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Higher education

Talk to other parents whose children are preparing for university on our Higher Education forum.

Original poster

Divorced parents and funding

81 replies

Nettletea0 · 19/02/2022 09:18

Hi all,

I have 2 DC with my ex huband. He earns very little (decided to leave semi good job to enjoy his free time in a PT job after we divorced and pays minimal maintenance 🙄)

I am remarried to DH who earns a really good salary. I earn approx 28k though probably less by time DC go to uni as wish to go PT for various reasons.

My question - DH and I despite very good household income, never have much left over as where we live is so expensive and wipes out most of our money!!

My DC are not his so honestly aren't his responsibility as such financially. Though he does pay far more towards their birthdays/xmas presents, household expenses, food etc etc than their dad does!!

Anyway, i never thought about uni costs as i never went. But looking into it, I've realised DH income would mean my DC would get a far far lower student loan than if i was single or with ex.

DH worked almost full time through uni, got no help from anyone etc so he is of the mindset that the DC should make their own way through uni. I would have been the same if it was just my income and i was single, as i genuinely couldn't have afforded mortage and bills plus uni fees! But they would have received more loan.

However, because of DH income they will be worse off which i don't think is fair. However we genuinely don't have enough money to save each month to make up the shortfall unless we ALL go without ANY fun things for the next few years, which is just not realistic. Their dad will no doubt say he can't contribute anything despite living with parents so next to no outgoings except all his fun 'toys' etc.

My question -
I read on the uni website that to work out finances they look at the household the child predominantly lives at - is that correct? If so, when the time comes, could DC claim they now will be living with their dad so they get a more similar amount of funding to what they'd have got if just my wage was taken into account?

It just seems so unfair that they loose out because of my decision to remarry.

OP posts:
redmapleleaves1 · 26/02/2022 20:00

Haven't read all the thread. I'm a single mum, exDH didn't contribute to university costs. I had conversation with both young adults that each needed to take gap year first to earn, yes to travel too, but part to have extra cash cushion for university (and to give me longer to save, and to space the contributions out, so didn't have two there at same time). This worked well for us.

Frankly contributing to maintenance is a stress for most of us. I'm on what should be a reasonable wage and have needed to take a second job, and of course this will impact too on what second child can get in a few years. You have several years to put something aside, your children can do the same, and of course, where there are additional children at home, some leeway is made for that in the assessment.

NicknackOz · 18/03/2022 20:20

My husband is a high earner so our son got the minimum loan of £4500. He had a summer job and took £1k in savings with him and also received an achievement bursary of £1k. His accom was about £4.5k for the year. Apart from the odd supermarket shop we did not contribute to DS’s living costs. When he came home we fed him of course and bear in mind that a uni student will only be gone 5/6 months of the year, two weeks for reading weeks,,3/4 weeks for Christmas and a month at Easter then they finish around the end of May for the summer. DH felt like DS should get a job in the holidays and I agreed as 4 months is a long time for a teenager to be lolling around! Lots of uni students work part time and it teaches valuable life skills, whether it’s waitressing at TGI or the university coffee shop or being a student ambassador at their uni. If your child wants to study in London then the student loan is higher. My friends daughter goes to UCL and her basic hall accom is £8.5k, bit that is roughly what her maintenance loan is.

My son felt a bit hard done by but his friends with poorer parents ended up with £15k more debt and with the earning threshold dropping soon it will mean they will have to pay that back at some point.

Darbs76 · 18/03/2022 21:11

@NicknackOz - how did he pay his accommodation? The minimum loan wouldn’t even cover the accommodation costs

NicknackOz · 18/03/2022 22:13

His accom was £4500 the first year and went up to about £5-5.5 the second and third year, so with the extra £2k he has enough to live on. He worked 15?hours a week in his second and third year as well. My friends son is currently at Brighton uni and his rent is higher than his loan but he had a full time job in the summer and saved a couple of thousand.

Revengeofthepangolins · 18/03/2022 22:59

Are you’d saying that he paid his accommodation with his minimum loan and then lived all year off his £1k or summer earnings and £1k of achievement bursary? That just sounds implausible. And if you are high earners, why didn’t you give him some money?

NicknackOz · 19/03/2022 00:46

He had £2k after rent (all bills included) to buy his food/going out etc but remember that was only for 6/7 months. They are home almost as long as they are at uni (reading weeks, Christmas, Easter and long summer break) When he came home in the summer he worked then in the second and third year he was transferred (he worked in retail) and worked part time near his uni. My husband didn’t believe in topping him up to the maximum loan (which would’ve been £5k to spend over 6 months) He wanted him to be responsible and work a bit. So we bought him a few groceries shops and bought his bedding, kitchen stuff etc to go into halls, chucked him £100 on his first day, we paid for his mobile phone contract at the time too, and he had nothing to pay out for the six months he was at home…but actually living costs at uni can be as high as the student makes them to be. My friend used to send her son £200 a month in termtime, another £300…so one gave £1400 and another £2100 approx per year, but another just encouraged her son to work in the long summer break and save up for uni.

Blossom64265 · 19/03/2022 00:58

The system is unfair but you can’t change that.

Your children’s education should not suffer because of your choices. If they can’t get the full loan because of your marriage, you need to not be married or make up the shortfall. It’s not handing them things easily. Withholding that money is putting them at a disadvantage compared to other students.

user1487194234 · 19/03/2022 06:50

I can't understand why people don't support their children through Uni

Darbs76 · 19/03/2022 06:58

@user1487194234

I can't understand why people don't support their children through Uni
I agree for those who have the financial means. As it’s incredibly unfair if they get minimum loan and then their parents don’t top up. I know for some they can’t, perhaps that money is tied up elsewhere, and I also think parents need to be aware much earlier than a student loan is means tested. As some parents appear to be shocked they are expected to contribute. If parents have the money and don’t support then that’s not fair.
Darbs76 · 19/03/2022 07:01

@NicknackOz - I am not against students working but I do think it’s unfair not to help when the shortfall is because of parental income. That’s what is expected of parents. I guess many refuse to do it, which is why it’s pretty unfair to have a loan means tested on parental income. Those students are disadvantaged having to work extra hours for the basics as their parents refuse to help.

crosbystillsandmash · 19/03/2022 07:09

I don't understand? Yours dcs loans will be calculated on your household income, the loan you'd get as a lone parent is irrelevant because you're not!
Yes, your finances maybe tight at the moment but that's a huge issue for many in the current financial climate!

If I was single, dd would get the maximum funding because I earn very little but I'm married to her stepdad and he earns a decent salary, so she gets much much less.
Dd manages because we give her a little top up and she has a part time job.

I think your problem is both your ex and your dh not wanting to help!
How long has your dh been part of your dcs lives?

crosbystillsandmash · 19/03/2022 07:10

@thanktor

You and your dh may not regard your home environment as a “family”, But the government does And I would bloody hope that if I remarry and my dh brings up my children as his own - as yours has supposedly done, then this wouldn’t be something I’d think unfair.
This!!
SickAndTiredAgain · 19/03/2022 07:13

@user1487194234

I can't understand why people don't support their children through Uni
My parents just didn’t realise they were meant to - I’m not sure why they thought their income was relevant to my loan if they weren’t then expected to contribute but anyway. They thought it was brilliant that I got the minimum loan as it meant less debt for me after uni - which is true, but they didn’t seem to consider how I would actually live. I got the minimum loan and no support from my parents, I didn’t come home in the holidays as I couldn’t afford the train ticket, plus I was working so didn’t have much time.
spotcheck · 19/03/2022 07:14

If your kids split their time at all between the two homes, claim student finance with the lower income.

spotcheck · 19/03/2022 07:28

OP
How old are your children? Is university imminent?
If not, I would hold off worrying, as student finance particulars change all the time.

Where are you getting 13k from? Most of the loan is maintenance, and there are cheaper, and more expensive areas to live in.

Sorry, but I think your DH's attitude sucks. Yes, he was from a low income family, but that means he benefitted from the maximum loan. He is being incredibly hypocritical. He probably also benefitted from grants, which were likely around then too. Which means he could have survived nicely. Shame on him- happy to benefit from the system, but conveniently forgetting.

Students in your children's situation ( with step parents who refuse to contribute) are the most disadvantaged financially when they go to university.

Goldbar · 19/03/2022 07:51

Whatever you do, please don't encourage your DC to commit fraud. If they are found out, this could have lifelong effects for them if they want to enter professions where there is a requirement of honesty and integrity ('good character' if you like). Barrister/solicitor and accountancy are two examples. There are many more where even the suggestion of dishonest conduct can prevent you entering the profession. Much better to cut back for a few years to make up at least some of the shortfall than to hurt their life chances.

MarchingFrogs · 19/03/2022 08:23

Much better to cut back for a few years to make up at least some of the shortfall than to hurt their life chances.

Or chuck them out to go and live with their biological father for sixth form? They could then claim the maximum student loan with a clear conscience. He could probably do with the Child Benefit and their stepfather could cut down on his material support of them a couple of years early.

In the meantime, keep petitioning your MP to try to get the system changed.

user1487194234 · 19/03/2022 09:15

You seem to be cutting your hours at the worst time for this
You say it helps family members but it doesn't help your elder children
I upped my hours so I could fund my children through Uni
Own your choices

angieloumc · 19/03/2022 11:21

My youngest DC is going to uni in September. She will receive a maintenance loan but not the full amount.
Her F is generous with maintenance, however his partner did not support her DC at all during uni and so expects ex to do the same. I'm glad his money is not taken into account as he's a very high earner but just will not help out once DD is 18.
It's very worrying as I have to support her by myself. DD does work part time in retail so will transfer in term time but how that will work out I'm unsure, because of the work load and she is dyslexic so may need extra time to fit it all in. I obviously will help as much as possible.
Fortunately, my DS who is 24 is going to help DD out each month so that will be a life saver , he shouldn't have to but he kindly is so that will take some pressure off.
It maddens me that some parents think their responsibility to DC ends at 18.

angieloumc · 19/03/2022 11:22

I contradicted myself; I won't have to support her by myself as DS is going to help. But in actuality it should be her dad.

Rummikub · 19/03/2022 11:42

@SimpleShootingWeekend

That’s even before you get to the bizarreness of parental income being used to decide a loan for adults

It is bizarre. Some students will just move out and live and work at their university city, only coming home for the odd visit, but somehow they have a “home” in a place they no longer live and get a “parental contribution” from a person who isn’t a parent.
What is the determining factor for whether a student lives with their mum or their dad when they live with with neither? I lived in a 5 person house share for 2 years. 2 of my friends had parents who downsized and no longer had a childhood bedroom to return to so lived in our house share all year round. They were the most skint out of all of us so as well as not having a bedroom in a parents house they stayed to work in their term time jobs. Bizarre that their access to a loan is cut because their parent moves in with a partner.

Sfe will consist changes in circumstances such as this.

It’s household income they look at - so yes step parents included.

As pp said upthread- it’s about choices- cheaper unis, Live at home, cheaper accommodation. Getting a pt job.

lonelydad2022 · 19/03/2022 12:24

@Nettletea0

Hi all,

I have 2 DC with my ex huband. He earns very little (decided to leave semi good job to enjoy his free time in a PT job after we divorced and pays minimal maintenance 🙄)

I am remarried to DH who earns a really good salary. I earn approx 28k though probably less by time DC go to uni as wish to go PT for various reasons.

My question - DH and I despite very good household income, never have much left over as where we live is so expensive and wipes out most of our money!!

My DC are not his so honestly aren't his responsibility as such financially. Though he does pay far more towards their birthdays/xmas presents, household expenses, food etc etc than their dad does!!

Anyway, i never thought about uni costs as i never went. But looking into it, I've realised DH income would mean my DC would get a far far lower student loan than if i was single or with ex.

DH worked almost full time through uni, got no help from anyone etc so he is of the mindset that the DC should make their own way through uni. I would have been the same if it was just my income and i was single, as i genuinely couldn't have afforded mortage and bills plus uni fees! But they would have received more loan.

However, because of DH income they will be worse off which i don't think is fair. However we genuinely don't have enough money to save each month to make up the shortfall unless we ALL go without ANY fun things for the next few years, which is just not realistic. Their dad will no doubt say he can't contribute anything despite living with parents so next to no outgoings except all his fun 'toys' etc.

My question -
I read on the uni website that to work out finances they look at the household the child predominantly lives at - is that correct? If so, when the time comes, could DC claim they now will be living with their dad so they get a more similar amount of funding to what they'd have got if just my wage was taken into account?

It just seems so unfair that they loose out because of my decision to remarry.

That would be fraud.
cherryonthecakes · 19/03/2022 13:55

Have your kids take a gap year and earn some of that 13k. You can pay them back in 10 years when things are easier if you'd feel too guilty.

I know it's not possible to take a gap year for all subjects but my kids took a year off and saved lots so that they were starting uni with some financial breathing space.

spotcheck · 19/03/2022 22:16

Where is the 13k coming from??!?!?? Makes no sense!

Midlifemusings · 19/03/2022 22:19

You role your eyes at your ex for being part time and only having a low income but then you say you make 28K and want to go part time so it sounds like you are two peas in a pod.

You and your ex contribute what you can / are willing to. Your kids can work and take loans / grants and pay the difference. If both of you have low incomes and only work part time - your kids will get some financial assistance.