Heading towards year 3 exams (uni 2017)

[Xenia]

Continuation of www.mumsnet.com/Talk/higher_education/3538808-heading-towards-year-2-exams-uni-2017 as we have reached page 40.

Hard to believe they are all in year 3 now and many will finish university in June 2020.

Happy New 'Year' of course! Too busy thinking about northern lights

Xmas does seem ages ago - feels like quite a long time since DD went back but it's not much more than a week. Her term doesn't start till Thursday but it sounds like all her pals are back now.

Good evening everyone...late to the table I know but might I join you all? DS is in his 3rd year of a BSc...yikes!!

Welcome - The more, the merrier!

Welcome @TheQueensCousin 🙂

DS really wanted to apply through Erasmus to study for an MSc abroad but that might be too difficult now 😢

Welcome, TheQueensCousin. We're a friendly bunch here. 😊

Thank you everyone...you think that the worrying will stop when they leave school 🙄

Ha, no chance! The concerns aren't the same, but they are still there.
The week before last our 26 year old's car had a problem that cost him £450. He needs his car to do his job. Last Sunday he was driving to see us when it started playing up again and he just looked so sickened. He took it back to the garage on Monday and they re-did it at no extra charge but I was on pins for him all day.
Previously my DH would be slipping him some money to help him out, but we have a family agreement that after 25 they need to be financially independent unless it's a really dire emergency.

I hope the car lasts out.
Mine are just going to a lunch in London and then will drive back to Bristol tonight. One had to drive to interview an old school friend today for part of the university course and did another friend the other - it needed to be people with parents born abroad. Other than that they have both gone to our local library all day every day this week Monday to Saturday revising which I suspect is the pattern of at least one of them at university too and it got them out of the house. Perhaps it's easier to work there with no distractions of home.

We were just trying to work out whose coat they have - apparently left in their car in Bristol ages ago. I just took a photo for them so they could ask various friends. Some poor person has not had their coat for a few months now.

Welcome to QueensCousin too. All welcome.

Yes, although my older 3 have graduated and left home and one is even married with children (and she works too as a lawyer) they are still always part of us I'm sure.

I agree that having a cut off for financial help is wise. I am paying for university and post grad; they can live here as their older siblings did after graduation for a bit and I will help with buying a first property but there is no meal ticket for life other than that. 3 down (off my hands) and 2 to go.

My older son's car has some kind of problem (for ages). It seems just to keep giong but it's a worry. I've told him to consider saving up now as it will need to be replaced at some point and he does use it to drive to work ( he just bought a house in Oxfordshire in October) although I suppose he could cycle to work but if it's after midnight - he works a late shift probably not very safe in country lanes.

We have been gradually reducing help for DD. In year 1 we helped with some of her rent and food (not topping up to what the max maintenance loan would have been, because we don't have that much). Year 2 she worked and we gave a contribution to food. This year we are replacing her sick car as a 21st birthday present, then that will probably be it, unless she has some kind of emergency. There is always a room for her at our house though.

She is prepping for a presentation and doing some fairly heavy duty assignments at the moment, but also finally starting to think about her work placement for next year.

Interesting thoughts about when the Bank of Mum and Dad finally closes its doors. My line was always to tell my two that we'd support them while they were in full time education and after that there be no more ongoing hand outs, phone contracts, gym memberships etc (but always bed and board in the family home if they were on their uppers). However back in real life ...

Now ds1 has finished uni and gone to live with girlfriend in Australia (working as a waiter) our choice is pretty much help with phone or never talk to him, help with flights or never see him and potentially help with a whole new training if he ever makes up his mind to do something grown up. As it is, if we were charging interest on our 'sub-prime loans' to him he'd be single-handedly responsible for the next financial crash!

I haven't really thought about financial independence for DD1, but thanks for raising it. I took her back to Cambridge yesterday than got caught in the horrendous traffic on the A1M, so my hope of being home in daylight was out by a good couple of hours. I'm not a fan of driving on the A303 in the dark and drizzle, but needs must, and I'd rather drive cautiously in the dark than be those poor people who were seriously injured.

DD was talking about the summer. She want to do a language course before or after her work experience placement. There is one which would be at the right level but it's in Dresden and she's not sure how to get there easily. She was also stressing about the costs of it, but has a meeting this week where she hopes they will talk about grants or bursaries. I have told her that we will help out. Bless her, she hates having to ask but I pointed out that our bills are a lot cheaper now I'm not feeding them, and I don't need to pay for 2 instrument lessons per week per daughter or 3 dance lessons, so there is some in the pot to help. I quite fancy a road trip over to Germany in the summer as DH has cousins out there, so we would be able to bring DD home as long as she can get herself out there. Sadly, teaching in a state school means I can't get time off until the very end of July, when she'll have hopefully done almost a month out there.

Ds has a week long compulsory field trip to Iceland in May ( nice for some!)....at a cost of £700 , plus he's doing further training to gain PADI diving instructor qualification , which will be useful for his proposed post grad MSc qualification ( Oceanography) and potential PhD ...although he has another year before graduation as he's at Uni in Scotland
looks like bank of mum and dad will be needed for a while here!
Fortunately our 2 Dds are doing well post qualification younger Dd is currently working in a ski resort and living her best life, whilst eldest has just been promoted to deputy head of English language school at age 26! unfortunately it's in China, which means visiting is a costly and complicated matter

Hi Queenscousin.

Malbecfan...Ryan Air fly to Dresden from Stansted twice a week. I just looked and you can get return flights this summer for less than £40.

Skyscanner website is the place to look. (My favourite is the 'everywhere' option. You pick your dates and then see where the cheapest destinations are. Last summer DD did not get a chance to go away so we had a last minute trip to Bergen, staying in an Air BnB. It rained the whole time but was brilliant, even a 7 hour mountain hike in the pouring rain.)

Google maps give public transport options for most places. So you can search routes from the airport to where she needs to go, though the language school may well.be willing to meet or she could splash out on a taxi. The one DS went to for German did. But then he was 14, travelling on his own and without a word of the language. Perhaps not one of my finer parenting moments.

I know what you mean, Haffdonga, about having to tweak original financial plans re children. I'm sure your son appreciates all your support. He's getting some good life skills and experience far enough away that he has to be pretty self- reliant but he's got his GF and you as backup.
Ds1 has always been very much a man of few words but in the last couple of years he has admitted he realises how lucky he is to have been supported through some tricky times.
Have you made plans to go to Australia yet? 3 weeks today we'll be with DS2 in Adelaide. 3 weeks ago I was doing the Christmas food shop and the time since has flown by so not long at all now. I can't wait to just give him the biggest hug...embarrassing mum alert.🤣

DD has her graduation date! Would be my last day of term

Ooh, exciting bTM. DS's uni releases dates next month, which actually isn't that far away I suppose. 🙂

Re Bank of Mum & Dad, here we support whilst they're in education. DS gets a decent allowance and seems to manage well on it. I pay optician/dental fees, although when he had his first filling last month, he told me he'd pay for that, as it was his fault (eats too many sweets...), bless him.
Once working, they're on their own financially; although they will always have a room here if they've moved out and ever need to return they'd also be expected to pay keep if working.

Thanks, BigTilly as that promited me to check the Bristol website and I have told the twins theirs and put them in the diary. Luckily one is after 4 on one day and the oither one lunch time the next day so if we decide to we could even spend the night in between there.

DD's logic on dental/opticians fees (which we are happy to pay anyway, but DH was curious to see if she'd reach for her wallet before he did) is that she'd be eligible for free tests if we were poor (I don't know the criteria but that seems reasonable) but as she wasn't, then we could be presumed to be able to afford it.

I've just remembered the first time DS1 decided he didn't want to come on the family holiday as he was too grown up. However, he thought it was perfectly reasonable that we should give him the cash equivalent to what would have been his share of the holiday budget to go somewhere with his mates. We just laughed and said if he was too old to holiday with mum, dad and younger brother he wouldn't want to be beholden to us! 🤣

I remember when only my oldest wanted the free skiing holiday with the twins and me. The next year my second oldest wanted to come again and came and they ear after even children 3 wanted to come - as if they move away from parents in a sense and then back (and now they all come on our summer holiday which is lovely including my grandchildren). In fact just as we get towards no university terms to fix things around we will have school terms for the next generation to consider. I don't thin in my whole life since age 5 I have ever been free of having to have holidays in school/university holiday times if I go with the family (although that is a very nice problem to have and nice they all want to come).

One of my twins is very good at negotiations over what is paid medically etc. inculding if bad genes from me means he had the issue concerned. I hope having sent the graduation dates yesterday the one of mine whose gap year (if it happens)plans are not yet firmed up will get on with it.

Bristol graduation dates are out now

Exciting getting graduation dates. Feels weird to think dd1 is having a halfway ball in March, seems so far behind!
Dd2 goes back tomorrow for her first lot of exams so back to me DS and the dog.

Another one here whose DD1 had half term ball ( last weekend)
Vet med course Edinburgh.
How time flies . Some vague talk about an intercalated extra year.
She had a bit of a melt down pre Christmas over exam week but fortunately has just heard she more than passed one, still waiting for the rest.