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Original poster

Sharing my income figures with my child

34 replies

marly11 · 21/04/2021 20:39

Are other parents who have children going to uni outlining to their DC their exact personal income? I've just been asked by DS to tell him my income. Since I've been divorced from his father for 8 years and DS hasn't been living with either of us for a while as he is working, he wants to know which of us to put down on the form for his maintenance assessment and therefore wants to know how much we earn. AIBU to feel I don't want him to know the precise details of my income... nor, importantly for me, have him share that info with his father who was abusive to me during our marriage. I feel that is very personal information I don't want to share with DS at this point in his very early adulthood. Surely parents, whether together or not, aren't expected to tell their children the exact details of their income?! (I had no idea what my parents earned... apart from it 'wasnt much' back in the days when uni courses were funded!) I'm content to support DS for part of his accommodation fees when he goes. He has earned a decent salary for a short while also so should make some contribution himself. The student loans site seems to suggest that students may not get adequate maintenance loans unless parents divulge this; I'm happy to divulge it to them but don't want him to have this information at this point in our lives. Anyone have any experience of this who could offer advice?

OP posts:
Embracelife · 21/04/2021 20:42

You don't have to tell ds.
He just ticks the right box to say parents to contribute
and you get emailed link to a form
That is then between you and students finance

Embracelife · 21/04/2021 20:45

So you will ger an email and form
Ds does not need to know
Biut ds will know the band you in because that says how much he gets

Tinty · 21/04/2021 20:50

As you are separated from DS”s father they (often), take the income of one parent as you have separate households. For DS the household with the lower income will give him a higher student loan.

Have a look at the threshold for student loans. If your income is lower than your Ex-husbands, DS will get a higher loan if he puts you down as supporting him, and vice versa, however if you have similar incomes but Ex has three DC to support (as an example), they will be taken into consideration for the student loan.

Original poster
marly11 · 21/04/2021 21:13

Thank you both. I think here lies the problem for me @Tinty. Ex used to be a very high earner . I have had further children and am recently a single parent a second time, this time shouldering the majority of the financial burden of that. DS wants to compare my income with his fathers in order to know who to use on his form. My income looks ok but my outgoings are huge atm. His father usually earns very highly but last year probably earned similar to me but he has no dependents. I feel very uncomfortable having to share my income in order for him to compare it with his fathers. Just doesn't feel right to me. Plus he will know my income figure which doesn't reflect what I really have in hand and then have expectations about what I should do for him financially - as with some DC of this age he is particularly self absorbed at the moment and focuses on himself and what I 'should' do for him. I just don't think my income should be known by my children, really at any point!!

OP posts:
Neonprint · 21/04/2021 21:15

How old is your son?

Original poster
marly11 · 21/04/2021 21:22

20... just so not old enough to be regarded as independent.

OP posts:
Embracelife · 21/04/2021 21:23

If you both earn similar just tell ds that and that it wong make any difference
Surely it s who he officially resides with? Or dies he use both addresses?

Original poster
marly11 · 21/04/2021 21:30

He uses both, though used to live mostly with me. This year only is working, so is not living with either of us! But again not working long enough to be considered independent. To be fair I'l do understand that I should support him somewhat in the coming years but have to say he's been pretty profligate with his money whilst earning it this year - he seems to think it's easy to come by. I, on the other hand, am working every hour I can to be able to support the family - in particular my younger ones now. Lots of reasons feeding in to why I don't want to be giving him exact figures about my income!! If I say 'well tell me what your dad earns and I'll let you know if I earn less' he may be forced in to a situation where his dad starts saying the same I guess - which is al of us playing games. I just didn't expect that student loans companies would expect that adults tell their DC their exact earnings!

OP posts:
HerRoyalNotness · 21/04/2021 21:36

It sounds more like you need to talk to him about income AND outgoings.

I don’t care if n’y D.C. know how much I earn (nothing Grin ) but H seems to have a real problem with it. I’d rather they know the level of income we have and outgoings to start learning about how expensive life is and how much they’d need to earn to have a certain life. My 13yo is always shocked when he sees the bill for the electricity for eg, it’s good they know!

Neonprint · 21/04/2021 21:36

It's an odd system. Aged 20 and living independently then getting student finance based on parents earnings.

Tbh though I think you should just share your income amount with him. But also detail your outgoings andaybe use it to talk about money and how he uses his. As he has a good few months to save a bit.

I don't know if I'm just from an open family, I don't think we're massively open. But would definitely share stuff about money. It feels a bit strange to me you'd keep that from your son.

Daisysway · 21/04/2021 21:39

If you don't tell your Ds he will know what your earnings are from the amount of his student loan! Its based on income from the previous tax year of one of the parents if not living together... so it would benefit your son to enter the parent who earned the lowest amount..HOWEVER.. Im not sure what he enters if he is not living with either of you.. Probably his own income if he is not going to return to his family home.

3cats4poniesandababy · 21/04/2021 21:41

Could you look at the bands for loan's and tell him which band. The government have an online estimatation calculator

Original poster
marly11 · 21/04/2021 21:43

@Daisysway

If you don't tell your Ds he will know what your earnings are from the amount of his student loan! Its based on income from the previous tax year of one of the parents if not living together... so it would benefit your son to enter the parent who earned the lowest amount..HOWEVER.. Im not sure what he enters if he is not living with either of you.. Probably his own income if he is not going to return to his family home.
From what I've read they are not considered independent until they are post-23. Unless estranged... and things certainly aren't that problematic! His income will be zero from next academic year onwards so his earnings this year aren't counted I think.
OP posts:
Original poster
marly11 · 21/04/2021 21:45

@3cats4poniesandababy

Could you look at the bands for loan's and tell him which band. The government have an online estimatation calculator
Yes that's the bit I can't find atm. I don't mind telling him a band but I don't want to give him precise figures ... and most significantly I don't want his father knowing my income. He's an abusive man I have spent many years working very hard to have no unnecessary personal contact with and total privacy from - for very good reasons!
OP posts:
Embracelife · 21/04/2021 22:16

On the pvs link click

if your income has gone down

these seem to be the bands
between £25,000 and £58,220 a year.

more than £58,220 a year but less than £70,004 a y

Iess than £25,000 a year,

Embracelife · 21/04/2021 22:16

And more than 70k

BilboBercow · 21/04/2021 22:35

I find this kind of secrecy about earnings very odd. Not wanting your income shared with your ex, fair enough, but I really don't understand why someone would be uncomfortable having conversations with an adult child about income and outgoings.

Original poster
marly11 · 21/04/2021 22:44

@Embracelife

On the pvs link click

if your income has gone down

these seem to be the bands
between £25,000 and £58,220 a year.

more than £58,220 a year but less than £70,004 a y

Iess than £25,000 a year,

Perfect. Thank you that's really helpful!
OP posts:
Original poster
marly11 · 21/04/2021 22:47

@BilboBercow

I find this kind of secrecy about earnings very odd. Not wanting your income shared with your ex, fair enough, but I really don't understand why someone would be uncomfortable having conversations with an adult child about income and outgoings.
Sorry you think that. For me any sharing with DS by default leads to sharing with my ex. Sad maybe that that is the situation I have found myself in for a long time... not one I would have chosen.
OP posts:
Nat6999 · 22/04/2021 00:04

I've been investigating uni finance as ds is 18 next year, if you qualify for free school meals or pupil premium your ds may be eligible for a bursary from uni. My ds is eligible for pupil premium, is disabled & a young carer & from what I understand will get a bursary for each.

BackforGood · 22/04/2021 00:20

I just didn't expect that student loans companies would expect that adults tell their DC their exact earnings!

They don't.
As has been said previously, the parent gets an e-mail and fills in their income.
The issue here isn't the student loans company at all, it is the fact that your ds is trying to play the system and pretend he lives with whichever of his parents will mean he gets a higher amount in his loan. I mean - I can see why he might if he lives fairly equally between you, but all you have to do is say "Oh, your Dad's income will be higher than mine" or "I earn more than your Dad"

Student finance aren't really interested in what you've committed to spend money on.

Siepie · 22/04/2021 00:28

@Embracelife

On the pvs link click

if your income has gone down

these seem to be the bands
between £25,000 and £58,220 a year.

more than £58,220 a year but less than £70,004 a y

Iess than £25,000 a year,

As I understand it, the bands are much narrower than that, e.g. this graph from Huddersfield.

So OP you don't have to tell him, but (unless you're earning over £65k) he will know your income to within £5k by how much money he gets.

Sharing my income figures with my child
Original poster
marly11 · 22/04/2021 06:32

@Siepie thank you! That's so so useful!

OP posts:
Firstbornunicorn · 22/04/2021 07:03

My friend was living alone and phoned the student loan company for advice. They told her to say she was estranged from her parents.

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