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Higher education

Talk to other parents whose children are preparing for university on our Higher Education forum.

Do parents go to open days?

80 replies

Brian9600 · 06/08/2021 08:01

Was talking to dd yesterday about uni open days. She’s under the impression that it’s common to go with your parents. That was v much not the case in my day (25 years ago Shock).

Is this right? I hope so- I’d love to go along- but obviously only if it’s appropriate.

(This is all a couple of years off for us so hopefully covid won’t affect anything.)

OP posts:
LemonRoses · 06/08/2021 09:04

A mixture in my experience. We went with our first as she hadn’t any friends going down same route she could go with. There were sessions specifically for parents and it made transport and overnight stays easier.
The school arranged visits for our youngest and she went without us.

Standrewsschool · 06/08/2021 09:09

25 years ago, parents didn’t go, and we considered it a fun day out!

Today, majority of parents go, partly I think because they’re more involved in paying towards it.

“ MN has us believe that students just packed a bag and got the train, never to return home again for months.”

That was me in late 80s, although mum did come with me on my first trip. Didn’t return home until Christmas. I literally went with what dm and I could carry between us - couple of rucksacks and large bags.

LaTomatina · 06/08/2021 09:09

When I went (late 1990s) I never heard of anyone going with their parents. These days, seems like all the parents go.

We used to check the university in the morning and then the big perk was spending the afternoon in the pub with your mates before getting the train home.

LaTomatina · 06/08/2021 09:11

"MN has us believe that students just packed a bag and got the train, never to return home again for months.”

That was me in 1997! It was the making of me .. Grin

Freshapples · 06/08/2021 09:13

There are initial open days - yes, absolutely the norm to go with parents
There are also offer-holder days - then I would say more optional (but still more common to go with a parent than not)

Shadedog · 06/08/2021 09:23

I went in ‘95 and my mum came to a couple with me. Tbf it was based on train prices meaning driving was more sensible but another pair of eyes and ears can be useful. Universities are trying to sell a product and it’s just nice to have someone to talk to who saw the same things that you did, but saw them differently.
There is a bonkers idea that going to an open day means your kidult is a wet rag who will never be able to cope once the apron strings are severed. It’s absolutely fine to give your 13/20/36/52 year old child a lift or advice or moral support or enjoy an outing to a nice city, but if they are 17 you are holding their hand because they can’t cope. That said I have seen some overbearing parents monopolise academic staff and take over the subject talks meant for the prospective students but that is a small minority.

onelittlefrog · 06/08/2021 09:30

When I went about 15 years ago there was a mixture of people with their parents and people without. No big deal either way. Are you worried they might lose some street cred or something? They're unlikely to meet people who are going to be potential friends on an open day anyway.

namechange30455 · 06/08/2021 09:44

I went to a couple by myself because I wanted to (12ish years ago) and I was pretty much the only person there without my parents. It's very much the norm now for parents to go.

Brian9600 · 06/08/2021 09:49

Thanks, everybody!

OP posts:
ShortBacknSides · 06/08/2021 10:10

Most parents sensibly take the back seat and encourage their offspring to lead on any conversations and questions with the occasional prompt or follow up question. A few parents completely take over and the applicant remains utterly silent - which leaves me wondering how they're going to cope with the transition to higher education

This.

If you do go to an initial Open Day, and you are at a stall or at a Departmental presentation, or have the opportunity in some way to talk to a lecturer or student, pleeeeeease step back, allow your DC to speak, and don't keep butting in.

It is really disconcerting to have a conversation with an interesting potential applicant, and to have to constantly answer parents' questions. If your DC is shy, rehearse with them before what they might ask. BUt please don't ask it for them.

Seek out the specific events put on for parents.

The other thing is, if you do make it a "family day out' - be prepared - and maybe even OFFER! - for potential applicants to be prioritised in terms of entrance to informational lectures etc. Don't be that parent/family who insist on accompanying your potential applicant into everything, thus taking up space meant for other potential applicants. I've seen some pretty entitled behaviour from parents over 20 years of Open Days - meaning we've had to ask parents to leave, so that the actual possible applicants can be accommodated in our lecture or talk.

If it's an "Offer Holder Day" then I think it's better you don't attend. If you're driving your DC there, do something else for the day - there are often good suggestions on the university's website re local attractions etc. A lot of the activities on an Offer Holder Day are directly related to the discipline, the course of study - we do a kind of taster day to give the applicant a sense of what they'll be doing if they come to us.

Seeline · 06/08/2021 10:17

WE went to 2 offer holder days with my DS a couple of years ago and it was apparent that parents were welcome with separate Q&As set up while students did activities, as well as obvious joint sessions. IF nothing else I think it is really useful to see the accommodation options and to weigh up the cost implications of each type - many parents will be paying for it after all!

ErrolTheDragon · 06/08/2021 11:08

The other thing is, if you do make it a "family day out' - be prepared - and maybe even OFFER! - for potential applicants to be prioritised in terms of entrance to informational lectures etc. Don't be that parent/family who insist on accompanying your potential applicant into everything, thus taking up space meant for other potential applicants.

One of the unis DD visited with DH had a strict 'no parents' policy on the main talk. It was partly due to space but also I'd guess to detach the 'helicopters' ... some of whom were quite put out... Cambridge, I think there were some badly overinvested types. (He trundled off following a trail of very small signs 'to the robots' and had a very interesting chat with a postgrad eager to demo his project and no other audience. Grin)

At another uni where I went along too, the numbers on a lab tour were limited so I trotted off to the accommodation office to ask boring questions.

Go, and be self-effacing and useful - or don't go. It's entirely up to your DC and yourself (and the logistics/costs, obviously)

ErrolTheDragon · 06/08/2021 11:13

All 5 of DDs choices interviewed; she went to the nearest by herself but DH chauffeured her to the others. Cambridge had firm no parents across the threshold policy, but the other 3 all had specific talks/tours for parents (finance etc) while the interviewees did their interviews and separate tours.

imnottoofussed · 06/08/2021 11:16

It was common for parents to go when I went to uni back in 1997

ErrolTheDragon · 06/08/2021 11:20

As far as I'm aware there weren't any open days when I went in the late 70s - just interviews, which were clearly for the applicants only.
What we did or didn't do back in the day is pretty irrelevant!

user89764 · 06/08/2021 11:22

I went with my mum 15 years ago, it was absolutely the done thing for people to have their parents with them.

user89764 · 06/08/2021 11:23

Come to think of it I went with my parents to my Masters open day too, that was probably slightly more unusual ha.

MrsKeats · 06/08/2021 11:25

We did. If I'm contributing to rent etc I would like to see what I'm paying for!!

TalbotAMan · 06/08/2021 11:28

It depends. When I was in lower sixth the school organised minibus trips to some universities (of which there were a lot fewer back then). I took DD1 to one some years ago but she was only 14, had a particular ambition in mind, and wanted to talk about GCSE and A level pathways.

Athrawes · 06/08/2021 11:29

When I went to Uni (OMG, 34 years ago...) noone went with parents. We got on a train, wandered around utterly lost, stayed in some dreadful B&B for the night, were interviewed in a smoke filled office, usually by a creepy prof, went home. I honestly don't think it occurred to my (professional, university educated themselves) parents to go with me.
I will go with DS when the time comes!

Chemenger · 06/08/2021 11:30

Most applicants come with at least one parent now, often more. This can be difficult for us because it increases the number of people on tours, which we take into labs with expensive and sensitive equipment and not much space. We can’t take children into our labs for insurance reasons. I’ve had whole families, mum, dad,grandparents, younger siblings, including toddlers in buggies insisting that they all be allowed to come along. We now ticket our tours with two tickets per applicant. I think one parent is a good idea, I’m not saying the applicant should come alone, having someone there gives the opportunity to discuss what you’ve seen and heard. Parents ask really good questions (sometimes) that the applicants might not think of.

I think some people mistake the purpose of open days and expect a lot of general interest demonstrations etc, when they are really focused on giving applicants information. They must be deadly dull for the children that are brought along to them.

BalladOfBarryAndFreda · 06/08/2021 11:34

DS didn’t want us to come but DD did, so it’s up to the young person, really. Most of the students at DD’s had parents with them.

reconsidering · 06/08/2021 11:46

Many parents come to our open days and I'd recommend it (not the young kids though unless no option, it's pretty dull for them). I really enjoy talking to 16/17 year olds and their parents about the choices ahead of them, will often try to understand whether we are the right fit for students. As and when my kids get to the open day stage, I will definitely go with them.

SmallChairs · 06/08/2021 11:53

I’m an academic and do a fair few open days -/ yes, I would say that the vast majority are accompanied by one or both parents, and occasionally by several siblings or other extended family. I have had the odd experience if going into a full 40 seater lecture theatre to give a subject talk, only to gradually discover that I think I had only ten or twelve prospective undergraduates in front of me. Later at the drop in, I met people’s grannies and uncles, and while it was clear Granny was smart as a whip snd would have been a brilliant nature student, every time I asked the actual prospective student about their interests, he just looked at his parents in a ‘You talk to the strange grownup’ way.

ShortBacknSides · 06/08/2021 11:54

At another uni where I went along too, the numbers on a lab tour were limited so I trotted off to the accommodation office to ask boring questions.

Excellent strategy & advice @ErrolTheDragon

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