Live at home or in halls - the big decision!

[Igrow]

DD has just received an unconditional offer to the university of her choice so naturally we are all delighted.

Uni is 20 minutes away on the train or a 20-30 minute easy drive, plenty of parking outside. Uni halls are opposite the campus so very convenient too. Campus is city centre surrounded by shops bars and restaurants.

DD ideally would like to stay in the halls, it’s £125 a week. Train fares and or parking would be about £30 a week.

DD has her own lovely room at home and a study, we all get on fine.

So, does she live at home and travel in daily potentially missing out on the independence, the social side of things, being able to stay with friends, what about freshers week??

We have a household income of over 60k so she is eligible for the smallest maintenance loan. We are happy to top up that to pay for the rest of her halls plus food and essentials books clothes etc. We have said though that if she lives out she would have to get a PT job to help pay for her social life. If she lives at home then her maintenance grant won’t really be needed and so there won’t be any pressure to get a pT job at all.

So....what is everyone else doing? Any thoughts or advice on the best way to go?

Halls for the first year definitely. Echoing what PPs have said - she will just make so many more friends. Even if her housemates don’t become her best mates, it’s being able to see a message from a course mate saying ‘fancy going the library for an hour and then heading to the pub?’ and being able to text back ‘yeah I’ll meet you there in 15 minutes!’ rather than saying ‘yeah I’ll just have to get ready, get to the train station and wait for the next train and then I’ll see you in about an hour’. Young people have such bloody spontaneous plans that are constantly changing (I’m sure anybody with teenage DC can relate - ‘No it wasn’t Friday I was going out, it was Saturday mum ) it helps to be close by so she can become a part of those plans at the drop of a hat.

I agree with PP that halls for a year, then possibly moving home would be good. When I went to university, I was already living with my boyfriend in the same city - I was 19 - so didn’t live in halls. I hardly made any friends, and generally missed the whole student experience. I really regret that now.

Interesting debate. My DS hasn't decided on his final choice yet, offers still coming in, however his insurance choice (very achievable grades) is likely to be a city 45m drive/train from home. We have asked for the accommodation info to be sent so we can get a sense of options.

I happen to work in this city and obviously drive there every day, however I work 8-6 every day so relying on me for lifts every day would be pretty restrictive for DS. He started driving lessons when he turned 17 last summer but due to endless lockdown has only managed around 12 hours of driving lessons.

I'd be keen for DS to live out to get the full experience (covid notwithstanding) but suspect he would prefer to stay at home. He is very introverted and not a great mixer. Yet, that would obviously incur a bigger outlay for us. DS eligible only for the minimum loan.

When will DD be able to have access to a timetable does anyone know? That will go a long way to helping to decide I think, although if I’ve read it correctly the fact we are in Wales means that she can get a much larger maintenance loan anyway so financially there’s not so much pressure.

I have read so much about the repaying of these loans, even though it feels bad to be leaving uni with up to 60k ‘debt’ as it will be if DD borrows the full amounts, including the tuition fees, I hadn’t realised that the repayments are not affected by how much you borrow, simply on your earnings.

Money saving expert Martin Lewis says borrow as much as you can!

The majority of students won’t pay back the loan unless they earn loads. Is she likely to do that? What are her ambitions and what is the course? If she’s going to repay £40 a month or even nothing is the loan a deal breaker? As Martin Lewis says, it’s a grad tax. It’s not a bank loan.

No one needs to send for accommodation details. Most universities have it all on line. Plenty of posters know universities and their accommodation!!

I think the other issue about DC mixing is that gaining confidence and joining in start to happen at university. It’s how someone matures. Will staying at home hold him back and what about job interviews when the time comes? I think a bit of spreading wings at university is a good thing. He might surprise you and himself.

Presenting Percy,

You were the one who brought up your DD going to Bristol and her experience.

I am curious about when she went. Universities change. Bristol has expanded a lot, and tried very hard to widen its social mix. My daughter knows a lot of commuting students, who seem to be having a good time.

This is not the only post where your daughter's experience seems a bit out of date. If you are going to use her experience to aid others, it would be worth being clear when she actually started.

On the borrowing money, Martin Lewis is just looking at the financial aspect. Other things need to be added in. Previous threads on this seem to suggest a split between those who eventually plan to work in London (where you want to avoid outgoings like student loan payments so you have enough left of your salary in order to be able to afford to live) or elsewhere (where the expectation is that you will be buying a property in your mid 20s.) But there are wider issues around attitudes to debt (I gain satisfaction from DC leaving University without debt, even if it means they got less money and we made do with a very old car), parental wealth etc.

Don't assume that it's halls where she is going to make friends. I made all my uni friends through my course or via societies/ clubs I got involved with. Then I met people through them. I was very unlucky when I started in halls. I had to share my room with a girl who bullied me, and I didn't really make friends elsewhere in that hall, so much so that I moved halls after a term (home was too far).
Being in halls makes it easier to go out partying in the evening though rather than being dependent on driving.

I can’t stand this idea of “oh don’t worry, borrow as much as you like as it’s unlikely you’ll ever pay it back” Is this really what we should be teaching our children about money?!
When I was going to uni it was very much the done thing and I was never introduced to any other options like apprenticeships. At all the student finance talks it was very much presented as a debt you don’t need to worry about.

In hindsight I’d have been much better off starting work at 18 and not going to uni at all but this was never even presented as an option to me. Yes you only pay back what you can afford but when I first started working on £17k I was paying off £30 a month but the interest was also £30 a month.

Now 6 years later I earn substantially more but it’s still £200 a month that I’d prefer to be putting towards my house deposit. And I still have £14k left to go on it and I went before the fees hike. I dread to think how many students are now leaving unis with degrees that are pretty useless to them as well as a shed load of debt.

Unfortunately she probably won’t get her timetable until the first term has actually started. They often get it in ‘Welcome Week’ and even then it is still subject to change

DH has suggested that she borrow the full maintenance loan each year and stick it into a savings account.
If she lives at home with us we will keep her, the maintenance loan can go towards a house deposit.
I can’t see her working and living in London. She’s doing media and communications.

@Igrow that's exactly what my dh did!!

Live in halls and have a lovely first year meeting tons of new people, doing sports and clubs and staying out dancing until dawn.

After all these restrictions what could be more fun?

Halls for sure.

My friend lived at home during uni because of her sport commitments. Meant she always had to either drive after a night out or sleep on one of our floors.

I think she regrets being at home, especially as she had to retire from her sport early.

What difference does having an older DD make? Some point scoring competition going on? Bizarre. It’s interesting most are agreeing with my views and indeed talking from their own perspectives that are much further in the past! Perhaps they should not post either in the @Needmoresleep world. Just leave it to a few people who are always right?!

This is not the only post where your daughter's experience seems a bit out of date. If you are going to use her experience to aid others, it would be worth being clear when she actually started.

Need Out of interest, In what other ways has @PresentingPercy ‘s daughter’s experience seemed a bit out of date?

Honestly @JunoTurner she cannot leave it be. I get sick of it. It’s relentless as you are picking up. It’s a valid observation from me as a mum. It’s just as valid as people posting about their own experiences which could well be 20 years ago or a lot more. It’s about give and take and not calling people out all the time. Who is to say one opinion is more valid than another?

@Igrow - would that be worth doing? DC said they pay £5% interest each year on their loan, and not many places are offering 5% interest on savings right now, so she might end up losing money.

@happytoday73

I'd normally say live in halls... Not sure I would in these covid times as could end up dead money with very little of the advantages of hall living

This. Can she hold off making a decision for a few more months?

DS' insurance choice will probably be a very commutable one hour away from us. I will be encouraging him to make a decision about accommodation as late as possible.

In normal times I would say of course you don't want to live at home but I wouldn't want my ds to go through multiple rounds of self-isolation in a tiny student room.

@HelloMissus

Live in halls and have a lovely first year meeting tons of new people, doing sports and clubs and staying out dancing until dawn.

After all these restrictions what could be more fun?

Totally agree but that is only going to happen if students and uni staff have been vaccinated by September. And even then we'll have people saying they still have to self-isolate every five minutes because the vaccine doesn't prevent transmission and won't we think of the vulnerable students who couldn't have the vaccine (not sure how many of those there will be).

red I agree that I doubt the next set of freshers will get the full experience.
But I think they’ll get a better stab than the current lot. Restrictions will have eased to allow certain things. So on balance I’d go for it I think (living in halls).

In normal times I would say of course you don't want to live at home but I wouldn't want my ds to go through multiple rounds of self-isolation in a tiny student room.

Except that students have been isolating in their bubble.
So, when someone in my dd's flat tested positive, they all locked down together - as a family would. Far more enjoyable than hunkering down here with ancient parents and not another young person in sight. Same through the lockdowns in November and January (now becoming February)

Definitely stay in halls. She'll miss out on all the impromptu fun and nights out and be like an outsider if she's got to go home every night. Moving from home via uni is a great safe way to do it. you're better to have the full uni experience. It's about more than just getting the grades.

DD has done a foundation year an hour from home in London, and tbh, living at home has not been an issue in terms of making new friends albeit in Covid times.
I would say the opposite of everyone else...live at home year 1, and then live out with a group in a flat year 2, with the new friends you make in Year 1.
The great thing is she can invite friends round to meals coffee at your house, and they will probably really appreciate it. If you all get on, I don't see an issue in her being independent but present. It would be a no brained for me if there was a great uni round the corner (there isn't)

I do think this year is different though. No one is going out. All DC are going home. Many doing foundation courses live at home anyway because it’s normal to choose the foundation course near home. Whether in normal times students will spend money on fares to go for a cup of coffee in someone’s home when there’s coffee shops on the doorstep of the university, or in their hall of residence, is debatable. From what I have seen students are very static.

Home of course can be parental home or hall.