Uni Halls and Drugs.

[Tinygem]

Dd moved into uni halls recently, everyone else in her apartment does drugs and smokes. She hates it. Am I being naive thinking that she shouldn't have to put up with it. Spoken to uni with a view to her changing accommodation, without mentioning any details at this point. Despite it being against the rules they didn't seem bothered.
Such a shame. Has anyone else any experience of this?

I think it's very common now, much more than it used to be. I sent a student home from a residential trip because she was upsetting her roommates by doing drugs (and jeoparding our relationship with the accommodation owner who we rely on to be able to run this residential trip that is part of our course) and got an absolute bollocking from the student support services and a load of abuse from her father as apparently it wasn't a big deal her getting off her head and being aggressive to her roommates or some dodgy drug dealer coming around to the accommodation.

'Recreational' drug use has become endemic in many parts of mainstream society. My DD has a couple in her lage flat. I'd be very surprised if some students in your DD's sixth form weren't using too.
Get her out if it's the dominant thing in her flat. Even into private shared house, if need be. They can't/won't be stopped and, if it's not her thing, it's miserable to live with.

My daughter had this in her first year. 12 person flat. Loads of peer pressure from the alpha female who repeatedly accused DD of being boring. By the end of the first term she was the only one who had not given in, so was regularly woken at 4.00am when the others came in as a sort of punishment.

It was really grim. Like Yr 7 on steroids. She should have asked for a move earlier but though somehow she could win the others over. When she did move (as an emergency following a seriously dreadful incident) she was with some very nice girls. Her now best friend cut her losses much earlier and was put in a quieter flat with a good group that she went on share with for the next two years.

If the second flat had not worked out I would have paid for a studio apartment. The level of drug use was not only unacceptable but dangerous. It took DD a while to rebuild her confidence but she is fine now. We do not think this will be true of all. There are bound to be casualties.

DD should ask to move immediately and say why. I thought universities put like minded students together these days and had quiet accommodation. She should say why she wants to move. Otherwise it’s difficult to find a reason.

Very common. One of DD’s flatmates Last year was a popular dealer 😳 not dud t bring his “work” home so that’s ok then?!?!?

Get a transfer and yes say why

My sons could hard.ly believe how many people smoked when they went 3 years ago (and they still don't smoke). It was amazing amount - yet hardly anyone we know at all smokes now. However they all smoke outside not in the houses/flats.

There should be a lot of empty rooms at the moment, with student numbers being down. They should be able to move her.

Thanks for sharing your experiences. It's becoming obvious that it's pretty common. She feels unsafe, people regularly coming into the apartment during the night. Its also apparent that despite all the supposed covid regulations students are doing pretty much what they like. The uni seem to have a blase attitude to drug use. All been a bit of an eye opener. Time for a rethink.

I think it's sadly very common.
Even in schools.
We have recent experience of 3 different unis and at all 3 my DC said that drug use is widespread. Mainly ket.

Already my DD (doing post grad) has rescued a young girl student, off her face to the level of incontinence, in the city centre.

Some unis are worse than others and it's almost a standing joke among my DCs old school friends, that they chose to go to those ones for the recreation rather than the courses.

I have wondered at times about the extent to which the mental health
problems we often see in students is down to the use of drugs like ketamine. My university knows there is a huge problem with it but seems disinclined to do much and, as I said, was not at all happy with me for making an issue out of a student buying and taking drugs on a residential trip.

When I was at uni there were halls, houses and flats where there was lots of smoking, drinking and drug use and others where there was none. Uni accommodation office seemed to have done a really good job of allocating out people to the right houses without outright asking us (obviously) whether we engaged in any! And people who found themselves in the wrong setting requested transfers and usually got them.... no idea if covid measures affect that atm though. I do feel for your dd, it must be horrible to live in those surroundings if it's not at all your thing.

TinyGem, she should not have to put up with feeling unsafe. Most unis have quiet halls, which are often more popular with the "prefer a cup of tea" type of girls. Your DD could ask for a transfer.
I know my DC said a lot of the international students were shocked at the behaviour they saw.

Serin, “most” is not all.

DD looked closely at options, and quiet halls were also single sex and seemed mainly aimed at Muslim or overseas students

If her University had offered something like Leeds which has quieter, although still sociable halls, with an 11 pm curfew she would have gone for that. She is dyslexic, so needs to be able to concentrate, and was on a course with lots of early starts.

I don’t understand why Universities don’t take this more seriously, if not for their students but for business reasons. We know one Thai girl who fled home because she decided the English lived like pigs. We know English, albeit rich, parents, who have opted for US Universities because of the prohibitions on drinking under the age of 21. Surely Universities are there to educate, and their priorities should focus on those who who are there for an education.

It’s not everywhere. LSE was fine, with little or no peer pressure. Indeed athletics union drinkers were seen as outliers. We have heard the same of Imperial and UCL. There are drugs everywhere, but in some places they are endemic. I hear that Bristol, no surprise, hosts the national expert in ket bladder. (Those who don’t know what that is should Google. It’s not nice, can strike suddenly even with limited usage and is irreversible.) But in fairness now has a head of welfare with a medical background who appears to be making the same links as GCA Academic.

My niece changed flats early on for this exact reason. She was much, much happier in her second flat which was much calmer.

DD says it's all around, but there are many like minded people.

She needs to speak to accommodation and tell them she's not comfortable with her flat mates. Might take a while but they can move them around when they have a feel for requirements and what's needed. I fear many students will drop out early this year, so rooms will become available.

She should also do her best, difficult in current times, to broaden her social base. DD panicked in mid November when her flatmates started flat hunting and left her out. (Not that she, or I, would have wanted her included.) She admitted this to sports team mates, and two others confessed they were in the same position, so they were able to flat hunt together. Her third year friends then mainly came from her course, and were a pretty outdoorsy group.

The very important thing is not to panic in November. I promised DD that rooms would come up as the year went on, and she later agreed I was right. So move now, and then be very careful about who you share with the following year. If a "friend of a friend" is part of the group, get to know them first.

OP I hope your daughter is able to move quickly. She definitely shouldn't stay in an environment she feels unsafe and uncomfortable in.

As a general point though, it's always been the way that people drunk and smoke at universities, even "good" students. God the medics at mine were notorious for their drinking (and drugs tbh), and most turned out okay. Being a quiet student always in the library doesn't necessarily make you a better person, even if some parents may disagree .

Obviously being out of your head regularly on ket is a serious problem, but balancing work and play and learning your limits is what university has traditionally been about, as well as getting an academic education.

We know English, albeit rich, parents, who have opted for US Universities because of the prohibitions on drinking under the age of 21

This made me wince. I know the parents are paying and their kids are probably happy to go along with it ... I'm of the belief though that it should be about what the young person primarily wants and should be about them exerting their own preferences and finding their own personality and way of being in the world. There's having a healthy interest and being supportive of your 18+ year olds, and then there's being rather too invested, controlling and judgmental.

Juno, how up to date is your thinking?

Our experience is that GCAcademic is right when she says "I think it's very common now, much more than it used to be."

It depends on University, but I believe that UK campuses are far less safe than they were even a decade ago. By Christmas every single one of DD's flatmate's was using ket. Most will turn out fine. There will be a few casualties. There seems to be an assumption that the only way to enjoy University, especially first year, is to party. This may be true for most, but certainly not all.

DS does not drink at all, which was fine at LSE where the culture is more international than British. But not fine in quite a lot of places. The peer pressure on 18 year old can be huge. It should be perfectly fine for young people to find their personalities outside clubs and bars, and equally fine for parents to recognise where their DC might be happiest. Overseas parents do this all the time, and the UKs reputation as a place to study is becoming increasingly unattractive.

My thinking is pretty much bang up to date. Recent experience

I think you’re misunderstanding me. I didn’t dispute GCAcadrmic’s experience. I know it’s got worse as a rule, the drugs are stronger.

It’s not a binary though. That’s my point. The majority of the overall student body aren’t permanently incontinent from key or even doing key on a weekly basis. Yes some, and more at some universities than others.

My experience as a student, parent and learning mentor is that some parents are certainly not better than the students themselves about knowing where those students might be happiest. Some will, yes of course. But other parents unfortunately prioritise their own bragging rights or control issues happiness, even if subconsciously.

Ah, the good old days before smoke detectors and phone cameras

Students getting off their faces in the first term is nothing new

but if she does not get on with the people in her flat, YYY get her to ask to move.

In all these discussions, one student’s experiences are held up as being the norm for certain universities. This isn’t the case and it’s a nuanced situation and drug taking is everywhere. However no clubs now!

Some DC have done drugs for quite a while and carry on. Ditto smoking. There are even those who take steroids on sports teams. Students need to be happy with their flatmates and it’s worth moving. However I don’t buy the notion that drug taking is at just a few universities that are frequently written about. Drugs are in certain groups of DC at all universities, even London ones. Plenty of poorer students go to work for money for drugs. Some students are sex workers. Some parents don’t have a clue what their student DC are doing.

This made me wince.

It made me wonder whether the DC were happy with the responsibility of looking after the family home while their parents went back to university, but then I worked out that it wasn't actually the parents who were doing the going to.university in the US.

What on earth does one put in one's application? I'm applying for a place at Brown / Columbia / Stanford because Mummy wants me to go somewhere where State laws ban the consumption of alcohol by under-21s might just strike a note so bizarre, no admissions tutor could resist, I suppose.

Gosh. Meanwhile my youngest is moping about, undecided whether to go or not due to a perceived lack of party people in her flat (with all the substances that generally entails). She’s a little older though at 21.

Ylfa, she should ask for a move.

There are always some who want somewhere livelier and others who want somewhere quieter, so swaps will be available. By now the accommodation office will have identified the party flats and will be happy to move people in, to replace those who want to leave.

Meanwhile my youngest is moping about, undecided whether to go or not due to a perceived lack of party people in her flat

One of DD's friends has found herself the only one not teetotal out of a flat of a dozen or so. As another friend commented, What are the odds of that?.

I had to wonder whether perhaps she had submitted her accommodation request whist one over the eight and managed to tick the wrong box somewhere along the line.