UCAS deadline. DD has four university offers for September. She still hasn't responded.

[Trampauline]

She has decided she doesn't want to go to university. She decided a while ago. Was undecided about what to study also. I said she should accept an offer then ask the uni if she can defer it. I am trying to get her to keep her options open, that she doesn't know how she might feel next year. She was going to do this but has been put off by the strong terms used on the Ucas website, re making a commitment. I have said no one can make you go and that she can let them know in plenty of time. Should I just leave her to it and let her lose the offer now?

[Newgirls]

When she has her grades she can still decide and it might be a huge boost to her. So many years ahead to find her path. I just heard of a pal kid who has paid for 3 years of a science degree and now is looking into completely dif career. A year out might have avoided that.

[Iwalkinmyclothing]

If she doesn't want to go to uni and has been suffering from depression and anxiety, and seems to have become burned out then pushing her to accept a uni offer isn't something I'd want to do. I definitely should have gone with my gut and taken a year or two out and done any job I could get rather than go to uni when I did first time round, but my parents were inflexibly stuck on the "at 18 you finish A Levels and go to university" track and wouldn't have it. Cue me attempting suicide twice, repeating my first year, developing a closer relationship with alcohol than anything else in my life and getting a poxy 2:2 because it was as much effort as I could make to do the bare minimum to pass. Many years later I went back to uni as an adult with my head in the right place and got a Masters with Merit (and encouragement to do a PhD) at a much higher 'ranked' university and the difference was astounding. Uni can be amazing, it does not tend to be amazing because you are reluctantly there to keep your parents satisfied.

You sound really nice and like you really care and have some appreciation of why she might not be ready for this now. Please don't be so anxious that not accepting a uni offer now is a huge deal. it really isn't and she has a whole life ahead of her to make choices and plans :)

[ComeBy]

It isn’t automatic that you can defer a place for this year until next year.

If she isn’t ready to feel enthusiastic about a course and a Uni, and she is stressed and depressed, she is much better to wait, IMO.

Also as soon as is possible she can then go to Open Days and visit the towns.

They need to be making their own decisions at this stage in their lives, albeit with our tactful support and help.

[Trampauline]

Yes I agree entirely. I only thought there was no harm in accepting and asking to defer just in case she gets the grades and that by this time next she thinks she would like to study blah at blah. Otherwise she is closing that door completely

[Thisismytimetoshine]

Hope you work it out, op, it's a big worry

[Trampauline]

@Iwalkinmyclothing, thanks for your kind words. I’m sorry you had a difficult time early on. I also did the wrong degree. My parents weren’t pushing me but I realised by upper sixth that I was not so passionate about my chosen field any more and didn’t really want to do it but as I had narrowed my options with my A level choices I just ploughed on. I didn’t see that I could do anything else. So I completely understand my DD being unsure. There’s so much more now riding on their decisions for uni with the debts they rack up.
DD has accepted a first choice and a back up. I’ll help her ask to defer it so she doesn’t get stressed by the bombardment of emails about accommodation, etc!

[SoupDragon]

Help her think of alternative plans too so that she doesn't end up feeling railroaded into going as it's her only choice. Other courses, volunteering opportunities/work experience in something she would like to do... that kind of thing.

Good luck!

[FuchsiaFox]

@Trampauline

Yes I agree entirely. I only thought there was no harm in accepting and asking to defer just in case she gets the grades and that by this time next she thinks she would like to study blah at blah. Otherwise she is closing that door completely

I also absolutely do not think that withdrawing your place if you cant defer closes any doors. She will still be able to apply next year through UCAS as she did this year. Likewise clearing is always a option if grades arent as expected. The other option is to do a foundation year.

My DH actually attended uni at 25 with no post 16 qualifications. But he applied through clearing on the basis of experience in the sector, and he was applying for a professional/vocational degree. I applied for university in my 20s after completing at access to HE course.

Honestly not applying for university at 18 absolutely does NOT close any doors. And I really feel that teenagers shouldn't be pushed into university at 18 as it's often too early for them to know what they want. Even if you have limited yourself with a level options it's still usually possible to do a different degree as a majority of university degrees are flexible in their subject requirements. Likewise a year of gaining work experience in the area, along side not relevant a levels can further increase changes of acceptance onto different degree subjects.

[cologne4711]

I'm glad she accepted a firm and insurance - hopefully she has been reassured that she's not tied into anything but the option is there for her.

My main concern would be that it might not be that easy to find a job for a gap year although I noticed that someone mentioned tutoring and there may well be quite a market in GCSE tutoring next year.

[shockthemonkey]

It sounds as if deferring might be a good option for her, all things considered.

Unless of course she wakes up and decides that after all, she has bagged the perfect course at the right university.

Next year there will be a significant drop in EU and international applications so it may be easier to bag the higher-ranking unis than usual.

Good luck and I hope it all works out! These things usually do