Oxford and Cambridge current students - discussion thread for anyone with daughters, sons etc there for Michaelmas 2020 (and not just freshers!)

[DadDadDad]

A continuation thread for those attending Oxbridge for the first time this term, but it makes sense to throw it open to anyone with a DC there (or other family member, or maybe you're a student yourself or teach / work there - all welcome!) Share your thoughts and questions on college life, courses, etc. A certain virus has made it a bit different for everyone this year...

I have a DS who is a fresher at a small Oxford college in a small subject. We will be taking him there in just over a week.

Golf courses are explicitly on the closed list - I'd have thought they would be one of the sports most easily done with social distancing (provided no access to the 19th hole, of course). So I wouldn't hold out too much hope for tennis tbh.

Golf makes no sense. Ahead of the last lockdown and since then our club found ways of players avoiding touching the pins, which is really the only precaution needed.

Had a good catch up with DS last week (3rd year C). He was saying how a lot more students were doing sports as a way to get out and meet other people. All the rowing outings also help with some level of routine. Oh well.

DS also thought work was less intense, I guess there is less travel as well as socialising. He doesn't have any labs this term, must also make a difference. His household (mix of 3rd years and Freshers) are cooking much more even if the gyp is tiny- another way to hang out together. They have a weekly social night plus special occasions ( Halloween). I've reminded him to particularly look out for any quiet Freshers.

DS2's college (O) seem to think that rowing is still possible, so he's very pleased - but I guess they might have to revise that. He's been very clear that he didn't want a last minute visit today and actually prefers no visits this first term anyway. He's much too busy and very happy and has been making some good friends and immersing himself in college life.

DS1(C) has also not wanted a visit but he's continuing to struggle to find any like-minded people in his college. He'd met a few from a society/ club he's joined and was so relieved and happy to be able to talk on the same wavelength again but that society may now stop as it's not exactly possible to do online. So that's probably put a stop to him beginning to make friends.

He was comparing and contrasting his brother's life at O. Bro. has been chatting about philosophy/ politics and history in the college bar with a good bunch of friends, his college 'family' are regularly taking out their 'children' and are a lovely group. He's been working in the Rad Cam and having very interesting and stimulating discussions in tutorials.

Meanwhile, DS1's peers seem only to want to play card games like Snap or go bowling - two activities he's not really been interested in since he was about 8 or 9, although he happily joined in, as he's good at mixing with anyone really. His supervisions are with people who either don't do the preparatory work or who don't really seem to be all that interested in the subject. His college 'family' don't seem to be involved with their 'children' and only took them out once at the very start of term. He can't meet more people in his college as almost all the Fresher's are still in isolation and now, because of lockdown, he can't meet people outside of college either.

As a very sociable and easy going individual, he's taking it in his stride but it's not been the experience he'd expected and I think he's hungry for intellectual stimulation, which is a bit weird given he's at C!

It's a bit frustrating not knowing which C college that is, mutterphore! The selection process is supposed to weed out people who aren't interested in their subject.

D1 has had a bit of a miserable weekend, including a trip to the out of hours GP - not covid related, although she was sent for a covid test as a precaution, which was very straightforward at the university test centre. However, this means her household is now isolating until the results come back tomorrow. They could have ordered dinner from hall but have opted for a takeaway which someone from another household is kindly collecting from the plodge.

Spotted in Oxford today...

Lovely catch up with DS1 today. He is so happy and that makes me happy.

Jules sorry to hear your DD has had a rough time and I hope she and her household are out of isolation very soon. It's difficult to be a happy parent if your DC isn't a happy DC.

Sandy, I'm glad you had a good trip to O and that's a great photo!

Greektome, I'm certain that the vast majority of students at DS1's college must be interested and engaged in their subjects. It's got to be because of these unusual times that DS1 just isn't meeting them at his college but at least he met some from other colleges.

It must be simply bad luck and the lack of opportunity to meet, casually, other students as no one's eating in hall, DS1 won't use the college library as you have to wear a face mask all the time there, the gym and JCR are closed and everything is online, plus the vast majority of Freshers are still in isolation.

Now his various societies are not going to be able to meet anytime soon, I think it's yet another block to developing friendships.

Aw Sandy, happy child, happy parent ! Great to hear of these fortuitously timed catch ups. It was going to be next weekend for us...
Re send port... a million times yes.
Sober No-vember suddenly even less appealing.

First post after lurking (and enjoying) for a long time. I have a fresher DS at Oxford and I’m concerned he has got in with the “wrong crowd” I’d appreciate some perspective, particularly from those who have been round the Oxford block a bit. His new friends are not from his college and they are mostly Americans in Oxford for a year or even just a semester. He’s been partying with them and, reading between the lines, has had his head turned by all the female attention. He's now talking about going on holiday with them (I have a nasty feeling he may even mean term time) because "if he’s working online it doesn’t matter where he is". Anyone have any experience of these kinds of temptresses?! And does anyone know whether Oxford are thinking of relaxing the requirements to "keep term"?

It's lovely to hear stories from those who have been able to squeeze in visits to their DC!

Can’t remember if any of yours are Merton choral scholars - if so, their live broadcast today was sublime!

Hi Snowbother. It’s so difficult supporting our DC from a distance.

As far as I know, the residence requirement still stands but I am not sure. My first thought about what you write is that lots of plans don’t materialise, and that planning a trip doesn’t mean anyone will act on it. Another thought is that overseas students who have limited time in Oxford usually want to make the most of it. I find it unlikely that many will want to miss out on precious term time, even if the work is mostly online.

My only thought Snowbother (and this is easier to say than to live by myself) is that we have to accept that our DCs are adults now and have to be left to make their own mistakes.

Sure, we can be there to advise and of course maybe being there to pick up the pieces if things go wrong. But it might they have to discover what it means to mess up a term or even see the threat of failing, to work out what they want out of the course they have chosen to do. Sorry, I'm starting to sound preachy, but I have to remind myself that there's not going to be a "parents' evening" later in the year, or a moment when a tutor is going to phone me to discuss any concerns about DS's attitude and progress... He owns this.

DS is home. Sees no point in locking down alone in his single room with no kitchen facilities at all. He has no face to face teaching at all this term so says it does not matter where he is. To be fair he is much better off working in lockdown here as we are very rural with plenty of space. We have no one around us and we all work from home. A few of his friends have also gone home.

Will the choirs be allowed to rehearse under this new lockdown?

Fab pic @sandybayley and so glad you had a good visit.

We popped up to Cambridge to see DS in a chilly pub garden. He’s much better in real life than on the phone. I feel so relieved for having seen him. He’s even grown! We were in a pub I last visited with a baby DD literally 20 years ago. Strange feeling.

Snowbother sometimes freshers go a bit mad in their first term — though more rarely in covid times I think. I expect it will all fizzle out but I can imagine your worry.

Had a very quick visit to DD (O). She was not quite as upbeat as usual but one of her housemates and close friend left Oxford today after obtaining a waiver of residency due to a (non-Covid) illness.
DD thinks her college is doing a great job keeping college events going and they are running a fabulous outdoor cafe/bar. We're a bit confused by the sports situation. DD seems to think (hope?) that universities have exemption for squads because they are in an educational setting and are effectively bubbles?

@mutterphore, I am saddened to read of your DT's experience and I am also intrigued as to which college this is. My DS would be disappointed too if he hadn't people as engaged with his subject as he is.

Goodness, lots of mixed experiences being reported today. Fingers crossed for the sports; that would make a huge difference although I'm not getting my hopes up.
I'm surprised and sad to hear about people going home but if the alternative is isolating on their own I can see the appeal. @elastamum, what year is your DS?

We went to Cambridge today to meet up with DS. Had a wander around the shops and went to a café for tea and cake. It was wonderful to see him, especially as I no longer take things like that for granted these days.

He is happy with his course choices and all of them are going well. Interestingly, the course he wasn't sure about is the one he is finding the most interesting.

His household don't socialise together at all; they each seem to have other groups they hang out with. DS often ends up going for meals alone, but this doesn't seem to bother him too much.

He has been trying various new activities (last week was a poetry evening and a craft club) and has managed to meet a wide range of people, so he is usually able to find someone to chat to or go for a walk with.

He seems quite content.

The last parcel I sent (mid-October) was well-received, and he mentioned that he is looking forward to decorating his room for Bridgemas, so I'll send him a parcel in a couple of weeks with some Christmassy things to help it feel more festive.

That's a good tip @Ironoaks, thank you. I don't think Bridgemas is on DS's radar yet.
My DC are usually quite resilient but there is a marked difference right now in how they are feeling. It's all new and interesting for DS so he is happily getting on with it. For DD (third year), this term just isn't normal. Not only the social and extracurricular stuff but her degree content is affected too (being a heavily lab based science). She is missing the sheer busyness of an Oxford term and the random social interaction and stimulation usually provided by actually going to lectures/talks/events.

Thanks for the Bridgemas tip @Ironoaks. Getting on it while its still ok to shop for non essentials.

@mutterphore; DD and DN (both current C )and DH (alumnus) tell me it is literally unbelievable that students would come to supervisions unprepared. I think your DT1 is extremely unlucky in his supervision partners. That said DT1 has sole supervisions!

solo .. not sole!