Grad Ceremony guests - parents or BF

[GradGripes]

DD1 has been told her Uni are having in person graduation ceremonies at the end of July. She can apply for two tickets. Of course there may be spares, but no guarantee. I was really excited about this but DD seemed a bit unsure who to invite.

Should myself and DH expect to go? Or is it normal for one parent and DD’s partner or just partner. They have together 5 years and been living together since lockdown started. It is a 5 year degree and DD will be 24 if that makes any difference.

DH and I are still making a financial contribution as she only gets the minimum loan, but it seems awful to assume that entitles is to attend.

What do other people do?

Parents, as they've probably paid for her education up to the point of the degree. Even if not private education.

Parents, no question. Boyfriend can join you all for meals or whatever if you want.

Never mind the finance, you've supported her emotionally for 24 years, the boyfriend is a relative newcomer and could be history this time next year.

Parents - and there may be an opportunity to enter a ballot for additional ticket(s). That’s the only way we could take our other child to the graduation ceremony

Overwhelmingly parents but (certainly pre-covid) it is usually quite common to be able to get a 3rd ticket.
Then, as others have said, there is nowadays often the option of other family / friends being able to watch on a big screen in a nearby hall or lecture theatre.
Then of course, all the photos can be with everyone, and going for a meal together etc.
All 3 of you can still be there to support her even if you can't get a 3rd ticket.

I’ve only ever been to one graduation, my daughter’s and I didn’t think it was boring at all, I was really proud to be there to see the first woman in my family graduate. There was the opportunity to apply for an extra ticket so my dad came as well as my husband (her boyfriend was with his parents on holiday).

My first degree my parents (and one set of grandparents) came, I was the first in my family to go to university the traditional way (my aunt did a degree through work) , and I went to a very traditional RG, so the setting was beautiful, I'm very close to my grandparents.
My second degree I was a mature student, DH came and I'm going to graduate again this summer for a postgrad professional qualification and DH will come. I think parents are the norm for first degrees unless a mature student.

It’s her choice. If it was a new boyfriend, I’d think that parents should get priority (assuming no problems in parent/child relationship), but this is a partner of five years who she lives with.

My parents came to my undergrad graduation, but DP, who I started dating in my third year of uni, came to my MA and PhD graduations. By the time a couple is living together, I don’t think it’s unusual for the partner to have become the main support, at least emotionally, so I don’t think he’d be out of place.

I think her partner should go and one of you. Then you could all meet up for the photos and a celebration meal afterwards. When my DH graduated he took me and my mum! To our everlasting shame , we never thought of asking his parents (who lived out of London) and he didn’t even have an official portrait taken for them.

Parents definitely, you've supported your DC their whole life, absolutely you should be there to enjoy their graduation. No doubt you'll be bursting with pride.

As it happens, I managed to get spare tickets for my whole family to attend (parents, brother and subsisted), as well as my then boyfriend. If it had been a choice, I'd have only invited my parents. The then boyfriend became history about 2 years later, and 20 years on, I'm still close to my whole family (because they're my family!). I'd have felt really silly if I'd only invited and attended with him.

If your DD insists on her boyfriend going, I'd try and get an extra ticket so you and your DH can attend too.

I would be a bit disappointed if DC did this but would not let them know that
It’s a serious relationship not just a casual boyfriend

With my younger 3 as our children have 4 siblings we always applied for extra tickets. Sometimes they said only that they might be available on the day if others did not turn up and we always managed to get 4 of us in rather than the allocated 2 (the 4 being me plus the 3 siblings). Even if they could not get a place in the day they would just have hung around outside and then seen the rest of us, had a meal out or whatever.

My twins - our last children - did not get a ceremony last year so I had to photograph them in my old university gown, hood and mortar board which I bought (unusually) when I graduated - better than nothing and the only graduation photos they have so far. Their certs came by post last summer.

As parents have tended to help pay rent etc never mind a 21 year hard slog including night feeds as babies the least the student can do is let the parent attend!

When I graduated 30 odd years ago it was made clear to me that my parents expected top attend even though I was by then living with my boyfriend who I later married.

It was my parents who supported me through uni and provided the financial contribution (unlike ds's parents who didn't give him a penny despite his grant being based on their income so he didn't get the full amount)

Is it definitely going ahead? Ds's Uni have just announced a further postponement of their July graduation ceremonies due to uncertainty about future requirements for social distancing. DS graduated last summer so was due to go to an already rescheduled ceremony. At this rate he'll be getting his Masters certificate at the same ceremony.

I've worked at a few universities and several graduation events. Usually there are spare tickets. Most are dished out during the initial booking session using a ballot system. But there is nearly always cancellations so always worth asking on the day at the graduation enquiries desk (if you are all still going to the venue) as there may be some more available. In my experience these are first come first served though, so if numbers are tight then she would need to be quick! Might be worth her emailing the graduation team and asking what the procedure is. Otherwise there is sometimes a big screen set up for extra guests to watch, and/or the ceremony is live streamed online so the extra person can still watch along and then meet up after to celebrate together

Of course parents should be there even more if they have contributed financially. I’m amazed it’s even a consideration that they wouldn’t ge

I graduated in 1989 and the general rule then was parents - we got only 2 tickets. It was a great sadness to me that my parents chose not to attend. There were parents who traveled from India and beyond to see their children graduate. Mine would not travel from Liverpool to Manchester and it remained an issue for many years to come.

There was no one else I particularly wanted to invite so I gave my tickets to a co-graduate who had a sick parent. It meant that her two sisters could also attend in order to support their mother. I know they enjoyed it. So the tickets were not wasted. I was helping with the graduation ceremonies so I made arrangements for them to sit on the very front row, next to all the dignitaries. I know they enjoyed it.

The only person I really would have wanted at my graduation was my grandmother, who helped and supported me to a far greater extent than my parents. Instead I imagined her there sitting on the front row. Unfortunately she died in 1977.