UCAS deadline. DD has four university offers for September. She still hasn't responded.

[Trampauline]

She has decided she doesn't want to go to university. She decided a while ago. Was undecided about what to study also. I said she should accept an offer then ask the uni if she can defer it. I am trying to get her to keep her options open, that she doesn't know how she might feel next year. She was going to do this but has been put off by the strong terms used on the Ucas website, re making a commitment. I have said no one can make you go and that she can let them know in plenty of time. Should I just leave her to it and let her lose the offer now?

[shockthemonkey]

It sounds as if deferring might be a good option for her, all things considered.

Unless of course she wakes up and decides that after all, she has bagged the perfect course at the right university.

Next year there will be a significant drop in EU and international applications so it may be easier to bag the higher-ranking unis than usual.

Good luck and I hope it all works out! These things usually do

[cologne4711]

I'm glad she accepted a firm and insurance - hopefully she has been reassured that she's not tied into anything but the option is there for her.

My main concern would be that it might not be that easy to find a job for a gap year although I noticed that someone mentioned tutoring and there may well be quite a market in GCSE tutoring next year.

[FuchsiaFox]

@Trampauline

Yes I agree entirely. I only thought there was no harm in accepting and asking to defer just in case she gets the grades and that by this time next she thinks she would like to study blah at blah. Otherwise she is closing that door completely

I also absolutely do not think that withdrawing your place if you cant defer closes any doors. She will still be able to apply next year through UCAS as she did this year. Likewise clearing is always a option if grades arent as expected. The other option is to do a foundation year.

My DH actually attended uni at 25 with no post 16 qualifications. But he applied through clearing on the basis of experience in the sector, and he was applying for a professional/vocational degree. I applied for university in my 20s after completing at access to HE course.

Honestly not applying for university at 18 absolutely does NOT close any doors. And I really feel that teenagers shouldn't be pushed into university at 18 as it's often too early for them to know what they want. Even if you have limited yourself with a level options it's still usually possible to do a different degree as a majority of university degrees are flexible in their subject requirements. Likewise a year of gaining work experience in the area, along side not relevant a levels can further increase changes of acceptance onto different degree subjects.

[SoupDragon]

Help her think of alternative plans too so that she doesn't end up feeling railroaded into going as it's her only choice. Other courses, volunteering opportunities/work experience in something she would like to do... that kind of thing.

Good luck!

[Trampauline]

@Iwalkinmyclothing, thanks for your kind words. I’m sorry you had a difficult time early on. I also did the wrong degree. My parents weren’t pushing me but I realised by upper sixth that I was not so passionate about my chosen field any more and didn’t really want to do it but as I had narrowed my options with my A level choices I just ploughed on. I didn’t see that I could do anything else. So I completely understand my DD being unsure. There’s so much more now riding on their decisions for uni with the debts they rack up.
DD has accepted a first choice and a back up. I’ll help her ask to defer it so she doesn’t get stressed by the bombardment of emails about accommodation, etc!

[Thisismytimetoshine]

Hope you work it out, op, it's a big worry

[Trampauline]

Yes I agree entirely. I only thought there was no harm in accepting and asking to defer just in case she gets the grades and that by this time next she thinks she would like to study blah at blah. Otherwise she is closing that door completely

[ComeBy]

It isn’t automatic that you can defer a place for this year until next year.

If she isn’t ready to feel enthusiastic about a course and a Uni, and she is stressed and depressed, she is much better to wait, IMO.

Also as soon as is possible she can then go to Open Days and visit the towns.

They need to be making their own decisions at this stage in their lives, albeit with our tactful support and help.

[Iwalkinmyclothing]

If she doesn't want to go to uni and has been suffering from depression and anxiety, and seems to have become burned out then pushing her to accept a uni offer isn't something I'd want to do. I definitely should have gone with my gut and taken a year or two out and done any job I could get rather than go to uni when I did first time round, but my parents were inflexibly stuck on the "at 18 you finish A Levels and go to university" track and wouldn't have it. Cue me attempting suicide twice, repeating my first year, developing a closer relationship with alcohol than anything else in my life and getting a poxy 2:2 because it was as much effort as I could make to do the bare minimum to pass. Many years later I went back to uni as an adult with my head in the right place and got a Masters with Merit (and encouragement to do a PhD) at a much higher 'ranked' university and the difference was astounding. Uni can be amazing, it does not tend to be amazing because you are reluctantly there to keep your parents satisfied.

You sound really nice and like you really care and have some appreciation of why she might not be ready for this now. Please don't be so anxious that not accepting a uni offer now is a huge deal. it really isn't and she has a whole life ahead of her to make choices and plans :)

[Newgirls]

When she has her grades she can still decide and it might be a huge boost to her. So many years ahead to find her path. I just heard of a pal kid who has paid for 3 years of a science degree and now is looking into completely dif career. A year out might have avoided that.

[LIZS]

if she has mh issues and is supported by a professional assessment a uni will be more inclined to defer her place than anther candidate who just changes their mind. Having said that no uni is under any obligation to do so and if she sets her heart on somewhere she may need to reapply for 2021 with grades in hand , which means she gets unconditional offers to choose between.

Try not to worry too much abut planning a gap year yet. So much could change between now and September. dd (whose late request to defer was not accepted) found opportunities to volunteer or do placements in some quite unlikely places and also has done tuition which has kept going online throughout lock down. Even in current circumstances she sees her year out as positive.

[FuchsiaFox]

Tbh 18 is too early for many to make a solid decision on what they want to do for the rest of their lives. If she dosent know I would suggest she attempts (although it's difficult right now) to find a job, possibly use it as a chance to get experience in different sectors shes interested in. Then if shes ready she can reapply for university next year.

I was a straight A student but didnt start university till 20, and honestly I'm glad, as I would have really struggled at 18 as it's such a change, but also I would have done a degree in a completely different subject which would have ended up being pointless. Instead I have done a degree I love which worked towards post grad and a career I love.

There is absolutely no reason she could not reapply for next year if she feels more ready or has a better idea what she wants to do, I personally would strongly advise against doing a degree if she cant decide on a subject, as theres nothing worse then getting all the student debt, then finding out you have a passion for a career but it requires a degree which you now either have to self fund or cant do due to already having one that you dont/wont use.

[Trampauline]

Wow! Newgirls, that figure is high! She is not in a fit state to go to uni this September anyway. I just thought it might help to have an option if by this time next year she has completely changed and thinks “you know what, I really do want to go to blah and study blah, after all”. Assuming she has got the grades anyway she could take up the place in 2021. Yesterday she was on the UCAS website to accept her chosen offer but she came to me and said she couldn’t do it because it was saying she had to make a commitment. The language freaked her out. She was quite stressed. I just thought it might help her self esteem to have something, but maybe I am wrong, and all the ensuing emails about loans and accommodation will just stress her too much.

[Newgirls]

Did you see on the bbc news today that 65,000 people have not firmed their offers. So she is not alone. Unis have massively underestimated students concerns here. I am sure many will today or will wait for clearing but that figure is striking.

[choirmumoftwo]

We had a very similar dilemma with DD except she hadn't even applied! Was determined to take a gap year as had no idea what she wanted to study, but had made no plans for September.
Then COVID happened, opportunities have dried up and she faced a black hole of nothing to do in September. Once she realised she could still make a UCAS application without signing her life away, she was 100% happier and now has an unconditional offer for a course and university which was her first choice for next year anyway.
Your DD has nothing to lose at this stage and at least has a plan, even if she ends up not following through.
Good luck!

[Serin]

Don't pressurise her into doing anything.
Life isn't a race. Not everyone is ready for uni at 18 and she might have a much better time if she goes in a couple of years.

Maybe some time spent working in a minimum wage job will help her to determine her priorities, to be honest a lot of graduates seem to end up in these roles too.

[ScorpionQueen]

My DD is in the same boat. I've said to accept the offers but that no-one can make her go if she changes her mind. It's easier to change your mind and not go, than to decide you do want to go and not have a place lined up. It's so hard for them this year, so much uncertainty. Remind her she has nothing to lose by accepting.

[MarchingFrogs]

Even if she decides not to enter a firm (with or without insurance) choice by the deadline tomorrow (?5.59pm), please encourage her just to let the offers be withdrawn by the universities- she shouldn't withdraw her whole UCAS application, because that means she has no active application for 2020 entry, should she change her mind over the next couple of months.

[Browzingss]

I think she should accept now too

There’s no harm

Alternatively if she doesn’t and does decide to go to uni come August she can apply via clearing

[ComeBy]

And.... she can apply next year with known grades / grade predictions, and apply free of the gamble because offers will be unconditional.

[ComeBy]

There is no point in going to Uni ‘for the sake of it’.

Also, for a 17 or 18 yo feeling fragile, they don’t need pressurising into setting the course of their life right now.

A gap year getting a job, earning some cash, maybe getting another qualification that interests, whether that be TEFL / a sign language course / learning to drive or whatever and doing a little travelling could be just what she needs to work out where her true enthusiasm lies.

What are her friends doing?

[SoupDragon]

What are her objections to not firming the offers?

She has absolutely nothing to lose by firming them but, if she changes her mind, it's more stress and hassle. Can she view it as having a safety net?

[ZaZathecat]

Tell her it's absolutely fine to accept then change her mind later - that's why clearing exists, and lots of people rely on that to get a place. I know having no plan isn't ideal in most cases, but when someone is suffering from severe anxiety it can make it much worse having to make firm decisions while not knowing what you really want. I would let her have this enforced break to try to get better, while encouraging any activities that help with the anxiety, whether it's music, art, reading, having Zoom chats, quizzes, exercise classes or whatever. Best of luck to her.

[Namechangex10000]

Could you not accept a defer a place for her? I’m sure that’s not morally right but better than pressuring her or risking worsening mental health if she changes her mind and it’s too late and she’s full of regret etc!

[Rummikub]

If she’s feeling fragile then maybe uni isn’t the best thing right now. It’s such a big change. But I would be encouraging her to decline the offers rather than letting them lapse as it gives her some sense of control. In my exp (education) August results day is a trigger when you see friends going on to other things. There are lots of options for her. She can look and see without pressure. Time out though sounds like something she needs.