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Higher education

Talk to other parents whose children are preparing for university on our Higher Education forum.

Uni Halls and Drugs.

37 replies

Tinygem · 22/09/2020 09:16

Dd moved into uni halls recently, everyone else in her apartment does drugs and smokes. She hates it. Am I being naive thinking that she shouldn't have to put up with it. Spoken to uni with a view to her changing accommodation, without mentioning any details at this point. Despite it being against the rules they didn't seem bothered.
Such a shame. Has anyone else any experience of this?

OP posts:
MrsMariaReynolds · 28/09/2020 16:25

*We know English, albeit rich, parents, who have opted for US Universities because of the prohibitions on drinking under the age of 21
*

Do people actually believe a higher legal age prohibits uni students from drinking in America? I went to one, and did a lot of drinking before the age of 21.

Fake i.d., anyone?

ListeningQuietly · 28/09/2020 16:28

Perfect for those kids at Brown Grin
fakeyourdrank.com/state/Rhode-Island-fake-id

Guymere · 28/09/2020 16:46

People believe what they want to believe. It’s like someone thinking the USA doesn’t have guns.

Needmoresleep · 28/09/2020 17:42

Generally our experience is that the sort of international London teenagers who have a genuine choice of going to University in the US or staying in the UK will opt for the US. Top Universities there are perceived to be better and campus life more stimulating. There is no way any parent could send an unwilling child to a US university if they did not want to go. The extracurricular requirements and the application process are just too demanding.

Of course there is drinking. But pubs and restaurants won't serve you, the campus police can be strict and woe betide you if you get caught with booze in your car.

From what we have seen it is absolute not uncommon for British students to face the sort of issues described by OP. Or desired by Ylfa's DD. (Horses for courses. One of DDs fist year flatmates was a similar age. She dropped out of Imperial in order to reapply to somewhere with a bigger party culture.) When I posted about problems three years ago, it was interesting. Quite a lot of posters pooh-poohed the idea, suggesting that DD was simply a Billy no Mates, so effectively, deserved what she got. At the same time I received quite a lot of DMs suggesting that DDs experience was, sadly, not unique. And tragically a boy in the same hall as her, took his own life, one of several that year.

There was one poster who was particularly brutal, then it transpired that it was a full decade since her DD had been a fresher. Things have changed. Drugs are stronger, country line distribution more efficient, date rape drugs are more prevalent, students - the first to have grown up with smart phones and social media - are arguably more anxious.

It's not everyone. But there are issues, and I think these issues need to be addressed. I have a lot of Asian friends (and indeed speak an Asian language) and am more than aware of their concerns. Some posters may reject the idea of British parents, with choice, preferring the US. I can confirm that Asian parents, paying three times what UK student pay, factor these problems in when making a decision. (They also factor in Trump's approach to foreign students which is why UK numbers of overseas students may be holding up for now - but after the next election I think Universities may start realising that 18 year olds are adults but are still owed some duty of care.)

Guymere · 28/09/2020 18:33

Universities take all sorts though, don't they? Party types and those who want a quiet life. Of course DC should ask to change halls but if they expect all DC to be ike them, its unrealistic: either as party people or qwuiet people. You find the right folk for you and avoid the others. As you do after university and beyond.

As the Poice are not interedsted in drug taking or smoking I am not sure who monitors who takes what and in what quantity. I amnot convinced County Lines supplied drugs end uop wholly with university students either. Plenty of others take drugs and they do not all go to university by a long shot.

Guymere · 28/09/2020 18:40

I also think if someone left Imperial there was a very good reason. Just not happy perhaps? It happens. Unable to make friends and maybe not into that culture? Thats all perfectly OK and not a reason to dismiss someone as feckless and unworthy. All DC are different and people makes mistakes about what they want at 17 when they apply. Its perfectly Ok to change university, course and living accommodation: for any reason!

JunoTurner · 28/09/2020 23:36

Some posters may reject the idea of British parents, with choice, preferring the US.

No @Needmoresleep you've got it wrong. I don't care a hoot where they prefer there children to go. It was your statement that it was the parents choosing, and the inference that they knew best, that made me wince.

It's great for you that your DD & the circumstances proved the posters from several years ago (!!) wrong and that the main critic turned out to have out-of-date info. Yes the drug culture has got worse.

I don't think it's helpful however to have a rigid mindset about students being Party Students or More Hardworking Students, with "party" seeming to be synonymous with drug-taking and binge drinking. Most students are going to fall in between the two.

Besides, it's also Freshers' Week, so of course more are going to "party" then, as much as they can during lockdown, which is going to curtail a lot of it. There are many, many students who after Fresher's Week might go out a few nights a week for a late night of dancing, with or without drink. It doesn't make them workshy reprobates.

JunoTurner · 28/09/2020 23:40

Also as parents, we're really not going to have all the inside info and nor should we. We might hear from our DC about a few of their friends, but that may not be fully accurate, and there's all the students we won't hear about.

A PP mentioned university students being sex workers. That is far more prevalent these days than over 10 years ago. For all we know, some of the nice, quiet, hardworking and sensible daughters on this thread could be secret sugar babies.

Guymere · 30/09/2020 16:10

Hear, hear JunoTurner. Common sense approach to being a parent and university experience put into perspective.

WickedGoodDoge · 30/09/2020 16:44

@MrsMariaReynolds

*We know English, albeit rich, parents, who have opted for US Universities because of the prohibitions on drinking under the age of 21 *

Do people actually believe a higher legal age prohibits uni students from drinking in America? I went to one, and did a lot of drinking before the age of 21.

Fake i.d., anyone?

Yes. Speaking as a US alumn at a college where my sophomore year underage drinking was supposedly cracked down on (all that meant was no underage drinking at frat parties) to think there will be limited access to alcohol is breathtakingly naive.
dotoallasyouwouldbedoneby · 07/10/2020 21:23

This is hideous: 4 drug deaths (3 students) in Newcastle over the weekend:news.sky.com/story/tributes-paid-to-outstanding-newcastle-university-student-after-suspected-drug-deaths-12091306

Ulpo · 10/10/2020 09:42

How are things going OP? I hope she's been moved and is happier now.

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