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Higher education

Talk to other parents whose children are preparing for university on our Higher Education forum.

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Original poster

One parent drop off only at uni?

61 replies

NecklessMumster · 16/09/2020 06:55

DP and me both dropped off and settled ds1 last week for his second year in student accomm, next week its ds1s turn, its a 3 hour drive, we're staying over in a hotel, and his first year. I've just realised it's supposed to be one parent only to help move due to social distancing. Do you think we'll be able to take in turns? DP is driving but I really want to be there too.

OP posts:

Namechange8471 · 16/09/2020 06:59

I’ve never heard of staying over etc op, I assume your ds is 18?

Dropping him off fine, but settling him in, really? He’s an adult...

MagpieSong · 16/09/2020 07:02

I’d stick to the one person. It’s for social distancing, as you say, but also to reduce the number of people being in contact with each other. If everyone has two parents go then that’s double the number of adults in contact with each other and may prevent the ability to social distance in narrow student halls.

Equally, anyone pregnant is having to attend scans alone, bar 20 week scan, and so I’d be pleased that Uni students get the support of a Parent on the day. They could have told parents they weren’t allowed on Uni sites at all. Frustrating as it may feel, stick to one and make a big fuss of your DC before they leave in the morning.

ShanghaiDiva · 16/09/2020 07:05

Agree with Magpie.

Original poster

NecklessMumster · 16/09/2020 07:06

We're staying in a hotel (me and dp) to break up our journey. It's a common practice. And by settling in I mean helping move in not tucking him in. I don't need a lecture on independence, I want to know if others have done it all one parent wise.

OP posts:

ShanghaiDiva · 16/09/2020 07:08

Ignore the snarky independence comment. I think it’s pretty standard to stay overnight and avoid 6 hours of driving in one day.

Parker231 · 16/09/2020 07:09

DS drove himself up this year but it is only one parent allowed for anyone coming with their DC.

Hardbackwriter · 16/09/2020 07:09

Equally, anyone pregnant is having to attend scans alone, bar 20 week scan, and so I’d be pleased that Uni students get the support of a Parent on the day.

Well, this is bizarrely irrelevant...

You probably would be able to take turns, as I doubt anyone will be monitoring closely enough to notice, but you probably shouldn't as it violates the spirit of what they're asking. If you're staying overnight then if DH helps move in could you see DS, possibly off-campus, the next day?

Btw you'll get a load of 'why are you going, he's 18, I just got the train and never saw my parents again' comments but I think it's fine to be a bit sad about this - most students do have their parents help now, whatever they did in 1972, and most people do think of it as a big moment.

LynetteScavo · 16/09/2020 07:10

It's perfectly normal to stay overnight and "settle in" a new uni student.

I'd give parents a chance to see where their child will be living and buy anything they might not have been bought of (we grabbed a clothes horse and an extra bedside lamp and some coat hangers etc)

I can't see why it wouldn't be OK to take turns. Is there a number for the halls you could call and ask?

RancidOldHag · 16/09/2020 07:11

You both drive him up.

Only one of you actually goes into the designated car park and onwards to the DC's room (leave the other off-campus in a park or at coffee shop etc ,for that bit), then regroup for the supermarket trip and final farewells.

Don't take it in turns, all that will do is add congestion. My DCs' universities had time slots even before Covid, and I expect they'll be strictly enforced this year

Original poster

NecklessMumster · 16/09/2020 07:12

Hardback thank you, yes I might do that, or help with first food shop

OP posts:

Fifthtimelucky · 16/09/2020 07:15

I've always done drop offs by myself - apart from anything else there has never been room in the car for three adults.

In the nicest possible way both children were keen for me to get out of the way so that they could start getting to know other people ASAP.

I have one who is 3.5 hours away, so we did go out for lunch after dropping off her stuff, and then to the supermarket, but I didn't help her unpack or sort out her room. And I certainly didn't see any need to stay overnight.

OllysArmy · 16/09/2020 07:18

2 D.C. off to uni this year, both starting new courses although for neither is this their first time at uni and they are not 18/19
We understand and will be following the 1 parent rule.
DH has taken DC1, this required an overnight stay, or more accurately 2 nights due to distance and time of drop off slot, he helped take all the stuff to the room, took D.C. to the supermarket and then out for dinner.
When DC2 goes it will be the same and although the journey is much shorter he will book into a hotel for the night to allow for any issues that crop up and because he does have to rush home.
I will say my goodbyes at home then go and visit later in the term if Covid rules allow.

OllysArmy · 16/09/2020 07:20

Sorry just to add this is about the 7th new year drop off we have done and only once was there enough space in the car for 3 adults. I send DH as he has much more flexible holiday than me and is great at hauling boxes.

Minimumstandard · 16/09/2020 07:26

Really, you're coddling your child if you don't send them on the train with a single suitcase .

Parker231 · 16/09/2020 07:29

Depends if they are in halls or a house. A house is treated as a bubble so they can mix. For halls :

What happens when I arrive?

When you arrive there will be student helpers to direct you to the check in desk, where College staff will give you your keys and welcome you, and then direct you to your accommodation. There will be staggered arrival times to allow us to keep numbers on campus at an appropriate level.

There will be sanitising stations in the College should you require them. We ask that you wear a face covering when you come to collect your keys. We also ask that you only bring one family member (or supporter) into the block to help you move belongings, again so that we can keep numbers at the appropriate levels and protect all students, staff and visitors on the day.

kingdomcapers · 16/09/2020 07:34

We moved our DD back two weeks ago as accommodation opened early in case anyone arriving had to quarantine before start of term. We were both able to help but had to book a slot. They were very on the ball with getting us to sign in, sanitise etc. She is second year and while she had a lot of anxiety re covid when they were sent home in March and v glad to be here she was also glad of chance to get settled back in. She's hardly been out, and is doing everything by the book when she does. Classes have resumed virtually and she is to form a bubble with others on her course for the practical elements in the lab.
I think there is a lot of expectation that there will be spikes in numbers of cases when unis are back and students are socialising, getting pissed, I've heard a lot of "young people, don't think it'll happen to them, just don't care about older generation" etc etc. Universities are having to do as much as other large entity to mitigate risk. I'd stick to what they've advised OP, maybe you could go and buy some extra treats and home comforts while all the heavy lifting is happening. It's a bit of a shit time to be starting uni, any anxiety and apprehension is heightened by covid and forget about any organised Freshers week activities.

sashh · 16/09/2020 07:38

Just one of you needs to go to the uni, there is no reason though that your child cannot leave the campus and have dinner with you to say good bye.

crimsonlake · 16/09/2020 07:58

I have always done drop offs alone as a single parent. Even if I had a partner the 2 of us could not have gone as the car as always been full to bursting of belongings.
I always went up when they were in halls and helped them settled in.
The first time when one son started uni I did stay in a hotel overnight, 4 hour journey one way if there were no delays. To save money the following years I used to do it all in one day twice an year.
You do whats best for you.

CherryPavlova · 16/09/2020 08:03

We would have fought to near death to decide who went.
Both go, enjoy a meal, do the shopping. One can sit in the car and sniff.

The idea of not settling a person moving from childhood to adulthood, from home to away, from dependence to less dependence is just silly and unkind. They don’t magically become full on adults on their eighteenth birthday.

It’s as essential for the parents as the child.

ClerkMaxwell · 16/09/2020 08:05

DDs uni said one helper. DH went as there wasn't room for me plus we are only 70 minutes away. He said he was in the minority. Most had 2 people helping although some stayed outside but plenty had 2 parents inside. Not enforced by the uni.

yeOldeTrout · 16/09/2020 08:06

I've got 4 hour drive each way AND it's very central London. Hate driving in London, x fingers won't crash. I won't stay over because I don't have £200 festering in my backpocket.

DD says she has zero information about booking an arrival time. Beginning to have doubts...

DH has other plans (with other DC) that day so just one very long day for me.

gretagreengrapes · 16/09/2020 08:07

My parents have just dropped my brother off for his first year with the same rule of just one parent going into the property which I dont think is unreasonable. Dad went inside the halls with him to tale all his stuff then left him to unpack his room himself whilst parents went food shopping for him.

yeOldeTrout · 16/09/2020 08:10

...found the booking form. Gloves to be worn at all times in building during 45 minute slots. Ho hum.

yeOldeTrout · 16/09/2020 08:11

... will bring any food, that's a lot more feasible than a supermarket trip after there.

GreyBow · 16/09/2020 08:14

Most boarding schools this year had a rule of no parents allowed inside the buildings at, so I think just be grateful you can have one to help lug stuff 😁

Certainly don't swop.

(And my DD's boarding school is three hours drive away. We have never stayed overnight.)

I get that it's a big change, but it's not the end of parenting. It's just one stage further on. I think parents who try and embrace it and don't treat it as a massive deal, probably end up coping better 🤷🏻‍♀️

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