Oxford and Cambridge current students discussion thread

[sandybayley]

Starting a new one as we filled it up!

Can't believe DS1 will be home in 2 weeks. Must remember to adjust the Ocado shop for when he's back. I suspect we may end up with a few days of his favourite meals 😊

DD is juggling weekly essays for politics and philosophy along with worksheets for economics, & stats and now has coding thrown in for a few weeks as well. She is working everyday, with one quieter day mid week, as she has Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday deadlines. There seems to be a lot of resources to read and she worries about missing any out. Her chemistry friends also have a heavy workload. It only seems be PPE, chemistry and medics who are back, so it's a bit hard to judge how busy others are.

How are people's DCs getting on with still being stuck at home for all this term - those of them in this position anyway? I'm aware that it's becoming a bit like groundhog day now for DS1 and DS2 and I think they're worried they're missing out on university life, given there seem so many other students who are back and happily socialising with peers in their households - particularly at other universities.

Is it really so great to be back at university or are people largely staying alone in their college rooms and only having one trip out a day for a walk?

We aim to go for a family walk a few times a week and DS2 usually goes for a very early morning run daily - but otherwise they're stuck at home studying - like so many of course. We get together a lot and chat too but this isn't the same as contact with peers.

No social contact with peers at all for DS1 (C) but he's really enjoying his supervisions now with the younger supervisor for his main module and finding at last what he was looking for academically - lots of vigorous discussions and intelligent feedback on his essays - which are actually marked within 24 hours!!!! (He's still waiting for the return of an essay handed in to his other supervisor last November....). However, his subject cohort and household don't really message or chat and his college family have no contact going on either.

DS2 (O) has more extracurricular activities that merit contact with peers and also had made some new friends in the first term and so he does some messaging with them - but it's limited.

It's a bit like being back on their gap year - stuck at home with only each other and with me. I do worry about how they'll ever make a good group of real-life friends and have girlfriends and normal young-person life experiences. I feel quite sad when I see them looking online at May Balls and Formal Halls and talks at the C and O Unions and wishing, hoping and expecting (?) they'll have those experiences one day too.

So I just wondered how other people's DCs are coping - at home and back in college?

DS is at home and coping fine. He says there is not much point being back as so few students at his college are back and apart from the first couple of weeks he was mostly stuck in his room due to household isolation and then lockdown! He keeps in touch with some Uni friends via WhatsApp, plays on line chess and is working very hard. He gets more sleep (his flat was pretty noisy, thin walls) and some home comforts including the cat's affection.
The Maths dep. and his tutors are super organised and it is all very clear what is expected.
All in all I'm very proud that he's making the best of it.

DD is becoming anxious. Her course has been quite disrupted by the pandemic and she is feeling unmotivated.
It is DS’s birthday this weekend and his household have arranged a pizza zoom call to celebrate. They are also sending each other postcards and generally trying to keep each other going. DS loves his course and his tutor/supervisors are very attentive.
On a less positive note, DH has just been made redundant which is obviously a huge worry.

I'm sorry to hear that Often, it must be a big worry.

dd is burying herself in her work, but isn't at the stage where she would normally be at this point in the term. She's worrying quite a lot about third year exams - not knowing what form they will take is hard when it determines whether they can stay for a fourth year or not. She should be absolutely fine, but the not knowing is very difficult.

Her college are being really, really bad though. Instead of supporting students, they seem to be doing the opposite. I wish I could share more about this, but I don't want to out dd. I fear that they will have lost lifelong loyalty amongst their alumni to be.

How are people's DCs getting on with still being stuck at home for all this term?

He is really missing face to face practicals.
Then, in no particular order: college catering, the college gardens, being able to see friends face to face, living independently and being able to study without distractions.

Yes really sorry ofteninaspin, immensely tough. Also really sorry to hear about the approach of your DD's college OYBBK.

That sounds really tough Often. Is your DH in a profession where he is likely to find work soon?
Kitten such a shame that the college are being so difficult. The response to the pandemic across different institutions and colleges has been so variable - I have heard some horror stories. And the 'not knowing' is very stressful.
Hugs to you both.

Often that sucks.

OYBBK that is not a good.

DD seems to be bimbling along. No great stress or worry. She has just finished a piece of work so is in a bit of a dip - but that is normal until she gets into her next piece and not caused by being at home. Not many of her friends are back yet and the ones that are keep asking when she is coming back because they miss her partying ways. So her FOMO is not kicking in.

Oh ofteninaspin, sorry about DH, hope new opportunities surface.
Hugs to little kitten. The least colleges can do is be sympathetic!

Oh crap @ofteninaspin - hope your DH gets something else soon. I remember my Dad being made redundant at about this age and it being terribly had emotionally.

And sympathy to @OhYouBadBadKitten - I am so cross that as your DD's time at Cambridge comes to an end she's leaving without warmth to her college.

Had an interesting chat with DS1 tonight (he's going back to Oxford on Friday). He's quite hard to engage with on personal stuff - unsurprising since he's an 18 year old boy. I asked him if he ever worried about being amongst such a bright peer group. I think I was thinking about myself as I have terrible imposter syndrome at work but n occasions. And he said he did. Now I'm worried that I've planted an unhelpful seed in his mind 😬 I'll have to dig / reassure when I have him in the car on Friday.

I’m really sorry to hear about the unhappy news that has been shared on here. To think, we were all looking forward to 2021 being a new and better year…

Lockdown restrictions are taking a heavy toll indeed, and I continue to be surprised at the forbearance of our young people. I would have expected that there would be more resistance to the rules but instead from what I can tell there is weary resignation.. and a gradual spread of despondency. DS tells me that because there are so few in college and because the rules are so stringent, there is a real sense that everyone is under surveillance, and this is getting to some people.

Against this backdrop I am pleased that DS is still trying to make the most of it. He’s enthusiastic about his subject and doesn’t know how much he’s missing due to no in-person teaching (I do though and it makes me sad). On the social side, expectations have had to change and whereas a highlight in the past might have been a gathering with lots of new people or even rugby training in the halcyon days of the beginning of last term, this term it is a run in the park with a friend from another college, or a walk to get a takeaway lunch. The imminent arrival of the chemists is a cause for celebration. In not so good news, DS is no longer allowed access to the erg machine: he shared it with someone else from his bubble but this was frowned upon because “gyms are dangerous because of covid”, so it’s back to home-made workouts.

Ofteninaspin, I'm very sorry to hear about your DH's redundancy. I hope he had other options soon. On top of everything else, this just adds to the challenges.

It's very difficult for our DCs not to be able to socialise or have any sense of when things might get a bit better and now I see from one of the other threads that Scottish unis are staying closed until August/Sept, I worry that others might follow suit. It's strange to think that our DCs may never even meet their current tutors/ supervisors face to face. First years like DS1 and DS2 have little experience anyway of f 2 f teaching so don't even realise what they're missing.

Ohyoubadbadkitten, I hope your DD's college improve it's approach. How awful for her to feel the opposite of supported by them.

Good luck to those students returning to college soon. I hope it's not too bleak and the change of scene may help in some ways.

But mutterphore the Scottish unis have very different term times to the English unis, Oxford and Cambridge in particular. It's far more radical to cancel in person teaching at a uni whose term ends in June than at a uni where the teaching ends at the start of April (Edinburgh then moves to revision and exams).

At the moment, DD4 is being told Trinity is going ahead. Obviously, could change.

dd says her faculty expect to return next term.
I had a mathematical discussion with her today where she, tongue in cheek, reduced humanity to being entirely anecdotal, almost the entirety of maths as being anecdotal and only the purest form of maths as being real.
I have no idea what she said, but it was good to hear her saying it so cheerfully.

Invading here to offer my sympathies, to all the young people and redundant dhs (been there... aaaggghhhh )

I feel that it is definitely the youngsters who have it the worst. Ds graduated last year (except he didn’t) and he and most of his friends are becoming increasingly depressed. Last night he was worried that he will never have a family as he’ll never meet anyone if life is forever more in your childhood bedroom

Kitten, so sorry that your DD's college isn't being at all supportive. That's rubbish.

Irma, a sad state of affairs for your DS and friends. I hope there will be light at the end of the tunnel for them soon.

DD's department seem to be tying themselves up in knots with changes to her course. Last month DD was asked to cancel a second overseas fieldwork project and replace it with Oxford based lab work. Now all third year lab projects are cancelled as the department is giving priority to first and second year labs. Quite rightly, of course, as these years need to establish the fundamentals/develop skills. However, DD and others who chose lab and field work options are having to switch to online modules that are far removed from their original choices and it is only three months until exams.

Thank you all for your sympathy regarding DH's job. It is new territory for us to navigate but we are trying to be positive.

Like snap I’m sorry to read of the tough times for often and kitten. Delighted that Mutter 1 is getting some quality teaching though now, we’ll probably all have a cheer when the final essay from last term comes through!
DD’s Master has sent a lovely email to them all , sympathising with the grimness of it all and hoping for a better in person Cambridge summer.Everything that can be crossed is crossed. DD’ s supervisor this term is only physically allowed into her college and office once a week, so a flurry of documents comes through from her , scanned in person for the weekly essay. Its easy to forget that the academics are having a difficult time too. DD managing to stay positive and working hard. Has been socialising online more this week with her extended household which is good. I think gestures like the Master getting in touch and knowing her supervisor is going out of her way to support her really make a difference . As someone said upthread, she’s missing the college and Cambridge physically and the independence of last term as much as the social contact. Hardly dare mention the Scottish uni announcement...

So sorry to hear that, often and kitten.

D1 (O) is having a tough time too. She's anxious and stressed and feels she can't cope with the volume of work. I think all this has created a perfect storm. A very tough first term in Oxford with no fun or socialising to balance the work. Weeks of self isolating. Illness, possibly stress related. Now stuck at home, cut off from friends, most of whom are back at their universities. And I think she is, like many others, a perfectionist when it comes to her work so is setting herself very high standards. At the moment she feels like this is going to be a 3 year miserable endurance test.

I'm sure that things will improve for them all, hopefully from Trinity onwards, but wish that there was some real support from college/uni and more recognition of how difficult times are for them. She has been able to meet so few people, there is no support network there. I ordered a college matriculation photo for her and she said she only recognised a handful of people on it (basically her household plus a couple of others).

We've definitely hit 4th week blues here!

Oh Jules your poor DD. How unspeakably sad that students are thinking of their time at university as an endurance test.

It sounds like your DD was diligent about obeying rules, hence not meeting people outside of her bubble. I’d be willing to bet that those who bent/broke the rules had a much happier start to university life. Many will call this selfish, I would call it sensible, and life-affirming. I’d much rather hear about large snowball fights and secret parties than young people stuck in their rooms without friends. But then again, I happen to think that lockdown is a disproportionate response that causes more harm than good. There, I’ve said it.

@SnapSnapDragon I entirely agree with your post, and would like to endorse your views on lockdown. Let’s hope that vaccination does indeed point the way out of this mess, and that our DC can enjoy the university experience for which they worked so hard. Hopefully Trinity will mark the start of better days.

DS managed to have an enjoyable first term without breaking any social distancing rules. A combination of striking lucky with his household, playing sport and the huge efforts made by his college to make it a positive experience. Admittedly, he doesn’t know many people in his matriculation photo either!
He’s managing fine at home at the moment - he would rather be back in Cambridge but is getting on with his work and is generally cheerful. It’s his birthday today and his Oxford sister has put her loyalties to one side and made a cake decorated in Cambridge blue icing.

Happy birthday to Master Often! What a lovely sister.

@ofteninaspin that's lovely

Julesjules I don't know if this would help your DD at all, but Oxford does seem to have some good workshops & podcasts available on perfectionism & other common issues. I think many of them are all struggling at one point or another.

www.ox.ac.uk/students/welfare/counselling/workshops
www.ox.ac.uk/students/welfare/counselling/self-help/podcasts