Abetes, thanks for your thoughts. DS1 would be happy enough to share accommodation with a few from his current household for next year but they're not 'friends' as such - just the only people he's really got to know a bit from his own college, as they're in close proximity. They don't really have much in common but they're very nice people. None of them though would be remotely interested in doing things like picnic/ coffee/ interesting discussions. That's the problem really. He's watched a few late night movies with them, played some card games and computer games - in his first term - but actually has no interest whatsoever in the latter two activities and little in common with their interests at all. He just joined in, in order to 'join in'. He gets on very well with most people but just hasn't met his 'tribe' yet, I suppose.
His subject cohort - some of whom, are on his corridor - are almost all female and tend to do that 'girl thing' females can do - band together in subgroups of loud, girly cliques. His college 'family' is also all female and his college 'parents' only did a couple of things with their freshers in the first term and DS1 felt a bit like they'd be happier without the token male there!
He's looked into joining a choir from a different college but it was all online and I think he sort of gave up for now but could consider this again maybe next year. Rowing has too early starts for him and it's sort of DS2's 'thing' so he hasn't wanted to appear to 'copy'. DS1 thinks 8.30am is early enough to get up whereas DS2 gets up around 6.30am like me. DS1's college seems to go to bed around 4am and get up around 3pm - so if DS1 is to get any sleep at all, he's had to shift his body clock to even later bedtime/ waking. It's a bit quieter this term though I think.
There does seem to be something happening soon with one of the societies he's involved in, although it only met in person once or twice in the first term and no one kept in touch online really - but he's going to meet up with them anyway and hopefully get to know them better. It does seem though that he'll have to go outside of his college to find people who share his interests but that's fine.
Sandybayley, you wrote, I wonder if you've inadvertently raised the expectations of your DT to expect something which just isn't realistic even in a non-Covid world. I had to have a bit of a snigger here as it's been the opposite really! They've heard mostly about my days of 'fear and trembling' at Oxford, dropping all extracurricular activities after the first few weeks as, for me, the work was overwhelming, feeling completely out of my depth from my northern school that had never sent anyone to Oxbridge before and really doing little but work all the time, as a student, to try to get to grips with a subject that was completely alien to my natural abilities and all my A levels (successfully in the end, thankfully!).
By contrast, I've been so pleased that DS1 and DS2 have been undaunted by Oxbridge life and have been able to participate in so much more than I did, take studying in their stride (doing subjects they enjoy and suit them best) and relish whatever's available to them, however limited in these Covid times. They weren't expecting country mansions and they know my tutor was, even then, a rare breed but also how much in awe I was of her.
I am amazed at how relaxed, informal and friendly they are with their supervisors/ tutors and fear doesn't come into it for them. It's very 'healing' for me to see them both getting so much more than I did from student life. Both are doing lots of extracurricular stuff - although lots of that doesn't involve meeting up in person, especially in DS1's case.
Both really are enjoying themselves. It would just be good if DS1 could meet more like-minded people like DS2 has done - so easily - at his college. I'm sure it'll happen eventually however.