UEA (2019) dealing with the unexpected and on to 2nd Year

[juicy0]

New thread for the parents of 2019 freshers. Thank you all for sticking around!
At the start of the year we never would have guessed the topics that are currently being discussed in this page but I'm grateful we still have each other to help navigate our way through this with our DC.
With the emptying of 1st year rooms seemingly on hold for many until the end of lockdown our thoughts will soon turn to 2nd year accommodation and whether term is likely to start as normal in September.

@juicy0 yes same here. Ds has signed the year contract now and I'm assuming there's no way out of lectures will continue online. If they have reduced lectures that they actually have to attend then he could have commuted. It's only 45 mins drive.

I keep thinking that they can't really sending them back in sept. The thousands of people descending on cities from all over the country (or world if travel permits) just would not be fair on the people in the cities. I know schools are returning, but at least for most they will stay in their area.

DS has signed his contract for Year 2 too. This is one example of being pro-active and quick off the mark coming back to bite one on the butt! The last-minute Larrys will be in the fortunate position of having the option to go back/stay at home without incurring additional (rental) expense.

It is certainly much cheaper for DC to live at home. Presumably some might even decide not to claim their student loan (for living on), although not sure if that's allowed (or is it)?

Well...Cambridge university have announced that online lectures will continue until the summer 2021. Manchester have said the same for the rest of this year. I wonder how many other universities will follow suit.

@icanbewhatiwant I wonder how long the uea think they can leave it until they make some sort of comment. Students, both new and current, need to know so they can plan and make decisions.

I sent an email to them this morning ( don't tell DS) describing DSs predicament with the 2 prospective local housemates dragging their feet whilst they wait for an update. I asked when they would be letting students know. This is the reply

"We are working on plans for the upcoming semester and are looking at plans for all eventualities, this may include online teaching.

We will be in touch with all students via email when we know more about the situation, letting students know about any changes we do make and what options there are."

And a lot of stuff about understanding.

I read of another university who have said lectures will be online but lab work and small group teaching would still be on campus. We just need to know now.

I found an article saying students will still be paying full fees even if lectures are online. Ds hasn't really had any lab time this year due to strikes. So for biology he has already missed a lot of stuff. But they'll all pay the same fees still. I can't see how they can continue online especially hands on subjects like the sciences, art and engineering.

I'm sure they won't return this year. But we can be hopeful for a return in January. But I also said I didn't think my year 6 would be finishing primary school and at the moment they are due to return, albeit in a completely different way to school how they know it.

Rumour has it (can't reveal my source but close and direct) that the Russell Group universities are trying to plead for special dispensation (not sure what they're after?) from the Govt most likely at the expense of others. GRRR.

How is your DS @Itscoldouthere?

Ds spoke to his friend today, he goes to Cambridge university. Friend said that they've all been emailed and told they are returning in sept as normal. The big seminars won't be going ahead but smaller lectures and other stuff will still happen with social distancing in smaller groups. Apparently the press got hold of the email and it all got blown out of proportion.

@NewModelArmyMayhem18 thank you for asking.
We are still not sure what he is going to do. He’s been very reluctant to talk. I have bullied him to the doctors and he’s due to have a call today, I just hope he answers the phone.
He spoke to a tutor, he’s basically missed 60 credits work of work (half of the years work) 5 papers and 2 lab practicals. He can re-take them in August over a month and would have to pass to continue, they would hold him a place if he passed and wanted a year out.
He can only restart again in year 1 if he has medical proof that he was unwell.
He discussed talking to history but was told it would be up to admissions.
He’s not done anything since.
I’m still not sure what he/we will do yet.
It’s all got rather complicated, our house sale looks like it’s falling through so rather a lot to try and sort out at the moment, in truth my head is exploding 🤯

It never rains but it pours @Itscoldouthere :-(. Sorry to hear about your house sale falling through. That must be very stressful on top of worrying about your DS BUT you never know it could turn out to be a blessing in disguise. With your DS2 currently feeling low and uncertain about his future at UEA, it's possibly not a bad thing that you are staying put for the time being, so that you can help him navigate the next few months.

I am shocked though that UEA didn't pick up on him falling behind (which undoubtedly was an alarm bell that he was struggling) much sooner. Their offer (in terms of doing the exams in August) sounds reasonable but only if he wants to continue with the same course.

There's a certain irony, is there not, to having to make adult decisions at a time when you are feeling at your lowest and those life choices can seem insurmountable.

Hoping he can get the support he needs via the doctors.

@NewModelArmyMeyhem18 yes I do feel like the universe is conspiring, but I also hope things are happening for a good reason.
I haven’t even began to consider if UEA have been appropriate in this situation. I feel like there is no point enquiring or questioning if he decides he’s not going back, but he’s not decided one way or the other yet.
I think if he is to return I will contact them to see that he is more on their radar and to try and get some support/checks in place, but if he decides to leave I may not say anything.
It’s difficult as I’ve read that a high proportion of ASD people drop out of uni due to lack of support, I’ve spent years making sure DS got appropriate help but university feels so closed to parents (at least that’s how it feels to me).
Ultimately he need to decide if he wants to continue doing biology and I don’t think he’s sure enough to make that decision yet.

I think he has been very brave to acknowledge how he feels and that things weren't right on his course.

University seems to remain very closed to parents (that was the experience my friend whose DS was having issues at Edinburgh found), despite all the publicity about students and mental health issues. There's the rub. I think there needs to be some acknowledgment that most students are not yet fully fledged adults, emotionally at least. Parental involvement is key, not least because we know our children in a way that tutors can't possibly with limited contact time.

@Itscoldouthere I wondered how you were getting on too. Your Ds and the house sale. Ds has a tough decision to make. It can't be easy. Perhaps he could have a go at the exams in August to see how he gets on. Even if he doesn't carry on with year 2 he will have completed year 1. Then if he takes a year off or comes back to it at a later date he wouldn't need to go through year 1 again. In a way it's good you are in this country. If it had not been for the coronavirus you would be abroad and Ds may not have told you about his struggles.
That is annoying about the house too. I know you aren't the only one...I've heard of several who were ready to move and it's now all fallen through.

Yes I’m so glad we are here, I will now be staying till end of September although DH will probably go back in July.
I’m not engaging with the whole lack of parent involvement yet, as I know I will get very cross, I do feel all the talk about sutudent services and being able to get help and support is just that ‘talk’.
DS was allocated so many hours mentoring help though his disabled student assessement, but like many in his position he didn’t get it because he had to initiate it all, make all the contacts, he’s got a communication disorder FFS that’s not something he’s going to chase.
Even my other DS who has (in theory) support for his dyslexia and is a much more mature 21 year old, hasn’t accessed it for the same reason, too difficult, too much hassle.
I can really understand how when thing start to go wrong it can quickly spiral out of control and then the student gets lost and feels so behind that they just drop out, it’s so sad that suddenly once they go to uni they are expected to be able to deal with all this and all the adult stuff to do with living away from home, which is new to most of them.

I think you are right that it's all talk and these support services are clearly not fit for purpose if they don't 'understand' the underlying issues of neuro-diverse conditions.

Yes I can imagine it's all quite difficult. So much easier when they are at school. I know they are meant to be young adults, but really they are still very young....I know my ds certainly wouldn't ask for help.

Are you putting your house back in the market? That's hard to think of going through all that again. We sold my husbands farm a few years ago, they need selling a certain time of the year ideally so the crops are off the field ready for the new buyer. We had a buyer (that my husband knew) they agreed a price etc. then kept messing about for 3 months and asking silly questions, we got a bit suspicious, then on the day of contract exchange, we went to the solicitors and signed our part of exchange. The other people didn't sign and dropped out. So we had to put it on the market again. So I know it's quite stressful going through it all over again.

On a different tack have your DC paid their outstanding amount (for accommodation) as detailed on e-vision? I reminded DS yesterday (pay by date) but he's not yet paid because they've not been notified by email?!!!

@Itscoldouthere I'm sorry to hear about your house sale and that your DS has some difficult decisions to make. Although he may not say so I'm sure he's pleased you're there in the background to support him, it's hard when they're adults to know when and when not to intervene or offer an opinion but equally it's difficult to stand by and do nothing. I've heard lots of feedback on the very poor student services not just at the UEA but at many of the unis DD's friends are at, it seems they talk a good job but the experience doesn't live up to the promises.

With regard to accommodation we have paid the outstanding fee via evision just so I can forget about it. My dad died unexpectedly on Friday and so I've got a lot to organise, my poor mum just isn't up to it bless her, and lockdown is making everything even harder. I'm done with 2020 already, wake me up when it's over!!

Oh @juicy0 I am so sorry to hear about your loss. Your poor mum. Hope your immediate family are all giving you the support you need at this difficult time.

I had really high hopes for 2020, how wrong could I have been????

Oh my word, such a horrible week for so many of you. @icanbewhatiwant, I am so glad your DS is talking to you and you are being so understanding. It must be extremely frustrating with the house and everything, but hopefully a plan will form and the next bit will be easier.

• @juicy0* I am so sorry to hear about your Dad. Supporting everyone and making necessary arrangements must be so much more difficult at the moment. As if bereavement could get any worse . I hope you have someone taking care of you too

@juicy0 so sorry to hear about your dad. Are there still restrictions regarding funerals etc? Such a difficult time to deal with these things.
I hope your mum is ok, it must be so hard when you loose your life partner.
We’ve got two lots of people coming to see the house on Friday, so now I’ve got lots of tidying to do as we’d lost all enthusiasm for packing/moving and the house is a bit of a mess, but it feels good to have a purpose after all these weeks just plodding along!

Sorry, it auto filled to Ms * @icanbewhatiwant but I meant to refer to Ms @Itscoldouthere*.

@NewModelArmyMayhem18

yes DS has paid his outstanding amount - it was due on 20th May I think - I'm not sure if he got an email reminder but he got a mum reminder!

So sorry for all the families who are going through a tough time at the moment. I'm about to enter 13th week of shielding as I had emergency surgery end of Feb, but I'm not complaining. Some of you are having it so much harder.

@NotSorry I did do the mum reminder (nagging) but DS was adamant he wouldn't pay it until he was notified to do so. I am letting him finish his last essay of the year (hopefully it will be submitted) and then will stand over him to ensure it's done.

Hope your recuperation is going well too? Do you think the lockdown has helped or hindered it?

@NewModelArmyMayhem18

tbh I think it's done me a favour. I'm a squash coach and I know I would have put pressure on myself to return sooner than I physically should have - I also rush around too much in normal times, so it's slowed me down

DS had his last exam today - so that's it until end of September!