Page 36 | Another path to greatness - part III

Original poster

chopc · 27/04/2021 14:18

@Xenia I don't understand your post. Are you saying people should think twice about reporting assault or inappropriate behaviour if it is "not too bad"? Who is the judge of if something is not too bad?

In any case the person should have thought about their career or reputation before doing such an act no? Why is it the responsibility of the victim?

I hope I have misunderstood your post

OP posts:

goodbyestranger · 27/04/2021 14:18

Nevertheless, they all seem to be having rip roaring fun making it, men and women alike.

LoonvanBoon · 27/04/2021 14:20

Wow, goodbye, from someone whose very first contribution to this debate was to call anyone who objected to that video 'uptight matrons', the accusation of being patronising is a bit rich.

goodbyestranger · 27/04/2021 14:20

I don't think you have misunderstood it at all chopc. I have to say you do seem easily shocked by an injection of level headed worldliness.

goodbyestranger · 27/04/2021 14:21

I don't think it rich at all but sorry if you minded!

LoonvanBoon · 27/04/2021 14:31

I know I can be patronising, goodbye, though wasn't particularly aiming for it here.

I don't mind you saying that half as much as I mind your comments minimizing sexism and insulting young women ('vacuous', 'the one with boobs' etc.) for playing along with a video clearly planned, filmed and directed by young men. That would be horrible enough from anyone, but from a teacher...?

goodbyestranger · 27/04/2021 14:34

The boys are equally vacuous Loon. Those in the video are almost all a really bad advertisement for Durham, which does actually have bright students.

goodbyestranger · 27/04/2021 14:36

Also, come on, the whole discussion has been about this girls boobs. I was comparing the girl who has been fixated on by posters here with another, equally vacuous, but no more vacuous than the boys. No-one objected at my repeat references to the silliness of the boys, or called that sexist.

FingernailNibbler · 27/04/2021 14:37

@goodbyestranger

Every single girl on that video is remarkably similar if you ask me: giggly and rather vacuous. Try distinguishing between the girl in the black dress with boobs and the one brandishing a croquet mallet. Same ambience if you ask me.

Hi @goodbyestranger I agree with you that women and girls need to be able to speak to men and boys and call out inappropriate behaviour at the time. Including on dates, if you don't want contact to continue. Where possible. When safe. Sometimes women and girls 'freeze' and don't necessarily articulate their distress/discomfort. Clear communication is best where possible. I hope as our girls know their value and trust their voices, they and their dates will approach interactions as equals.

Re the girls in the video. I think you're being quite harsh. This was 2013. They were raised with a mix of messages: girl power, yes, but be nice, complaint, sexy, "fun".

I think maybe it's like someone two decades ago smiling uncomfortably if someone made a racist joke, rather than making it explicitly clear that you disagree/won't tolerate such talk. To me they look uncomfortable (the streaker? Really? They weren't in on that 'joke') yet reluctant to "make a fuss" or "spoil" the boys' fun. Again, I feel the boys are entitled and know they can do whatever they like and the girls will go along with it. "Giggly"? Often when people (specifically people not in power) are confused/uncomfortable, they giggle. Perhaps it's a stress reliever. It doesn't mean they're airheads and it's insulting to imply that.

goodbyestranger · 27/04/2021 14:40

I can't see that the dictionary regards vacuousness as being reserved to girls/women. If it did, I would direct the editor to this video as strong evidence that vacuousness appears to be equally capable of being an attribute of boys/men as well as girls/women.

bendmeoverbackwards · 27/04/2021 14:42

@LoonvanBoon

I know I can be patronising, goodbye, though wasn't particularly aiming for it here.

I don't mind you saying that half as much as I mind your comments minimizing sexism and insulting young women ('vacuous', 'the one with boobs' etc.) for playing along with a video clearly planned, filmed and directed by young men. That would be horrible enough from anyone, but from a teacher...?

@goodbyestranger is a teacher??

Original poster

chopc · 27/04/2021 14:42

Sorry goodbye - seems you misunderstood. I was asking Xenia about her post

I would rather continue to be easily shocked despite having met more people from all walks of life than most due to where I am from, the places I have lived and through my work as well as travel, than accept your thoughts as an injection of worldliness ........

OP posts:

goodbyestranger · 27/04/2021 14:43

My three eldest DD's went up to uni in 2008, 2010 and 2011 and would certainly not have come across on any video in the way that these girls did.

goodbyestranger · 27/04/2021 14:44

You also said that you were shocked by what I said chopc. It would have been helpful if you'd told me I couldn't reply.

goodbyestranger · 27/04/2021 14:45

Apparently so bend.

goodbyestranger · 27/04/2021 14:48

No chopc my reference to worldliness and good sense was a reference to my take on Xenia's post, although to be fair you've no idea how worldly you are compared to any other poster.

quest1on · 27/04/2021 14:52

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ClaireFraser2018 · 27/04/2021 15:07

My DS has severe dyslexia and ADHD, now struggling through A-levels, quite discouraged right now, always wanted to go to university and study engineering, now now idea anymore what he wants to do after Sixth Form. Anyone in the same situation? Any ideas for a non-university path? Thank you!

quest1on · 27/04/2021 15:09

Claire - has he considered a gap year to just give himself some space? Maybe remember what attracted him to engineering?

goodbyestranger · 27/04/2021 15:16

quest1on far from being in thrall to my contemporaries, I had no difficulty in dealing with the twattier ones.

You clearly miss the point about learned behaviour, but I can't help you there.

I think your imagination might need reining in just a little, given your rather odd assertions which are not based coherently on anything that I've posted. Although apologies if I haven't taken some posts here too seriously, so reply a little flippantly. I just can't muster the outrage.

goodbyestranger · 27/04/2021 15:19

In fact can't muster anything much more on this discussion tbh :)

Why not let your DS choose, incidentally?

goodbyestranger · 27/04/2021 15:21

If I’m considering whether a given environment might suit my son

So that bit about choosing was prompted by this, which I find a bit odd.

quest1on · 27/04/2021 15:31

DS is not discussing unis at the moment as he’s in exams. Fair enough. Of course it’s his decision. I’m just worrying in the interim which I realise is pointless in the scheme of things, but there you go.

FingernailNibbler · 27/04/2021 15:34

@goodbyestranger

If I’m considering whether a given environment might suit my son

So that bit about choosing was prompted by this, which I find a bit odd.

In this vein, much of Mumsnet, and indeed, the original thread, are all...

Helicopter parenting? Failing to foster independence, leading to a weaker generation of adults? Every parent on the higher education topic should... focus on work? Get a hobby? Take some exercise? And let their kids get on with things, yes?

quest1on · 27/04/2021 15:38

Also, you really don’t need to enlighten people about leaned behaviours patterns, etc as this obviously goes without saying. But the argument things were worse in the past is hardly an excuse for the present. I’m not sure they even were worse in the past. Times change but the sexist entitlement prevails, maybe just manifests in slightly different ways?

You are lucky that you’ve managed to deal with the twats in your life. The point is, you shouldn’t have to.