Oxford and Cambridge current students discussion thread

[sandybayley]

Starting a new one as we filled it up!

Can't believe DS1 will be home in 2 weeks. Must remember to adjust the Ocado shop for when he's back. I suspect we may end up with a few days of his favourite meals 😊

I'm impressed that they get such things. DD wasn't given anything more than target, predicted or achieved grades throughout 6th form. My last parent's eve was in year 11.

I would be seriously hacked off if I thought students were judging me on the fact that I had gone out for a coffee, gone to Boots to fetch a prescription or retweeted Mary Beard

Haha yes

I'm also in the boat of not knowing very much about what DS1 has actually been doing and I have no expectation or desire to know much more than I do. He is an adult and if he needs me to get involved he will ask.

And on Twitter usage I'd say a tutor for a entitled to spend their free time as they see fit. I'd hate anyone to judge me for the time I waste on social media when I could be doing something for work.

Mutter his tutor is entitled to space and a private life. If your DT1 has an issue with the marking he needs to speak to people in his college. It might be useful to support him through different approaches he could use if he is not feeling confident enough to speak out.

I know DD's course is very self directed, but I get the impression that she gets out if it what she puts in. Her tutors are there to help her explore her approach not tell her what she should be doing.

if = of

DD apparently gets a very brief report. It's a science subject though so that might account for brevity. I've no idea if DS gets a report and he hasn't mentioned anything. He does, however, have a lot of vacation work. His friend at a different college reading History and Politics has no vac work at all and was only expected to produce one essay per week last term. Workloads obviously vary hugely by subject and college.

It's me who has the issue about unmarked essays and his DOS making time for other things - not DS1 who is relaxed about it all. Because I'm the sort of person who doesn't miss a deadline and prioritises responsibilities like this, I suppose I'm less patient with those who are more laissez-faire.

Often, it's helpful to know that there's variability between colleges and subjects about workload as I only really have DS1 and DS2 to compare and their experiences have often been polar opposites. So it does help to keep things in perspective hearing that other colleges may be less dissimilar to DS1's. One of the great things about MN.

CAUTION: overinvested parent in the bagging area, work in progress.. !! @ofteninaspin, “only”one essay a week for Dd meant reading teens and sometimes more of books every week, working alone most of the time,
2.5 contact hours a week. It’s exactly what she had researched and expected her degree to be. Much of the vac spent watching lectures she needs to catch up on in prep for prelim to prelim ( possibly another prelim in there) for Jan. I’d say workload depends on the student tbh ...

"workload depends on the student tbh ..." agree, @hobbema, although the Cambridge friend in question is a diligent sort of lad (with an older sibling who went to Oxford) and he was surprised that the workload didn't really ramp up as term progressed.
DS's course has a high number of contact hours in the first year and a mix of weekly problem sheets, essays and longer term projects. DS says his first term exceeded expectations; he has just loved his supervisions.

It's me who has the issue about unmarked essays and his DOS making time for other things. That's the thing though, you have absolutely no idea about his DoS's life and responsibilities. Why on earth is your DT1 reporting back to you on whether his tutor has been spotted in Cambridge and on his Twitter updates? Is he stalking him?

Hoghgyni, DS1 isn't 'reporting back' about anything!!! We've just spent last week catching up and in the course of various conversations and email exchanges whilst DS1 and DS2 were away, lots and lots of news was shared between us. I'm the one who 'honed in' on the differences between their experiences, asked further questions and gleaned information. We're all very close and share lots of news with each other as a family. It's always been that way and I've always enjoyed hearing about their lives.

Isn't it kind of expected that if you have DCs having hugely differing experiences in places you might have (wrongly) assumed were similar institutions, you'd be thinking - oh, why is it that he is having that kind of experience and the other one such a different experience? Anyway, that's the sort of thing I do as I've always wanted them both to have equally happy and fulfilling lives. Of course this isn't realistic as our DCs will have the lives they have but I think it's fairly normal as a parent to want all our DCs to get the most out of life.

AS I said earlier, I have no idea what might be going on his DS1's DOS' life and so can't know the full context. I just come onto MN to share my concerns and offload a little - with my prime motive being for my DCs to both be happy.

hahahaha! Mutter you sound like my Mum because I am projecting. In the end I stopped telling her anything because of her honing in and over analysing everything I mentioned in passing.
Me: we went out for a drink last night...
Mum: who is we, where are they from, what do their parents do, what subject are they reading. I hope you are doing your work and not partying too hard - you went out last week too.

Mum: You didn't answer the phone when I rang last night
Me: [who had sat down for the first time all day] yeah I was busy.
Mum: Too busy to answer the phone to me
Me: yeah just finishing some work [actually out partying but not wanting to get into a long discussion about the whys and wherefores]
Mum: what mark did you get, what mark did [insert name of person randomly mentioned in passing 3 weeks earlier get?
Me: don't know

Mum on every subsequent call: what mark did you get, what feedback have you got. I am sure my children will complain I take no interest in their lives.

I gave up telling her anything - 30 years later I still only give her the minimum amount of information about my life.

I am sure my children will complain I take no interest in their lives..... that inserted randomly. It should have been the last line of that post. . I can only wish my Mum would give me that much space.

Unescorted - OMG, I can see your mother and I would have got on very well! Terrifying!

Actually, my DCs tend to share lots about their lives spontaneously. So I don't think they've quite got to the stage of not telling me anything. Of course for all I know, they may have a secret double life going on in the background about which I know nothing! LOL!!

My own mum (long deceased) would have said we 'have the gift of the gab' as we're always chatting away and never shut up (I think that's my Geordie/Irish origins coming through!).

That's funny @Unescorted. I try to be restrained in how much I probe but my problem is that I forget what I've asked. So DS1 will tell me who had met up with but by the next day I've forgotten who it was and annoy him by asking again.

DS1 has been saying how pleased he is to be at Oxford as, all things considered, he thinks he's had the best experience compared to his friends at other universities. Durham and Cambridge friends have had fun but the London friends in particular have a tough time.

Yeah - DD is chilled at Oxf. It sounds like once they are behind the gate they are left to get on with it. Having said that there were only 5 cases at her college so maybe making it more enjoyable to be mixing in a college cohort than going out has paid off.

mutter I would be disappointed for DD if she didn't have a secret life that she told me nothing about.

Yes to secret / not secret life. DS1 was WhatsApp/ing a certain young lady during University Challenge last night (his college was on). He thinks I don't know but his was sat right next to me. 😂 I'm old but I'm not completely clueless.

Sandy awww....

Sandy sweet! I try not to probe too much either, although when ds was younger we had to have a conversation along the lines of :
DS - why do you want to know how so and so is?
Hua - it's a women thing - being interested in people etc

He really could not understand why I was interested in his friends lives. DS shares quite a bit about his academic life (which I can't understand anyway, he had a long chat in the car today about Matrices and linear algebra ). He is quite private about other things though, although getting better. I tend to ask fairly inane questions though, like 'who helped with your shopping when you were SI' and 'who is a good cook in your household'.
I think he has enjoyed his first term too although trying to work out who the noisy/party people are so he can try and avoid sharing with them next year!

Confession time. I look at DD's FB friends list if she mentions a name. I quite like to know what they look like & where in the world they're from. I get stumped on Izzies though, as she has at least on the list called Izzie. Shhh. Don't tell.

That’s sounds familiar @HuaShan! DS will talk about economics for hours but will not indulge my interest in the rest of his Cambridge life. DD, on the other hand, doesn’t hold back on the gossip and is inclined to share more than I need/want to know!

I couldn't talk to DS1 about Chemistry for hours. I got as far as A Level Chemistry but have forgotten most of it. Safe territory for conversation is a) dog b) politics c) dog. He loves the dog.

DS1 has been trying to shock me with his tales of drinking. I think lockdown and proximity to Tesco means it has been a big source of entertainment. I pretend to be shocked but really can't get very excited about it as, ahem, his father and I did much worse as students.

He's out tonight out tonight playing 5 a side with school friends. Would be interesting to hear how they've all been getting on but it's highly unlikely I'll get much detail out of him.

DS had one drink this term; a glass of wine at the matriculation dinner. He has yet to find an alcoholic drink he likes the taste of.

Re stalking the DC’s friends on FB... DD’s friends have friended me which I find a tad disconcerting. But apparently I’m a “legend” so that’s ok then... 🧐

There is no way I could follow one of DD's lines of thought for art. It is a case of trying to find space for it on a wall or a shelf.... we haven't moved on from primary really.