Sharing my income figures with my child

[marly11]

Are other parents who have children going to uni outlining to their DC their exact personal income? I've just been asked by DS to tell him my income. Since I've been divorced from his father for 8 years and DS hasn't been living with either of us for a while as he is working, he wants to know which of us to put down on the form for his maintenance assessment and therefore wants to know how much we earn. AIBU to feel I don't want him to know the precise details of my income... nor, importantly for me, have him share that info with his father who was abusive to me during our marriage. I feel that is very personal information I don't want to share with DS at this point in his very early adulthood. Surely parents, whether together or not, aren't expected to tell their children the exact details of their income?! (I had no idea what my parents earned... apart from it 'wasnt much' back in the days when uni courses were funded!) I'm content to support DS for part of his accommodation fees when he goes. He has earned a decent salary for a short while also so should make some contribution himself. The student loans site seems to suggest that students may not get adequate maintenance loans unless parents divulge this; I'm happy to divulge it to them but don't want him to have this information at this point in our lives. Anyone have any experience of this who could offer advice?

That is bum advice. You can’t claim to be living independently and estranged from parents without proof - documentation to prove renting elsewhere etc. And don’t think they don’t check - they very much do!!!

Also, OP, outgoings are irrelevant, otherwise I could say that although I earn a 7 figure salary actually I am poor due to having to pay mortgages on my three homes, maintaining my yacht and a stable of horses... (I wish)....

All you need to do is confirm your income is under £56k or not really - over that they won't ask for details but he'll only get the minimum loan, under that they will contact you directly for information. Can you contact ex to ascertain who is the higher earner and discuss the parental contribution element?

It's a bit more than £56 000, more like £65K.

If your income is over the cut-off, they won't contact parents if the applicant ignores the box to tick that they want to claim as much as they are able to, but even if they do, you can ignore the request to support the application if you know that it won't make any difference to the loan available and after a couple of weeks, the applicantbwill just get a minimum loan award anyway.

@IrmaFayLear But he is living separately. He has got his own address. I would do the same, tbh.

He wont know your exact income. Just the eventual band for the maintenance loan. You can find the form on the gov website above. The assessment is based on the previous tax year so 2019/20. It only includes taxable income so wages or income benefits (not tax credits) - what is on your P60. Deductions are allowed for other children & pension contributions. If his Dad was a high earner in 2019/20 he should put you on the form for this year. Just tell him to put you as you are entitled to extra deductions and he will get a higher loan. I just told my DS he would get the max loan as not all my income counted, his dad income would not count and an allowance was deducted for his siblings which reduced the income figure used further. He was too lazy to work out what our income actually was and he wouldnt have known the tax credits figure. Some unis offer automatic bursaries which can go up to £40-45k household income so its also worth putting the lower income for that reason.

Well that’s all right, Hollowtalk, but not useful as general advice. I remember reading about one student loan company person ringing the applicant who claimed to be estranged from his family and his dad answered the phone

@marly11

He uses both, though used to live mostly with me. This year only is working, so is not living with either of us! But again not working long enough to be considered independent. To be fair I'l do understand that I should support him somewhat in the coming years but have to say he's been pretty profligate with his money whilst earning it this year - he seems to think it's easy to come by. I, on the other hand, am working every hour I can to be able to support the family - in particular my younger ones now. Lots of reasons feeding in to why I don't want to be giving him exact figures about my income!! If I say 'well tell me what your dad earns and I'll let you know if I earn less' he may be forced in to a situation where his dad starts saying the same I guess - which is al of us playing games. I just didn't expect that student loans companies would expect that adults tell their DC their exact earnings!

Why don't you explain this to him? He's 20, for goodness sake?! Old enough to take this idea on. Work the issue out together.

if you qualify for free school meals or pupil premium your ds may be eligible for a bursary from uni.
My eldest has been given a grant from the university (£1,000 I think in year 1 and £1,500 in subsequent years) because they have been awarded the maximum loan. Each university is different as to how they offer bursaries/grants - it's worth looking at as it's money which does not need to be repaid.

Mine is confidential. Not everyone is a teacher with XYZ year of experience and everyone can look up the pay on a public pay scale.

You could just tell him that he will need to toss a coin and that if he ends up costing the state less that is morally a good thing anyway!

My divorce financial consent order (as I earn more than their teacher father) says I have to pay university costs which I would have done anyway for our children even had were it not in the court order but I did not have any second family with anyone else so in a different position from this poster.