Another path to greatnesses

[chopc]

I woke up around 4:30 this morning and it hit me like a tonne of bricks. Couldn't get back to sleep so thought I will have a go and starting the new thread. Hope the title is not too cheesy

Hi all. Just checking in. DS seems totally over the redirection and I’m getting there. He does seem a bit underwhelmed by his other choices right now though. He went to an offer holders day for Modern Languages at Bristol today. He feels enthused about the city but I think he is worried about the ‘standing’ of the French Department. He said they were keen to point out they were in the top 5 for Russian and I think that threw/perplexed him. He wants a well regarded (prestigious?), rigorous, challenging course. Hope I haven’t painted him in too twattish a light there. Any thoughts/experience?

Do you know something? No one really gives a XXXX about the standing of a French department in the big wide world. As DD did French there I really can assure you it’s never been an issue. Never been asked about it. Who, other than a snobby MFL department for further study would really care?

MFL is one of those degrees where employers don’t employ you because of the standing of the department. It’s almost certain no employer is going to say, “oh dear, you went to Bristol! What a useless place to go!”. What they will really want to know is: are you suitable for the job? The standing of a department is rarely discussed by anyone other than academics. Most students don’t stay as academics. If he wants to stay studying French then Bristol is as good as nearly anywhere. It offers plenty for MFL students. Great jobs are available if the student wants it enough and many employers like Bristol. But they won’t be looking at whether the French department taught medieval French or the films of Brigitte Bardot.

Hello you lovely people. Have been looking forward all day to checking in with you all, honestly this place feels like such a solace at the moment as I'm ashamed to confess I'm still breaking down in tears at random moments.

Pathetic I know but I feel there's understanding here. DH said it's like I'm grieving and I do feel that I am in a way - feeling that the whole experience has been taken away from DS and now we are in a strange and scary new world where you have to think about things like accommodation prices for living out in years 2-4 rather than just returning to your lovely, affordable, Cambridge college...

Speaking of which thank you so much to @bendmeoverbackwards for sharing some London student experiences. DS is very keen on London and I think I am also convinced now that it will be a wonderful, exciting place to study (assuming UCL or Imperial give him an offer..!) What I can't get my head around is where he will live in years 2-4 and what it will cost. Clearly the loan will go nowhere near even covering his accommodation costs, never mind living expenses. Any words of wisdom on where the students live now that's affordable and not a two hour commute to lectures would be gratefully received...

@quest1on your DS does sound absolutely amazing, what a committed student. The more I hear stories like this the more I do not understand Oxbridge selection.

@hellsbelles and @lockd0wn101 yes please for any info on Bristol! I have to admit it's my secret favourite of DS's remaining choices. They have been so good with their comms throughout (in stark contrast to Imperial and UCL who have been non-existent) sending lovely friendly emails and even cards to congratulate DS on his offer. I know, I know, I'm easily swayed

I worry that because he was eligible for a contextual offer he feels it's somehow 'less' which is mad as their standard offer is as high as Oxford's for Physics.

@Tenpastseven I think I can identify with what you were saying. DS is also feeling underwhelmed with his offers and (at the risk of him sounding really knobby) felt like Oxbridge was his destiny (Maths) He is now considering his options but his thoughts over it are a bit all over the place (as are mine!)!

@Pumpkintopf it is a grieving process. I am mostly ok, getting excited about Durham and then it hits me and I am disappointed. Particularly as I know how much DS wanted Cambridge. I think it's a release of energies that have gone into the process.

Feel exactly the same as all of you - I’m trying to big up Durham for DD (particularly as Granny keeps moaning about how cold and far away it is) but I really do feel like Oxford would be perfect for her.
Thank you for that @goodbyestranger , as much as she loves the idea of Oxford, DD does actually prefer the course at Durham (7 optional modules instead of 2 and the opportunity to go abroad!)

@Pumpkintopf Dd also feels underwhelmed by her other offers but I think it’s still the disappointment of rejection.
I totally get what you are saying re contextual offers. Dd said she had to keep reminding herself that AAB at Durham is contextual and not a standard offer. I really hope we can visit soon .. it would make such a difference
On the whole. She seemed a lot better yesterday .. I’m hoping she is starting to make her peace with it

@mikeandike I went through the Durham course modules with Dd in an attempt to big it up. The number of optional modules are definitely a plus.. even she could see that the course was better.
Did your ‘ big up’ efforts work?

Contextual or not I would rathe my DS has an AAB offer for Durham rather than A*AA !

@CBear99 you make a good point about AL options - DS is doing both economics and maths and was really not enjoying the maths course. As it was his 4th AL he wanted to drop it but was told by school that as he was still consistently getting A's and not struggling he should keep it. After the Cambridge rejection I was going to tell him he can drop it if he wishes but now will just keep quiet. I think it will maybe open more doors if he chooses to go down the finance route rather than law

As I woke up at 4am again today (when will I sleep properly again?!), I had a look through the whole Durham thread and Uni life as a fresher in 2020 sounded very miserable even given the collegiate system which I thought would be less alienating than other Unis

@chopc my dd same as your dd doing maths and wanted to drop it, didn't because of cambridge, can emphasise with so many posters, didn't look at other choices fully and she maybe rushed them.
And as another poster said my mum would like dd to go much closer to home than durham.
Trying to get dd excited about it.
I wish all our DC'S could meet almost so she would know someone going there!

Pumpkin - I really do hope your DS hears soon from Imperial and / or UCL. I just wanted to say, stunning though Cambridge is, I’m sorry but give me South Ken any day of the week I kind of wish DS had been STEM-inclined because what a privilege it would be to have the opportunity to go to Imperial. I don’t know if you’re too familiar with it round there, but we’re generally lurking around there several times a week and you see the Imperial students. They have Hyde Park right there and they all hang out. Exhibition Road is pedestrianised, as is much of South Ken. At Xmas there is a lovely atmosphere with the ice rink in the corner of the Natural History Museum. It’s like a village really - you just happen to have things like the V&A thrown in! So many cafes and stuff to discover, or just hang out and watch the world go by. Did you say the main accommodation is in Acton? Don’t worry about that because South Ken tube is right there and it’s only 5 stops or so to Acton (on the Piccadilly Line). This will be why and that’s an easy commute. DS has friends in South Ken and Acton and they’ve all been backwards and forwards on that section of the Piccadilly Line since they were about 11. It’s no problem.

As for where London students live in the second year I’m also wondering this. DS could potentially move home, but I don’t think that would be ideal.

Regarding UCL, we did go up there just before Xmas. They wouldn’t let us into the campus, but I was amazed at how large the campus is, tucked away there. How did I not know this? It’s like an oasis and also quite an imposing sight from the gates. My youngest said, “Is that the White House?”

If you wander through the UCL campus there is something near Russell Square called the Garden Halls. It’s an intercollegiate hall, but will be mostly UCL I suspect. It’s like a hotel. Landscaped gardens, tennis courts, allsorts.

I am looking into potential accommodation at the moment too.

The imperial Halls of residence are at North Acton on the central line. The new building with Imperial College written on it is clearly visible from the A40 at North Acton and the imperial college web site concurs.

As my DD was a student in London, I can assure you rents are very high. Over £10,000 pa will be charged for swanky halls. I’m assuming some people will have to cut their coat according to their more humble cloth and not be able to afford the most expensive. However that doesn’t mean living in London isn’t fun but I would look at the prices of shares flats for subsequent years and work out where DC could live. Then decide if this is what dc wants. Some find the pull of London outweighs the cost and others pay up or live miles away. But be realistic about costs.

Yes @chopc exactly the point re contextual offers. She’s just really doom and gloom atm and struggling to see the wood for the trees. She’s realise she’s being daft soon ( I hope) and feel v grateful of her offers.
I’m sorry if my post was insensitive. I realise Dd is very lucky.. I just wish she could see it atm.
I have been keeping up with the Durham thread on and off too.. and yes like other unis, I guess it’s obvious it’s been a v different experience this last year. I guess our dc don’t know what it was to be a student in normal times anyway? Maybe it’s easier because of that? Dd knows a student in the year above at Durham who remains enthusiastic about her college and course. I still have great hopes for a good experience for them in Sept/Oct.

Oh @quest1on that's so helpful and lovely, thank you!! Please can we share accommodation learnings - DH tells me he hardly slept last night because I scared him so much with the cost of accommodation in London. There must be affordable areas/ways to live somewhere reasonably near surely?!

I hadn't realised that Acton was so well linked with the Piccadilly line, that makes much more sense now. Should have looked at a tube map- thank you! I was just harking back to my first job in Islington where a friend let me crash at her flat in Acton and I had to get the overland train after a twenty minute walk to the station - it felt like the end of the earth back then and probably helped explain why I moved home to Surrey as soon as I could and commuted as it felt like I was commuting ages anyway.

From what you describe sounds like there is a community feel then with students hanging out - I don't know why, probably the C rejection but was imagining students commuting for hours from zone 11 (!) for lectures then returning alone to their freezing rat infested bedsits. I hope it's more like getting the tube with their friends, hanging out around the university which does sound amazing, before returning to their warm sociable reasonably priced house share..!

@Beetlesand no you were not being insensitive at all! Please don't worry about that!

I don't know if my DS is putting on a brave front. Hope he will talk to his friends about it if he needs to but I think he is a kind of chap who will just move on

Just DH and I that need a kick up the backside to move on! Don't think feedback will bring closure

@PresentingPercy catered halls is Durham are also approx £8000 p/a odd. Guess that's still £2K less

I'm just lurking on your thread - sorry - but I too was a student at ucl at the same time as some of the others here. I was a relatively poorer student - I had friends who lived very centrally in flats just off Tottenham Court Road - they all shared rooms but still paid far more than I did. I lived relatively far out (I had to balance the first of rent Vs the cost of travel) but I had lovely friends who were prepared to find accommodation based on what I could afford each year. We didn't live near other friends but honestly I can say hand-on-heart that we had a great sense of community. London is just so easy to travel around and we spent all day on the uni site anyway (and UCL really is like a big campus) and still spent evenings and weekends with friends, eg in the Union bar etc.
I think if you've not thought about London much it's really hard to imagine how it works for students but I had an amazing time there. Queuing for theatre returns or Wimbledon leaver tickets or even just the big (and completely free!) parks and museums - I discovered so many interests I didn't know I had. There honestly is so much to do that doesn't have to cost the earth.
We live in London so DD didn't apply there because it felt too near home but lots of her friends have and I'm sure they'll have a great time.

@Chilldonaldchill thank you so much for sharing that. I've previously worked in London but am a country mouse really and never properly lived there although we have tried to visit with the dc over the years so they understand there is a world outside our little rural county! So the pictures you're all painting of how actual student life works are so useful.

@PresentingPercy any top tips as to where students could live/where to look? The unis say they have an accommodation service, no idea how good that is. Also the thought of paying a 52 week rental contract is eye watering but I guess students are competing for properties with actual people who want to live in London all year round so maybe 39 week contracts are hard to come by?

Compare all of this to a guaranteed whole of your degree course in very reasonably priced halls in C - all contributes to (my) sense of being underprepared and overwhelmed. DS seems fine but then he's always been reluctant to engage in any of these minor details..!

Can I say that what many dcs (and parents...) are mourning is the fantasy Oxbridge experience. The ancient college, gowned dinners, profs in tweed jackets.... BUT many colleges are not like that. They don’t have formal dining, the academic staff are young and very untweedy and the architecture is akin to a multi-storey car park - and one on the outskirts of town to boot. Even those who get a place are sometimes grumbling (rather cheekily imo) that they don’t want to go to the college offered because it’s ugly .

No @IrmaFayLear that did not make me feel better
My DC would love to have the opportunity to moan about being allocated to an ugly hall!

When DS was offered an ugly C college a couple of years ago, I'm embarrassed to say we moaned too. How we regretted that moaning when the offer was rescinded 2 days after A Levels results day... The misery was then compounded by being allocated the most ugliest college at Durham which looked more like a Butlin holiday camp than a Castle! 😆 Of course, he later went on to love his college.

@chopc Mine would as well. She applied to a big traditional college but she would have jumped at the chance to go to any Oxford college - she just wanted to study there. She got rather ticked off last night with the boy in her Durham group chat boasting about his Oxford offer and how he was planning on declining because he didn’t really want to go and only applied to see if he’d get in .

@chopc

As I woke up at 4am again today (when will I sleep properly again?!), I had a look through the whole Durham thread and Uni life as a fresher in 2020 sounded very miserable even given the collegiate system which I thought would be less alienating than other Unis

The 2020 Oxbridge freshers had some pretty miserable times too. Might be worth have a read through that thread too for balance.