Grad Ceremony guests - parents or BF

[GradGripes]

DD1 has been told her Uni are having in person graduation ceremonies at the end of July. She can apply for two tickets. Of course there may be spares, but no guarantee. I was really excited about this but DD seemed a bit unsure who to invite.

Should myself and DH expect to go? Or is it normal for one parent and DD’s partner or just partner. They have together 5 years and been living together since lockdown started. It is a 5 year degree and DD will be 24 if that makes any difference.

DH and I are still making a financial contribution as she only gets the minimum loan, but it seems awful to assume that entitles is to attend.

What do other people do?

I think the norm is for parents to attend, assuming relationships are ok etc!

parents were the norm when i graduated (admittedly 30 years ago so may have changed!!)

Parents definitely. Partners (before covid) watched it on a big screen.

Definitely parents I think, it’s a rite of passage for you all

Thanks that’s what I thought. I just don’t want to assume as I can see why she might want her partner to attend. Hopefully she can pick up a spare ticket.

Parents, especially where they have provided support ( financial or otherewise). They will always be the parents, but boyfriends come and go.

Parents but quite often they can apply for extra tickets (sometimes by way of ballot). We (DH and I) went to my DS and DSSs and so did their other parents (and partners) because they could apply for extra. However on each occasion the step parent had agreed to wait outside if there had not been enough tickets and all go to the meal together.

At one there was even an option to watch on a big screen.

However when I was admitted to the Law Society as a solicitor my DH and mum came as I was a mature student.

I’d make it damn clear that she’s to feel no pressure whatsoever re who she invites and if I’m omitted - then that’s fine. I’m just so proud of her and want her to relish the day fully.

Yep, inside might be devastated.
But that not for my daughter to know on this special day

DH and I are still making a financial contribution as she only gets the minimum loan, but it seems awful to assume that entitles is to attend.
Correct

Yes @Lentillover1900

That’s exactly how I feel.

Great
Well in that case put your thought about money out of your mind
And what others do
It’s about your daughter. End of.

It's normal for parents to go but that's mainly because if someone has a partner at "normal" graduation age it's probably someone they met at university and quite likely someone graduating at the same ceremony.

If your child has a partner I'd suggest one of you goes and the partner and you all have a celebratory meal afterwards. Personally I'd happily have given up my spot at the boring part (graduation ceremony) and just enjoyed the rest of the day.

Her boyfriend may have contributed squat all financially
BUHe may have been invaluable emotional support. Making her cups of tea at midnight the night before a big exam, running her in a bath when she got stressed about a essay deadline, being a listening ear when she had a disagreement with a tutor...

Yes @Lentillover1900, I have personally done all those things and more as no doubt has her BF.

I have also taken a second job to support her and my other DC through Uni.

I hope you get invited

Because I suspect all will not be well if you aren’t

Thanks @alreadytaken. That’s a really good idea.

I think I just want something to look forward to after lockdown hopefully ends.

@Lentillover1900

Because I suspect all will not be well if you aren’t

Why are you being so rude? OP hasn't said anything that suggests that at all.

Graduation ceremonies are often screened live so that others can view too, either at home and sometimes in other university venues too. If this is an option, I would definitely have one parent plus partner then photos and celebratory meal all together.

The ceremonies are so long and incredibly dull, I would probably prefer to watch remotely to be honest!

BTW, I've graduated 3 times - parents at 1 (dh graduating at same time), dh and 1 parent at next, just dh at the third - everyone was sick of them by that stage

Call it a hunch
But starting a thread on it when your daughter seems uneasy about it as to whether you should expect to be invited
Referring to your financial contribution
Referring to your second job you took on

As I say, just a hunch
I’d be so upset that my daughter felt uneasy about what is such a positive day.

Parents - as the main financiers of the whole 5 years for a first degree.
A graduation ceremony is very long and boring and they are the only people who enjoy it....the tears...the emotions...

Good point @WhoStoleMyCheese

I guess it's medicine? A lot of people have pretty serious partners by the end of the course. We all took our partners but we must have been allowed 3 tickets I think because I remember most peopleb having both parents there too. But I definitely had my fiancé there too - I think he'd have been miffed not to have come. (To be fair my parents made no financial contribution after we moved in together - he had a job - so that didn't come into it).

I wouldn't have dreamt of my parents not attending my graduation even though my now husband was my then very serious boyfriend. Luckily I managed to get an extra ticket but he would have totally understood if he couldn't come. However not sure if the situation would have been different if we were already living together