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Higher education

Talk to other parents whose children are preparing for university on our Higher Education forum.

Original poster

One parent drop off only at uni?

61 replies

NecklessMumster · 16/09/2020 06:55

DP and me both dropped off and settled ds1 last week for his second year in student accomm, next week its ds1s turn, its a 3 hour drive, we're staying over in a hotel, and his first year. I've just realised it's supposed to be one parent only to help move due to social distancing. Do you think we'll be able to take in turns? DP is driving but I really want to be there too.

OP posts:
NailsNeedDoing · 16/09/2020 08:17

We have youngest moving into Halls for the first time this week, and we’ll both be going and taking it in turns to have a quick look at where our son will be living. The government have already fucked up enough for this year group, we were massively failed in the a levels fiasco, and I really don’t care anymore if two of us is against the rules or not.

Original poster
NecklessMumster · 16/09/2020 08:31

Nails 👍🏼

OP posts:
GreyBow · 16/09/2020 08:50

@NailsNeedDoing really? Do you not understand why the one parent rule is there? It's to keep the students safer and limit the numerous opportunities to pass on Covid. Multiple extra people huffing up and down stairs carrying things, touching doors, passing other extra people.

But sure, you break those rules if you know better 😔 But I'd rather try and keep the halls safer for the first years so they don't have to lock down further in their very first term.

towers14 · 16/09/2020 12:38

We are both going but Dh will be staying in the car. I won't be able to drive back home through the tears! and I may make a tit of myself when I'm saying goodbye.

Thunderblunder · 16/09/2020 12:48

We dropped DD3 off at her halls of residents the weekend just gone. We both went as we were stopping off at DD1’s overnight on the way back.
DD3’s uni said one parent only to help move in. On the day most students had two parents there who were taking it in turns to go with their child up to the room. The helpers on the door said this was absolutely fine.

Peridot1 · 16/09/2020 12:52

We take DS tomorrow. Two parents appears to be ok. Whether we will all fit in the car is another matter!

It’s a three hour drive. We were hoping to stay overnight but aren’t now.

We are actually moving to half an hour from the uni and were hoping to go see the new house on Friday but that’s not possible now so we’ll just drive home. Hopefully go up in next couple of weeks to do that and maybe see DS if he wants.

Aragog · 16/09/2020 12:58

I’ve never heard of staying over etc op, I assume your ds is 18?

You've never heard of people staying over in a hotel midway through a 6 hour return road trip?

Ignore such comments like these - they are rife on Mn but not in real life tbh. It is very common for parents to stay over in the city after dropping their children off at university, not even just in their first year. It happens all the time in our city - lots of parents dropping off, taking their teen to the supermarket for a first big shop, taking them out for lunch, etc and often staying over due to lengthy journeys.

From what I can gather with DD's friends parents are tag teaming. One parent goes in and helps initially, often with the heavier lifting. Another goes in after too. Some universities aren't monitoring at all. DD's boyfriend moved in on Monday and were were no staff in the halls so both his parents helped out and he invited DD over later - he was the only one in his flat for the whole week anyway!

Dd isn't tasing in university owned halls so we have no rules and restrictions. In fact we already have her keys and have been once to take some stuff, and to measure one or two bits, check bed size etc. We are going as a family (and with her boyfriend) this weekend to take more, before she finally moved in at the end of the month. We will go with her again that time and do a big food shop with her etc. We won't be staying over either time simply as its only about 1.5 hour drive each way.

Entirely normal parent/student behaviour amongst everyone we know this year and int he past.

simbobs · 16/09/2020 13:11

Although the one parent rule sounds logical on paper it is irrelevant from an infection control point of view as both parents will present the same level of risk, so it matters not an iota which is present in the accommodation at any one time. The exception would be separated parents who have travelled in different cars, so a vanishingly small minority, one assumes. I have 2 student DC and we have never both taken them as there would have been no room in the car. It is impractical not to help them with hefting their stuff once you have driven them to their destination as time limits are invariably put on moving in slots. There is an issue with the rule of 6 if they are sharing a flat, however. I only realised yesterday that DS is in a flat of 7 people, so either they help him or leave the premises while I do.

GreyBow · 16/09/2020 14:55

Nope. That's not how the risk works.

Look at how many couples where one has tested positive (sometimes by surprise) and yet the other one hasn't. They clearly don't have the same risk.

Both parents could also have Covid but be asymptotic... but of course let's double the risk of them passing it on by having both of them there, touching different things, meeting different people.

ComeBackIntoTheGardenMaud · 16/09/2020 18:56

We'll both be taking DC and their vast quantity of stuff to halls of residence, but DH will be lugging the stuff to DC's room while I weep uncontrollably take the car to the car park. (Usually there would be student porters to help new arrivals with their stuff but this year there won't). Tag-teaming so we both get a look at DC's room is very appealing but feels wrong and not in the spirit of the rules.

dotoallasyouwouldbedoneby · 16/09/2020 19:03

@Namechange8471

I’ve never heard of staying over etc op, I assume your ds is 18?

Dropping him off fine, but settling him in, really? He’s an adult...

Yawn...no wonder you name-changed.
Clymene · 16/09/2020 19:10

@NailsNeedDoing

We have youngest moving into Halls for the first time this week, and we’ll both be going and taking it in turns to have a quick look at where our son will be living. The government have already fucked up enough for this year group, we were massively failed in the a levels fiasco, and I really don’t care anymore if two of us is against the rules or not.
Looks like this is the answer the OP was looking for! Good work Hmm
unfortunateevents · 16/09/2020 19:17

I am annoyed that TODAY we have had the email from Manchester saying that only one person is allowed to help, moving-in starts tomorrow and DS has a Sat p.m. slot. Both DH and I will still be going because it's a 4.5 hour drive and 9 hours driving is too much for one person in a day. Obviously only one of us will go in though. DS knows his flat is ground floor so I'll be the mad woman in the bushes outside looking through the window.

Initial communication from the uni was great but (in common with many other unis from what I hear/read) actual information about life on campus, face-to-face versus online, etc has been very vague until very recently. The cynic in me thinks that this is a deliberate ploy to make sure everyone is committed and can't defer before finding out that they are going to be spending most of their semester in their room!

sammyjoanne · 16/09/2020 19:47

Were moving in daughter next weekend, and your only allowed one to move into the accommodation. It states 'move into the accommodation'. It did not state only 1 to drive up to the uni, not did it state only 1 allowed with daughter on campus grounds.

So one is helping daughter move in, where the other is going to wait in car, have walk round campus grounds, have a coffee in the uni cafe. Then were going to have a last lunch together and then do a food shop and then drop the food off with daughter, and then go home.

yeOldeTrout · 16/09/2020 20:18

fewer people in the property at one time makes more space for everyone to avoid getting physically close to each other. I find it quite sensible request.

Parker231 · 16/09/2020 20:33

We never had room in the car for both parents to go with DC.

Charliecatpaws · 17/09/2020 16:08

I dropped off DS2 today and his Dad was also there, his slot was 9am so first slot of the day, there was no one else around apart from domestic and maintenance staff, nothing was said to us. Worked out well as everything was put away, bed made etc in the 45 minute slot. We did see another flat mate as we were leaving to take DS for breakfast. I know other have had both parents to drop off.

Peridot1 · 17/09/2020 22:14

We dropped off today. No request for only one parent.

Very well organised. Not many people checking in to his building so although there were people unloading cars they were going into other buildings. Everyone had a time slot of two hours and it worked well. We only took just over an hour and we left as soon as DS was starting to want to sort things himself.

Empra123 · 18/09/2020 06:27

Exeter said only one adult to help with unloading. However friend who came with us was allowed in as well once they realised DD is ASC.

And due to her ACS yes we did unpack everything with her - if I hadn't done so most of her clothes would still have been in her case at the end of term as she would have been overwhelmed. This is her second attempt at uni and if I can make life slightly easier for her I will.

York next week for other DD will be just me and she won't want me to help unpack. But I'll be staying overnight in York. Funnily enough I don't fancy driving from London to York and back in a day

MarchingFrogs · 18/09/2020 08:16

Possibly the comment about 'staying over' was a misinterpretation of where the 'staying over' was going to take place? Anecdotally, there are apparently parents who actually intend or even manage to stay with their DC in their university accommodation.

missmouse101 · 18/09/2020 08:27

My D went last weekend. H took her, I stayed at home. No room in car and only 1 parent allowed at drop off for 20 mins. We said goodbye at home, it was absolutely fine. Just do as they've asked you. It doesn't have to be prolonged, tearful dramatics.

Parker231 · 18/09/2020 08:49

DS drove himself up for his Masters year last weekend. We’ve had one text asking whether he’d left one of his hoodies in the washing machine at home. We’re taking this as good news that all is going well.

StCharlotte · 18/09/2020 10:04

@Minimumstandard

Really, you're coddling your child if you don't send them on the train with a single suitcase Grin.
As was the case for my brother in 1974. All subsequent trips to/from uni were by hitchhiking! (He got picked up by the Archbishop of Canterbury once!)
Minimumstandard · 18/09/2020 13:43

@StCharlotte. That's what happened to my father in the early 70s. Expected to make his way all the way from the north of Scotland to south of England only with the things he could carry on the train. His mother couldn't drive and his father would never have missed a weekend playing golf to take his son to university.

lanthanum · 18/09/2020 15:04

My parents dropped off my trunk a few days before I started uni. I arrived by train with a suitcase, collected the trunk from the trunk room and got myself sorted. The best thing was that by the time everyone else got rid of parents, I'd unpacked and had the kettle on - a great start to getting to know people.

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