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Higher education

Talk to other parents whose children are preparing for university on our Higher Education forum.

Original poster

University life for freshers (2019/20) - Christmas backpacking (or not) and festive homecomings with all the tinseltastic trimmings!

986 replies

NewModelArmyMayhem18 · 11/12/2019 17:53

Previous thread.

Crown Smile
OP posts:
simbobs · 02/02/2020 17:07

@ginfordinner. Interesting that you mention that about ghosts. That's exactly what DS said, though that bothers him less now. He is also in Sheffield but at Hallam. He isn't sporty, though he would have joined a climbing club had there been one. He doesn't have the organisatioal ability to set one up. I know there used to be one. He could do with finding a job to use up some of his spare time but I think he is massively distracted by seeing what friends at home are up to, so he keeps coming back. His bf left after a term and will restart in September. He still hasn't come back for dinner as he has been roped into helping a friend with something. I despair.

bigTillyMint · 02/02/2020 17:09

@simbobs, really sorry to hear this. I had wondered if DS was unhappy, but I think he is OK, just wanting to see the gf.

Yes, if he is even remotely interested in footy (or rugby, hockey, etc) there is probably a team for him - DSs college alone has 14 teams and the footy club is about 300 boys. I think most of his new friends are through footy. And there is most definitely an active social life.

Shame he hasn’t found friends yet - he can still make new friends though. DDs bestie from home only really met people she clicked with in the second term, but she did have to make the effort to put herself forward and join more stuff.

Where is he studying again? I am so rubbish at remembering Blush

bigTillyMint · 02/02/2020 17:12

I went there!!! There was DEFINITELY a climbing soc in my day and I’d bet my last £ that there still is one - climbing is big in Sheff!
Where are his halls?

Another thought, could he get a job? Bar job? Waiting staff? Shop? Earn money, fill time and maybe meet others?

bigTillyMint · 02/02/2020 17:15

look!

Tell him to contact them and go along. All the teens I know round here into climbing are very approachable and I’m sure he would be welcomed in.

simbobs · 02/02/2020 17:23

@bigTillyMint, no climbing soc now. His brother went there and was very involved in climbing, but I guess the people who run these things move on. He did go to an indoor climbing place once but said it was hard to get to. He does have friends, but many are people he already knew and for some reason they only go out late in the evening. It's the daytime he struggles with. Nobody hangs out and goes for coffee etc, so he just goes back to his room between classes and doesn't have anyone to chat to about the course. He isn't enjoying it much. I want to talk to him about things and have some suggestions but he is hard to track down. I know he is going to have to make more of an effort in all areas.

simbobs · 02/02/2020 17:58

Aaaargh! He went to the Freshers Fair and didn't see them, but wouldn't have gone to a Sports Fair as he thought that was only for team sports like football. I didn't believe that there wasn't a climbing club but when I looked on the uni website I didn't find it either. Thank you so much. That's the power of Mumsnet!

Benjispruce · 02/02/2020 19:28

@Ginfordinner what a nice bunch of friends/flat mates your DD has.
@simbobs hope your DS finds his people.

ZandathePanda · 02/02/2020 23:28

Dd back down from university as her little sister been admitted to hospital twice with loads more seizures. I hate the virus that gave my youngest this and they never even found out which virus it is. She was absolutely fine the evening before I found her. It was before the Corona virus was news. It is so weird she has no symptoms and none of us caught anything from her.

Eldest has filled out the forms for ‘consideration’ again. We really can’t leave her sister on her own day or night so I am so grateful of her support. I hope the university grant it again.

Ginfordinner · 02/02/2020 23:54

Oh no Zanda. What a horrible time you are all going through. I hope they can get to the bottom of this. My thoughts are with you Flowers

ZandathePanda · 03/02/2020 00:13

Ginfordinner thank you x

Jano69 · 03/02/2020 07:22

@ZandathePanda I am so very sorry to hear your youngest is back in hospital, how absolutely awful for you all. Your DD1 sounds an absolute star and I hope the university will be doing everything possible to help you through such a traumatic time. Warmest hugs....

simbobs · 03/02/2020 08:15

@ZandathePanda what terrible news for your family. Puts everything else into perspective. Sending you warmest wishes for a speedy resolution and restoration to full health for your DD.

VanCleefArpels · 03/02/2020 09:08

@simbobs could he gird his loins at the end of a lecture and ask the people around about him if they fancy going for a coffee? It might only take the one time to break the ice...I know FAR easier said than done.

VeryTattyMum · 03/02/2020 10:55

@simbobs my DS also not happy: finds his course uninspiring and not enough to so (I really hope this will change in the second semester) - at least 9 precious contact times have been cancelled. He hasn't really settled even though he has some friends he spends too much time alone in his room. My normally happy social boy is not himself.

We are supporting him to try to change things by getting a job and being more persistent about the clubs he has joined. He has said he will talk to his tutor / student services but seems reluctant to be the first to say he is unhappy

At this stage I hope he will get to June and finish the year and then regroup. Fortunately he is only 3 hours by coach so strategy of a monthly visit to break it down into chunks back seems to make it feel manageable. I miss him but I think I would miss him less if he was loving it.

AndThenThereWereSeven · 03/02/2020 11:24

@ZandathePanda. I'm so sorry (name change a lot but been here since the beginning). A friend had something similar for a long time but was able to go back to her research role.

@simbobs and @VeryTattyMum - could your DC move to a home university next year? What about studying in the library so they feel less alone?

justasking111 · 03/02/2020 11:58

Something I saw elsewhere the parents are spitting feathers. Their DC has four lectures a week, they have discovered that she finishes on 4th April for the year. Now she can do some extra lectures after that but the uni. want more money for that to happen. They are looking into getting a rebate on the accommodation.

LaBelleSauvage123 · 03/02/2020 12:50

@ZandathePanda so sorry to hear about DD - sounds as if your older daughter is being a star.

ZandathePanda · 03/02/2020 12:50

Thank you again everyone. It’s pretty isolating and frustrating being in hospital so long. On top of the horrendousness of all the other emotions.

Poorly Dd2 has had a very stressful time at school so her stress levels were high. What she did is join an after school club and develop her friendships from there. They have such a great time and no one talks about school so it’s stress free. My greatest upset yesterday is that she tearfully said she might not be able to carry on with this too at the rate she’s going.

Anyway, what I am getting round to saying in a long winded way is, hopefully, simbob , your Ds can find his crowd elsewhere from his course in a climbing club wherever. I think Dd2 threw herself into this club as she had nothing to lose - she’s quite introverted normally - and it paid off. I also second the idea of asking a group if they want to go for a coffee. Or having a bag of wrapped boiled sweets to hand round. But these are the kind of conversation starters us older folk have the confidence to do now.

simbobs · 03/02/2020 12:53

@VeryTattyMum, my DS is closer than that and lives close to the station so the temptation to come back and join in things here is too much. He has 2 consecutive days of no lectures mid-week. Getting a job would be good for him but so far he has not done it. We, on the other hand, live a bit further away from our nearest station, and his friends live in town so he stays with them more often than he comes home. He can't think of anything better to do so in theory wants to stay there, but he is missing lectures due to missing the train back and promising to get on the next one...
@VanCleefArpels you'd think it would be a no brainer, wouldn't you? I don't know why he expects someone else to take the first step. On the other hand I was talking to a friend whose DD is on a similar course
at the same uni (3rd yr) and her experience has been pretty similar.
@AndThenThereWereSeven there isn't a home uni as such, though there is one closer. I don't know whether he could transfer, but in all honesty I really wanted him to break away from his current friendship group a little and meet new, more ambitious people.
@justaskin where on earth is that?

justasking111 · 03/02/2020 13:20

Zanda you are going through so much I am sorry.

Original poster
NewModelArmyMayhem18 · 03/02/2020 14:10

@ZandathePanda so sorry to hear that your DD2 has had another setback. What a stressful time for you all. Do I remember you saying she's in her GCSE year? Sad.

OP posts:
Benjispruce · 03/02/2020 15:38

@ZandathePanda so sorry to hear that. Flowers

ZandathePanda · 03/02/2020 15:58

Yes GCSE year - expected all nines. We are going to concentrate on maths and englishs and add a subject or two to see how much she remembers.

At least it’s not A Level years. We will just have to explain away the GCSEs. Having been through the whole entrance procedure to university once already I feel more confident it will be fine. If she has to take a gap year because of the gcses being the last actual grades then so be it.

It’s been lovely to feel connected to the outside world and the usual normal conversations via mumsnet. NHS WiFi works well for mumsnet not so for puppy videos!

Dd2 is joking she’s keeping Dd1 out of the corona virus way.

It sounds like there is going to be another strike just as Dd1 gets back - for 2 weeks in half week blocks.
This is getting silly.
Anyone else??

simbobs · 03/02/2020 16:09

Oh no! More strikes, just what the DC need. It's hard enough for DS to stay focused without being handed an excuse to come home and see his mates.