UEA (2019) dealing with the unexpected and on to 2nd Year

[juicy0]

New thread for the parents of 2019 freshers. Thank you all for sticking around!
At the start of the year we never would have guessed the topics that are currently being discussed in this page but I'm grateful we still have each other to help navigate our way through this with our DC.
With the emptying of 1st year rooms seemingly on hold for many until the end of lockdown our thoughts will soon turn to 2nd year accommodation and whether term is likely to start as normal in September.

@Finallyjoinedmnet thanks for that. No idea which date is ds though. But I'm sure he will know. Biology is practical, so could be 4th.

It would be nice if DS2 actually got some F2F next term as he has had nothing this term - I’m not holding out much hope though

@NotSorry yes it would be great to get back to f2f. Ds did a f2f and a practical once a week for a short time. I think from second week of Oct. until the second lockdown. So it wasn't for long, but I guess better than nothing. It's been near enough a years worth of practical/lab sessions missed as they didn't have any from January to March this year due to strikes. I know it'll be taken into consideration in exams etc. but there's so much ds will never do. I'm sure it's the same for many other subjects.

I had forgotten how grumpy ds1 can be. His phone rang yesterday...no idea who it was as he went to his bedroom with the phone. He was in such a mood afterwards. I asked why he was grumpy and got shouted at. I asked who called and was told it's none of business 😩 he was in a grumpy mood the rest of the evening. Ds3 is always very bad tempered, I really struggle with his moods. So having ds1 in a grump too isn't good.
Thankfully Ds2 (17) sat with us for a short time last night being quite cheerful. Quite rare for Ds2. He'd rather be in his bedroom talking to friends on his headset.

@icanbewhatiwant couldn’t be doing with the grumpiness

DS2 has been very accommodating this week - I paid for a month for him at the gym where i work and he’s been four times already AND taken DS3 with him, which is nice

He’s going to help me out with a couple of school runs next week (he doesn’t know it yet )

He’s also acquired himself a girlfriend at uni - she’s from Jordan so is staying at UEA - I did invite her but she doesn’t celebrate Christmas so said she’d be ok and has friends there. She’s on her own in a hall of residence flat so her and DS2 have formed a support bubble

@NotSorry I'd love a cure for the grumpiness. Ds1 has always been a big grumpy/bad tempered as is DH. But ds3 is something else. It gets me really down some days. He's Mr Perfect at school though, never naughty, always polite, gets on with anyone, works hard etc. I should be pleased he's ok at school...but can't help wondering what I've done wrong. He won't speak to ds1 either, he won't even stay in the same room apart from dinner time when he has no choice. I'm tempted to leave home some days 🤣

Yes I'd thought of asking ds1 to collect Ds2 this week as he finishes 12pm on a Tuesday. He can collect him instead. He will be pleased to have a driving job.

Oof I couldn’t put up with that

My DD used to be awful when she was younger but an angel at school - I asked her once is she holding it in all day and when she gets home she has to let it out and she said “basically, yes”

She’s grown up now and rarely grumpy

@Finallyjoinedmnet thanks for posting that. The wording is quite interesting as much for what it doesn’t say. Government have come up with a suggestion largely devoid of any thought or consideration of practical consequences. Hence UEA recognise there may well be a whole host of reasons why a student may need to return earlier than the desired stagger.

It would be great if F2F or at least a level of F2F could get going again from February. The virus may have other ideas though and quite how things will play out over Christmas and into January remains to be seen. Let’s hope for the best.

I’m pleased to say we are past the inter sibling grumpiness, although DS3 can sulk for Britain still. Both his DBs had pretty much grown out of that by Y9 not let it drag onto Y13!

@NotSorry a pity your DS's new GF won't be going to yours for Christmas, if only to see how another culture celebrates a significant festival. Hope she's not lonely but at least in a university city, there will be others in the same boat.

My DS2 has managed to get himself together and has booked a coach to visit DS1 on Monday. DS1 did offer to pick him up, but it's such a long drive from Bournemouth to Norwich and back it didn't make sense.
I'm thinking they must limit the numbers on National Express buses ? DS2 is a little bit nervous about using public transportation as he currently doesn't really come into contact with many people.
They have all had Covid in DS1 house and his other housemates have gone home so just DS1 and his GF there.

I'm hoping they will have a nice time together.
DS2 had a proper Christmas meal with his whole house yesterday before they all start leaving for Christmas.

Sounds lovely that your DD2 is visiting DS1 for a while. Hope they have a great time @Itscoldouthere. I wouldn't think the coaches would be too busy (the buses aren't here). They may only allow one person per two seats (unless they're already in a bubble?).

@NewModelArmyMayhem18 that's what I'm hoping re the coaches, DS hasn't done much solo travelling, he has to change in London and wait for an hour or so and DS1 will pick him up at the station in Bournemouth, I think it's good for him but I know if it's busy he'll be anxious, that's why he's going on Monday rather than this weekend.
Unfortunately things still aren't going very well with his course, but he's adamant he doesn't want to withdraw, we are obviously worried he'll fail the year again, but we just have to roll with it for now 😜

@Itscoldouthere There is quite a lot of work on their course at the moment, with exams in Jan. I think they have 12 hours to do the exam. Thats great your two are spending time together and they get on. My 3 boys would prefer to be as far away from each other as possible! I think ds1 and Ds2 do get on really. It's ds3 that is the main problem.

He should be okay @Itscoldouthere if he's travelling tomorrow. It's too far away from Christmas for there to be a mass exodus from London yet, and will be much quieter than weekend travel. Fingers crossed. Travel on public transport is a big deal when it involves changes and hanging around at coach stations. Hope they have a lovely reunion.

Your DS3 is quite a bit younger than his siblings, isn't he, @icanbewhatiwant? Maybe he will appreciate his brothers more when he's in mid/late teens? My two didn't get on at all until DD went to secondary school. Now they're much more compatible siblings.

@NewModelArmyMayhem18 yes ds3 is 11. I really struggle with him and his behaviour, a day doesn't go by without him shouting "hate you" to me and storming off to his bedroom. He really hates dh they don't get on at all, he's the same with ds1. Though to be fair Ds1 has tried recently, but he's also been nasty to him over the years as ds3 hasn't forgotten. I don't "get" him at all and find it all hard work, he causes me a lot of stress tying to figure out where I went wrong. In a lot of ways ds1 is similar but nowhere near as bad, he's never told me he hates me, but he's bad tempered.
I was talking to a relative this morn, she's expecting a baby in March, I told her that there is always something to worry about with children, from babies and even when they've left home, it doesn't stop.

I'm an only child and always wanted siblings. Dh has 2 sisters. They all fell out about 8 years ago, they'll never speak to each other again, the sisters live in Australia and get on. But we won't see them ever again. So maybe I should be glad I've no siblings. Maybe mine will all get on one day.

If only they could skip the adolescent phase and go straight to the grown up one. My lovely only sibling died last year with a brain tumour and I would so dearly love to have more time with him. There is actually no relationship like a sibling one, you get to see the best and worst of each other but when you look back there are also memories and experiences that only you share and a big part of your own identity goes when you lose siblings.
Which isn't to say that we didn't fight like cat and dog sometimes and occasionally hate each others guts.... but we grew up and got over it. Fingers crossed for all our children.

@sluj sorry to hear about your only sibling. I'm sure you are right about no other relationship being like a sibling one. Mine would never dare speak to any of their friends like they do to each other. Only time will tell whether they get better with age.

@sluj so sorry to hear about your sibling. A similar thing happened to one of my good friends. I think once we grow up, we are all too aware that life is short for grudges and not speaking. Yes, agree that our siblings are the only ones to have experienced the same 'home' environment as we have done.

I do think your DS3 will grow out of his phase with his brothers and you, @icanbewhatiwant. Some DC are more challenging than others. I find DD more of a challenge than DS for sure but he is more like me so I understand him more than his sister.

@sluj sorry to hear about your sibling, very hard.
I'm never sure about what family set up is best, I'm the youngest of 6 and DH youngest of 5 so our family of 2 children feels small, I think we would of had 3 by choice but DS2 went from a very easy baby to a really tricky toddler and I just could have contemplated another at that point and I was late 30s when I had him so just ran out of time/energy.
Having said that I'm not very close to my siblings due to leaving home at 17 and never going back to live in the area, they all stayed in the same area, but there have been some massive family fall outs over the years, so the family is definitely fragmented, especially since my mum died.
Same with DH siblings, we get on great when together, but it doesn't happen very often, once a year if we are lucky, again that changed when his parents died.

My 2 have become good friends, especially in the last 5 years but some of that was because they didn't have local friends, so relied on each other for company at home, I know that DS1 will always look out for DS2 but they are very different.

@Itscoldouthere that's great he looks out for his brother...I can't see mine ever looking out for each other. Ds2 told ds3 he would get bullied at secondary school and that he would laugh and join in. What a nasty thing to say. Ds2 has always been very popular and never had a problem with making friends. Ds1 only formed a very small group of friends and struggled a bit socially. Ds3 is very like ds1 but so far hasn't been bullied. I hope he never is. I'd be furious if Ds2 watched his little brother being bullied especially as he's so popular himself.

DH fell out with his 2 sisters over inheritance. They won't speak to us ever again. I think that is quite sad really. But as they say... you can choose your friends but can't choose your family.

@icanbewhatiwant well you never know, something may bring them together, my 2 used to fall out big time when they were young, DS2 still loves to tell the story of how DS1 smashed his head against a radiator during his 10th Birthday party 😱
Having no other option definitely brought them together (and gaming/Warhammer) but DS1 does stuff at home to connect with his brother (who is definitely niche) DS1 is much more sociable and mainstream and he just likes hanging out with his friends, I think if we had stayed in London DS1 would have thought he was too cool to hang out with his nerdy brother.
It must be tricky feeling like your boys don't get on, especially in a household of men, something I've sometimes found a bit difficult being a bit out numbered, I'm certainly not girly but I often feel the need to cool down the overtly male emphasis.

@Itscoldouthere yes maybe they will change. Ds2 thinks both brothers are nerdy and is embarrassed by them.

Yes house full of boys/men with 4 of them. The men on DH's side are well known for not getting on.

We have 2 female dogs. So I'm not the only female 🤣 How is your dog getting on with the cold?

@icanbewhatiwant dog is fine, we've got into a bit of a routine now, but I must say the evening walk is getting less appealing for us, the wind can be so cold that I'd rather stay indoors.
I spoke to my brother in law who said his small dog doesn't go out much this time of year but they are further north west in Canada and it gets to -25 there.
I need to get the dog a suit which also includes his back legs, he sometimes starts shivering if we stand still, being half whippet he really has no fat on him and although he's hairy his underbelly is pretty naked, I keep seeing Huskies and other hairy dogs and thinking my poor dog really isn't designed for this climate.
DS2 is currently on the coach to London, I'm looking forward to him being with his brother and more contactable, DS1 tend to message me about little things most days, it's a much more natural type of communication.
I'm hoping I can ask him about how his work is going and see if he's prepping for the January exams, I'm pretty sure he's not 😱
Must say I've often wished for a girl in the house, some of my friends have such lovely relationships with their daughters and I would have loved that, I really value my female friendships and work hard to keep them alive, especially now I'm living remotely.

Only girl here too, even the cats are boys. Having said that, I would take football over Barbies any day. The worst thing is agreeing what to watch on the TV together, seen enough Vikings, Arrow and Mandalorian to keep me going for a lifetime.
No one wants to watch Pride and Prejudice with me 🥲
Thanks for your messages about my brother. Things like that make you appreciate life x

@sluj ha ha I know what you mean I was on a zoom with UK friends at the weekend and some of the females said they had never watched Star Wars 🤣 I think that's been watched at home more than anything else for the last 20 years, also those midnight drives to cinemas for the premier openings.
Luckily my DH will watch (or fall asleep on the sofa next to me) period dramas.
I do wonder if I'm one of the few on the planet who hasn't seen Frozen, but I must admit to being very saddened that the boys have refused to allow making the family watching of Elf a tradition, which I had so hoped for, instead I have to watch it alone ☹️

@Itscoldouthere your poor doggie. I don't think my Labradors would like the cold...let alone a whippet. He needs a nice duvet for a jacket.
I haven't seen Frozen either. My boys used to watch Star Wars, James Bond, dr who etc. I don't like watching any of those...well, dr who isn't too bad. Dh and ds1 like F1 Ds2 likes football. I have no interest in either. I sat by myself recently and watched mamma mia here we go again. They all laughed at me. So a girl would have been nice. But sometimes I see little girls in fairy outfits with their high pitched squeaky voices, I can't imagine joining in with any of that. I'm not girly at all. So maybe boys were best.