Oxford and Cambridge current students discussion thread

[sandybayley]

Starting a new one as we filled it up!

Can't believe DS1 will be home in 2 weeks. Must remember to adjust the Ocado shop for when he's back. I suspect we may end up with a few days of his favourite meals 😊

Some similar issues often and kitten.. DD finding it hard/impossible to focus in her ( tiny) bedroom, she moved into the half decorated dining room today and says its much better. Obviously what isnt there is the feeling of being surrounded by other people who are also working and being immersed in an academic environment which she really enjoyed, even in it’s neutered form last term. She a bit meh about the ( surprising) numbers of people who have gone back to college pleading mitigation; admit to a degree of incredulity that so many people have poor broadband/ sleeping six to a bed at home but there it is. Yes, the magically self populating fridge and saved rent are some compensation but not much.
Checked in on the Oxford offers just now, bad day for Historians, when people are saying their DC are in, are they? Surely they’ve got to be conditional on something still?

I think there was an unconditional based on Advance Highers. The rest seem fairly confident that they will meet their offers in August.

DD went back on Sunday. They have allowed so few to return that Hall isn't open yet, which is a bit tricky in a catered college. She's cracking on with far more work than she was achieving here, but I am torn that she's gone.

Reading through the Oxford offers makes me feel a little emotional but then I'm a wimp like that! So tough not to get an offer but I'm sure that wherever these DCs go they will make a success of it. And by September things should be a lot better in terms of university experience (or am I being unrealistic?!)

Hopefully other first years will be allowed back into college. It was an expensive option but I'm glad DS opted for continual rental as he says he will work much better there than here. As much as I'd like him here I'm just happy that he seems to have settled so well despite everything. His college have been very supportive and said they're trying to find a way to make it possible for all students to stay in college during the Easter holidays. Fingers crossed!

D1 also furiously working on two essays (one finished) before collections at the end of the week. Lack of library access is a bit of an issue, tutors are taking it into account, she's also ordered articles and chapters from the Bod, and a book she ordered from Blackwells arrived today.

She's missing her household, and the experience of being in Oxford - but at the same time knows it would be a fairly solitary existence much of the time. She's appreciating saving money on accommodation and food as well as having a proper kitchen at home.

Most of her friends have gone back to university - just seems to be the Oxbridge ones who haven't. She knows of one friend who's heard today that they've got a place for October, but hasn't heard anything generally from school. It does seem to have been a tough day for history applicants on this year's thread, really feel for those students and their parents.

DS is managing ok, he says he doesn't mind being at home too much and a full fridge and washing done has its compensation! I'm proud of him for nor making a fuss.
Collections on Friday, 2 papers with an hour off for lunch

Just chatting to DS1 about applications being made for permission to return to Oxford. His college has requested anyone asking to return for mental health reasons to supply a GP note. They've been inundated with requests and need to prioritise some how. I can see the reasoning but surely GPs have other stuff they need to be getting on with..,

DD1 is going back on Saturday. I will miss her very much but she will be in the right place. It took her 2.5 hours to watch an hour lecture at home so it really isn't workable for her. DD2 went back to her uni last weekend. She lives in a private house and one lad was already back there. She took a covid test on Sunday morning. When DD1 gets back to Cambridge, she has to isolate until she returns a negative test. However, as she will be the only one on her floor, they have said she can use the kitchen so I'm sure she will be fine.

Given the latest news, I have asked the DDs to forward me their email confirmations that they are allowed back in case I get stopped. Last Saturday the roads were pretty quiet if very foggy in the Midlands. I was doing really well on my way home then just before the Devon sign on the M5 all traffic was held. I thought it might be to check what people were up to, but it was just to remove some debris. Me and my guilty conscience!

Hogh it must feel odd to have her away with what is going on. There is nothing ideal about this is there?
Some colleges are being so strict on this and others are not and it adds to the feelings of unfairness.

DS is struggling to make the transition from vac to term time without the accompanying switch in environment. Not a valid reason to return, but a challenge nonetheless.

dds college are absolutely adamant that she cannot return despite difficult circumstances here. The letter the senior tutor wrote was absolutely ruthless. It felt that there was no sense of care towards those really struggling.

But presumably they think that students who really need to return due to mental health reasons will already be in contact with medical services? I’m sure mine could both claim their mental health would be better if they went back to college, but they, along with most of the country, just have to make the best of it. Oxford colleges were initially far more casual about letting people return (maybe so they didn’t need to refund rent) than Cambridge in my opinion

I’ve just come from a dry run for our first vaccine clinics in our area ( incidentally running really hot). I have to say with all due respect there are probably very few students who NEED to return and for the majority it’s a want/ preference. All of our DC will work better in the academic milieu they worked so hard for. It doesn’t mean they should. All of them are suffering and missing out. No -one , literally no-one is thriving . Sorry, I’m tired, don’t mean to offend anyone but the flexing ( across society generally)is upsetting . We’re nearly there , it’s a few more weeks.

Hobbema - good luck with the vaccine clinics. That's great to hear that things are progressing if we can all just hang in there.

DS1 and DS2 have embraced the return to home life and although they'd much prefer to be at university, are enjoying each other's company and hopefully mine too and home comforts.

DS2 (O) has college collections shortly and has been working hard for these and also connecting with some of his extracurricular activities/groups online. DS1 (C) - who is still waiting for last term's essays to be marked and returned and for his official feedback on the first term - is looking at the covers of the books he needs to read for week one but hasn't quite got round to opening them yet! I have no idea how he remains so relaxed about everything.

We're remaining in our bubble of three and haven't seen anyone at all outside of this but that's fine and I love having them home, despite the extra domestic tasks, exponentially higher food bills and the joy of juggling full-time work, remotely. I do really hope though that they might get back to university for the summer term if this is at all possible and that they can experience at least a little more of a normal student life.

@hobbema - I agree with you. For the vast majority it's not a need to return but a wish.

I guess it's not surprising that so many students (at least at DS1's college) have pushed to return with some (tbh) quite flimsy reasons. It's a shame because DS1 knows at least one student who probably does have a strong case to return but their return is thwarted as the college tries to identify where need is greatest - and that's causing them greater distress at this time.

with all due respect, but for privacy reasons I have obviously left out important details. I am very very fragile right now so will hide this thread.

I'm sorry to hear that Kitten, hope things improve very soon.

Sorry to hear you're struggling @OhYouBadBadKitten - these are difficult times and I hope those who need support the must get it.

@OhYouBadBadKitten It is difficult atm. I was so near broken in the run up to Christmas. I am normally the one with the wet shoulder so it was a real surprise to find I was sliding into a hole. If you haven't already reach out to people in real life who can support you through. They don't need to be friends or family. Much love x

None of us know what other's circumstances are & it is really easy to accidently project our lives onto someone else's situation. I know I am super guilty of it. In my head everyone has 2 kids, is wfh, eating far too much and trying to not drink too much wine. In reality everyone has challenges most which aren't remotely like mine.

DD is finding being at home really easy because her work is what she was already doing and all of it is online. I can imagine that for courses where there are group tutorials it is more difficult where some are in the room and others are joining on line. And impossible where there is lab work. My challenge will be getting DD to go back to college when it reopens.

Until someone tells me different I am going to make the choice to assume that everyone is doing their best in very difficult circumstances & just because they act differently to me it isn't a wrong decision (unless they are a member of the cabinet or Donald Trump). I feel my frustration & anger melting away already.

I agree with @Unescorted I think many people do make sweeping generalisations based on their own experiences. I think on MN many make the assumption that students home life’s are great, huge houses with gardens, parents working from home, free meals and laundry. Unfortunately my DD know many people not in this situation, there are some people that were forced to stay in university through the rest of the academic year after March 2020 as their parents simply didn’t want them home if they had their accommodation paid for.

We really can’t generalise and assume that many of the students asking are trying to pull a fast one, especially with things like mental health nobody can guess a person’s personal circumstances.

*OhYouBadBadKitten", I'm sorry that things are so tough at the moment and I think we're all just trying to put on a brave face and focus on the positives whenever we can. I hope that whatever's going on for you, that things improve.

As Unescorted says, none of us knows what other's circumstances are and probably most of us on here will hide the hardest and most negative things in our lives, in any case. I hope you feel you can come back on the thread as you're a very valuable member and I've benefited from much of your input in the past.

Take good care OhYouBadBadKitten.

I think it’s worth remembering that comments on Mumsnet are simply a snapshot of what’s going on in our lives and can not possibly reflect the whole situation. All our lives are different for a whole myriad of reasons - as they were before the pandemic and as they will be after it.

Hope everyone is doing ok.

DD & I have spent the day checking out her new tutor. All I can say is the pink hoodie wearing artist on the Courtauld team on University Challenge has nothing on him in terms of dress sense. The You Tube clip was dated but we had a good day roaring with laughter. She is now sticking masking tape stripes on a long hooded cardigan to get the look. She is going to hang it in the background for her first tutorial if she is feeling brave / foolhardy.

At least if she gets sent down she doesn't have far to travel.

So sorry to hear your experience @OhYouBadBadKitten. It seems to be a pattern that many of those who have a real need to be back in College are stuck at home, while others have returned with some very obviously flimsy excuses. Sad thing is that those who are genuinely in need are often the least likely to make a fuss. Doesn't do much for improving inclusivity...

fred there certainly needs to be a recognition that the same words mask a range of circumstances. Here not enough space means that dd has to clear her art work off the table before we have dinner each night, but she has her own room to do her tutorials and workshops. For others not having the room might mean that they need to turn the volume up to hear over next doors arguments or at the other end of the scale they don't have their own study.

Sometime the lack of space is a mental one & there is no financial cure for that if you were born to head pecky parents.

Each person has to live with the decisions they make - I just hope they understand the consequences reach beyond their own advantage.

@fredakahlo - puts it very well.

I am frustrated that students at O who DS1 knows well and who have come compelling reasons for being back in Oxford can't return because the college has been inundated with requests. DS1 has been told by some of those who have claimed extenuating circumstances that they know they don't meet the criteria but thought they'd give it a go.

Changing the subject, for those of you who've had a 2nd DC apply - is it more or less stressful? With everything as it is at the moment I yearn for a stress-free period but with DD applying for 2022 it feels like it is going to ramp up again 😬 Reading the 2021 applications thread makes my heart sink.