes? Not ADHD then.’

@HewasH2O yes really encouraging and thanks to you and others who encouraged us to persist.

@FlyingSquid yes Oxford NHS set up an ADHD centre I think 2/3 years ago.
I did chuckle about your definition of a short cut appraisal. The only way I got DC to book the GP appointment was by saying I wouldn't transfer money to them unless they made the appointment after they lost their phone and ended up penniless in Swindon. Still procrastinated saying they didn't need it now because they were now happy - of course they were exams were over and was swimming and picnicking in Port Meadow everyday. Then another 4 weeks to to fill the forms . .... honestly the 2-3 month wait (if true) will be shorter than the last 4 months of DC faffing. My target is a diagnosis by the end of 2nd year... in time for 3rd year and finals... Admittedly their tutor's approach was shocking and off putting so I've advised DC to email college tutors and college academic director before term starts to see what pre diagnosis support they can offer (if any).

@cosmiccat DD only ever did the minimum time in non-Covid times other than an extra week after Easter in year 2. But due to a complete lack of public transport at home, we always collected her and lots of her stuff. However, her college has lockable cupboards where she could store kitchen stuff, duvet, gown etc. over the shorter vacations, so we didn't have to bring everything, apart from at the end of each year.

We have found that Disability services at Oxford are pretty good - worth going direct to them rather than via the college for assessments and support.

@Scrobbler many thanks - I'll encourage DC to try the Disability Services as well - I did try and was brushed off by DC so useful to hear of a good experience.

DD's in college welfare team have been brilliant. She's been on the waiting list for the NHS Assessment since before Easter (yes, 6 months to push the buttons first!) It's a long story, but DD accidentally missed a non-examinable module last year. Her in college team have supported her in getting an exemption, as her whole degree depends on 8 examinable modules next summer. Not ideal with her brain.

Tutor support has been mixed. I'm convinced that some of them are so ND themselves that they can't understand why others who are also ND can't work in exactly the same way as them. Others have accepted that her brain works differently and applied the suggested adjustments.

Can I ask a 'how long is a piece of string' question?!

As DS is our first (of four!!) to go to university, and he only qualifies for the minimum maintenance loan, we are just trying to figure out the day to day financing.....we are planning to pay for his accommodation (at C), but how much over and above the maintenance loan divided by three will he need? DH thinks he will need £250 a week (which sounds like a lot to me) but thinks that he's going to need about £100 a week for food, given his college encourages communal eating.

I know there will be children on millions and children on pennies, but could someone with more experience and an income somewhere between those two extremes 😉 perhaps give a steer, please?

@Panicmode1 We topped dds minimum loan up to the full loan amount. With that, some random money that college occasionally granted her and her summer placements, she ended up with some savings.

Thanks @OhYouBadBadKitten so did she pay for her accommodation out of that or she lived on the maintenance loan and you paid accommodation?

DD also qualifies for minimum loan only. We topped her up to the maximum loan. We paid her in 3 separate chunks (September, January, April I think). She paid the accommodation out of that. She has ended up not spending all the money (she did have savings from her summer job and a relative also gave her a few hundred £ and I'm not sure whether she ate into that) but accommodation can be very cheap at her college compared to other places.
She found it very helpful to be in charge of her own money.