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Higher education

Talk to other parents whose children are preparing for university on our Higher Education forum.

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Original poster

Live at home or in halls - the big decision!

81 replies

Igrow · 28/01/2021 21:34

DD has just received an unconditional offer to the university of her choice so naturally we are all delighted.

Uni is 20 minutes away on the train or a 20-30 minute easy drive, plenty of parking outside. Uni halls are opposite the campus so very convenient too. Campus is city centre surrounded by shops bars and restaurants.

DD ideally would like to stay in the halls, it’s £125 a week. Train fares and or parking would be about £30 a week.

DD has her own lovely room at home and a study, we all get on fine.

So, does she live at home and travel in daily potentially missing out on the independence, the social side of things, being able to stay with friends, what about freshers week??

We have a household income of over 60k so she is eligible for the smallest maintenance loan. We are happy to top up that to pay for the rest of her halls plus food and essentials books clothes etc. We have said though that if she lives out she would have to get a PT job to help pay for her social life. If she lives at home then her maintenance grant won’t really be needed and so there won’t be any pressure to get a pT job at all.

So....what is everyone else doing? Any thoughts or advice on the best way to go?

OP posts:

Woodlandbelle · 30/01/2021 09:56

I would normally say halls but I think with covid the remote learning is going to be a bit factor here. She may be working a lot from a tiny room isolated anyway. So I would save the money 100 percent and live at home.

VinterKvinna · 30/01/2021 10:01

@SMaCM

DD applied for a local uni. We suggested she lived in halls in year 1 and then lived at home. She ended up going somewhere further away and made loads of new friends in year 1. However at the moment I'm not sure and might keep her home for year 1 and then let her stay out year 2 if she wanted.

keep her home for a year, and let her stay out? surely its her decision?

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 30/01/2021 10:02

@Woodlandbelle

This. Most students are either stuck in their rooms vilified for trying any sort of social life; or returned home at Christmas and are still liable for all the charges in closed residences.

So I'd look at the T's and C's. We just need one variant the vaccine isn't effective against and uni's will be one of the first places to close/be locked down

Frouby · 30/01/2021 10:08

We have been having the same conversation with dd, who is a year younger. At the moment dd is leaning towards staying at home the first year and then house share etc for 2nd and 3rd year. But a lot can change in a year. Dd is quite private and quiet, doesn't really have an active social life even in non covid times. Happy with school and her sports and the odd cinema and meal with friends for birthdays etc, never had a boyfriend.

But am expecting things to change once they are allowed out. She also has a summer school place at local uni where they live in halls for a week and I think if that goes ahead as planned will decide what she does with accommodation. If she loves it she will go to halls. If not she will stay home. She knows if she's in halls she will need to work.

BackforGood · 30/01/2021 17:44

See, for me, that makes it even more important to move into halls.
My dc3 - a first year this year - has mostly been able to socialise only with her flatmates. Dcs 1 and 2 had more opportunities to meet people and therefore make friends, through sports, and through societies and clubs, and even tutorials and eminars, then walking back to accommodation together, etc. dc3 obviously hasn't been able to enjoy joining sports teams, nor much walking back from lectures / seminars / tutorials, so is really pleased she has been in a bubble with others in her halls.

LindaEllen · 30/01/2021 17:51

Usually I'd say it's best to live in halls in first year as you can be disadvantaged socially if you're going home every night - as that's when you make your friends!

But it largely depends on the covid situation at the moment. I think if I was in her situation this year I'd stay at home, as socialising will be online and can be done from home anyway.

I think living in halls is a brilliant halfway house between parents and your own place. You do have older adults checking on you and rules in place, but equally you take care of yourself and there's a lot of independence. It's a great way to learn how to live! But obviously things are difficult right now.

Persipan · 30/01/2021 17:59

If she chooses to go into halls, be aware that people who live nearby can sometimes find it more difficult than those who live further away, in that the temptation to just go home when you're feeling a bit weird about being away can be acted on so easily. If you've moved from, say, Edinburgh to Bristol, you know you can't go home every time you feel a bit homesick. If you've moved from just down the road, it's so easy to just had for the exit that sitting with (perfectly normal) feelings of homesickness can be harder. Which isn't necessarily a problem, but just be aware that once she's entered into the contract, it's unlikely she can get out of it even if she's not actually staying there.

PresentingPercy · 30/01/2021 17:59

Living at home is more like continuation of school. Just fewer contact hours probably.

You have not factored in what you pay for food, heating, and other expenses for her, just travel.

My DDs always felt DC living at home did not join in with much. They did not hang around after lecturers, spend all hours in the library or go out for late meals or entertainment. Yes, it has all gone at the moment but it is part of the experience for most. Even lots of the university clubs have evening socials but the commuters went home on the last bus/train. No drinking if driving. It is far more difficult to make friends and live out in house shares for y2 and y3. If you do not make friends on the course, then you are going to find it more difficult. Most carry on with mates from halls.

I think it shoud be her choice. If you can afford it, she should go and move on in her life.

EdithWeston · 30/01/2021 18:09

I would strongly encourage her to go and live in halls in her first year. Getting away from parents is important, and it's a completely different experience to be there 24/7

She can move back in if she does not find good affordable accommodation in later years.

scubadub · 30/01/2021 18:25

When I was in university 3 out of 6 of my friends were ppl that lived at home as the uni was in their home town. Halls would be a waste of money imo If she only going to be 20 mins away.

Covidcorvid · 30/01/2021 18:53

Dd has just been downstairs crying about how she has no friends. I know part of this is lock down and she hasn’t had the chance to get to know people at uni but I think if she was in halls it would be better.

Original poster

Igrow · 30/01/2021 19:33

She’s very sensible and although she loves the idea of moving away from home she know that the cost doesn’t really make it worthwhile.

She will still get a maintenance loan of around 3.5k plus a grant of £1k so she knows that by living at home that money will mean she won’t be under pressure to get a PT job. We are happy to ‘keep’ her at home (as in continue to pay for her food etc) as we are for DS who also lives at home and is an apprentice.

I’m just torn as I know living away will encourage independence and she’ll then have to get a job which again will bring life experience.

She’s a lovely girl but will lay in bed all day if given half the chance, I want to kind of make it a little hard for her so she has to get out there and work a bit (sorry if this sounds mean but it’s what I had to do and it stood me in great stead, I grew up very quickly) .

OP posts:

MarchingFrogs · 30/01/2021 20:42

She will still get a maintenance loan of around 3.5k plus a grant of £1k

Ah, you are not in England...

So ignore the finance specifics of my previous post...

I would still go for halls, though.

Original poster

Igrow · 30/01/2021 22:03

I’ve just reread the info for Wales and it appears that her maintenance loan will be much higher so that will more than cover the halls plus leave some left over. Our income is over the highest bracket and we live in Wales and she will study in Wales.

This is right isn’t it?

Live at home or in halls - the big decision!

OP posts:

Needmoresleep · 31/01/2021 07:25

Live in halls for the first year - if finances allow.

Then live at home. This is a pretty standard approach for London students living in London

But make a determined effort to join things (sports, drama subject etc societies.) For example if she is a member of a team (and there are lots of obscure sports suitable for novices) it can be training three times a week, matches on Wednesday, and at least one pub session.

That said:

check whether accommodation would be offered anyway, and, perhaps, how much actually happens in halls as opposed to the University proper. This can vary a lot.
how many first year live in halls. DD, at Bristol, has been surprised how many on her course are local and live at home. They do not seem to lose out.
How many go home at weekends. This appears to be more common than it was in my day, when it seemed to be mainly the more religious students who returned to their families. I would guess that most first years return home three or four times a term, and some return every weekend. One of DDs closest friends did this, without obvious social problems.
How large the course is. First year is often the time when you make friends on your course. By second and third years new friends are likely to come from your course.

But overall don't worry. If she wants to make friends she will. And in second year they will probably be scattered in flats all over the place, with a fair number not getting on with their flatmates, and paying a lot to be there.

Fastedbrownie · 31/01/2021 07:32

With some noticeable exceptions, I think living in halls is an important life experience and would encourage it strongly.

PresentingPercy · 31/01/2021 08:03

It depends very much on contact time whether living at home students join in or not. Few hours contact time means few hours with potential friends unless DC make a huge effort to join in. DD2 found London students did but commuting ones in Bristol on DD1s course didn’t. They did go home.

It shouldn’t be all about money either. It’s about growing up and being self determining.

Bluntness100 · 31/01/2021 08:06

Live out. Totally. The kids who don’t really don’t integrate as well, because so much of their socialising and spending time together, even study groups is in the evenings.

Also it’s a fabulous way to cut the apron strings, you’re living out, but still basically over seen.

allthegoodusernameshavegone · 31/01/2021 08:15

She’s chosen a uni so close to home, it would make financial sense to stay home. I loved living in the halls, but I chose a uni away from home for that reason. Great memories

user86386427 · 31/01/2021 08:23

This has got to be her decision, she is an adult and you absolutely have no right to interfere because you think she will be lazy, she has got to learn independence. Financially I understand, as I know you'll be expected to fill the shortfall, but totally inappropriate to weigh in on any other factor.

Halls vs home are 2 completely different life experiences, money is a factor but your daughter needs to decide if university is just education or a life experience and if the latter if it's worth the financial investment for her, for most young adults it is.

Bluesername · 31/01/2021 08:37

Live in halls.

Needmoresleep · 31/01/2021 08:53

commuting ones in Bristol on DD1s course didn’t

What year did your DD start at Bristol?

In the last decade Bristol have made huge efforts to widen participation through foundation years, reduced offers and links with local schools. This has meant that local students, who live at home, are common. DD's local friends appear to join in just fine. After first year there is not a lot of difference between being in a rented flat and living at home. Rental prices have risen so students are inevitably more scattered. And quite often home can provide a better study environment than a room in a student rental.

Labobo · 31/01/2021 08:57

I suggest living in halls, so long as lockdowns are over by then. Part of uni experience is moving away from home, learning to cope alone, cooking own meals, dealing with own shopping, laundry, mini crises.

PresentingPercy · 31/01/2021 09:11

Whatever difference does year attended make or widening participation? I specifically said commuting students. Not ones living in the city or a short taxi ride home. Commuters have to think about how they will get home. As DDs course requires certain A levels that fewer and fewer dc take I doubt participation has widened very much!

PresentingPercy · 31/01/2021 09:12

It was already very independent school heavy!

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