Cambridge and Oxford - ongoing chat for those with a student currently studying there

[DadDadDad]

Some of us have found these threads helpful, so I'm starting a new one to take us through

...end-of-year exams (and parties)

...homecoming for the vacation (and hibernation aestivation for this thread?)

...return in the autumn (and more normal college life?)

Posters old and new welcome to join the discussion. Any tips for finding a summer job?

Oh, and for reference, I have a DS just completing his first year in a small humanity in a tiny college.

Yes,DS into his second week of feeling poorly, still has night sweats, sore throat, sinus pain and hacking cough. Still not been to a lecture

Really sorry to hear about those with DCs who have Fresher's Flu and especially yours, @Ofteninaspin! I hope everyone gets better very soon.

Mine have so far escaped all the viruses going round. DS1 (C) however did find at one point he'd got a 'Plague' notice placed on his college room door - ie "In isolation" completely incorrectly! Someone in a different corridor had tested positive but it was only some quirk of 'household' numbering that his room, in a completely different corridor, was counted as one of those who should be isolating!

As he's had two vaccines and always tested negative, he swiftly took down the notice and reassured his new DOS that he wasn't and didn't need to isolate, after getting a concerned and kind email from them. Horrible for him though to be 'labelled' - completely incorrectly - as contagious/pariah when it had nothing to do with him at all.

He's been to a different college for a supervision where apparently that college demands everyone wears a face-covering? However, everywhere else, including pubs and clubs and his own college, doesn't. Has anyone else come across this "one rule for one college, a different rule for another"?

DD was told that if anyone in a face-to-face tutorial or other session wanted face-coverings to be worn, everyone should wear them. Maybe there are some particularly vulnerable students or staff there.

DD (C) has also had the lurgy and was unwell enough to miss three of her pre-paid club nights, not do athletics and lost her voice. She says loads of people have been ill with it.

ofteninaspin, I do hope your DD gets better soon and gets back to Oxford. She has had a terrible time of it.

I'm sorry to read of so much lurgy, especially to @ofteninaspin's DD. I hope she soon feels better and can get back to Oxford.

@mutterphore, I understand your point completely. Sadly, I think the conflicting advice from the government is largely to blame with different institutions and colleges interpreting it in their own way. We have a rising number of Covid cases in my school so as of today, students were asked to wear face-coverings in lessons again. Ours are a pretty good & compliant lot and I didn't have to remind anyone but it makes learning their names so much harder, given I only see them once each week and now half their face is covered.

Dear spin so sorry to hear about illness. That's really dreadful. I hope she recovers soon.

wannabenetter my DD in same position. She's finding her feet though. She was at a scholars dinner last night. Video revealed a predominance of young men! Grrrr. Nice for my DD though!

jellybeans i want my students to wear face coverings again too. Keeping my distance. Blast of air with all windows open happening. And they keep cleaning the desks.

All this illness sounds horrendous. Poor ofteninaspin's DD - speedy recovery.

Sunndowne scholarships are tied to exams in which young men tend to do better. As with the Nobel Prize, gender quotas are probably not a great idea.

I hope your dd makes a swift recovery now often poor lass.

Welcome to our merry throng Strix. Sorry you've arrived when everyone seems to have plague.

Very sorry about your poor DD @ofteninaspin. Hope she feels better soon.

Get well soon often's DD, and all those affected by this very tenacious lurgy.

So I am sure some of you will remember my posts from last year regarding my son who was a first year at C and it all came crashing down towards the end of the year, we discovered he had missed lots of deadlines and in the end he did terribly in his exams which was a very stressful time. He has gone back and is now a second year. He has put lots of things in place to get organised and have a good year. It is heartbreaking to talk to him as he has come to te realisation himself that he has ADHD. I have known this for years if i'm honest but it was never the right time to talk about it, he wouldnt have been ready. It is time now. Any help gratefully received.

@Cliff1975 . It is so pressurised at O and C and I can imagine if one starts to slip it can spiral badly. On a positive note, the understanding and help does seem to be there now. And it is a relief that your ds is accepting of his situation and, most importantly, talking to you.

Cliff I will DM you.

Thanks for welcome @ohyoubadbadkitten. Actually mine has the plague too. But it seemed like old news by the time I got here.

@cliff1975 I was thrust into the world of ADHD very much against my will about 5 years ago. DD, who is at C, is not one of them. But my two sons both have it. So do a couple of cousins, and their father, and... anyway, I'm here is you need anything. I personally think a diagnosis and medication has done wonders for us. Feel free to DM me if you want to know anything specific.

@Cliff1975, very well done to your DS going back to C! Along with formal help and support for his ADHD, it might help to emphasise to him that like many 'differences' there are two sides to the same coin and in the case of ADHD, the positive side is that it can be associated with very original thinking/ creativity, high intelligence and huge success. Leonardo De Vinci, Richard Branson and Bill Gates, to name but a few - are all thought to have/have had ADHD.

So once your DS has proper support in place to field his challenges, he can then draw more on the advantages of his differences. I know he still has a way to go yet but I hope he can also focus on the fact that, despite his challenges, he got a place at Cambridge, he admitted, finally, to his struggles, he's accepting support and he's had the courage to return to university this year. That's pretty amazing!

Check your inbox Cliff

@Cliff1975 I remember the difficulties he was having last year.

DS has ADHD, which was diagnosed when he was 7. He is able to function fairly well (and access his course) thanks to finding a medication which suits him, and developing his own systems and routines for self-organisation.

The college insisted that he register with a local GP, who keeps trying to stop / change DS's medication, so that's a bit of an ongoing challenge.

Feel free to message me if you have specific questions.

cliff there is,so much support out there. My DS had a slightly similar difficulty. University system, with me prodding a bit at first, did wonders for him. Access all you can. A mentor is extremely helpful for instance working on prioritizing. Best of luck.

All credit to Cliff DS. It must have taken a good deal of strength and courage to return and determine to make a go of it. My experience of DC at Oxbridge is that lots of students struggle one way or another. A Jeremy Vine programme discussed those with ADHD who went undiagnosed until well into adulthood - prospects are so different these days. Best wishes - and embrace all help on offer from the uni.

Thanks for the update @Cliff1975 . Really rooting for your DS . I remember how brave he was last term and hope he gets the right support. There is no diagnostic or treatment service provision in the NHS for over 18s in my area which is just appalling. Patients have to seek a diagnosis privately . Trust it will be different in Cambridge and sounds like plenty of posters have direct experience. Echoing goodbye’s comment re lots of struggle; not all of it apparent. DD tells me that welfare hour at her college is super busy with Freshers who are finding things tough.

Hope everyone's children are getting over the lurgy, especially ofteninaspin. A few other universities also seem to have it really bad this year. DD (C) says it felt much worse than covid and also says quite a few students had pneumonia.

DD seems to be doing a bit more studying in the evenings this year. She (as usual) seems to have a lot of essays arrive all at once, which she finds quite stressful. It doesn't help that she hates to just "bang them out" and submit less than her best. She also reads incredibly slowly, which we find bizarre, as we are both very fast readers, as is her sister. This makes the essay research very hard. I am anticipating more 3am calls when she's in the middle of one and needs a pep talk. Poor bugger. I do feel sorry for the students with their short terms and crushing workloads.

She's also unsure of whether to stay in academia and be poor or follow the money. Many of her friends seem to be very well off and have connections and internships. I've told her there's no rush, but she finds the indecision quite stressful. I have to keep reminding her that she's still a teenager.

Social events are so much better this year. She's been doing a lot of clubbing and visiting other colleges for bops and dinners in hall, which is lovely.

On the career front, I sympathise, @CinnamonJellyBeans - DS has already started fretting that he has no clear idea what to do with the rest of his life - in a way there's been a logical progression to this point, and I don't know either what would suit him. I can imagine him staying in academia, but he too worries about not having much money if he pursues that...

I know, as you say, there's no rush, but the second year will fly by and then I guess early on in the third year they will want to start applying for things, so I think now is the time to start whittling down the options.

On a happier note, for the first time, today my parents are going to O to see DS and take him out for a good lunch. He's booked a table at Quod - it looks suitably swanky. Then I guess the proud grandparents will get DS's tour of the city.

DS1 is still not right after the lurgy but he's putting a brave face on it and going to his first Oxford Ball tonight. Postponed from last year. Hoping for pictures...

Don't know if this will help anyone but..

...DD found Cambridge careers fairs really helpful. I'm not sure whether they were then centralised or done by college but she definitely had some specialist input. She is not keen on the City/Law. She did some work experience in her chosen field in September 2019, just before starting her 3rd year. She stayed with my DF and commuted into the city centre to work for a week, thoroughly enjoying it. She was then meant to go to the same company's office in Munich in 2020 but Covid put paid to that. The company is still in contact with her; they like PhDs among their staff so she is still planning on taking this route. Sorry to be enigmatic over what it is, but I give away enough information about her as it is.

So DD was prostate in bed with a sickness bug! Not been that ill before. But tonight, she's up in her room doing light work. It sounds like there are more bugs out there this Autumn.

Career plans sound exciting malbefecan. I'll tell DD to check out career fayres. She has an appointment with them next week.